prayers needed badly

i will be lifting you up in prayers, sweets. your family too. i honestly cannot fathom what you must be feeling! big huge hugs!!!
 
Oh Jessica, my heart just breaks for you! I'm so, so very sorry for your loss! You, your DH and the rest of your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
 
I found no words what's happens to you and your family and I'm so sorry for your loss!!!
Send you all my love and take you in my prayers!!
 
Jessica, I am continuing to keep you and your family in my prayers. I've been thinking about you all weekend and wish I could reach out and give you some kind of comfort. Thank you for the updates on your hubby...sounds like he's a fighter and has a lot of people around him that love him, and you.
 
I'm with everyone else who doesn't know what to say, except that my heart hurts for you and your family. I can't even pretend to know what it would be like. I am so, so sorry, Jessica.
 
I can't even begin to imagine how you're feeling right now sweetie, I am so very sorry. Lots of love from us to you, your DH & family x
 
just another small update while I wait for my ride to the hospital today. We are at the halfway point right now for how bad things could get with swelling and bruising and he is still stable with vital signs being totally normal. I talked to the nurse already this morning and she said managing his pain and making sure he is not getting agitated is the thing they are trying to do right now. They have introduced feeding through a feeding tube and he has tolerated that really well so that is always good. Its just going to be a long road for recovery and Im not sure how he is going to take the news about the accident and us losing our son. It could go either way. What I am really scared of is he could revert once he does find out or get very very angry as alot of family right now is just so angry. I realize it is unfair and it sucks so much and I feel the anger too which I guess is normal but have been praying really hard to just focus right now on Matthew and just holding onto the love I have for him and his memory. Eighteen years was not even close to long enough for what I wanted for him but it is what I got and Im trying to come to terms with that as well. It is very hard.

I just really right now do not even have the energy to be angry because praying for my husband, doing what I have to do with all the other stuff going on and just trying to love my son is taking everything I have. Anyhow all the prayers/positive thoughts are so appreciated. You guys have no idea. I am so lucky to have this community to turn to in this time of my life. Between you guys and my family and friends I am just really feeling alot of love and caring.
 
(((HUGS))) Jessica - know that prayers ARE going up for your family and that we're thinking about you during this time. If there is anything our community can do for you, please let us know!
 
Thanks for the update Jessica. There are MANY, MANY prayers being said for you, your DH and your entire family.

PS. Just remember to take care of yourself too!!! ((Hugs))
 
Jessica, how are YOU? It's hard to lose your son and seeing your husband in the hospital not knowing he's son has died. I can't imagine how that must feel for YOU. I am sending you as much hugs and prayers I can give, but it's not nearly enough.
 
Thinking and praying for you and your family, Jessica. This is such an awful tragedy, and I wish there was more I could do to help.
 
I've been thinking about you so much this weekend. Please take care of yourself too. You are loved so much. Thank you for the update on your husband. More prayers for his healing.
 
Jessica I am happy to hear that your husband is stable. I will keep praying that he has he continues to recover. Words can not express how you must feel about your son. I am so sorry that this happened to your family. I am heart broken for you.

If you don't mind I would like to put your husband on my churches prayer list.
 
I've been thinking and praying for you and your family all weekend. ((hugs)) I wish that there were more that I could do because my heart hurts so much for you.
 
Jessica, I am so sorry for your loss. I have never been where you are and can't profess to know what you are feeling but having done serious unplanned hospitalizations with my DD, be prepared for YOU to hit a wall at about 72 hours. I hope the huge family is helping you with the normal everyday things that still have to happen and that you can get some moments of peace through the coming weeks. Hugs!
 
I was just stopping back in too to tell you know that I've been praying for your family and you have been in my thoughts all weekend. I am hoping your DH will make a speedy recovery and your family will continue to have strength and comfort.
 
I am so heartbroken for you. I can't even begin to imagine. Know that you and your husband are still being lifted up in prayer. Please remember that its very vital that you take care of yourself, also.
 
Jessica, know that God is caring you right now. I know it is hard to think much less focus but you have been given the strength to get thru the day even if it is one moment at a time (because an hour can seem overwhelming). I lost my husband a few months ago, suddenly and totally unexpected, and it does feel like an awful dream. You and your family WILL get thru this. Scrapping the photobooks has helped us heal as well as preserve our memories, especially those of my young children. I will be praying for your husband's recovery.
 
My thoughts and prayers have been with you and your family, Jessica. I'm so very sorry you've been made to bear such pain. Sending you strength for the minutes, hours, days and weeks ahead...so many wish we could take the hurt away. (hugs)
 
I just got in tonight and am finally sitting down. I am so overwhelmed right now. I have everyone asking me did you call so and so? DId you file the claim? Have you contacted anyone about the funeral service? On and on...I have done some of those but not all. I will get to it. I know it feels like to all of us that its been a long time since this accident happened but its only been a little over 48 hours. So it is frustrating for them to keep asking me: Did you....? (fill in the blank with whatever they happened to be asking)

Ok then my mother-in-law has always been somewhat dramatic. Big or small she is the type who makes everything about her and needs the attention to be on her. So today she is at the hospital basically just sobbing the whole time. Well she is refusing to eat as well apparently. Saying she is not going to eat until her son is out of the hospital. Her three sons, her husband and her grandson are all surrounding her telling her come on you have to eat for literally hours. They would alternate saying you have to eat mom or come on mom just take one bite while she just keeps saying no no no no. After a little while of that I just had to leave. I was so frustrated. Finally after awhile I just told her look youve got to stop. You have to eat. You cannot make this into something worse then it is and I am not going to worry about having to tell my husband our son died and oh yea also your mom lost it and refused to eat because of you being in the hospital and Matthew being gone so she is in the hospital too. Yea it is frustrating!! While I realize it is devastating and painful for all of us I do not believe this is necasary and I feel like she is just being ridiculous and honestly I just do not want to deal with it. But if I tell them that they will just get angry at me and make it seem like Im the one with the problem. So so frustrating.

As for how I am doing I dont know how to answer that. Im not ok obviously. Im just kinda trying to get through the day and go home and get what needs to be done done and go to bed. Kinda just going on auto-pilot I guess at this point in time. I am just overwhelmed today really. It was just an awful awful day. I am doing what I have to though. I am going to try to get a good nights sleep tonight. I was not able to sleep much last night and did not sleep at all the night before but I know from experience that is not going to work. I am going to have to get some sleep soon.

So yea that was pretty much my day today. My husband is still stable. No real changes other then they have started to wean him off the continuous drip of pain medications and started giving him the meds through his feeding tube. That will mean he becomes more alert and able to hear us and know we are there so that made me somewhat happy. But that will also mean he will want to know where our son is and how he is doing and I am dreading that moment when he asks those questions. Other then that small change there is not much else that has changed about his condition. The doctors and nurses all keep telling us that it is going to be a long journey and to not expect this to be just days or even 2 or 3 weeks. Several weeks at least they keep saying.

My best friend from elementary school through our 20's came up to see me today though and that felt so good. I missed her so much over the last few years and it was so good to see her again. She is picking me up tomorrow so we can go up to the hospital and we will be going out to lunch too.

So I am going to get off of here now and see what I can find to eat for dinner. I already made my sons dinner and got some stuff done here so now I can eat too. Ill update whenever there is something to update on. Maybe tomorrow night or later in the week. Tomorrow is going to be a tough day I know because I have to make a lot of the phone calls tomorrow for the places not open over the weekend and start the process of planning the funeral.
 
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