Help! I feel like a bad mom!
- Thread starter DawnMarch
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disneyaddict
Member
My cousin does have her daughter in competitive cheer, and, yes, it is expensive and time consuming. She started at the age of six, and at eleven, she and her squad are quite, quite good. They do win most regional and national competitions. Those girls work extremely hard and practice and compete despite sprains and other related injuries. In addition to the costs Dawn listed, the cost of their travel alone tends to be a couple of thousand per year because they travel throughout the midwest and southeast.
While the girls are very athletic and what they can do is incredible, I worry about the long term impact of the repetitive injuries and that level of intense competition in any sport. Further, the social dynamics can be cruel due to the nature of pre-adolescent and adolescent girls. The question for any family becomes whether cheering or any sport is worth the cost financially and otherwise, when you consider that she will not be using those skills at that level into her adult life, unless she decides to become a professional cheerleader, which is highly unlikely. The time commitment is huge even though my cousin's daughter's team does take one month of in the summer.
It blows my mind that in addition to the cheering she has her two sons on travel/ club lacrosse teams. Truthfully, the activities do limit their family's flexibility.
While the girls are very athletic and what they can do is incredible, I worry about the long term impact of the repetitive injuries and that level of intense competition in any sport. Further, the social dynamics can be cruel due to the nature of pre-adolescent and adolescent girls. The question for any family becomes whether cheering or any sport is worth the cost financially and otherwise, when you consider that she will not be using those skills at that level into her adult life, unless she decides to become a professional cheerleader, which is highly unlikely. The time commitment is huge even though my cousin's daughter's team does take one month of in the summer.
It blows my mind that in addition to the cheering she has her two sons on travel/ club lacrosse teams. Truthfully, the activities do limit their family's flexibility.
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mariewilcox
New member
:blink: I would make the same decision also. That's a crazy amount of $$. I am so glad that Cheyanne turned out to be more tomboyish and into other sports 
She went the gymnastics and dance route until about age 6 and then was done with those.
She does do a travel basketball league (not a club team - the closest club team around these parts is over an hour away), which is a commitment but not anywhere near $5k a year, more like $500 a year and that includes all travel, fees, and the rare occasion when we decide to stay overnight instead of driving home. It is a commitment of time but not as strict as what you described either - it's only from November to April and involves practices 3 nights a week and games on weekends, which we don't mind since we don't take vacations during the school year anyway. Plus, it's just the 2 of us so it doesn't affect anyone else
She went the gymnastics and dance route until about age 6 and then was done with those. She does do a travel basketball league (not a club team - the closest club team around these parts is over an hour away), which is a commitment but not anywhere near $5k a year, more like $500 a year and that includes all travel, fees, and the rare occasion when we decide to stay overnight instead of driving home. It is a commitment of time but not as strict as what you described either - it's only from November to April and involves practices 3 nights a week and games on weekends, which we don't mind since we don't take vacations during the school year anyway. Plus, it's just the 2 of us so it doesn't affect anyone else
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I read the comments left on that video and it makes me kind of sad. These are children they are talking about, it's just cheerleading, but yet people have the nerve to bash on CHILDREN?! I am sure those girls worked very hard to get to the point they were at. Goodness....
Personally, I don't like any of the club sports. We have done several club sports. Never again. Heck, I hope to never be part of any sport again, the parents drive me nuts. If they'd all just sit down, shut up, and enjoy.... life at the games/events would be sooooo much more fun for all involved.
DawnMarch
Active member
Yes, the club sport thing does seem to be a bit crazy. In defense of this cheer company, I do think I should have asked for more information up front and everyone else seems to understand how these programs work! Since this is my oldest child, I've just never run across anything like this before. My nephews played hockey but those were more recreational school teams and like I said, my kids have taken pretty much every kids "lessons" you can take from soccer to ballet.
I understand that some kids (and their families) really do want to compete at an elite level and it's great that there are programs for that, but it seems to have really reduced the availability of just regular recreational sports opportunities.
Both true. One of the "rules" of this club that I did approve of was that they make a point that they are a supportive, encouraging team environment. Everyone makes a team if they try out -- they even have a special needs team. And they will "fire" you if they find out that the cheerleaders or their famlies are gossiping or saying mean things about other cheerleaders or families. So, I don't have any problem with the actual cheer part of it or how they run this particular program, I still just think the time and money involved are ridiculous for a after-school "fun" activity.
I understand that some kids (and their families) really do want to compete at an elite level and it's great that there are programs for that, but it seems to have really reduced the availability of just regular recreational sports opportunities.
Both true. One of the "rules" of this club that I did approve of was that they make a point that they are a supportive, encouraging team environment. Everyone makes a team if they try out -- they even have a special needs team. And they will "fire" you if they find out that the cheerleaders or their famlies are gossiping or saying mean things about other cheerleaders or families. So, I don't have any problem with the actual cheer part of it or how they run this particular program, I still just think the time and money involved are ridiculous for a after-school "fun" activity.
mummytothree
New member
Of course you are not a bad mom for choosing what is best for your DD and your family. That's one of the toughest job of being a parent is making those hard decisions and trying to make everyone understand why it has to be that way!! But I also don't think parents that chose to let their kids do something like that are bad! Every family is different and what works for one might not work for the other!!! You are doing a great job raising your kids and you don't need anyone to tell you that!!! Trust yourself momma....your instincts are always right!!! (((hugs)))
Maybe you need to have a girls day out with her or maybe take her on a little mini shopping spree (for some new summer clothes or something) to help sooth her wounds!!! Just remember one day she will thank you for all those tough decisions!!! (((hugs)))
Maybe you need to have a girls day out with her or maybe take her on a little mini shopping spree (for some new summer clothes or something) to help sooth her wounds!!! Just remember one day she will thank you for all those tough decisions!!! (((hugs)))
![[michele]](/forum/data/avatars/m/2/2815.jpg?1772210905){kind=avatar}
[michele]
New member
My daughter is starting her second year of competitive cheer. After five years of competitive gymnastics, it actually feels like a bargain regarding time and finances. I do work at the front desk however to offset some of the costs.
Our gym did not have parent packets completed until after tryouts either. It isn't a scam. My suggestion with anything like this is to do some research before you even attend tryouts.
We can afford it, dd doesn't do hoochie moves, she keeps busy (but still has a life which she did NOT have when she was a level 7 doing 17 hours a week) and she loves it.
Not right for your dd/family, right for my dd/family.
Our gym did not have parent packets completed until after tryouts either. It isn't a scam. My suggestion with anything like this is to do some research before you even attend tryouts.
We can afford it, dd doesn't do hoochie moves, she keeps busy (but still has a life which she did NOT have when she was a level 7 doing 17 hours a week) and she loves it.
Not right for your dd/family, right for my dd/family.
DawnMarch
Active member
I agree with you Michele, it really does depend on what your priorities are as a family. And I've heard that competitive gymnastics is also a huge commitment - interesting that you found cheer to be LESS demanding. 
I don't have a problem with the cheer itself as a sport and was happy to have my daughter participate except that we just could not realistically sustain that level of commitment to a single extracurricular activity. But I could understand that a family could get very involved in this, just like some families enjoy, say, season tickets to sports teams that are also really expensive while some people don't think that's worth it.
As for advance research, I actually did review all the materials on their website and attended an open house before the try-outs. I read the registration packet very carefully (I'm a lawyer, after all). I asked all the questions that I could think of, but honestly I didn't even know what to ask because some of the expectations were things that never ever would have occurred to me (like not being able to go somewhere as a family on Spring Break, which was really the deal-breaker for me in the end since we always travel to visit our families on breaks). I don't think they were trying to trick us or anything, but it would have been helpful to have their parents' manual (or similarly detailed information) available at the open house rather than a few weeks after practice began because I think it would have saved a lot of unnecessary heartache for us.
I don't think the program is a scam. They have numerous paid coaches training these kids for 6 hours a week and I know there are kids who want to compete at this elite level. When I talked to the owner about withdrawing my daughter, he explained that they actually did try having less "intense" teams for a while but they just never saw enough sustained interest in that to continue it. The kids always wanted to either move onto something else or move onto the competition teams.
Thank you so much for all your thoughts, everybody. This has been a very interesting discussion and I'm glad people weighed in with different perspectives, actually, because it helped me clarify my own feelings about this.
I don't have a problem with the cheer itself as a sport and was happy to have my daughter participate except that we just could not realistically sustain that level of commitment to a single extracurricular activity. But I could understand that a family could get very involved in this, just like some families enjoy, say, season tickets to sports teams that are also really expensive while some people don't think that's worth it. As for advance research, I actually did review all the materials on their website and attended an open house before the try-outs. I read the registration packet very carefully (I'm a lawyer, after all). I asked all the questions that I could think of, but honestly I didn't even know what to ask because some of the expectations were things that never ever would have occurred to me (like not being able to go somewhere as a family on Spring Break, which was really the deal-breaker for me in the end since we always travel to visit our families on breaks). I don't think they were trying to trick us or anything, but it would have been helpful to have their parents' manual (or similarly detailed information) available at the open house rather than a few weeks after practice began because I think it would have saved a lot of unnecessary heartache for us.
I don't think the program is a scam. They have numerous paid coaches training these kids for 6 hours a week and I know there are kids who want to compete at this elite level. When I talked to the owner about withdrawing my daughter, he explained that they actually did try having less "intense" teams for a while but they just never saw enough sustained interest in that to continue it. The kids always wanted to either move onto something else or move onto the competition teams.
Thank you so much for all your thoughts, everybody. This has been a very interesting discussion and I'm glad people weighed in with different perspectives, actually, because it helped me clarify my own feelings about this.
newfiemountiewife
New member
I'm going to be the odd one and go against the grain on this!
I was in competitive figure skating all of my life, and if it cost $5000 a year, it would be cheap. We used to get up at 4 am to go to skating, we had a lot of weekends taken up, but it was what we did. If my daughter wanted to do it, I'd probably do it. Only because I know what it's like to have competed, and I know the time commitment needed to excel in a sport because I have lived it. We missed holidays, we couldn't afford to take vacations (usually vacations were wrapped up in skating events or summer skating school)
Also, I wouldn't consider it a waste of money. My skating was expensive (my last pair of skates was $1500), but the friends, memories and experiences I carry with me are priceless. I learned about work ethic and being a team player, and so many other things that I carry forward in life and my job. Just because I didn't become an Olympic champion or anything even close, never made it a waste of money.
Of course, I would never put my family in financial hardship to do it. But if I could afford it, I would.
Just my 2C!
I was in competitive figure skating all of my life, and if it cost $5000 a year, it would be cheap. We used to get up at 4 am to go to skating, we had a lot of weekends taken up, but it was what we did. If my daughter wanted to do it, I'd probably do it. Only because I know what it's like to have competed, and I know the time commitment needed to excel in a sport because I have lived it. We missed holidays, we couldn't afford to take vacations (usually vacations were wrapped up in skating events or summer skating school)
Also, I wouldn't consider it a waste of money. My skating was expensive (my last pair of skates was $1500), but the friends, memories and experiences I carry with me are priceless. I learned about work ethic and being a team player, and so many other things that I carry forward in life and my job. Just because I didn't become an Olympic champion or anything even close, never made it a waste of money.
Of course, I would never put my family in financial hardship to do it. But if I could afford it, I would.
Just my 2C!
dgreenshield
New member
Not a bad mom thing at all. It would have been better if the club had been up front with the fees.
Ginger_79
New member
Awww, you're not a bad mom! Of course not. We have a term here, that is "Iceskating-Moms". You know, those moms, who are overly ambitious and drill their kids to be the perfect ice scating ballerinas? You would have put up with them and their kids, too. Not just the costs. Because I think very few kids truely want that much commitment on their own. So I would start with something smaller and cheaper, at least before you know your kid honestly wants to do this. Some kids do have such a passion, but many just wanna try it and have some fun.
Btw, totally not implying that Jamie is an "Iceskating-Mom". It's just a term, we could have picked every sport. That's simply the German version. I cannot confirm, if that type of sport has a higher than usual number of those people attracted to it. Probably just as many as everywhere in high competition level sports.
Btw, totally not implying that Jamie is an "Iceskating-Mom". It's just a term, we could have picked every sport. That's simply the German version. I cannot confirm, if that type of sport has a higher than usual number of those people attracted to it. Probably just as many as everywhere in high competition level sports.
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