Help! I feel like a bad mom!

DawnMarch

DawnMarch

Active member
It all started out innocently enough: about 4 weeks ago, my 11 y.o. DD sent me a link to a cheerleading school asking, "hey Mom, can I do cheer?" Now, we've done tons of different extra-curricular activities and while cheer wouldn't be my first choice, it seemed to be good exercise and team-building and all that. So I said yes. She went to three days of tryouts (2 hours each day), was placed on a team and has been going to practices for 2 weeks. She loves it.

BUT they finally had a parent meeting last night where they revealed what is involved in the whole program. ARE YOU READY FOR THIS?

To be in this program, you commit to:
- $300 in practice clothes (um, really? she can't just continue to practice in the "free" clothes she already owns and has been practicing in?)
- $500 in competition clothes (including $45 for make-up)
- $2000 in competition fees ($500 of which has to be paid by June 1)
- $2000 in tuition
- 6 hours a week of practice plus extra practices around competition time
- You cannot go on Spring Break or Fall Break because they will kick you off the team if you miss practices during those times.
-you cannot miss practices in the last week of July because that is "choreography" time
- they discourage summer vacations because that is when they are "building skills"
-you cannot miss practice unless you are "seriously ill" AND have a note from your doctor; or if there is a mandatory school event AND you have note from the school
- you cannot miss a competition -- even though some are out of town and you have to pay additional to travel there and stay in a hotel there (San Diego and Palm Springs)

So, long story short, we told my DD this morning that we are withdrawing her from the program. She is devastated. But really -- who really does this sort of thing? We can't afford to devote all our family time and resources to one extracurricular activity!

I know we are doing the right thing, but I feel awful about the way this has played out. Ugh! Please tell me I am right on this. :unsure:
 
This must be a cheer club? Or is it thru school? That is unbelievable the amount of commitment (and $) they are asking from a 11 yr old and her family. And they didn't disclose that information when they were doing sign-ups? That's just crazy!
 
wow - that is a LOT of money as well as a commitment for the whole family - not just her. I'm surprised that anyone can do that
 
Good grief, how expensive is that!! I would withdraw my dd too. No way we'd want to stick to those requirements. And you are NOT a bad mother.
 
You made totally the right decision! I could understand if this was something your child is planning on making a career out of but as an extracurricular that is crazy. So if you pull her now are there any fees that you have to pay? All that time and commitment for cheer seems crazy, my cousins kids have that ammout of commitment to gymnastics/swimming but they plan on going to the olympics some day lol Hope your daughter feels better about it soon x
 
This must be a cheer club? Or is it thru school? That is unbelievable the amount of commitment (and $) they are asking from a 11 yr old and her family. And they didn't disclose that information when they were doing sign-ups? That's just crazy!
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It's not through the school -- it's a company that puts together and trains these competitve cheer teams. Who knew that there is a whole competitive cheer team industry that has nothing to do with actually cheering for anybody! They just put together these routines and compete against each other -- although I guess it's nearly impossible to get on a regular school cheer squad around here unless you are involved in one of these competitive cheer programs (since all the teams now require "tumbling" -- i.e., you have to be able at least to do a back handspring!).

I can understand that if you want to actually win these competitions, you have to be committed to the whole thing, but it's so much time and money for something that seems so, um, frivolous to me. I don't mean to offend anyone, but it reminds me a bit of the whole kid beauty pageant stuff which I also think is crazy.

In the end, it comes down to what your priorities are, I guess. And since my DD has never expressed interest in cheerleading until a month ago, I can't agree to take on cheerleading as the #1 priority for our entire family for the year! I wish I had done a little more investigation up front into what was involved, though, instead of letting my DD get wrapped up in it and then have to drop out. Sigh.
 
I was a cheerleader for 2 years. I loved it. I hated it. I can firmly say that in no way was it worth my time, effort, and the precious hours I wasted of my youth being taught "hoochie" dances and tossing the skinnier girls in our group up in the air.
(ETA: Sorry, ladies, I thought I was being funny... Didn't mean to offend anyone. I removed the pics)
Pulling your daughter from something with such time-consuming requirements, commitment and cost doesn't seem like a bad choice to me. :D
 
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you made the right decision there is no way id pay that, those prices are ridiculous. What happens if you had other kids, it wouldn't be fair to the other kids that you have to be in town or where ever the cheer is at and not be able to go on vacation. You are not a bad mom.
 
wow!! Just for the financial reasons I would say no! Yikes!!!
I hope she can find another cheer group or dance or gymnastics or something that she will enjoy instead! She will thank you when she is able to do OTHER things too and not JUST cheer 100% of the time!
 
I was in cheerleading and that was very similar cost to what we had. (the practice clothes were cheaper though) BUT.....that was part of the packet that was sent home BEFORE try outs. The parents had to sign that they understood the fees involved if their child made the team and was turned in at try outs. I am sorry that they did not fully inform the parents before the meeting. That is horrible to be put in that position.

And as far as Brook's comments..........I was in cheerleading for years. It was NOTHING like that. At all. We were not encouraged to be provocative or dress a certain way. Our uniforms showed our mid-drift but not above the belly button. I think it all depends on the administration of the school, the cheer coaches and the parent's participation in the squad. There was NO WAY we would of gotten away with that kind of behavior.
 
And this is why I never let my boys do club sports. We couldn't justify the cost or time for it. And to let one do it, we would have had to let all 4 do it.

Unfortunately there are certain high school sports that have been ruined by club sports. Think you can get on a baseball or soccer team at a big high school if you haven't been playing club for years? No. Way.

You did the right thing. Maybe there is a city or school-sponsored cheer activity she can join. I know there are here.
 
that is nearly 5000 dollars...for one thing? That is insane. I think you did the right thing.

My daughter being in chorus she had to buy a dress for performances and they were fairly expensive I think. I think around 100 dollars. but they only wore them twice. And it was a new dress every year. If you saw the dress and how simple it was and the type of material you could tell they were way way overpriced. And they never fit the girls right so every one of them had to have theirs altered. I know there were other activities which we paid for but nothing ever came close to that cost.
 
I have to say I understand 100%. My daughter was doing ballet in SK for two years. We came back here and signed her up and got right back into practice. Yes I pay for her practice clothes, her recital outfits, her slippers, and monthly fees but it is spread over time.
We looked into competition dance- Roughly around 2K for the start up costs... not counting travel, monthly practices, recital outfits.... We decided that we can't afford that and told her so. She said as long as she still got to dance every week she didn't mind. :)
Now I'm looking up summer soccer camps for my son. And I'm hoping and praying my daughter never switches to cheerleading after 1) seeing your prices/time frames & 2) seeing those photos!
 
that is nearly 5000 dollars...for one thing? That is insane. I think you did the right thing.
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I know there were other activities which we paid for but nothing ever came close to that cost.
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I know, right?! That's part of why I was so surprised. DH and I both work full-time and have a good income and it never occurred to me that there would be a kids' extracurricular activity that we actually had to think hard about whether we could even afford it! If someone had asked me to guess the most ridiculously outrageous amount that a cheer program could cost? This is higher than what I would have guessed.

What happens if you had other kids, it wouldn't be fair to the other kids that you have to be in town or where ever the cheer is at and not be able to go on vacation.
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Yes, this was part of it too. We have a son and it's really not fair to him to get dragged along with all of this. He has his own activities also, so I'm not even sure how we would swing it in the fall with all the driving. Plus, her practice was from 4:30-6:30 on 3 nights a week (and needless to say, you had to get there early but couldn't ever leave early), which meant that we weren't eating dinner on those nights til 7:30 when our normal dinner time is 6.

DH and I really tried to think of ways to make it all work, but there really were just too many negatives to overcome. And "forbidding" vacations was the last straw. We don't have any family here and that is the main time we visit our families.
 
Whoa! Not only is 6 hours a week (and the other time commitments) CRAZY, but $5Gs?! No way! I would refuse to pay even $500 for something like that!
I wonder if her school has regular ol cheerleading for FREE? I don't know who the heck would commit to all that!
 
wow, that is insane but not unlikely. A co-worker of mine had her daughter in a gymnastics company and as she got older, the numbers of hours to practice increased dramatically and so did the cost! I was floored when she told me how much?!? My son is still taking gymnastics at the local Y and they practice once a week and the cost is low. If and when he ever decides to compete, I'm sure there will be more cost but it's not forced on us. He also does karate and competes but we don't pay anywhere near that amount nor do we feel like we "have to" attend competitions. Sounds like a right decision on your part.
 
I was a cheerleader for 2 years. I loved it. I hated it. I can firmly say that in no way was it worth my time, effort, and the precious hours I wasted of my youth being taught hoochie dances and tossing the skinnier girls in our group up in the air.
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And as far as Brook's comments..........I was in cheerleading for years. It was NOTHING like that. At all. We were not encouraged to be provocative or dress a certain way. Our uniforms showed our mid-drift but not above the belly button. I think it all depends on the administration of the school, the cheer coaches and the parent's participation in the squad. There was NO WAY we would of gotten away with that kind of behavior.
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And thanks for your perspectives girls. I'm sure it depends on the program and this one doesn't seem unduly provocative, but I do feel like it's spending a lot of time and effort for what it is. If she were like a concert pianist or something or, as someone mentioned, if cheer were a career goal of hers, it'd be one thing. But there's no way I'd let my DD grow up to be a professional cheerleader anyway! :D I do want her to be able to do some things are are purely just for fun -- that's what being a kid is about, in part -- but not at such a big sacrifice for herself and the rest of us.
 
taracotta7 said:
And as far as Brook's comments..........I was in cheerleading for years. It was NOTHING like that. At all. We were not encouraged to be provocative or dress a certain way. Our uniforms showed our mid-drift but not above the belly button. I think it all depends on the administration of the school, the cheer coaches and the parent's participation in the squad. There was NO WAY we would of gotten away with that kind of behavior.
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I know this wasn't Dawn's question (is cheerleading appropriate?), but I was confirming my opinion that she isn't a bad mom for making the choice to pull her from the cheering. Whether she was thinking of the money or the sport itself. ;) I guess I'm strongly opinionated that out of all the things girls could be learning and training HOURS for... Cheerleading is not the best choice (in my opinion). It's not something I will allow my daughter to do. :)
 
DawnMarch said:
BUT they finally had a parent meeting last night where they revealed what is involved in the whole program. ARE YOU READY FOR THIS?

To be in this program, you commit to:
- $300 in practice clothes (um, really? she can't just continue to practice in the "free" clothes she already owns and has been practicing in?)
- $500 in competition clothes (including $45 for make-up)
- $2000 in competition fees ($500 of which has to be paid by June 1)
- $2000 in tuition
Click to expand...

So, it will cost at least $5000 per year for her to participate? (If they didn't tell you up front the costs for this program, I'm sure there are other costs that they haven't told you about yet.)

It would make a lot more sense for you to try to put $5000 per year into an investment fund for her college tuition!

If she were to participate from now until she goes away to college in 7 years, you'd spend at least $35,000. Unfortunately, that's one year's worth of tuition at many universities. (And that's now. It will probably be even worse by the time she graduates from high school.)

This is a very depressing thread, honestly. That is just an incredible amount of money, in my opinion.

You did absolutely the right thing! While it's very sad that she won't be able to participate, I think that amount of money is crazy!
 
We would just never be able to afford it, there just is no way and the restriction on the schedule would be so hard on all of us
 
You are NOT a bad mom!! I can't believe they didn't tell you up front what it would cost that insanely amount of $$$$. There is NO way we could afford that for one activity and even if we could there is no way we would.
 
There's only one word that comes to mind.

Scam.

What jerks to get the girls invested first. That's what seems scam-like to me.
I'm sorry for your DD :(
 
Thank you guys! You make me feel better. There's such an extreme mix of people and incomes where we live, sometimes it's hard to keep sight of what's normal anymore. :)
 
You are not a bad mom. Those are absolutely ridculous costs and "All Star" programs have just gone over the top with the sport (imho).

I've competed, coached and judged cheer. Admittedly the cheer culture is totally different where you are, but I've always told younger kids interested in cheer to do gymnastics/tumbling during the pre-high school years. It's fairly easy for an experience tumbler to pick up cheerleading and stunting and you can bypass some of the ridiculousness that can occur in the commercial cheer gyms.

Not saying you should have her do that by any means, just saying if she is really interested in cheer, a less-intensive, less expensive tumbling class will keep the door open and you can revisit in a few years.
 
I'm with Lena--I think it was very underhanded of the cheer school to get the kids invested and then hit the parents with this kind of commitment in time and money. For an 11 year old who'd never participated before, I'd definitely have pulled my child, too. Even with a child who was committed and had spent years getting to that level, I'm not sure we as a family would be willing to make that sacrifice.

If you'd kept your DD in, it sounds like she would have had to miss a lot of things with her friends or the family because she was always in practice and at competitions. Would she have still loved it 6 months or a year down the road when she saw how much of the rest of her life she had to give up for it?
 
All I can say is, dang! Cheerleading sure has changed since my day. We got the uniforms free from the school and the worst thing I can think of is a year that a girl didn't fit into any of the uniforms and had the option of paying to have one altered to fit her or not being on the team. She had it altered. ;)

I could not support my child's involvement in such an expensive, time consuming activity either.
 
You are SO not a bad mom for that!

Parenting is so hard, but we cannot ever make our children happy one hundred percent of the time...we have to do what is best for them and the entire family.
 
Craziness! Good decision, Mom. (((HUGS))) Still hard to disappoint your kids, though. The club should definitely have been more upfront about the fees and commitment.
 
I def don't think you're a bad mom for pulling her and I wouldn't have let mine do it either.

HOWEVER.. my cousin is a competitive cheer coach and has done cheerleading/dance/gymnastics most of her life.

Cheerleading IS a sport. Those girls are incredibly athletic and talented and I don't think it's fair to just make a blanket statement that they are hoochies or whatever. Those girls work very hard and compete and are in it to win and they are super athletic.

JMO.
 
I didn't make a blanket statement. :) I spoke from my experience as a cheerleader. We did some pretty hoochie routines at times... I didn't say all cheerleaders are hoochies. And yes, I was athletic. When I was a teenager and a cheerleader I considered it a sport, but I honestly don't now. Please don't take offense to my comments I didn't intend to stir up a debate or anything.
 
I think it's amazing the things these girls can do -- my daughter was doing a lot of serious aerobic conditioning (they would do these squat jumps back and forth across the gym -- that would kill me!) as well as the gymnastics part of it with the cartwheels and handsprings. I think the routines would look something like this for the more advanced teams.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NYnahRqPMBQ&feature=related
 
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