Your parents wedding anniversary

SweetMelissa

SweetMelissa

New member
I have a question. Or well a small problem.

My mother-in-law told me yesterday that I need to get with my sister-in-law to talk about our present for MIL & FIL's 30th wedding anniversary.

Now some background information: my DH and BIL have never bought their parents a gift for their anniversary before and neither SIL and I have given a gift to our parents. When I think of milestone anniversary's I think of 25 and 50.. Not 30.

But now both SIL & I feel like we have to buy them a gift and honestly neither of us feel like we (or our husbands) should have to.

So do you buy a gift for your parents anniversary's? Or just for special ones? Honestly nobody I know buys a gift for their parents anniversary. Several people were shocked that MIL even said something. I mean shouldn't a gift come because the giver wanted to give it? Not because they feel forced too?

Oh and their anniversary is in July. So we're a whole like 8 months early here. My parents just celebrated their 25th anniversary this year and my sister & I wished them a happy anniversary and that's all. My parents got gifts for each other. I asked them and they said that they would never assume that my sister and I would get them a gift for their anniversary. My dad said that their wedding anniversary is the day they gave themselves to each other so they gift each other every year. Why would my sister and I give them gifts because they got married?

I don't know. I'm confused. I need help.

What would you do? Or if your parents had their 30th anniversary what would you do? Have you ever given your parents an anniversary gift?
 
We always gave them cards. Traditionally pearls is usually given by the couple to each other. Maybe an anniversary card with a strand of pearls on it? Not a real strand of pearls but a picture of pearls.
 
Uhhh... I would have been dumbfounded. Even if you DO buy them a gift, why in the world is she telling you it was time to start thinking about it????

To answer your questions... for my parents 25th anniversary, I was a poor college student. I made them a little "down memory lane" scrapbook inside an engraved photo album. And then I I told them were taking them to a restaurant. The bill came and I looked at them like, "Um, I'm poor and I'm not working. This bill is yours!" Ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!! Oh my word.

I don't typically get them a gift, though. That was only b/c it was #25. If I remember I'll get them a card. Usually a text. :) I didn't do anything special for #30. I may for #40, and definitely do a big party for #50.
 
Ok. First I just have to say. Awkward.

And I agree with what you have said about someone asking for a gift, a gift should be given because the giver wants to give one, etc.

I personally think the whole thing is strange for people other than the couple to give anniversary gifts unless there is maybe some huge party event in which case, a gift would be given under the "I always bring some sort of a gift to a party" and I would expect that maybe for the 50th.

Personally, since you have time, my suggestion would be to get a variety of their photos (can include children, the children's spouses, grandchildren, etc. basically the family that has been created from their marriage) from the past 30 years and make a photobook (Shutterfly, Costco, etc.) for them.

Good luck!
 
I plan on doing something special for their 50th... but no, I don't ever buy them a gift. I don't even really send a card. It's never been a big thing in my family to celebrate anniversaries. Dad & Mom always did something for each other, Aaron and I do the same thing. My MIL sends us an anniversary card every year but I certainly don't expect it (and we don't send them anniversary cards, either). :p

Anyways, I know from previous posts you've shared your MIL is a bit of a nightmare! LOL! :D Well, looks like she hasn't changed. It's pretty sad that she is so needy and wants to force everyone to make a big deal out of her. Does she do this for everyone else? Is that why she expects such attention?

Personally, I would tell her that you and SIL discussed and decided you would throw them a party for their 50th anniversary. Tell her you & DH have always thought of anniversaries as a celebration between husband & wife but that you'd all celebrate them BIG TIME for their 50th. You have 20 years to prepare for that doozy.... :D Then, send a big glittery $7 mess of a card in the mail in July.
 
My parents are celebrating their 50th anniversary next year and this is the first time I feel inclined to give them a gift - the only problem is that I have absolutely no clue what to get for them. Maybe one of those wall canvases we've been chatting about in the other thread ;)

Seriously, though, they're usually lucky if I remember to get them a card and/or call them.

Don't feel pressured into giving them a gift!
 
Wow, I'm just shocked that she asked you to start thinking about it LOL! That's crazy! Who does that?

Anyway, I like the idea someone mentioned of making them a shutterfly book of photos. I also think, like Brooke said, you could just tell them that you'll do something for their 50th. I guess it depends on the person and how you think she'd react!
 
For my parents' 25th anniversary we made a copy of one of their wedding photos and put it in a silver frame so they could display it (the originals were all in an album in a closet). And for their 50th we gave them a party - which was expensive enough!
 
Only if they were having a party would I do something other than for their 25th or 50th. Considering my parents divorced just shy of thier 20th and DH's parents divorced years ago and have only been remarried for 3 years, I'll be celebratimg my 25th wedding anniversary before they do/
 
KateD said:
My parents are celebrating their 50th anniversary next year and this is the first time I feel inclined to give them a gift - the only problem is that I have absolutely no clue what to get for them. Maybe one of those wall canvases we've been chatting about in the other thread ;)

Seriously, though, they're usually lucky if I remember to get them a card and/or call them.

Don't feel pressured into giving them a gift!
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This is what I was going to suggest... Or you could make a scrapbook of pictures from the last thirty years.

And no- I don't typically give my parents anniversary presents and would be weirded out if they told me to start thinking about it. Cray cray. lol.
 
I always give my parents a card and usually flowers. But as far as gifts...my brothers, sister and I gave a combined one at 25, 40 and 50!

25th was a silver engraved platter
40th was a party and a gift certificate to a fancy restaurant
50th was a surprise party and a weekend away (for all of us....like 25 of us) to a resort.
 
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Nah, I continue to tell my parents that my life-long gift to them for their anniversary is remembering every year that 1. they got rid of me! 2. they gained an extra room in the house 3. they had a wonderful excuse to party it up .... all because I chose my wedding day to be the same day as their anniversary (which actually was an accident, LOL!!!)

I would purposefully NOT get them a gift! How rude she is!
 
Thanks for the answers. :) I talk to SIL more about it today and she said that MIL is really pushing her to talk to me about this gift.

Then to top it off MIL told SIL that FIL wants a $500 Kayak for Christmas and that Charles (my husband) and Marc (my brother in law) should get him gift cards for it and she'll pay the difference. Well our budget is $70-$100 for them (SIL said t hey have the same budget) so I guess MIL will be paying for more then she thinks she will be.
 
SweetMelissa said:
Thanks for the answers. :) I talk to SIL more about it today and she said that MIL is really pushing her to talk to me about this gift.

Then to top it off MIL told SIL that FIL wants a $500 Kayak for Christmas and that Charles (my husband) and Marc (my brother in law) should get him gift cards for it and she'll pay the difference. Well our budget is $70-$100 for them (SIL said t hey have the same budget) so I guess MIL will be paying for more then she thinks she will be.
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Wow... $70-$100 for them? You are much much more generous than I! My inlaws get a $50 gift card to their fave restaurant or a scrapbook album of the kids for Christmas. They also get something handmade with the help of the kids. ;) But, we really don't spend a whole lot on Christmas. If we spend money anywhere it's on our kids, not the adults in our family... because Christmas is really mostly for them in my opinion. :)
 
YepBrook said:
Wow... $70-$100 for them? You are much much more generous than I! My inlaws get a $50 gift card to their fave restaurant or a scrapbook album of the kids for Christmas. They also get something handmade with the help of the kids. ;) But, we really don't spend a whole lot on Christmas. If we spend money anywhere it's on our kids, not the adults in our family... because Christmas is really mostly for them in my opinion. :)
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Yeah our budget every year is about $70-$100 for our parents (and that is together so each couple gets about $70-$100 and that's just our budget. So if we see something that we know they would like & its less then we pick it up. Parents get 1 gift each from us.) I believe last year we spent $120 for our 4 parents and that included 2 digital picture frames for both of our moms.
 
Well,so far it seems I am the odd one out on this...but I have never given my parents anything for their anniversary. They've been together 40 years as of this February. I always saw it as a couple thing. If I ever decided to sign that marriage paper, I'd never expect my child to buy me a gift...I'm her mom, not her wife..lol! I am backwards like that.

I will say it is odd they are asking y'all to get them a gift. Maybe there is something they have in mind that they'd want.
 
My parents don't need more stuff. Usually I give them a card, but would also consider a gift certificate for a lovely dinner out or something like that.
 
My sister and I threw a small family party for my parents' 25th anniversary. No presents, though, since my sister hosted it at her house and I had a 5 hour round trip. They were fine with it.

I think that my sister might get my parents a card and/or send them flowers on their anniversary (which is easy for her to remember since it's the day before her birthday!), but I don't. I usually tell my mom happy anniversary, but that's all.

My mom (and MIL) usually send us an anniversary card, but I don't expect them to and wouldn't care if they stopped doing so.

Your MIL sounds like a whole barrel of crazy.
 
My parents were divorced before they made it to 15 years, and I was only 14 at the time, so I have never gotten anyone a gift for an anniversary. My father is remarried, and they've been together close to 15 years I'd say, but I haven't ever gotten them anything. It doesn't help that she's a colossal witch :D

No one sends me anything for my anniversary either, so why should I send them anything? LOL
 
My parents have two wedding anniversaries - one in November (1967) and one in March (1991). There's a 3-1/2 year gap in there where they were divorced. Yeah, we're weird. My siblings and I quietly congratulate them on their March anniversary because most of our kids don't know that whole story yet (we'll fill them in when they're older). We count their # of years married from their original wedding date. I don't think any of us have ever given them gifts. But, we're not a family that's huge on gift giving in general. We don't do Christmas gifts - there's just too many of us, and no one could afford it. :D

I think when they hit their 50th, they deserve a big party and gifts. They've been through a lot together. Honestly, though, I think we are all celebrating their relationship every single day. They are my heroes.

I don't think you should ever be TOLD that you need to buy someone a gift (especially told by the person that the gift would be for). In my mind it ruins the sincerity of the gift anyway.
 
Both of my parents are remarried. I gave them both a picture frame for their 10th wedding anniversary. That's the only one I have given them anything for.
 
We don't give gifts for other people's anniversaries. Or even for ourselves come to think of it.

I'd stick with whatever you were going/not going to give her in the first place, and attach a card with something along the lines of: "No gift we ever give will make up for the love you two share. Enjoy this little token of love from us, and know that we wish you many more happy years together."
 
I'm with everyone else on this. You don't have to give them a present, BUT it sounds like your MIL is feeling unloved. I imagine her sitting around feeling sorry for herself that she raised these kids and no one even pays attention to her anymore.

And then I imagine feeling that way in 20 years. : ( I vote that you have compassion on her and do something to make her feel special. Talk to her about having a party or ask her what she wants. Honestly, I wouldn't just wait for her anniversary next July. I would reach out to her and include her in things that you don't HAVE to include her in. Asking her to join you for lunch or just calling to see how her day went.

I always remember that someday *I* will be the mother in law, and I try to treat (and feel about) my own MIL the way I want to be treated. Of course, my MIL isn't demanding a present for her 30th anniversary, either, lol, but I just thought I'd throw this idea out there. You don't in any way OWE her a present, but I bet it would mean a lot to her.
 
joelsgirl said:
I imagine her sitting around feeling sorry for herself that she raised these kids and no one even pays attention to her anymore.
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Oh trust me she isn't alone. We do things with our parents at least once a week. Its not like we never ever see them. Yesterday she took the kids to the park with me when my husband wasn't feeling good. Plus on Saturday we went out and had a long girls day. So its not that nobody pays her attention. To quote my husband and brother in law "she's an attention whore". Yes direct quote that they both said.

My husband called his granny (MIL's mother) and told her what MIL said and her exact words were "Yes that sounds exactly like something she would say." Then added that MIL has never ever bought her parents a gift for their anniversary (not even for their 50th that was two years ago). So she doesn't even give her own parents a gift for their anniversary but expect her children to give her one.
 
My husband and I don't buy anniversary presents for each other. Sometimes we will go out for lunch or something. We usually get each other a card. It's not like we ignore our anniversary, but we don't spend a lot of money celebrating it. Maybe someday when we have a lot of money, LOL! I think a nice, simple gift would be appropriate for your MIL, but I don't know about a kayak? Is that even something that they can both share and appreciate? :confused:
 
SweetMelissa said:
My husband called his granny (MIL's mother) and told her what MIL said and her exact words were "Yes that sounds exactly like something she would say." Then added that MIL has never ever bought her parents a gift for their anniversary (not even for their 50th that was two years ago). So she doesn't even give her own parents a gift for their anniversary but expect her children to give her one.
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So it's like that, huh? LOL. I bet I don't need to ask what she got you for your 1st/5th/whatever # anniversary.

My parents give us gifts for lots of occasions, including our anniversary. Since theirs is on Christmas Eve and we're all together, we try to take them out for dinner every year. But we don't do actual gifts. They buy themselves what they want and don't need more clutter from us. Before my DH's parents passed away they were across the country from us, so we all just sent each other anniversary cards.
 
I made a scrapbook layout and had it framed it for my parents 30th anniversary. It wasn't anything super fancy, just an 8x8 with a photo I'd taken of them that thanked them for being an inspiration and such. It's still hanging on the wall in the family room which is a little embarrassing considering I had only been scrapbooking a few months at the time I made it, haha.

That's the only time I've done a gift though and I think it was partly because they did have a party and since I was living in Korea at the time I couldn't go. But otherwise my siblings and I don't usually buy gifts for their anniversary.
 
I read this thread and thought to myself, "Either this MIL is crazy-selfish and wants what she wants OR she's really, really, ridiculously lonely and feeling unloved." But, after reading what you last posted, I guess it's not a loneliness thing, is it? ;) Could you have your SIL--it's her mom after all, not yours--call your MIL and ask her what's up? Like, "Mom, I understand that your 30th anniversary is important to you, and I'm really happy for both you and Dad. And I love that our family is close enough not to expect gifts or other materialistic things on holidays, which is why I'm confused about your insistence on a gift for your 30th." Or something like that. Or, you could call her and say "I have the PERFECT present picked out for you!" and then...just get her a card and a picture that your and SIL's kids drew. Make it special, though: Have it framed!
I've got a horrible MIL. (Which is probably why I came out of lurkdom to actually post in this thread, lol.) I'll save you the sob story, but TBH, if this is the first time your MIL has acted like this toward you, then I'm jealous. ;) (I can't imagine having a girls day with my MIL. I think I'd rather eat my laptop than hang out with her.)
 
I usually call my parents on their anniversary. The typical response is, "Oh, is it our anniversary today? I guess I should call your mother/father, huh?" :D (They split time between two homes in two different states, so they're not always in the same state at the same time.) So, no, there will be no gift for their 30th (coming in January, maybe I should remind them now.) There were no gifts for any of the previous 29 anniversaries either.

As for my in-laws, Andrew and I used to call them as well. My MIL passed away two years ago, so the calls have stopped. They would have celebrated 45 years this year.
 
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