WWYD (kidlet related)

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emmasmommy

New member
My youngest daughter is almost one, she'll be one on April 5th. I rock her to sleep for naps and at bed time. Now, don't get me wrong, I love rocking her and I love that time with her but I think she really needs to learn how to self-soothe. She still wakes up at least twice a night, not to eat, but just crying. I rock her back to sleep and she has no problem. The whole ordeal is maybe 20 minutes but still interrupting both of our sleeping patterns. Do you think that she's waking up and crying because she can't soothe herself back to sleep? We tried letting her CIO once about 2 months ago and it SO did not work. It traumatized everyone in the house for about 2 days. I'm willing to try letting her CIO again. I'm just not sure if there could be some other methods I could try. I'll be the first to admit that she's my last baby and I'm definitely treating her like that. I just wanted some other opinions. How would you approach the situation?
 
I let my three boys cry themselves to sleep at about 9 months for the first one and 6 months with the other two. My mother in law told me to do that with the first one and it was really hard for the first couple of days. The crying got less and less each day. With the other two, I knew it would work so it wasn't as bad. But I have heard of kids where that doesn't work. They just scream all night or bang their heads against the crib or whatever. I just know it worked for me and all mine are pretty good sleepers.

Hope this helps.
 
Ugh... been right where you are.

Just let me say that your baby's temperment also plays a part here. So, CIO might work for some kids but not work for others-no matter what the experts say--IMHO!) My DS1 was not a self soother and once he got into the wrong cycle of being upset, could simply not get out of it himself.

You may want to have your baby associate your soothing with an object. With my DS2, everytime I picked him up out of the crib(day or night), I put a certin type of cloth(those flannel burping diapers by Gerber. I picked something replaceable and easy to come by) on my shoulder and under his chin when feeding. He started to associate care and comfort with those cloths and it was something he could 'feel for' in his crib when he woke up in the middle of the night. I had a bunch of them so wherever he was in the crib he could find one and just get himself back to sleep.

It also helped to not go in right away in the middle of the night. Sometimes, my DS2 was just fussing and not really awake. With DS1, he was up every 2 hours for the first 18 month of his like and would not/could not get himself to sleep. Just his neurological wiring. He still notices everything and hyper sensitive.

Good luck. I hope you are able to get some rest. I remember that getting enough sleep was the hardest thing for me when my guys were babies.
 
I'm a firm believer in letting them CIO. I did it with DS at about 8 months and he has been a fantastic sleeper ever since. The first couple of days are hard but you just have to be consistent. This is what I did...we did our normal bedtime routine and then I put him in his bed awake. I got a kitchen timer and set it for 5 minutes then took it with me and walked all the way to the other end of the house so that I wouldn't be tempted to go in when he started crying. After 5 minutes, I went back in, gave him back his paci, soothed him for a minute and left again for another 5 minutes..after the 2nd time back in his room I started increasing the time on my timer by 2 minutes each time and when I would go in his room I would just give him his paci, cover him back up and not say anything to him. That first night it took nearly 45 minutes but he did finally go to sleep on his own. When he woke up during the night that first night he cried about 10 minutes but eventually went back to sleep. I did the same process for naptimes and bedtime the next day and by the 2nd night he was asleep in 20 minutes and slept ALL NIGHT that night. After that getting him to sleep and keeping him asleep was a breeze. I would put him in his crib and after about 3 days the crying stopped completely..he might whine a little for a few minutes but he learned even at that young age how to soothe himself to sleep. And now I have a 3 y/o who goes to his bed at bedtime, lays his head down and goes to sleep without any drama. It's hard for a few days but totally worth it.
 
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I'm a CIO'er too...

But I've been there with all 3 of my kids and it was definitely a little bit of work!

Depending on the temperment, it will probably take a good week - maybe more, maybe less.

When they would wake up, whether it be at nap time or in the middle of the night, I would go in a MAX. of 3 times, no more. The first time, "I love you", a kiss and lay them back down. Second time, "Night night" and lay them back down. Third time, NO words and lay them back down. After that, they were left to soothe themselves.

Now, I'm no cold-hearted meanie, so if they were screaming to the point of hyperventilating, I would go back in once or twice more and lay them back down - but with no words and no eye contact.

My goal was to always make them feel safe and loved, to know that Mommy would come if they really needed me, but to be firm and consistent. I think those are "key".

You are the Mommy and only you know what is going to work best for your child.

But I can tell you this...if you are constantly getting up every single night and your sleep is consistently interupted, you are going to be tired.
If you don't look after yourself, you're not going to be any good to anyone in your family - your children, your husband or to yourself. Take care of YOU.

Good luck - I know it's hard. {{hugs}}
 
paperboutique said:
But I can tell you this...if you are constantly getting up every single night and your sleep is consistently interupted, you are going to be tired.
If you don't look after yourself, you're not going to be any good to anyone in your family - your children, your husband or to yourself. Take care of YOU.
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Sooo true! I think we all need to remind ourselves of this! :)
 
I agree that CIO doesn't work with every child. My DD2 is 7 and has NEVER been a self soother... even though we tried the CIO and everything (it worked with DD1). We finally realized, at about age 2, that she just does NOT like to be alone. She was in her own room and no matter what we did, she was up at least 2 sometimes 4 times a night. She refused any type of comfort item and I spent the better part of a year very sleep deprived. Once we realized that she did not like being alone, we moved her into the room with her big sister (they're 20 mos apart) and the problem was almost instantly solved. She just needed to know that there was someone there. Even now, she is that way. I think it totally depends on the child.

Good luck!
 
Thank you girls. Honestly. I think I just needed to hear it from someone other than DH. We did CIO with my oldest and she is like your son Nikki. Goes to bed with no drama and does sleep all night long. Our youngest definitely plays me like a fiddle. I think starting Monday we'll try CIO with her again. I really am going to take a little bit of everyone's advice. We'll try to give her a blanket or something to associate with soothing, I'll definitely keep a binky in her crib with her, I LOVE the timer idea (I'm horrible about waiting), and Leah, thank you for those words. You hit the nail right on the head!

Thanks again ladies! I can be such a wuss at times! :p
 
I can totally relate and I am a CIO believer as well....my oldest DD never had any issues being alone or sleeping alone without any type of comfort item...

DS came along {8 years later} and since I thought he was gonan be my last, I soothed him everytime he cried..PAID for that until he was 4 and Abby came along...he did have a soothing blanket that he still sleep with to this day {he is now 8}...come to find out, he just didn't like being alone, now he even sleeps with his TV ona nd a movie that just keeps replaying for sound..

Abby came along and I KNEW she was the last one,so I soothed her ALL the time..and she also has a soothing blanket that my sister in law knitted for her and she can wrap her fingers in it for comfort, but one she was out of her crib, every night in the middle of the night she would end up in bed with me and DH...even after Peyton was born {they are 18 months apart} we usually ended up with all 4 of us in 1 bed..UGH...but Peyton has been a good sleeper and even now {even though he can climb out of his crib}, will actually grab his little stuffed lion and climb in his crib when he is tired...

but Abby on the other hand is still sleeping with DH sine I am deployed to Kuwait, I think she is afraid if she goes to sleep in her bed, dad will leave just like mom...

so good luck, hope it gets better :)
 
I have never been comfortable with CIO. I just let me son decide his sleep, he will still often join us in bed during the night. As long as I get my sleep, I don't care. lol
 
I think CIO is good however I would not go from rocking her every night to not doing it at all. Trying to break away slowly over like a two weeks period would probably make it alot smoother transition for her and for you. You might try a lightshow music box thing that shines the pictures on the wall/ceiling and let her take something of yours to bed with her or get her something soft and silky to take to bed. It really helps if you slept with it for a few days so the scent reminds her of you. That is what I did with my daughter. She would take her "silkie" to bed which was basically just an old nightgown I wore when I was pregnant with her. It was satiny feeling so it was soft and cool and reminded her of me. Good luck on whatever you do...I know its rough hearing your baby cry and not being able to go into comfort her. Bottomline though I would do what you feel is right for your family. Other people can say let her CIO and while that might work for them if you dont feel comfortable with it and it bothers you then it isnt the right thing for you and I honestly dont think there is anything wrong with going to your baby if she is crying for you...
 
I was also a CIO mom! They need to be able to self-soothe. Mine were all great sleepers too!
 
I'm another who believes that CIO doesn't work for every baby. I was never entirely comfortable with it, but after 7 months of waking every 2 hours for DS1 I was desperate enough to give it a try. I stuck with it for 2 weeks, and it made things worse instead of better. It took him longer and longer to cry to sleep, and he began hating his crib. I switched back to gentler methods (doing less and less to help him fall asleep over a period of months) and vowed never to try it again. It's certainly worth a try if you're comfortable with it and want to, but it may not be the quick fix the books promise it will be.
 
I purposely NEVER rocked my son to sleep- just put him in his basinett/crib. Because of that, he started sleeping thru the night all by himself when he was 2 1/2 months old!!!! He leaned to self-sooth by himself from the get-go and I never had to deal with listening to him cry himself to sleep.

And I plan on doing the same when our next one is born! :)

....Now if I can figure out a way to get my 3yo to not be afraid of the dark! Ugh! (He refuses to have a night light!!!)
 
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rachaelsscraps said:
I purposely NEVER rocked my son to sleep- just put him in his basinett/crib. Because of that, he started sleeping thru the night all by himself when he was 2 1/2 months old!!!! He leaned to self-sooth by himself from the get-go and I never had to deal with listening to him cry himself to sleep.
Click to expand...

Hindsight is 20/20...I WISH I would have done that!
 
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