Would you let...

J

Jennifer

New member
your 13 year old boy go to a weekend baseball tourney without you?

UGH!!! Hubby and I were supposed to go away for a night this weekend and Ryan was asked to play in a tourney in TN (we live in NC, so it's about 2 1/2 hours away). He would be staying in a hotel room :blink: with 3 other boys, adjoining to the parents of one of them.

I'm super iffy about all of this. I'm also super over protective and since he's a homeschooler and all, he's still pretty innocent and maybe a little naive. He will be going to school in the fall :crying::crying::crying: so maybe this would be a good step? I don't know.

If we don't let him go alone, we'll cancel our trip and just take him. Hubby doesn't have super strong feelings one way or the other, but I know he'd like to see him play.

What would you do?
 
Jen, I think it depends on how well you know the chaperons and how comfortable you feel leaving Ryan in their care. If you trust them and feel comfortable that they'll keep an eye on things, I would consider letting him go. What does your mom-tuition tell you?
 
I agree with Kendall. How well do you know the parents that are chaperoning?
My daughter (Elyse) has a BFF with a super strict mom! It's awesome - I never have to worry.
 
My first instinct would be a no unless I happened to know the kids & parents in the adjoining room very well.
 
I would also have to know the parents. If I felt like they would watch my kid like I would, I would let him go. If I wasn't comfortable with it then I'd just have to suck it up and take one for the team (see what I did there? lol).
 
I would.. but I'm someone who kind of feels like kids need that independence :) If you don't feel comfortable that's understandable but it could be a great experience for him :) How does he feel about it?
 
When letting the kids go away I always consider 1. The length of the trip 2.Who is in charge 3. their emotional independence. If it's only 3 days and you're comfortable with who is in charge, I think it would be fine. I'd make sure to talk to at least one parent personally and make a little deal with them, kwim? I did that with my son once and I was also the stand-in-mom for another woman's daughter. Will he have a cell phone with him?

And about the homeschool comment... don't assume he's just naive, he may very well be more secure and stable in that kind of environment. Good job, mommy!
 
I would if I knew the parents well, liked the other boys he would be staying with, and if he had his own cell phone.
 
I would let him go - talk to him a lot about maturity and responsibility, and make sure he can contact you (or like you know another adult you trust if you are off the grid) If he is concerned about anything.

I feel like it is SO good for kid to learn to respect themselves and their decisions as they get older, and so I'd probably give him the question right back "how do YOU feel about going, do you think you can handle that?" and then take him as his word...

However, i'm super non-hellicoptery about my parenting, so take my advice with that grain of salt :)

ps - even if i didn't know the parents very well, i'd probably still consider it, especially with a 13 year old.
 
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I'd probably wouldn't let him go alone... but some say I'm controlling. :p Mostly for me is that I would want to see him play in the game (for pictures, of course).... hubby and I can have alone time some other time... but we only have one kid, so it won't be long where kiddo is too old for me to smother, I mean mother, him... :D
 
I would if you're comfortable with the chaperones. I'd think they'd be really busy and have quite a bit of supervision.

My middle school daughter competed with the high school winterguard team this season. She turned 13 a week ago, she's a "young" 13, definitely on the innocent and naive side. Traveling to competitions was such a good experience for her, definitely a confidence and independence boost.
 
I would let him go.my youngest is 14 since april.
its part of growing up and learning to be responsible.
they have a great time.
and there are adults with them.
 
I would let him go. When they play sports at that age, they start going out of town for weekends away. Might as well start now. They have adults right next door.
 
IMO, given that I now have an 11 year old boy who will one day be 13, I would likely let him go. I was in 8th grade when I went on a week long trip to California with my classmates. We all survived and that was the days before cell phones! The better we expose our kids to experiences such as this (with lots of guidance from us), the better they will be prepared for the world. Again, my opinion. Others may not agree.
 
I would talk to the parents and make sure I would be comfortable with the level of supervision they're planning on. If so, I'd let him go. I'd also have a talk with him about what I expect of him.
 
I would let him go also - Cheyanne has been involved with traveling sports teams and doing this since she was 10. I always knew the parents but many were definitely not "close" friends, although I knew them through the team and trusted the situation. I'm all about independence also, especially by age 13.
 
I'll be torn like you, Jen! I know my husband would let him go in a heartbeat, for me, I'll have to think about it. But, others said it well, if you know the parents that are going to supervise them well, then I'll say let him go. He needs to learn to be independent one way or another.

My son is only 4 *yesterday*, but ever since he started kindergarten in February, they have a field trip once every month, they go to various places like museum and public gardens, etc. At first I wanted to tag along to see how it goes, whether he'll listen well and behave, but the teachers stopped me. Parents are not allowed to go. So, I had to suck it up and let him be. I found he was doing well and always comes home excited to tell me where he goes and what he sees. Then, I started to relax.
 
I'd talk to the adults going and make sure I was comfortable with how they are handling things. I'd let him go, and I homeschool too. :)
 
Shawna Clingerman said:
I would let him go - talk to him a lot about maturity and responsibility, and make sure he can contact you (or like you know another adult you trust if you are off the grid) If he is concerned about anything.

I feel like it is SO good for kid to learn to respect themselves and their decisions as they get older, and so I'd probably give him the question right back "how do YOU feel about going, do you think you can handle that?" and then take him as his word...

However, i'm super non-hellicoptery about my parenting, so take my advice with that grain of salt :)

ps - even if i didn't know the parents very well, i'd probably still consider it, especially with a 13 year old.
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This is me, too. My kids are both super used to spending nights away from me (they have lots of sleepovers with family, and my eldest has been to a few friends houses for sleepovers), so that might impact my decision a bit.

I also feel pretty strongly about getting time alone with my husband - it's pretty important for my relationship. (I mean, it doesn't happen OFTEN anymore, but we try to make it happen as much as we can.)
 
You can take my advice with a grain of salt, too, because my oldest is 12 but I'm nearly positive he wouldn't be willing to go without me or DH. That said, as long as I knew the coach and other parents enough to feel like I could entrust them with my child and felt like my child was responsible enough, I'd feel comfortable leaving the decision up to him. I think the independence is a good thing for kids who feel ready for it. I also agree about getting him a cell phone, even a cheap prepaid one, so that he can contact you if he needs or wants to. Whatever your decision is, enjoy!
 
Sooooo, hubby decided to go. It's kind of a big deal tournament and he wants to be able to watch. It's the first big tourney he hasn't coached Ryan, so it's a little weird!

I'm happy with this solution. Ryan's only played with this team a couple of times and we only know a couple of the families and we don't know the coach at all. I'm not sure Ry would have been overly comfortable with the situation, so this works. We will take a weekend away in a couple of weeks, I hope! Our anniversary is coming up, so that will be a good excuse!


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Jennifer said:
Sooooo, hubby decided to go. It's kind of a big deal tournament and he wants to be able to watch. It's the first big tourney he hasn't coached Ryan, so it's a little weird!

I'm happy with this solution. Ryan's only played with this team a couple of times and we only know a couple of the families and we don't know the coach at all. I'm not sure Ry would have been overly comfortable with the situation, so this works. We will take a weekend away in a couple of weeks, I hope! Our anniversary is coming up, so that will be a good excuse!


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I think this is a great plan! I am sorry you had to change your plans though! I hope for your anniversary you can do something super extra special!
 
crystalbella77 said:
I think this is a great plan! I am sorry you had to change your plans though! I hope for your anniversary you can do something super extra special!
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Thanks! :wub: Games are over for today, so there is LOTS of free time this evening. Ry will get to hang with the other boys, but hubs will be there for night time. Best of both worlds. :thumbup:
 
Sounds like you came up with a good plan. I'm sorry you had to cancel your trip, but it sounds like you'll be able to schedule another one soon. Do you have the house to yourself? If so, enjoy! (I've got to confess that I think I'd be even more excited to have the house to myself for a weekend than to go away with DH. The second happens once a year for us. The first...not in the 12 years since having kids!)

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