I haven't read replies yet. I look forward to reading them, but I didn't want anything already said to influence what I have to say on the subject...
So, here goes...
I think that most little girls NEED to hear sometimes that they are pretty, well-dressed, etc. They need to hear this just as often as they NEED to hear that they are smart, creative, talented, kind, lovable, etc. The same goes for boys, obviously. I think that children need good balance.
I was raised by my grandmother. She was known as the ugly duckling in her family. She had brown curly hair while all of her cousins had straight blonde hair. She was tiny and never developed much of a figure as a teenager while they were tall and curvy. She was picked on endlessly for the way she looked. She wore their hand-me-downs which didn't fit her well at all and that just gave them more ammo to use against her. It wasn't just kids though, she heard it from adults as well. Comments were made as to why she looked the way she did and how it must've come from this side of the family or that (depending on who was talking). Anyway, she grew up feeling ugly and self conscious.
Because of her childhood experiences, my grandma was determined not to do the same with her daughters. She didn't want them to value themselves on their physical appearance or to think they were worth less because of something they felt was lacking with their appearance. She, very much like the author of the article, didn't talk about appearances at all. She told her girls they were smart, kind, creative, compassionate, etc. but never did she tell us (I say us because she adopted and raised me) that we were pretty or that we had certain features that made us special, etc. She wanted to raise strong and confident women who didn't judge themselves based on their looks. Sadly, it backfired a little bit. I can't speak for my mother and aunt (though I know they feel the same way to a certain extent) but I feel like I would have had better self-esteem if I had been given some compliments about the physical side of me. I heard I was smart, talented, a strong leader, a good friend, etc. all the time from her. I knew Grandma would always tell me the truth. By her avoiding compliments on my appearance yet complimenting every other side of me, I got lost along the way feeling like I must not be pretty or feminine or have great hair or a nice smile, etc. I mean, she told me everything else that was good about me, right?
To this day, I have very little confidence in my looks. I have always felt lacking in that area and no matter how many people compliment me on my physical appearance, I still don't truly believe it. I had a stranger tell me the other day that I had impeccable skin and inside I just laughed about it. I had a woman stop me today at Walmart and tell me that I have gorgeous hair. It was so hard for me to just say thank you and not try to blow it off pointing out the fact that I need a hair cut and that I'm getting white around my temples. I've just never allowed myself to feel pretty (or feminine really). I struggle with my looks a lot. I think had I been told a few times as a kid that I was pretty or graceful or cute, or anything to do with the physical side of things that I would be way more confident now.
She loves clothes, makeup, etc. but she also loves her sports and doesn't mind if her hair is messed up and goes without makeup on game days, etc. She cares about her studies and learning. She is BALANCED.
