wedding etiquette

Amber1279

Amber1279

New member
Ok, we are mostly moms ... maybe you can help me.

This weekend the kids & I went to a wedding. Ceremony was crowded but short. My kids behaved as did others in the crowd.

Fast forward to the reception, held outside (similar to how mine will be). I saw this particular friend and her family at the ceremony and I saw them get out of their car at the reception. I didn't see them the rest of the evening. At about 9pm I sent her a text asking if they left the reception and she responded "yep".

Sunday morning I asked when they left and she said 10 min after they got there. Which means they didn't even stay long enough to see the bride & groom arrive.

In her defense because it was outside in an area with farms & orchards there were gnats and various bugs. It was a little annoying, but it wasn't like swarms of bees or mosquitoes. She says that they wouldn't leave the baby alone and that he was fussy and wouldn't eat. So they left.

I thought that was rude ... to leave without even staying to see the bride & groom. In a round about way I told her so LOL. Mostly because in my mind I am thinking "Is she gonna leave MY wedding too??" :confused:

Is it rude to leave a wedding reception before the bride & groom have arrived?
 
I would think that the bride and groom wouldn't care or remember who was there. And if it was my wedding I wouldn't want them to hang around for my sake if they were uncomfortable.

We had to leave a wedding reception (my cousin's) before the bride and groom arrived and my son was in the wedding. It was late, they were beyond tired and the reception wasn't kid friendly. We said our thank yous to the parents of the bride and groom and left.
 
I don't think it's rude for the same reasons that Amanda listed. Plus, my kids come first and if they were hungry, the reception wasn't kid friendly etc., I would leave so that I could take care of my kiddos.
 
I dont think it was rude. I would have done the same thing. Look at it from the other side would you want a cranky baby/child at your reception?
 
she said "it not like they would have noticed" but if I noticed and those that sat with me did too ... maybe it didn't go "unnoticed"

The wedding wasn't "late" a 5:30 reception time and we got to the reception at about 6:30. It was a kid friendly reception - even had tables and crayons for the kids to color on. Lots of kids & babies. The other friend I sat with had a baby even. It just felt like an excuse :(
 
aggiefamily said:
I would think that the bride and groom wouldn't care or remember who was there. And if it was my wedding I wouldn't want them to hang around for my sake if they were uncomfortable.

We had to leave a wedding reception (my cousin's) before the bride and groom arrived and my son was in the wedding. It was late, they were beyond tired and the reception wasn't kid friendly. We said our thank yous to the parents of the bride and groom and left.
Click to expand...

Agreed. :)
 
Honestly, if I was the bride & groom, I wouldn't care one way or the other if someone left early. The day of your wedding is insane, busy & so full of people, are you really going to get upset if someone left early before you showed up? Besides, the couple was there for the most important part - the ceremony. Its not a "rule" that everybody MUST attend both for the full length of time. Even if it was an excuse, what difference does it really make??

Just my opinion!
 
Did they have the reception line at the wedding or at the reception? Cause if this woman and her kids already saw the bride/groom in line then I don't think it would be an issue at all. If not - well, it's unfortunate but not necessarily really rude.
 
I have to agree with Emmy, if there was a receiving line at the reception it might not be so rude but on the other hand, if they paid for that family's meal's I think it's kinda rude. To say you are gonna be there to eat and then not eat is a waste of money to me but then I had 10 people say they were coming to my wedding that didn't show and at $40 a plate $400 was a lot of money to us back in 1987. But I also understand that if there are gonna be cranky kids it's no fun for anyone so I'm kinda on the fence.
 
I would think if they cared so little abt the couple as to not stay long enough at the reception to see them, why did they bother to show up at all?

It's perfectly acceptable to come to the ceremony and not to the reception. I would never haul my kids to a reception if I was looking for any excuse to leave and/or planned on leaving ASAP. I would find any obligation I felt for going, i.e. my boss' kid, my neighbor's kid, etc., to be fulfilled if I went to the ceremony.
 
I have mixed feelings on this.
On the one hand, I would be glad that they came to the ceremony, and if their baby wasn't comfortable I would prefer they take care of their baby. I would be sad to miss them if I noticed they weren't there, but I'm sure the explanation would be enough for me as the bride. At a friends weddin in the fall, my girlfriends baby did NOT have a good time, and it almost ruined the whole weekend for my friend.

On the other hand, I would be annoyed that their food went to waste and I paid for it.

But in the grand scheme of things, there wasn't a crazy crying baby at the reception, and everyone had a good time. So I guess, no harm no foul.
 
Ok, i guess I disagree with the majority, but it brings me to a second situation:

she has asked me how I feel about kids at my wedding. I had originally told her I didn't have an opinion either way ... I mean I have kids, mine will be there obviously. Now knowing how she reacts with her children at a wedding I want to tell her to get a sitter. Her daughter will be 2 in July and her son will be 1 in October ... my wedding is in September.

We have attended 2 weddings this month - both times she and her DH brought the kids. The 1st wedding (on a Friday night, started much later @ 7pm) and I noticed that her DH left with the kids during dinner. She stayed but then didn't really dance or anything since her DH was gone.

Now this wedding "incident" makes me feel like it will likely happen at my wedding as well. I want my friends at the ceremony & reception ... I don't want them to leave!

The friend I was sitting with had her son at both as well, and at the 1st wedding her Dad walked around with the baby a lot and at the 2nd wedding he was in his stroller and did fine. He was awake part of it, ate just fine and then fell asleep. She left after the major "events" at the wedding.

I went to a wedding earlier this Spring and didn't bring my kids because I didn't want them to be a distraction or make me leave too early. I left after they cut the cake.

I have never only went to a ceremony and never left a reception after only being their 10 min. This bride and groom didn't take too long to arrive. The reception was outside and with the music playing and people talking I never heard any of the babies crying or making a fuss. It wasn't like the baby was screaming his head off. There was a LOT of extra food, I saw the extra in the house when they were cutting the cake.
 
I don't find it rude persay, just unfortunate. Kids come first & in the grand scheme of things, maybe it was nice that they left. No one but the child's own parents really can determine how fussy is too fussy - KWIM? The baby might have been on that edge of just losing it. And leaving probably was in their best interest & the rest of the guests.

And really - your wedding day is such a busy, blurry day that is insane and just overwhelming that the bride & groom may not have noticed.

Now, I have never brought my children to a wedding. Ceremony - yes. Once. Reception - no. They were never invited...I take who the wedding invitation is addressed to seriously... plus, I see it as a time to have FUN & enjoy myself...I'm all for babysitters. :)

If it is an option, just invited her & her DH - you could do that. If not, talk to her if she is that good of a friend.
 
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