The poverbial "poo" has hit the fan...

iJenny

iJenny

New member
So, as you may know, this past week I went from being a SAHM of seven years to working 5 1/2 hours a day at a local elementary school. My oldest son, Cameron, is in full-day first grade so he doesn't even "notice" that I'm working because I still drop him off and school and pick him up. But my toddler, Connor, goes to my parent's house while I'm at work. He's there from 8am-2pm and he LOVES it.
But all of this transition has been taking a toll on little Connor. In the span of three days, the following changed in Connor's life...

~ Mommy went to work
~ Big Brother went to school full-time
~ and Grandma (my mom who he stays with) had major back surgery and has been in the hospital and unable to care for him (my dad is with Connor at their house)

So, its been noticably bothering him. It started with him not wanting to go down for his naps. Then he wanted to sleep in the hallway outside his bedroom. Then he wanted his brother or daddy all the time, etc etc etc.

But tonight is a whole new ball game. The kid is totally inconsolable. And thats rare because Connor is a VERY laid-back kid. Kind of a go-with-the-flow kind of child. Tonight is different. He's a mess. Sobbing uncontrollably, won't go to bed, wants a lovie or milk or to call daddy (he works nights). Its been over an hour now and he's finally calmed down enough for me to leave his bedroom. He really wants to sleep with me tonight in my bed, but I just can't bring myself to do it. I mean, I know it would make him feel more secure, but I feel like it'll set a bad precedent and start a bad habit that I will have to "un-do" at the expense of more traumatic nights.

Ugh. This parenting thing kinda sucks sometimes.
 
Aww... poor baby! I hope he wears himself out soon so that he gets a good night's sleep.
 
Oh sweetie, I feel for you. I totally agree with your choice not to let him sleep with you. 2 steps forward 3 steps back sort of thing. I hate transistions. I am dreading next week whe all 7 of us go back to school. My only thought at this point, is if he is still inconsolable, try music. My kids like to listen to music, it makes them happy. Last week Derek (4) was havong a rough few days. So he fell asleep listening to rascal flatts on his big brothers mp3. Made him feel special.
 
Oh, and I should add (because LA's post made me think of it) that I am usually a "let-them-cry-it-out" kind of parent. And I've done that plenty of times in my children's baby-hood. But this is different. I can tell he's not just being difficult. He's genuinely going through some stuff and just can't work it out in his little toddler mind. Breaks my heart...

(he's alone in his room right now, quiet except for the occasional crying every 15 minutes).
 
heatherdumas said:
Oh sweetie, I feel for you. I totally agree with your choice not to let him sleep with you. 2 steps forward 3 steps back sort of thing. I hate transistions. I am dreading next week whe all 7 of us go back to school. My only thought at this point, is if he is still inconsolable, try music. My kids like to listen to music, it makes them happy. Last week Derek (4) was havong a rough few days. So he fell asleep listening to rascal flatts on his big brothers mp3. Made him feel special.
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Yeah, its tough. Both my boys fall asleep to music, so thats just a given in our house. But I did break one of my "big" bedtime rules and gave him a sippy cup of milk. At the very least, if he keeps wanting them at night, I can fill them with water and then cut back on the water until he's weaned. Co-sleeping isn't so easy ya know? :)
 
Aww poor Connor, that is a lot for a lil guy to transition through all at once! Being a parent is really tough some days! Lots of {{hugs}} Jenny!
 
Hugs, I'm sorry that it's working out to be a tough transition!! Hopefully things will settle down in the next week or so. (((HUGS!!!)))
 
{Hugs} girl, I know it's hard. When Jack was 2, we moved to the other side of the world where every one looked different, where he drew attention everywhere he went, spoke a different language, went from winter to summer in a plane ride and suddenly there were no more grandparents. We had some major poo flying around our house.

If it's working for you not to lay down with him, then stick with it, but if it doesn't work, don't feel bad about laying down with him till he's feeling more secure. I slept with Jack till he was feeling secure, and once he was okay, I just told him I was going to be sleeping in my bed with Bapa, and he was totally cool with it.
 
Ive been through it too and it does suck!! It just takes time. The only thing I could say is to try to keep everything else as normal as possible and try to make a little exra time for him whenever you can when he isnt upset like he is tonight(because that wouldnt really be to easy when he is crying inconsolably) . Also try not to make a big deal out of the other stuff(even though I know that all three together are huge to a little guy!!). He will sense that you are stressed and that can cause him to be stressed. Hope it gets alot easier really quick because Im sure it isnt easy right now.
 
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Oh no!!! The poor little thing! I wish there was something I knew of that would help him. :( We have had a hard time with transitions at times as well and I don't really know how it gets better....it just kinda does. I really hope that everything settles down soon and he adjusts well! {{hugs}} to all of you!
 
Aww hun... it's so hard sometimes! I think you're handling just right though. As hard as it is to hear them so upset and feel the guilt, I think you're right in not giving in to having him in your bed. I think making him stay in his own bed will give him the clear message that things are ok... as they're supposed to be. He will eventually get use to the changes and you won't have to "undo" when he is.

Big hugs to you and Conner... I know it's difficult, but this too shall pass.
 
awww, Jenny, sorry to hear he's having a hard time. I hope that things will settle down soon and you'll get into a routine he's comfortable with!
 
Oh sweety my heart goes out to you guys. I know how tough it is watching our kiddos upset. i hope things get better soon!
 
I hope you all get through this with minimal crying nights! Oh, I have been there -- but I made the mistake of letting my first sleep with me -- after all, it was just us. That was a rough transition when I got married. :(

Good luck girl! :)
 
Awww, poor little guy. I can imagine that all that change is rough on him. I agree with your approach and not letting him cry. That would just traumatize him when clearly he's upset the way it is.
 
Poor Con! Does he need to see his Wiz? I feel so sorry for that lil man...he's the best most easy going boy ever and to see him so confused breaks my heart. Tell him that this weekend maybe we can share some cinnamon sugar toast! I'm so sorry Jen! Love you guys!
 
awww poor baby...hopefully it will work out soon...i definitely agree with not putting him in the bed...i started that with my son and he still climbs in bed with me in the middle of the night...i'm such a wuss i let him stay because i don't want to deal with the crying...
 
Aw, my heart aches for the little one.

My 21 month old usually LOVES going to bed, and nods off pretty quick, so the other week when she was just crying and wanting me (I finally figured out her back molar was coming through), I knew it was not just her mucking around. I tried a couple of times to leave her to cry it out, then eventually it dawned on me that she just needed me near her. Like you, putting her in my bed wasn't an option, so I sat on the floor by her bed, with my hand lightly resting on hers for contact, without talking. After just a few minutes she nodded off, reassured by my presence.

Maybe that's what your little one needs right now. He's feeling abandoned, and just needs someone near. I don't think one night of lying down with him, or sitting by his bed would constitute as a habit. And it sounds like he really needs you.
 
I'm sorry he's having a hard time Jenny. I anticpate this mext week when everything goes crazy here, Amelisa's going to kindergarten, and Rae plays with her everyday. ((hugs))
 
oh no, im so sorry the little guy is having such a tough time.
It really sucks when you dont know what to do for them but its best to stick to your guns. As my mum would say "you dont want to make a rod for your own back!"
 
Awwww, poor Connor!! I'm so sorry Jenny, that's got to be so hard to watch him go through!

Did he finally settle down for teh night?
 
So, he finally settled down about 90 minutes after I initially put him to bed. It was rough. He usually just falls right asleep. We rocked and talked and read a book and called daddy (and papa and grandma lol) and I finally decided that he 1) NEEDED to be in his bed (rather than on my lap in the chair) and 2) needed me near by. So I layed down on the floor right next to his bed where he could see me. And he calmed down in about 20 minutes and I left the room. He would be quiet for about 10 minutes and then start crying again. I just went in there, rubbed his back for a minute and then left the room with the promise of meeting in our dreams for a bike ride (his choice lol).
So, after about three rounds of that, he finally fell asleep, exhausted. This morning he's doing better. But still pretty insecure. He's excited to go play Play-Doh with papa (my dad) today. lol
 
Hooray for Play-doh!! Lol!

I hope he has a good day Jenny :) Hopefully once he gets used to things it'll go smoother.
 
Poor little guy! He could just be exhausted from not taking naps. I know when mine are over tired bedtime is horrible!

I hope tonight goes much smoother and you both get to bed on time!
 
*hugs* We've been through that transition at our house too and I know how difficult it is. Keep doing what you're doing and give him some extra attention in the evenings so he knows you're still there for him. It's hard being a mommy. *hugs*
 
I'm sorry Jenny. Bekah went through it when I started teaching again before DH graduated. I can promise you that it gets better.
 
Ugh, I've been there. I went back to work a year ago after being a SAHM for 3 years and there are times when it really sucks. Like right now when my work is super busy and I'll go from Wednesday night to Saturday without seeing my kids because I leave before they get up and get home after bedtime. Hugs to you!
 
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