I am without words as I try to express to all of you how much your sweet comments, emails, IM's and text messages have meant to me since I asked for your T & P's yesterday. I am constantly humbled by the friendships that I have made and that I see unfold between others through this computer. It is a true testament to the good that exists in people when you see virtual strangers show so much compassion and love for someone else they have only known electronically. You girls are what I consider some of my very best friends. And I felt that way long before my post, it is only reinforced now.
I meant to sit down today and journal about the events transpiring in my life so that while it was therapeutic for me, it could also serve as a story to explain to others what is happening. However, I really wanted to do my journaling on a layout but yet, I just don't have much mojo to create right now. So, that will have to come in a few days I am afraid. In the meantime, I wanted to just tell you all a bit of what is going on so I can stop worrying some of you!
My 16 yo DD #2 informed me Sunday morning that she is pregnant. Now, I know that this happens all the time to families but, as much as you see it happen around you, nothing prepares you for when it happens to yours. In addition, our situation is a little unique and because of that, it is making this news so much harder for me to accept.
My daughter lives with her father and has for 3 years. She has some mental issues and living with her father was what she wanted and was best for all of us when she went to live there. She likes a lot of one on one attention and being single with no other children at home, he was able to give that to her. I had a husband and 2 other children to care for. So, I made the very hard decision to let her go, thinking that she would hate it and come back home soon. Well, that didn't happen. She liked the freedom and the attention she received there and felt as if she filled a void in her father's life. So, I cried and cried for a long time that my child wasn't with me anymore, the way nature intends. Although I never accepted the situation or liked it, I have grown tolerable of life without her at home. Her father took her off medication when she went to live with him as he felt she didn't need it. Over the years, her mental stability has slowly declined more and more. So bad in fact, that we almost took her to an institution last month. At the advice of her doctor though, her father put her back on meds and is making sure she takes them. Then now at her one month follow up for the meds, we find out she is pregnant. I have always feared how my child's life would be as an adult. How she would cope with "real life" and the struggles, challenges and changes it presents all the time. Now, that fear is amplified 100 times on how the birth of her child at such a young age against so many obstacles on it's own will affect her life. I am scared for my child and now my unborn grandchild.
To further complicate things, she and I had a huge fight last July, the night before we were supposed to leave for our annual family vacation to the beach. I will spare you the details but, it was bad, very bad. So bad that we have not seen each other since. We have and do talk again though since October. Although, it is only for a brief period of time and then she becomes angry at me again for something and we start the process all over. So, I fear that I will not see and get to love my grandchild the way I want to once it arrives.
Anyway, I have now spilled my guts and told you all more of my life than you probably ever wanted to know but, I just wanted you all to understand why I needed your love, support and prayers and still do and will over the next year. I pray that my daughter gets better with time and her medication puts her life back in balance so that she and I can get past all of this and I can be there for her like I know she needs me to be. As well as the ache in my heart for her be filled again with her love.
Thank you girls, thank you so very much for being here for me. I love you all!
I meant to sit down today and journal about the events transpiring in my life so that while it was therapeutic for me, it could also serve as a story to explain to others what is happening. However, I really wanted to do my journaling on a layout but yet, I just don't have much mojo to create right now. So, that will have to come in a few days I am afraid. In the meantime, I wanted to just tell you all a bit of what is going on so I can stop worrying some of you!
My 16 yo DD #2 informed me Sunday morning that she is pregnant. Now, I know that this happens all the time to families but, as much as you see it happen around you, nothing prepares you for when it happens to yours. In addition, our situation is a little unique and because of that, it is making this news so much harder for me to accept.
My daughter lives with her father and has for 3 years. She has some mental issues and living with her father was what she wanted and was best for all of us when she went to live there. She likes a lot of one on one attention and being single with no other children at home, he was able to give that to her. I had a husband and 2 other children to care for. So, I made the very hard decision to let her go, thinking that she would hate it and come back home soon. Well, that didn't happen. She liked the freedom and the attention she received there and felt as if she filled a void in her father's life. So, I cried and cried for a long time that my child wasn't with me anymore, the way nature intends. Although I never accepted the situation or liked it, I have grown tolerable of life without her at home. Her father took her off medication when she went to live with him as he felt she didn't need it. Over the years, her mental stability has slowly declined more and more. So bad in fact, that we almost took her to an institution last month. At the advice of her doctor though, her father put her back on meds and is making sure she takes them. Then now at her one month follow up for the meds, we find out she is pregnant. I have always feared how my child's life would be as an adult. How she would cope with "real life" and the struggles, challenges and changes it presents all the time. Now, that fear is amplified 100 times on how the birth of her child at such a young age against so many obstacles on it's own will affect her life. I am scared for my child and now my unborn grandchild.
To further complicate things, she and I had a huge fight last July, the night before we were supposed to leave for our annual family vacation to the beach. I will spare you the details but, it was bad, very bad. So bad that we have not seen each other since. We have and do talk again though since October. Although, it is only for a brief period of time and then she becomes angry at me again for something and we start the process all over. So, I fear that I will not see and get to love my grandchild the way I want to once it arrives.
Anyway, I have now spilled my guts and told you all more of my life than you probably ever wanted to know but, I just wanted you all to understand why I needed your love, support and prayers and still do and will over the next year. I pray that my daughter gets better with time and her medication puts her life back in balance so that she and I can get past all of this and I can be there for her like I know she needs me to be. As well as the ache in my heart for her be filled again with her love.
Thank you girls, thank you so very much for being here for me. I love you all!
I am sooooo sorry. Life can suck sometime, but keep your head up. WE all ♥ you1
