Teens and Dating

D

d2vasquez

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I was curious about parents who have teens - when did you let your teen go solo dating (was there an age or just maturity)? And what did you feel was an appropriate curfew? I remember when my daughters were young, I would just say when you are 16 because it seemed so far away. But it is here and I have managed to skirt the issue since she likes to hang as a group but I know it is coming and so thought would get some feedback......or confirmation on what I may do. :)
 
I only have boys, so it's a little different, but they still couldn't date until they were 16. And they were allowed to go to school dances when they got to high school but they went in a group.
 
well my daughter is 19 and didn't have aboyfriend until about a month AFTER she turned 18, so I don't have any real suggestions. She pretty much always went to the school dances with friends and was never really in to boys, so I got lucky the 1st time around. I still have 2 boys and another girl to go through this phase though!!!
 
Darla, my oldest dd got to date when she was 16 b/c her dad said she could mind you he didn't even live in the same house as us!! It was very upsetting but I went ahead and let her b/c she was a good girl, good student and mostly hung out w/her boyfriend in a group rare solo dates.
Charlie wasn't into the whole dating scene but she had lots of boys after her. She was also allowed to go hang out w/the guys mostly b/c she was very level headed about everything and was never w/the bs...
Helena was very much into boys but her dad was a BIG NOOOOO on the boys. He always drilled into her head any boy worth dating her would have to come here and ask for permission. No one has ever came a knocking... She says it's b/c no one was worthy of her time for real and they were scared of her dad, lol
Up until know we've been able to deal w/the whole boy thing.. Sorry I'm not really of any help :?
 
Oh, and on the curfew thing - I'm very stingy with curfews. 14 and 15, curfew was at 11pm, 16 at 11:30 and senior year I went until midnight. My 2nd son's last girlfriend did not even have a curfew! But he still did. And that curfew included if they were hanging out at our house - they still had to be gone by those times. My boys have always had the earliest curfew of all their friends. Oh well!
 
At 14 Casey is allowed to go to school dances with a boy, but up until now (when she was in middle school), I dropped her off and picked her up. For high school dances, I'll probably allow the boy's parents to pick her up, but she won't be allowed to car date until she's 16. And even then it will have to be a boy I've met and feel comfortable allowing her to ride with. As of right now, she's not allowed to ride in a car with ANYONE under the age of 18. That may change though, with her being on the dance team, I might allow her to ride with one or two of the girls on the team. Maybe. lol
 
Jacob was allowed to date with a chaperon since he was in 8th grade (14 years old). And by chaperon, I mean either me or her parents. At 16, he could go out with a girl but had a 10pm curfew. Jacob had a midnight curfew his senior year, and now he is 20 and still comes home by midnight unless he is actually still at work. (He works at a movie theater, so it's sometimes not until 1:00am that he is off work.) Now, I've never said he still has a midnight curfew, but since he is doing it I'm pretty happy with it. I don't want my kid slinking in at 3am, ya know.

As for other dating "rules", I told him he could only date girls that were either his age or one year older or younger. No dating a girl 3 years younger than him or anything. That has saved us a load of problems that my other friends have had with their teens.
 
Thank you for the feedback. I started high school with some pretty strict rules on dating but relaxed some as I met the boys or at least one particular boy who has hung around our family for the past 2 years. :)

Julie - I really liked your rules about age - there is a college boy interested in my daughter (he is 17 and she is 16) but I am not entirely comfortable with this since he has already had a high school experience - she has not and I want her to be young and enjoy it. There is plenty of time for college experiences when she comes to that point. Since most of my friends have little ones - I feel a bit in the dark on this whole teen thing. :)
 
Christopher was allowed to date at 15. He was always so much more mature than other kids his age and had his license already so I was fine with it (he was forced to grow up a lot at the age of 15, unfortunately, but he was also always more mature anyway). When we left the military and came back to Maine he started dating a girl who is now his wife and we lived in a VERY small town so they walked just about everywhere anyway - LOL.

As for curfew it depended on where they were going. If it was a movie at 6 then they had an hour after the movie to get something to eat and then had to be home. If it was a school dance then they had to be home within 15 minutes of it ending (that's how long it took for him to walk her home and then walk home himself).

I keep saying DD needs to be 16, but we'll see what the circumstances are. She is almost a year younger than most kids in her class but is also pretty mature for her age. If she waits until 16 she'll be a Junior and all her friends will be sophomores so I might allow dating in groups or double dating, etc. I was the same way - always a year younger and my parents let me start dating at 15.

It really depends on the child and circumstance for me.
 
My 19 yr old was allowed to date at 16 as well, but honestly they mostly just kept their dates in group settings which was great imo. At 16 she had to be home by 11 on weekends. In her Juunior year she could stay out til midnight and after 18, well she is an adult and will be treated as one as long as she remains responsible. Thank the Lord she always has!
 
Hummm this is such a touchy subject. I think a lot of it depends on maturity-I also think that "dating" isn't what it used to be.

My boys were allowed to "date" when they were 15. They were able to attend school dances with girls when they were in Jr.High, but it was silly because they always just met at the dance, so I guess that isn't a date really.

My only rule as far as age was concerned was that once my boys were in high school they couldn't date anyone who also wasn't also in high school. I have amended this slightly since both of my older boys are 18, and have implored to them the legality of having sex with girls that are younger than they are at this point. An odd conversation to have, but one I felt was mandatory.
 
I only have a 10 year old at this point as my now 20 year old step-son wasn't in to dating when he used to visit us for the summers. We've told DD the same thing, that she has to be 16. I think we will stick with that. We will allow school dances and group things before that, I'm quite sure, but ONLY when they are in groups.

My friend let her daughter date at 15 provided her and her date were with either set of parents. Her daughter's boyfriend thought they were just the coolest parents and loved to hang out with them. They would all go to the movies together, etc. They wouldn't sit right with the kids but they would be close enough to be observers. It seemed like a great alternative to solo dating to me. The parents got to know the boy better and both kids had less pressure because there were adults within ear shot. :)
 
Sherri Tierney said:
My friend let her daughter date at 15 provided her and her date were with either set of parents. Her daughter's boyfriend thought they were just the coolest parents and loved to hang out with them. They would all go to the movies together, etc. They wouldn't sit right with the kids but they would be close enough to be observers. It seemed like a great alternative to solo dating to me. The parents got to know the boy better and both kids had less pressure because there were adults within ear shot. :)
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We have been blessed to have this kind of setup with my dd and her "best friend". But the kids have cars now and are starting to go places with groups or on their own. Lucky for us California teen drivers have a curfew which makes it easy for us. Just curious on what other parents do and if there are any differences with your first kid or second one or if it is different with a boy as opposed to girls.
 
I have a strong feeling my second kid will get to do things sooner. It's been that way with everything. LOL My second is a boy but I don't think the rules should be different for him. I just think he'll end up doing things sooner, probably with his older sister as a chaperone.
 
As I've said, I only have boys, but my first 2 boys are like night and day as far as personalities. They both had the same rules in high school though. Now that the oldest is in college and has freedom when he is at school, we are looser with him when he is home. He doesn't have a steady girlfriend though and still hangs out in groups.
 
Just wanted to add the age for dating for my boys was 16 as well. My son never showed interest in dating before he passed away. I am sure he eventually would have but he was in no hurry. My youngest son it will be 16 and I will have the same rules for him that I did for our daughter.
 
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