SLEEP!

eranslow

eranslow

New member
We've created a monster! My youngest (Landon - nearly 17 months) doesn't fall asleep on his own. We hold him to help him sleep and then transfer him to his crib. It's getting really really old though. Like yesterday - I got him to sleep but as soon as I put him down he was awake. Well I couldn't get him to fall asleep again - so he didn't take a nap (which wasn't a pretty sight!) We've tried CIO - and he is just so stubborn that he won't just lay down and close his eyes. He just stands there and screams! So frustrating. I should also mention that he wakes up at least once a night too. So - I'm thought I would ask here if anyone has any good recommendations for getting little ones to sleep on their own? I appreciate ANY help!
 
I think CIO only works if you do it consistently for 3 days or more in a row... And be consistent to put him down to bed & nap at the same time every day. You will see, he will eventually get it and look forward to the opportunity to rest because he will be tired... LOL! What also helped me was a routine before nap and bed. before nap we would change into comfortable clothes, read one book, and I would lay him down and say have a good nap, see you when you wake up! For bedtime it was a bath, brush teeth, books, rock for a little with a song, lay him down and say a prayer then lights out. I had to do that with Ben and it was so hard. We babied him and he was used to being rocked to sleep. Grace, however, was put to sleep awake whenever possible and has much better sleep habits.
 
I prefer teaching them to nap instead of CIO. If you can have a routine (like read a book before naptime all the better so he learns that book leads to nap). Change diaper before nap so you know he is dry.

Then I put in crib. I sit next to crib and rub back. I will stay and comfort but I do not pick up once they are down for a nap. I usually sing lullabies but you can play a quiet music cd or nothing. Then I just rub back, say it's nap time or night night time if they are stirring around and that is what we do until they fall asleep. When I think they are close to sleep I will move chair away from crib. If they wake up I repeat quitely "it's nap time" and may rub back again. I do not pick up again but my goal is to also not let them get upset to screaming. They usually just tire out and go to sleep. It may take a few days with this method.

Since your son is older and could stand up in the crib, if he was really upset I would hug him over the edge of the crib and tell him it was nap time but my goal would be not to take him out if possible. Crying gets comfort but it does not get you out of a nap, if that makes sense. But my goal is to try not to let them get too upset about the crib.

What you might also do is make the "routine" happen in the crib. Read book once he is in crib. So it is sort of a reward for being in the crib.

Good luck. Hope you are able to get some sleep soon.
 
Thanks for the suggestions! I think the key for us is to be consistent - which is hard since I'm at work 4 nights a week :( DH and I will definitely need to set up a game plan and stick with it.
 
Your situation is a little different from mine, but we had a period when Sean was just learning how to pull himself up to standing. He would do it in his sleep and then he couldn't get himself back down and would just stand there and cry in his crib. So, what I did was I went in and laid him back down without talking to him or making eye contact or anything like that. Then he would cry for a while and then stand back up screaming. So, I would just repeat - lay him down, don't talk, don't make eye contact. I only had to do that for one very long night, but eventually he stopped.

So, I know that's a different situation, but I think giving him less "interaction" once he's supposed to be down is good. Less eye contact, less talking, etc. And, everyone else has given you greatideas as well. I know it's soooo hard, Erin! Hang in there! This too shall pass!
 
I know it's SOOOO hard, but CIO works. We had to use it with our oldest, who was quite stubborn as well. The 1st night, she screamed for 90 minutes, the next night, 45 minutes, etc. Each night it got shorter until eventually she would go to sleep on her own and was able to fall back to sleep on her own if she woke up in the night. I think one of the most important things, aside from consistency, is to make sure that his environment is the exact same when he wakes in the night as it was when he fell asleep, ie, don't let him fall asleep with music unless it will play all night. She was a pacifier baby, so we had to make sure she had plenty of them in her crib so she could find one quickly if she woke up.

Sometimes I think it was harder on me than on her. I had to burry my head under my pillow while I sobbed the whole time she cried...but eventually, we were both much more rested and happy for it.

Good luck!!
 
We ended up doing CIO with my oldest too, mostly because any sort of interaction with him, being in the room, rubbing his back, laying down with him, etc, overstimulated him & wound him up even further. We had a security camera we set in his room that we could watch on the tv & we'd turn it on and wait. We could see he was just standing there screaming, nothing was physically wrong, he was just so very tired & hadn't learned to settle himself yet. It was 3-4 days of CIO, each day less than the previous. We followed the same routine up to the part where we would sit & rock him to sleep, only we switched to saying "now it's time to sleep, give up both a kiss goodnight & we'll see you when you wake up in the morning" & turned on his white noise glow light machine & left.

Not a fun 3-4 days but it passed. The kid is now 10 & falls asleep just fine but still has to have his sleep watched because if he doesn't get enough he completely melts down the next night.
 
I should also mention that my kids share a room...so that makes CIO even harder/more challenging. Thank you all for your responses - I know it's something that we will eventually work thru. We are just getting so tired!
 
ltarbox said:
Your situation is a little different from mine, but we had a period when Sean was just learning how to pull himself up to standing. He would do it in his sleep and then he couldn't get himself back down and would just stand there and cry in his crib. So, what I did was I went in and laid him back down without talking to him or making eye contact or anything like that. Then he would cry for a while and then stand back up screaming. So, I would just repeat - lay him down, don't talk, don't make eye contact. I only had to do that for one very long night, but eventually he stopped.

So, I know that's a different situation, but I think giving him less "interaction" once he's supposed to be down is good. Less eye contact, less talking, etc. And, everyone else has given you greatideas as well. I know it's soooo hard, Erin! Hang in there! This too shall pass!
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This.

Although apply it to your own kid. It will take loner, but if he is really attached to you then you can slowly wean him off of you by staying by his crib as he falls asleep, and just keep putting him down whenever he gets up. Don't make too much contact, I usually just give a kiss and say that it's time to sleep now. Eventually you can start moving yourself out of the room.

At this age he should understand a lot, so explain to him that part of growing up is learning to fall asleep on his own. You really live him, and really love to snuggle him, but would be soon him a disservice if he couldn't get to sleep without you. Tell him that you are always there for him and that you love him and are going to work with him to help him learn how to sleep.

I highly recommend The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems. My oldest is still a sleep fiend because he is so stubborn. My baby (who is almost 2!) has been an amazing sleeper for the most part and I give most credit to the Baby Whisperer. She's a lot less stubborn than my oldest though. Good luck! I'm pretty sure we all know how miserable it is when kids can't sleep.
 
I totally feel your pain, Erin. My DD is 3.5 and did not sleep through the night consistently until last August... when we moved her into bed with us.

When she was littler (and in a crib --- and then a crib with a tent), she would wake up every night and cry/talk/otherwise entertain herself for hours at a time. She got to the point where she would no longer cry, but I could hear her talking and making noises. I wouldn't go in there with her, but I was still worried that she wasn't getting enough sleep. I tried EVERYTHING (and came here to SSD to ask for advice, too), and NOTHING helped.

All bets were off when we tried to transition her to a toddler bed. The same thing would happen with waking in the night... only this time she would wander the house, play with her toys, get a snack, etc. The only way to keep her contained would be to close her bedroom door completely, and she was terrified of being trapped in there in the dark. There were times when I wouldn't wake up right away, and I was so worried that she'd end up getting hurt or breaking something that I ended up never completely going to sleep and shooting straight up in bed almost every night, panicked.

It boils down to her not knowing how to turn her brain 'off' at night, and I don't know how to teach that to a 3.5yo. Moving her into our bed was my 'last straw' after going to work FT in May of last year (and desperately needing 6-7 hours of uninterrupted sleep)... but it was the best thing we could have done for her/us. She rarely wakes up during the night and also takes an 1.5 - 2 hour nap every afternoon.

She is now able to fall asleep by herself in our bed as long as the door stays open, so I'm happy with that for now.

She is FINALLY pottytrained and will be able to go to preschool next fall. I will start transitioning her to sleeping in her own bed at that time when she should be so tired from school that she immediately falls asleep.

I guess this too-long post is just to let you know that I've been BTDT, had to figure out what was best for me and my kid vs. conventional advice/wisdom, and had to be okay with 'good enough'/baby steps in order to provide everyone in our house with the best environment possible under the circumstances.
 
eranslow said:
I should also mention that my kids share a room...so that makes CIO even harder/more challenging. Thank you all for your responses - I know it's something that we will eventually work thru. We are just getting so tired!
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My kiddos share a room, too! Although DD has much better sleep habits than DS, things were harder with her because of the fact that they share a room. we only have a 2 bedroom house. :p When DD was giving us challenges.... now that I think about it it the worst was around 18 months when I stopped nursing and she was standing and then again at 2 years when she moved into a big girl bed. Anyways, when she was crying, resisting bedtime, and frequently waking we moved DS into our bedroom... We just took the mattress off his toddler bed and put it in our room for the night. I think the longest he stayed in our room was for 2 weeks once after we went on vacation and her sleep patterns got all screwed up. But, the times we did CIO with her, we just had him in our room for a couple nights and moved him back when she was sleeping again.
 
eranslow said:
I should also mention that my kids share a room...so that makes CIO even harder/more challenging. Thank you all for your responses - I know it's something that we will eventually work thru. We are just getting so tired!
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Room sharing is hard. I like Brooke's suggestion of bringing the older kid into a bed in your room (or the living room, or Grandma's) if possible. Our kids still have trouble going to sleep together because they are constantly playing, but I remind the older one that it's his job to help her go to sleep. It definitely doesn't always work, and we went through a phase where we put them to bed at different times.

We are in a weird transition phase right now because DH had his appendix out over the weekend and even though I made sure to be home when they woke up, and when they went to bed, it's been hard. Sleep problems are so hard. :( But it seems like whenever they get to their worst is when I figure out how to really fix the problem instead of just getting through. Good luck!
 
Well I am glad to know that I am definitely not alone. One thing that keeps running thru my head is how DIFFERENT my boys are. Blake had no problems sleeping once he hit a year - I remember being so excited the day he went down for nap without me having to rock him (yeah we had bad habits with him! but they weren't nearly as bad).

I think the biggest problem for us - is our wacky schedule. I hate it. :( Me working until 10 pm 4 nights a week - and hubby in charge of bedtime for those nights. It's hard to be consistent. But talking with Dh - I think we are going to try again this weekend - and move Blake to the couch until we get Landon to sleep. I will give you all an update! Hopefully it will be a good one - cause like Kellie said - "Sleep is the best thing EVER!"
 
Our oldest did not like sleeping by herself and we eventually went with CIO also. It took about 3 nights and then we'd have to repeat the process periodically when we would come back from a vacation where she would sleep with us. UGH. It's so, so hard, but it works.
 
I totally understand this - I kind of had the same thing going with my youngest, and it was my fault too because I let him sleep in my bed to fall asleep forever, and then it was really hard to switch him to his own bed. I think that just setting a specific routine is great - we don't have any big rituals or anything, but just brush teeth, change into pjs, and hop into bed for tucking in and kisses.
 
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