*sigh* What to do...

AnnieBananie

AnnieBananie

New member
Alright, I don't want to write a novel on this but it may end up that way... our neighbors... the same ones with the annoying dogs... have a 9 or 10 year old daughter who has respect issues. She stares in our windows if we don't have the blinds drawn, she begs constantly to come over and play, and when she does, she follows ME around everywhere and snubs my kids. Whatever... she's a lonely, bored little girl. But then if she doesn't get her way, she has a little fit.

We had her over after months of begging, to "officially" meet our puppy, Greta... she had to be told SEVERAL times not to mess with Greta's ears, as Greta was whimpering... finally I said "I need you to be respectful of Greta, otherwise you'll have to go home" and she looked right at me, pulled on Greta's ear, and said "See, she only whined a little bit that time, you're overreacting." so she was sent home.

Then we had a little marshmallow roast last night and as we were wrapping up, she came over and begged for us to let her roast a marshmallow... we said "no, we're done with that for tonight and we're having family time... you're welcome to join us next time!"... and she kept begging and whining that she didn't want to join us next time... she wanted one now. It was like a 4 year old pitching a fit... and when she got the hint, she got all pouty and started chucking twigs into the fire from over the fence... DH told her to stop and she just kept doing it.

That's just the recent stuff... she's got a history on 'er.

Okay so here's the purpose for my post... part of me wants her to go away, she's not a friend of my kids' (Faith looks up to her but she doesn't want much to do with Faith, though she's nice) so I don't really see a reason for her to be here.

But a big part of me feels so sorry for her and hurts for her... she's GOT to be bored out of her wits and so lonely... and maybe I can be like a mentor to her or something. I dunno. But respect... for the adults, the kids, the animals, the property, etc.... is a requirement at our home... and she's proven time and time again that she can't handle it... so I dunno... I'm not sure I'll get much out of talking to her 'rents because I've heard her mom say "Why don't you go see what the neighbors are doing"... so yeah... and then that dog situation... mmhmm... they're classy folk over there. *shrug* So I dunno... WWYD?
 
Annie, you've got such an amazing heart...no wonder I love you. This girl though, she's not your responsibility. It's pretty obvious that coming over to play with Faith is a rather flimsy cover for hanging out with you. Even if this girl is immature for her age, she's too old to be Faith's friend. And her attitude might well influence your baby girl. But, if you do continue to let her come over, just keep being consistent with her. Eventually, she'll start being respectful or she'll stop coming over. Oh, and whether you think they'll care or not, her parents need to know about her treatment of Greta and the twig throwing. Just not cool.

I ♥ you, chica. Truly.
 
oh, annie. from the outside, i can w/o doubt say that the right thing to do is to love on her, give her boundries and be a life changing influence in her life. totally hard to do, though, i know, so if you don't, i think that's understandable, too.
 
Kellie really said exactly what I was thinking. I'm not in your shoes, but it sounds like you are feeling some sort of a need to not just ignore her. Guess you can't just dismiss those little tugs on your heart, so love and boundaries sound like the way to go.
 
I agree that love and BOUNDARIES are the way to go. She needs to know she's cared about, and maybe you could tell her that you do, but in order for her to stay at your place or whatever, she needs to respect, or she'll get put out.

The problem with a lot of these kids is, they don't get any boundaries and don't learn respect, so the only possible place she might, is from you. You could really be a great influence on her, but I could totally understand why you wouldn't want to do that. I'd be very torn up about it.

Just do what you feel in your heart. Loving another person, and showing them how to respect and care for others is never a bad thing. And it might make all the difference in the world to how her future turns out.

You're awesome, and you just gave me yet another reason to want to hug you, as if I didn't already have a million. ♥
 
What they said. lol

However I guess next time she comes over you could tell her you would like for her to be a part of the family. ...but in being part...you must obey the rules (which includes being nice to the dog!)...then lay them out for her...tell her she is welcome to come over...but if she doesn't follow YOUR rules...she has to go home. You may find that after you have done that (and it may be time after time...cuz it doesn't sound like she has had limitations at home)...she may start coming around and turn out to be a really sweet girl. ...sounds like she is begging for boundaries...

Good luck!
 
When I was a kid around her age maybe a little older I did the same thing. I dont think I annoyed our neighbors quite like she seems to because I always tried to be helpful. The sad thing is I was badly abused and neglected and hung out at the neighbors houses as a way of avoiding going home to my own house. I dont know if that is the case or if she really is just lonely and bored but if thats the case you could always include her in a way that would make her feel like she is being helpful/she wont be so bored and might even be getting some attention she is lacking from you. You never know what kind of influence youll have on a child just by little things that seem miniscule to you now KWIM? Kinda harder to do then say. Im not always so nice to some of the neighbors kids nowadays but they seem so much less respectful the older I get LOL. I do not know if that is because Im getting less tolerant or if they really are getting more disrespectful with each generation though
 
I think you have an amazing heart but at the same time I think that if you're going to take this little girl on, you have to be prepared for all that comes with it.
You have to consider the costs of possibly feeding her for several meals, allowing her to tag along on family outings will not only cost time but could make your kids feel like she doesnt belong. KWIM? Again, I think it's an amazing thing you're wanting to do, but just consider all the effects this decision could have on your family.
 
Well, before y'all give me too much credit... I bitch about her a lot (esp. when I've got wicked-PMS)... I sometimes wish she'd go away. But I sometimes wish my own kids would go away too so *shrug* who knows.
 
Mandy said:
I think you have an amazing heart but at the same time I think that if you're going to take this little girl on, you have to be prepared for all that comes with it.
You have to consider the costs of possibly feeding her for several meals, allowing her to tag along on family outings will not only cost time but could make your kids feel like she doesnt belong. KWIM? Again, I think it's an amazing thing you're wanting to do, but just consider all the effects this decision could have on your family.
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The money aspect is totally something I've considered too... I mean, we're barely making ends meet as it is... we're preparing for the possibility that we may have to let our house go into foreclosure (we're still looking into some assistance programs) and we're finishing up filing for bankruptcy! We're definitely not well-off or suited to feed another mouth. Granted, she eats all of her meals either at school or at her grandparents' house... btw, she leaves at 7am for school, eats breakfast and lunch at school, goes to her grandparents' house, has dinner there while her parents eat together at home, then her mother picks her up in time for bed. It's so weird. Oh and this is what I've gathered from talking to her mother... I'm no neighbor-stalker or anything. (maybe a little)
 
Leila said:
Annie, you've got such an amazing heart...no wonder I love you. This girl though, she's not your responsibility. It's pretty obvious that coming over to play with Faith is a rather flimsy cover for hanging out with you. Even if this girl is immature for her age, she's too old to be Faith's friend. And her attitude might well influence your baby girl. But, if you do continue to let her come over, just keep being consistent with her. Eventually, she'll start being respectful or she'll stop coming over. Oh, and whether you think they'll care or not, her parents need to know about her treatment of Greta and the twig throwing. Just not cool.

I ♥ you, chica. Truly.
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ITA with this. :) Just make sure you are firm with her so that your little ones don't pick up on her bad habits, but she picks up your good ones. :)
 
AnnieBananie said:
But a big part of me feels so sorry for her and hurts for her... she's GOT to be bored out of her wits and so lonely... and maybe I can be like a mentor to her or something. I dunno. But respect... for the adults, the kids, the animals, the property, etc.... is a requirement at our home... and she's proven time and time again that she can't handle it... so I dunno... I'm not sure I'll get much out of talking to her 'rents because I've heard her mom say "Why don't you go see what the neighbors are doing"... so yeah... and then that dog situation... mmhmm... they're classy folk over there. *shrug* So I dunno... WWYD?
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Girl, I am right there with you. And they've been coming over, staying almost all day sometimes on weekends, and eating meals here ever since we moved in. Don't know how we've made it sometimes, because there are many months we live paycheck to paycheck too, so feeding 3+ extra kids (almost every day in the summer) is no easy task, but I just do it anyway. About the attitude-I just tell them- look we have rules here and you have to respect that, blah blah.......not that it does much good but sometimes they get it. I do get ill and kick them all out on occasion. Seriously, last month I just stood up and said, that's it- everybody out. Now. I mean it. Go home. No buts ifs ands or whys, I'll see you next week.
Sounds like this girl is really desperate for attention. If her attitude is not going to rub off on your kids and doesn't drive you too nutso, then maybe you can be some help to her and put up with her sometimes. Just don't be afraid to tell her to go home- which you obviously aren't. I don't know what to say cause I haven't figured it out myself. Just wanted to say that I hear you, and am in a similar situation myself.
 
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Sounds like the problem is with the parents. Kids are going to act up and try to get away with whatever they are allowed to get away with, so there's something missing with good ole Mom and Dad. Walk over and tell them that you feel like their child might be needing some adult attention and since you are so busy with your little ones, you don't know how you would be able to help. If they blow you off, next time you have flaming marshmallows..toss some in their yard.
 
after all that and you still feel like you need to nurture your neighbor child...wow...you are a saint. i agree with what kellie said. good luck with that. :)
 
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