Sibling DNA Test

For your sake and hers, I hope you hold her close, no matter the results. I'm shocked at how your family is acting. Your father sounds bitter and guilty and I'm sad that he's being so harsh to her! And for you to be "in trouble" for befriending her, that's just horrible!! Shame on them!!!!

I think there are a lot of broken home stories out there. I have my own - I call it my modern day Brady bunch family, lol. I was put up for adoption when I was an infant. I grew up in a great family, but when I was 18, I went searching for my birth family. I already knew about a sister that had the same birth parents - she was adopted by another family. But I had a half brother and half sister that I wanted to know. They were pretty young, so when I met them - I just felt out of place and didn't force anything. Well, now those half siblings are adults, with children of their own. I recently found them again (thanks to Facebook) and was afraid they wouldn't want me intruding. But the opposite was true! My half sister was just beyond thrilled to have a sister (my other half sibling is a boy).

SO I guess you could say I'm like your possible new sister. I came into their life, afraid of rejection - but they welcomed me. I'm not sure how my birth mom feels about it - uncomfortable maybe. But that's okay cuz my half sister and I get along great. And I reunited my half sister and my other sister who was adopted - and they clicked too!! Three sisters, having never grown up together, finally getting to know each other .....

So I guess what I'm saying is if you give her your love (and protection from your family if they continue being so mean), in the end - maybe that will be all you both need :)
 
I think it's wonderful that you are willing to accept her despite how the rest of you family feels.
My dad died when I was 12 and I found out right before the funeral that he had had a whole other family before us (pretty sure we were only told bc they were going to attend the funeral). I had an older sister and brother. We got to meet them and formed an awesome relationship right away - lol I always joked that it was like a custody agreement bc they would come pick us up every other weekend and also keep us for a few weeks in the summer (they were in their late 20s). Im so glad they accepted us even tho our dad left them and cut off all contact when they were still pretty young. I just found out he may have another daughter somewhere - my mom said a woman gave him a photo of a baby girl and said it was his but she didnt want anything from him a looong time ago. Then she just never got in touch again, and I wish I knew how to find her.

I really do hope thing work out for you and her, however the test comes out :)
 
I keep coming back to this thread to find out the results. I'm nervous for you. And excited.
 
Me too, Jacinda! I'm so curious to see what the results are. I really hope things work out with the family.
 
Giving up on a child and not ever wanting to see it again... This is something I just can't understand... I'm sorry to hear so many of you have had to deal with this. Big hugs!

@Elsie: You're following your heart and that's the right thing to do! I hope you and this girl will be able to build a fantastic relationship. It's just sad the way your family is acting and I can imagine you're torn. I want to second what Jacinda said: don't feel like you have to be a mother to her though... You would only try to make up for the mistakes your father made. But I think the thing she needs most is just a sister and a friend who understands...
 
Hey guys.......I am so sorry for not updating you sooner, I kinda felt rude for getting advice and then not coming back to tell you the outcome, but things have been hectic with the family and I've had 5 work deadlines to complete and a conference to attend so it's been a busy time to say the least.

Hannah came over on the Tuesday after my last post. My DH read us the results......we ARE half sisters with an astonishing 97.8% result. We both cried, a lot, then we just sat on the sofa for what seemed like an eternity in complete silence, I think we both went into shock and it's hard to absorb that kind of news. We are over the moon with the results, Hannah stayed with us for a few days and we talked until the early hours, shared many stories, played music quizzes on the PS3 (which surprisingly was a fun way of getting to know each others tastes) and had really quality family time together.

Unfortunately, the rest of the family didn't take the news well. Firstly, our dad has changed his mobile number so nobody can contact him except my middle sister and our grandparents. I emailed him on the night we found out, out of respect and courtesy mainly as I felt he should be the first to know. My pleas were ignored, but shortly after my middle sister called me and hurled a torrent of abuse at me. She passed on a message from our father to tell me I was an interfering C word and that he wouldn't get back at me, he'd get even, whatever that means. I hung up on her after the 50th swear word in 60 seconds.

Next Hannah received a call from her. She had the same kind of message, lots of swearing and vulgarity, and was told she was a home-wrecker and that even if the results were positive, it meant nothing, which broke the poor girl down. She was threatened with violence, called every name under the sun, and told she had better watch over her shoulder.

It was a very sombre atmosphere after that, with not much to hang on to other than what we have together. I emailed dad from a different address (I figured mine had been blocked) and without lowering myself to his level, I said what I had to say about the situation and let rip about his actions, that it's his doing and not mine, and how appalling his behavior has been. I didn't hear anything back, which was expected, but my words clearly played on his mind...

A few days later, my middle sister called Hannah and said that if she wanted her one and only chance to speak to dad, then our sister would pick her up. I was worried for Hannah as I know what the other sister is like, and I felt that it was nothing more than blackmail - somebody so young and tender isn't going to deny that kind of opportunity after waiting her whole life, so we worried what kind of situation would be waiting for her.

Hannah asked if the phone call could take place in her home where a friend would be present because she was scared of the other sister. Her request was refused. She was told it had to be in the car, on her own, with the other sister as a witness to the conversation. After a lot of pleading, she was told that they would stay in the car outside her home where her friend was watching from a window. The next thing I knew, Hannah's friend called me in a panic, the other sister had driven off with Hannah in the car and none of us had any idea where they'd gone. I drove the 45 minute drive over there and hunted high and low around the town but there was no sign of them anywhere. Hannah was told she wasn't allowed her mobile and the other sisters mobile was engaged.

After 2.5 hours, they pulled up outside Hannah's home. We watched from the window as Hannah stepped out of the car and vomited everywhere. We got her indoors and she couldn't speak for around an hour, her crying had gone into hysterical mode, she was trembling, being sick and it took a long time to calm her down.

She explained the conversation and I was shocked at what was said, but not surprised if that makes sense? Dad contradicted himself at least 5 times, such as claiming he knew nothing about her mothers pregnancy, and then saying he'd been dreading this day for years. He went from nice, to nasty, to nice, to nasty and so on. The nice things were comments to the effect of how well she was raised and that he wished her luck in her life, to nasty ones stating that she is dead to him, that the test only proves Hannah is my half sister, not necessarily his daughter (apparently he's questioning my parentage because I am nothing like him!) and that he never wants to see her or hear from her ever again.

It's been hard for me because I have distanced myself from that family for around 10 years as they're like a poison that I don't need in my life and their threats and actions terrify me. But what Hannah has had to endure is unbearably cruel and callous. She is strong on the outside and has a tendency to bottle her emotions, but I am sure she has been broken into a million pieces inside, it shows in her eyes.

I am bitter towards the whole family, absolutely nobody supported me in this or embraced the possibility of having a daughter, sister or granddaughter. The only good thing to come from this is that Hannah is meeting our grandfather on Friday. He's a nice man but very much ruled by our dad and grandmother. I just hope that it goes well and that he welcomes Hannah with the love and kindness she deserves.

So that's where we're at. We're kind of taking one day at a time, letting our relationship bloom and focusing on our own lives, not theirs. In a way, I wonder if this is the best outcome because Hannah has seen their true colours before she had the chance to get close to anyone, but the pain caused was unnecessary and picking up the pieces is hard. :crying:

Thanks for all your advice and kindness, it has been such a help sharing this with others who have been through similar situations. :wub:

X
 
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wow what an update

First congratulations on her being your half sister. Such amazing news and it sounds like you both need each other. You seem so kind so to open your arms and heart to her sounds like it just comes naturally. Thank goodness you aren't filled with the bitterness that it seems the rest of the family she has met has. I'm sorry she's being treated like that..hopefully there will be some healing in your family at some point and everybody can get along. Otherwise..even if they are family you sound better off without them.

Good luck on her meeting your grandfather..hopefully he'll be as welcoming as you have been :)
 
Holy wow....I can't believe that your family has acted this way. Appalling! That breaks my heart for her and for you. That being said, she is lucky to have you. It sounds like the two of you are going to have each other to lean on now. Best wishes to you both!
 
Wow...I can't believe that they treated her like a hostage! How crazy! Poor thing! At least you have each other through all of this, right?
 
That's incredible that your sister and father did that to her. It sounds like your sister has some major issues. I hope you guys grow close and have a great relationship. Sorry the rest of them are being rotten.
 
how horrific! :( I'm so sad for both you and Hannah to have to deal with all that family drama. Hopefully the two of you can band together and enjoy a sane family relationship. The rest of the family certainly sounds toxic and it must break your heart to have them do this to the two of you. ((hugs))
 
wow, I can't believe what they are putting this poor girl through. She hasnt done anything wrong!! I hope one day your family can see that and accept her (though it sounds pretty hopeless right now).
Thank goodness she has you. I hope she can accept the fact that the rest of the family isnt worth her worry and she can be happy with the family that she DOES have, including you.
Hang in there, and give Hannah a hug!
 
Ugh, I have no words for the way your family has treated her. You know what? I think you should introduce Hannah to our SSD family and let us help love and support her too. Even if she's not a scrapper, she could learn, or just hang out here with kind, open minded people. Sign her into the forums and let her see that there ARE friendly, understanding people in this world.
 
I've been thinking of you ever since you first brought up your rather unique situation. I am shocked to hear how your family has behaved since the test results, especially considering she really is a blood relative. Honestly, behaviour like that sounds like it came from a bad movie, not from real life. As if the situation was something that you two manufactured, instead of being the result of actions by your father (who seems to have no qualms about relinquishing all responsibility).

Good for you, for trying to nurture a relationship with this girl, despite the toxic behaviour of your family. You have my admiration, for the mature and gentle way you have handled this, and I'm sure your new sister is blessed by her blossoming relationship with you.
 
jacinda said:
Ugh, I have no words for the way your family has treated her. You know what? I think you should introduce Hannah to our SSD family and let us help love and support her too. Even if she's not a scrapper, she could learn, or just hang out here with kind, open minded people. Sign her into the forums and let her see that there ARE friendly, understanding people in this world.
Click to expand...

totally this :wub:
 
Ugh! I am just sick over what happened. I am however really happy that she is your sister. I hope you can hold onto that and cherish each other and leave the rest of your horrible family in the past. I can't imagine how trying to work things out can benefit either of you since it's obvious they are (like you said) poison. Oh wow, I'm just shocked that people can act like that. So sickening!!

I wish you and your sister luck in everything! Hugs!!!! :)
 
jacinda said:
Ugh, I have no words for the way your family has treated her. You know what? I think you should introduce Hannah to our SSD family and let us help love and support her too. Even if she's not a scrapper, she could learn, or just hang out here with kind, open minded people. Sign her into the forums and let her see that there ARE friendly, understanding people in this world.
Click to expand...

That's a good idea!
 
Thank you all so much for your lovely replies. I feel like the journey, however horrible and distressing, has been worth it. I've gained a half sister and I feel like I haven't lost anything because of it, I've known since about the age of 16 what that family are like and I've spent years trying to keep my life away from them so they can't cause any more damage. Hannah is excited about meeting our grandfather tomorrow, I'm a little nervous, only because she's awfully shy and he's eccentric and rather loud, but hopefully it will go well. Hannah seems to be doing ok, I don't talk about the family unless she asks questions or wants to share something, I think she's starting to accept that they're not worth it.

I'll try and get Hannah to join here. She recently got herself a Canon 40D as she's interested in photography, mainly urban stuff like dilapidated buildings etc, I've been showing her how to use it and walking her through PS and LR stuff. She's got a good eye for it.

I don't want to sound cheesy or over the top, but from the bottom of my heart, I truly appreciate the advice and comments everyone gave me. I felt really isolated and kind of stuck, not knowing what to do for the best or how to handle things. I think sharing the story and how I was feeling was a great help and it's heartwarming that this community likes to get involved and offer support. :hugs: :wub:
 
I am going to try to ignore how they treated hannah and go with the ..............





























I AM SO
EXCITED FOR
YOU AND HANNAH!!!!!
 
Haha! Thank you so much! We're getting on great and I've invited her for Christmas if she's at a loose end. It's kinda fun having a younger sister that I actually get on with! :w00t:
 
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