School Issues - Not eating Lunch & Crying

S

sczos911

New member
My heart is broken this morning. Jilly started school last week Wednesday. She's in all day JrK (K-4). Wednesday & Thursday - we had crying. Friday - was GREAT and so was Monday. Tuesday, Wednesday and Today of this week Jilly was sobbing when I left. Velcro to the leg - the "no mamma. no" just breaking me. And to top it all off, she's not eating lunch.

I pack a lunch daily with her favorites & I over do it. She's a picky eater & NEVER was a good eater (she's a tiny 27 pounds at the age of 4). J expressed to me that the lunchroom is soooo big. She starts to tear up and get upset. She will not eat much & just picks here and there.

The AM teacher talked to me about it this morning & I am clueless as it ALWAYS HAS been a struggle to get her to eat. When she doesn't eat, she gets crabby and angry and is just a bear.

So here I sit. Very sad and at a loss. Do I join her once a week for lunch? Will that help or make it worse? I don't know if the whole lunch situation is making the morning bad. She's not a big breakfast eater, so getting her to eat something in the morning is difficult & we are still trying to find our groove - wake, dress, eat or wake, eat, dress? School is seconds away by car - so there is really no time to eat on the go.

I value any ideas you may have. Hubby & I are at a loss. Thanks.
 
Oh, I know that must be so hard for you to see her so upset and know she's not eating. I'm sorry I don't have advice, but just wanted to send some {{hugs}}. I know this doesn't help right now, but I'm sure it will get better when she has been in this routine longer and is more used to her school, etc.
 
How hard... sorry she is upset. Personally, I would probably attribute it to being tired. She did great once the initial fear was over, and now she has done three days of all day and is probably tired! It takes a while to build up the tolerance for a full day every day. I bet she is back to being excited by Monday, and I would bet that next week she makes it farther than this week.

The lunch situation is a different story... that sounds like it will be a continual problem if you aren't able to figure something out. I don't think I would come in just yet- the problem needs to be figured out without you being there, kwim? I guess my recommendation would be to make sure she gets something really filling (protein, fiber... whatever combination of that she likes.) I would also talk to the teacher to let her know that she has not been eating her lunch so that she can make sure she eats at snacktime (that is generally in the classroom, so perhaps less overwhelming?)

Good luck- she will find her groove, and you are doing all that you can to help her a this point!
 
Aw, I'm so sorry Steph, I know how hard that can be. Ashley was always great going to school, but Curtis did the whole velcro/crying thing quite a big when he went to preschool.
Can you maybe reward her with something if she eats some of her lunch.....not with something materialistic or anything like that, but with some special mommy one on one time in the evening or something? I know what helped Curtis is that he has a special puppy at home and I said I would bring him to come and pick him up if he was a brave boy and went into the classroom without crying. It seemed to help a lot, even though it was just something little, but he always looked forward to seeing it in his carseat when he got in the truck.
I hope things get better, I know how stressful it is when they don't eat and they are tiny to boot. Ashley is the same way.
 
I can only imagine how hard that is for you. Emma is a trooper and nothing seems to bother her, but I have a feeling that Camden will be just like Jilly when the time comes. He sticks to me like glue when we drop him off for Sunday School. I think Cindy had a fabulous idea about some special time as a reward. I really hope things get better for you and her.
 
Awww Steph I am sorry I know this is a tough time. My little one (now in 3rd grade) went through the same thing.

We found that to ease this we had to make friends quickly with the other parents who stayed around maybe at lunch time or in the morning or after school. That way we could find out what happened when we left our daughter alone and many times we were told she was ok minutes later. It also helped us during the day when we felt badly thinking she was upset still and then we would receive a call from a parent saying she was fine. Another good point about networking with the parents is they may have a child that you can pair up with your daughter to make her forget her crying. I won't lie - it won't be magical that she stops but having a new friend always makes things easiers.

As for the lunches -Hayley won't eat breakfast - doesn't like it and would prefer to sleep in a few more minutes. Both my girls don't like sandwiches which then makes lunches very difficult. So I take them with me to the grocery store and let them pick out things they want for their lunch - maybe is it just lunch meat - no bread (neither of them will eat it and will just throw it away). Sometimes they just like cheese and crackers, other times we have given them chicken (or those chicken dunkers for lunchables) or salads or roll-ups or whatever I can safely give them without giving them food poisoning. :) Finger foods are great - grapes, celery with peanut butter, frozen yogurt sticks (forget the dang name of those!) or apples that are cut up. The goal is to give them something they will eat and want. Our school has a policy that they won't let the children up from lunch until they eat everything so we had to get this situated soon or my girls would never be able to play.

By the way, does your school have a thing where they pair up the older kids (I guess 4th grade for you) with the little ones to kind of ease the pain of coming to a "big" school? We do in ours but it is the 8th grades kids with the kindergarten children. Mine is in 8th and can hardly wait for next week because she will "get her kindergartner!" You won't believe how much those kids adore having some older kid spend time with them and it makes them more comfortable at the school.
 
I would speak with her teacher and see if you can make an arrangement where she eats her lunch in the classroom. Our school does not have the Kindergarteners eating in the lunchroom because it is too overwhelming for them. And older children that have problems dealing with the lunchroom are allowed to eat in the resource room or the classroom. You have to make the staff aware of the problem so that they can make an accomodation for you.

In terms of getting her to eat....my son is like this. Due to major health issues, he has always had problems with food. Last year, he was in an all day preschool program and I went in and talked to the team about his food issues. They all agreed that they would gently encourage him to eat. One teacher in particular took him under her wing and would sit with him and get him to not only eat the lunch I packed for him, but to try new things a couple times a week. Sometimes children turn food and eating into a control issue and when another adult, that is not their parent, encourages them to eat, they are more likely to comply. I definitely would not go in to eat with her. You would only be enabling the behavior. I know it hurts, but the best thing to do (IMHO) is to talk with the staff at the school and try to work out an arrangement.

I know how hard this is.....

Susan
 
I have issues with my daughter eating lunch too, but for her, she just won't eat a big lunch. She is older, so she knows she needs to eat (she is 10), but she always throws her lunch away when I send her with one. So each year now, I meet with her teacher and the principal, and we talk about what I will and won't send her. Thankfully, the teacher and principal realize that I am wasting food sending her with stuff she will throw away. So she takes an apple/orange, a granola bar, a juice box, and maybe some crackers & cheese. No real "lunch" foods for her.
 
I don't have any advice about the eating, but I was going to suggest something like Darla mentioned about the separation anxiety. Talk to the teacher about pairing her up with another student that is friendly and helpful that can come and get her in the mornings when she gets there and make her feel welcomed and not so alone. My daughter's teacher paired her up with another little girl last year and it made a world of difference for the little girl. Camryn (my dd) would help Skye (the shy student) when she got to school by helping her hang her backpack up, taking her with her to wash her hands, and finding toys for them to play with. It allowed her mom to remove herself from the preschool without as many tears and all the clinginess and it gave Skye some security too. Not to mention, they became the best of friends by the time the year was over. :wub:
 
We are having similar issues with getting on the bus in the morning and it is SO hard. It breaks my heart to have to put my crying little boy on the bus and I'm just so greatful that his big brother is there with him, otherwise I know I couldn't do it.

We've been in touch with the teacher, emailing each day, so that I know that he is okay once he's at school and how he is doing emotionally through the day.

I think a big part of it can be the tiredness. IMO, all day is a LONG day for 4-5 yr olds and that adjustment alone is exhausting for them. I am noticing that it's building to the point that by the end of the week, he's more upset and inconsolable. I'm just trying to ensure that he is getting ample rest at at night (early bedtime) and then enough time in the morning to relax while he gets ready, so we aren't rushed and cranky.

I agree with many of the others that friends are so important and it's definitely worth exploring with the teacher for her to have a sort of "buddy" that might help her get through this transition period. It's something that I will be talking to the teacher about next week myself.

BIG hugs from another struggling mommy!
 
I have one in kindy this year too (She did go to all day prek last year) but we're having lunch issues as well..well we did the first couple weeks. Now I'm just sending small portions of snacky type food and she's doing well (cubed cheese, pretzel sticks, a fruit, a sweet snack like fruit roll up or something, and like a cubed turkey or something) and she's eating much better while picking...and it's filling her up. I do take a snack when I pick her up only b/c she's starving by then and we still have to go to the middle school and wait for her big bro and sis...

Her school I don't think is as overwhelming though as some elementarys..she only has K and 1st at her school then 2-5 at one school..then onwards til high school.

(((Hugs))) and gl :)
 
I wonder if you could put a special treat from you in her lunchbox to make her look forward to lunch? Something other than food -- like maybe a note or drawing or something like that?
 
What about making her lunch Bento style? Little containers of small portions? And for breakfast go with what she will eat. No one said breakfast has to be cereal.

I wonder if by lunchtime she is just so hungry that the lunch setting is overwhelming.
 
It sounds like she is tired! I would put her to bed a little earlier than normal for the next few weeks until she can build up the stamina for the entire school day.

My suggestion for the lunch-perhaps have her help you make it? Many times if kids help out, pick their own food, bag it up and pack it, they might be inclined to eat more of it.

Or, you could suggest that if she eats her lunch (x) amount of days, you will come by and eat with her at lunch on that Friday or something. We have many parents who eat lunch with their kids on that day at our elementary school and everyone is happy.
 
((Hugs)) It's so hard when you know your child is unhappy. My oldest starts full day K next week, and I think we're going to have some of the same issues. He doesn't like loud places, and I think the cafeteria is going to seem overwhelming for him.

When kids start school for the first time, it isn't unusual for the 2nd week to be harder on them than the first. The second week is a little more routine, and it sinks in that they're really going to be left at school again. Not to mention that if there's something specific that's not going well, like the lunchroom, they have just enough familiarity to recognize the problem and dread it.

I'm sure tiredness is a big one, too. Friends with slightly older kids have told me that it took their kids a couple of months to adjust to full day school. In addition to earlier bedtimes and accepting their kids would be bears by the end of the day, they had to change their weekends. They kept weekends very low key, with lots of time at home, or their kids started the week tired and it was a nightmare.

As for the lunchroom, I'd try to find out exactly what the problem is. If it's too big and crowded and she doesn't know where to go and what to do, then having you there for a day or two to acclimate her might help. Maybe the teacher could also help her choose a seat where she has her back to most of the room so she can block it out a little. If it's too noisy, maybe she could bring in something that would distract her from the noise (like a toy) or muffle it (like a hat she could pull over her ears).

Good luck!
 
thanks girls. we had zero crying today & she seemed a bit more happy & was even goofing off with a boy from her class.

you girls have given me great ideas. i may see if she'll help me & see if that works or find a friend that she'll always sit with or something. one issue is that there are 7 girls & 16 boys in her class. and the boys are a bit overwhelming. :)

another funny and ironic thing - we won a large lunch credit at the PTA meeting last night. :) Hopefully it will carry over for a while....
 
Oh that is soooooo good Steph to hear! Thanks for the update and lol about the class - I smiled some. My oldest dd's class has 40 kids - 32 are girls and 8 boys....makes dances very interesting!:blink:
 
Awww Stephanie, I'm so sorry to hear this :( I don't know exactly what to say here. I love the idea of extra special time together, and really don't see how it could hurt to have such a cool treat of mom coming to eat lunch. I know when Kassi was in kindy and 1st that she loved it. She used to tell us it made her day so much better when me or Scott would come eat with her (one of us was there once a week), and we always had other kids come ask to sit with us too. They still like you at this point and we don't quite embarrass the fool out of them yet, so why not take advantage of it? LOL! Don't know how that would mesh with a child with an eating situation, so that's just from my experience. It can't hurt to try a few different things. (((((HUGS)))) I know that's got to be so heartbreaking for you. At least it's not been bad every day and things are getting better! Hopefully the good days will start to come every day!

OH I forgot to ad.. I used to leave little notes sometimes in her lunchbox. Something simple like a little heart and love, mom. Or a sticker on a note that says have a good day. Those little things can go a long way :)
 
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