S/O 'Once When I Was Pregnant, I...'

LeeAndra

LeeAndra

Sweet Shoppe SugarBabe
Amy reminded me of this in Nikki's weird food quirks thread. As you might imagine, I find these threads fascinating these days. :)

Please complete the sentence, 'Once when I was pregnant, I...' Bonus points if your story is absolutely hysterical or nauseatingly disgusting. Two points if it's BOTH. I want to hear abt it!!

[If you are so inclined, you can read the 13+ page thread like this over at 2Peas. I laughed so hard I almost hurt myself.]

ETA: I'll take weird food, crying fits, dumb arguments with your DH, incontinence/vomit stories, illogical fears and beliefs... anything ya got. :)

TIA, ladies!
 
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I'll take weird food, crying fits, dumb arguments with your DH, incontinence/vomit stories, illogical fears and beliefs... anything ya got. :)
 
Okay, here is my story.

So I'm pregnant. And not just slightly pregnant, like super giant huge 7 months + pregnant. I'm getting ready for work, and I guess I got distracted, and somehow ended up on the computer myspacing.

There is a knock at the door.

It's a little old man, from the town we live in and he is handing out flyers about the pipe change and blah blah.

I thought he was a strange man. Wouldn't look me in the eye. Seemed sort of nervous.

I finish myspacing and realize, I need to finish getting ready for work.

I go in the bathroom and look in the mirror.

























I am only wearing a bra and underwear. Very nice. Applause please. And lemme tell ya...I didn't have one of those cute little still skinny with a bump, preggo bodies. Oh no. I ate, a lot. And it was 4 billion degrees, and I retained a lot of water.
 
Once when I was pregnant, I was so famished, I ate 3 Big Macs... then, when the inevitable happened and I puked them all up... I was craving Big Macs again so I went and had 1 and a half more.

:blink:
 
LMAO
With my DS (and my first) I was about 8.5 months pregnant and got stranded in the big garden tub that we had. I couldn't get up, so I had to keep refilling it with warm water until my exhubby came home from work about 4 HOURS later. He laughed at me for years over that one.

I craved Subway turkey subs on wheat with lettuce and pickles and mustard with him. That was all I could stand to eat without puking. We would order trays of it to save on the trips to the nearest Subway which was about 15 miles away.

With my 3 year old I craved toasted pimento cheese sandwiches all the time, grossed everyone around me out LOL.
 
**dying over here**
never heard the word shart before, that is HIL-AIR-IOUS
(I wish it were true)

Okay... so I was a major CLUTZ when I was preggo with Yorick. I was about 7 months pregnant and we went to Vegas to meet Josh's grandfather for the first time at Thanksgiving, so the whole huge family was there. We walked in the door, and of course I had to pee really bad, I didn't see the step down into the living room and everyone was SO excited to meet the new girl, and preggo to boot. So everyone turned around to look at who Josh had brought home... he says, "Everyone! I'd like you to meet..." he places his hand on the small of my back (we were walking in) and I missed the step so it looked like he shoved me down that stair, I grab the coat tree on my way down to catch my fall, so it flew with me and tossed everyone's coats onto the heavily food laden Thanksgiving buffet table, I landed on all fours and promptly peed everywhere.

I couldn't make this up.

Josh about died, and I started laughing so hard I farted and then laughed so hard about that... I dissolved into the preggo laugh/cry thing, where you can't even breathe and just bizarre alien noises come out of your throat.

I have NEVER been back since.
 
lizzyfizzy said:
'Once when I was pregnant, I...sharted.'

:D:D:D

no really...i don't remember this kind of stuff. bummer huh?
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This did happen to me...only I guess it wasn't a true shart....it was more like I just rolled over in bed and crapped myself!!! :o In my defense I had just been in the hospital for dehydration (from puking my guts up for 6 weeks) and had had about 6 bags of saline pumped into me!!! :blink:
 
let's see .... with child #1 I went to the hospital thinking they were going to send me home because I thought for sure it was false labor. I ate a Whopper w/ cheese. They kept me and I ended up in full blown labor not that long afterwards. At one point I was hurting and in the middle of a contraction I turned to my Ex-DH and threw up that whopper ALL over him. Good Times!

with Child #2 there was a lot more ....

I didn't step right going down the stairs on my porch and I broke my foot. Ended up with a big purple cast & on crutches. I had HORRIBLE morning sickness, I was put in the hospital TWICE because of it. At one point I was at home, cast on one foot, IV in my hand, still on crutches, STILL throwing up. I asked my Ex-DH to get me something to drink and he said "Only one foot is broken, get up & get it yourself" yeah - he was a nice guy :(
 
Voodoo_Bryn said:
**dying over here**
never heard the word shart before, that is HIL-AIR-IOUS
(I wish it were true)

Okay... so I was a major CLUTZ when I was preggo with Yorick. I was about 7 months pregnant and we went to Vegas to meet Josh's grandfather for the first time at Thanksgiving, so the whole huge family was there. We walked in the door, and of course I had to pee really bad, I didn't see the step down into the living room and everyone was SO excited to meet the new girl, and preggo to boot. So everyone turned around to look at who Josh had brought home... he says, "Everyone! I'd like you to meet..." he places his hand on the small of my back (we were walking in) and I missed the step so it looked like he shoved me down that stair, I grab the coat tree on my way down to catch my fall, so it flew with me and tossed everyone's coats onto the heavily food laden Thanksgiving buffet table, I landed on all fours and promptly peed everywhere.

I couldn't make this up.

Josh about died, and I started laughing so hard I farted and then laughed so hard about that... I dissolved into the preggo laugh/cry thing, where you can't even breathe and just bizarre alien noises come out of your throat.

I have NEVER been back since.
Click to expand...

OH MY GOSH!!!!!! I AM CRYING OVER HERE...like laughing so hard, i can't breathe or see the computer screen. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!

it hurts to laugh this hard.


and yes. shart: trying to pass gas only to find you have a little turtle head that wants out. shart. s.h.a.r.t.
 
O.M.G. Bryn, I seriously peed a little from laughing at your story. That is priceless!!!!!


I was/am a total klutz too. I missed a step outside when I was pregnant with Cam and broke my foot. I went to the doc who gave me crutches, took one look at me falling all over myself trying to use them, and gave me a walking cast. He said, "you're gonna break your other foot on those crutches". lol
 
DH and I enrolled in childbirth classes and it was near the end of my first pregnancy so I was HUGE. We were doing the "quiet meditation" thingy where you have to sit on the floor and do the breathing and stuff...It was soo quiet in this room full of about 20 couples and DH, who thought it was all stupid anyway, said something funny in my ear and I snorted...like not a cute little snort...like a huge, swollen nose, airway blocked at the end of pregnancy, sounding like a man snort and then I got tickled b/c I was so embarrassed that I couldn't stop laughing and DH was laughing which made it worse...and before I knew it I'd peed all over myself AND HIM!! lol

Yeah..we didn't go back after that lol
 
mummytothree said:
This did happen to me...only I guess it wasn't a true shart....it was more like I just rolled over in bed and crapped myself!!! :o In my defense I had just been in the hospital for dehydration (from puking my guts up for 6 weeks) and had had about 6 bags of saline pumped into me!!! :blink:
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LOL I did this right after I had DS... whilst on their stool softeners and whatnot. Not pretty. Thank GOD DH was at work when it happened.
 
When I was almost 9 months pregnant with DS, hubby and I were grocery shopping. I sneezed, and then felt a large "gush" of liquid in my undies. I told my hubby "I think my water just broke" and I went to the ladies room to investigate...

Turns out had I just peed my pants. In the grocery store. We ended up picking up a package of Poise pads that trip. :p
 
OK, I'm laughing so hard that I'm crying and Rachel now wants to know what's wrong with her MaMa LOL.

Um...embarrassing PG story...I got a UTI when I was about 8 mos pregnant with Rachel...dr gave me antibiotics. Which of course caused an infection of a different sort, kwim? I was in the bathroom a good 15 minutes trying to use the Monistat (or whatever it was)...and I could NOT reach around my belly to do what I needed to do. DH comes in, do you need help? NO...I'm mortified...but 5 minutes later have to swallow my pride, lay on the bed, and let him put the meds in. He was very gracious about it, but it's definitely something I'll never forget.

Also had an incident with the rotoooter lady (ie nurse) who kept wiggling the needle in my arm looking for a vein...seriously, she wiggled around for a good 90 seconds...I passed out TWICE. Ended up in observation, then sent home...DH stopped at the Burger King drive-thru to get me an Icee and him some dinner...but I was NAUSEOUS. I ended up hanging my head out the car door and barfing all the way around the drive-thru lane. If I'd been the ppl behind us, I'd have lost my appetite.
 
Once when I was pregnant with twin boys I made my DH go to 5 different grocery stores to find me the Nacho cheese Bugles that I was craving. We bought 2 bags of them and I only ate maybe 1/4 of one bag and that was it. Funny how cravings come and go just like that.
 
I will have to ask Mark and get back to you my pregnancies were all pretty much a blur of hospital appointments and being sick lol but I am a major klutz so there's bound to be some embarassing stuff I just don't remember lol.
 
With Evie I was craving pumpkin pie in the middle of summer. We're talking July. I sent him all around town looking for one. Seriously. A frozen pie would not due. Fresh. He finally found one at a little tiny bakery/corner store. Mind you, we've been off and on the phone telling me the different pies they had... He comes home, happy as can be, pie in hand. Sets it down in front of me.



I calmly say - where's the cool whip?

Out he goes again. In search of cool whip.


Patient, patient man.
 
sczos911 said:
With Evie I was craving pumpkin pie in the middle of summer. We're talking July. I sent him all around town looking for one. Seriously. A frozen pie would not due. Fresh. He finally found one at a little tiny bakery/corner store. Mind you, we've been off and on the phone telling me the different pies they had... He comes home, happy as can be, pie in hand. Sets it down in front of me.



I calmly say - where's the cool whip?

Out he goes again. In search of cool whip.


Patient, patient man.
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Awww :wub:

My husband adamantly refused to ever go searching for the stuff I craved... so I ended up hauling my big ass around town on my own at 3am :glare:
 
This is a birth story, but funny to me –
Again. With Evie. I was HUGE. All tummy – I could wear my normal jeans all pregnancy. Evie was a huge baby – estimated 9 pounds 3 oz, born 9 pounds 6 oz. I’m in the hospital, my water breaks – or so I thought – just a tiny bit and birth is progressing. I’m starting to get uncomfortable. I’m at a 5/6 and decide, I should get my epi before it’s too late. Epidural doc is called. He finally shows up as I am progressing & the contractions are getting worse. He sends my DH out of the room – I started crying. With Jillian, he stayed and held my hands steady. I’m starting to freak out a bit, my nurse, Tiff, says, “I’ll stay with you and hold your hands.” I settle down and accept all the while the epi doc is getting more and more annoyed with me (he’s and arse). So he instructs me to swing my legs of the side of the bed and be very.very.still. Alright. I start to swing my legs over the bed, Tiff is helping me, I suddenly have THE STRONGEST CONTRATION and my water proceedes to REALLY break. Imagine a pilates ball filled with water and dropped on the ground – yeah. The water rushes out, splashes the floor, starts towards the door….puddles under the bed…..hits the epi docs shoes, drenches Tiff from the waist down…my bed is completely soaked…my gown is drenched. Tiff and I are frozen in silence. The epi doc is annoyed and asks me to swing my legs over & sit up straight. I do. Then I start laughing. And contracting and the water is STILL COMING OUT. I’m laughing so hard I am crying. The epi doc is telling me to hold still. Tiff is laughing. Nurses are opening the door wondering where the flood is. We are laughing hysterically. The epi doctor is annoyed. I finally settle down, still contracting, still leaking water. He gets it in. He leaves. Tiff manuvers me around to change my sheets and my gown and clean up the floor. She leaves to change and Andy comes back. When Tiff comes back, her & I are retelling the story and just laughing so hard we are crying.

Evie is born not more than 2 hours later.

And guess what.

The epidural FAILED. I felt EVERYTHING. He was called back to give me more, but it was too late & he came as Evie was coming. I yelled at him profusely and used every profanity I could come up with. He slowly backed out of the room. We never got billed for my epidural – “insurance” covered it all.
 
LMAO!!! These are hilarious!

I had the weirdest things happen to me when I was pregnant with Karsten. I was terrified of crowds with both kids so I couldn't go to the grocery store by myself or anything.

One time I had a man offer to be my baby's daddy (I had no wedding ring at the time). I was walking through a parking lot and he just comes up to me and asks if I need a father for the baby...er. no. thanks.

I STILL laugh so hard I'll start sobbing. That started when I was pregnant..LOL.

I er..pushed stuff out the wrong hole when I was in labor..LMAO..that was awful.

And the BEST story, I punched my nurse. In the face. While she was delivering my baby. Yup. I was hysterical cuz i had no epidural and was in pain. She got in my face screaming at me to calm down cuz Karsten was in distress but she was REALLY rude about it and it was all I could take so I just socked her. She left the room and never came back. *snort* I'm still happy I did that. Mean me.
 
Traci Reed said:
LMAO!!! These are hilarious!
I er..pushed stuff out the wrong hole when I was in labor..LMAO..that was awful.
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That's pretty common...I've heard enough L&D nurse stories...they say have an ENEMA before...wish I had...took me days before I could go to the bathroom again after having R...my system was that messed up.

Rachel, on the other hand, didn't have a problem...as soon as she came out of the birth canal, she sprayed that new baby poo all over the doctor. I was laying there relieved that it was all over (43 hrs in labor), so I missed it, but DH got a good view of the splat LOL.
 
OMGoodness, these are SO funny!!! I didn't do anything worth remembering... I don't know its thats a good or sad thing, lol!

Bryn, your story had me laughing so hard, DH had to come see what was up, so I read it to him and could barely read the last of it I was laughing so much. DH had a good laugh too, haha!
 
The worst part of that story...

I swear I can close my eyes... and see it in perfect slo-mo... I can even tell you what I was wearing... it was that memorable for me.

And there was no hiding the fart, it was just a huge ass explosion.

*Shakes head*... thankfully the only thing anybody ever really talks about at that Thanksgiving was the boyfriend Josh's cousin brought for the first time. He was this huge fat guy and he wouldn't eat any of our weird food... regular thanksgiving food... so he looked through Josh's step-grandma's fridge and found 3 1-lb blocks of cheese... so we had thanksgiving dinner... and this moron ate 3 lbs of cheese.

I'm sure they talk about my incident when I'm not around, lol
 
Here's my post pregnancy, totally disgusting, TMI contribution to this thread...


First of all, both of my pregnancies were 9 months of puking (well...8 with Landon 'cause he came at 4 weeks early). I was in the hospital dozens of times. I have all kinds of puking stories...stories of freaking out the girls at church with my central line IV thingy "showing" when my shirt moved too much, the way the phenergan made me feel like I had to pee but nothing would come out and I'd still cart the IV machine to the bathroom every 5 minutes just 'cause I couldn't stand it...so many stories.

But...right after Avery was born...she was an emergency c-section after many hours of pushing (my pelvis is too small it turns out...wish I could say the same for my butt). I spiked a fever and had an allergic reaction to Lortab afterwards, so we were in the hospital a couple of extra days. When I finally got home, I still hadn't had a BM. I was terrified of busting my stitches, so I think it was psychological. Anyways, a few more days passed, and I still hadn't done my business...and it was getting painful. I had Michael pick up an enema for me, but that didn't do the job either.

Here's the really fun part. I got desperate and turned to my mom. She was a nurse who was currently a level III NICU nurse, but she had experience with all kinds of nursing responsibilities. I told her my problem and asked her...get this...to help solve my problem by reaching into my rectum and pulling it out. Isn't that the grossest thing you ever heard? Even though it was my mom, I was still mortified. It worked though!

Needless to say that I asked for stool softening pills the minute Landon was delivered. I was NOT going to repeat that business.



My less interesting story is that during one of my "exams" waiting for my c-section with Landon, a group of docs walked in to review my case, etc. I couldn't really see anything with my knees up in the air, but I heard my mom say, "Hi, Paul!" One of the docs was a friend from my teen years. And he got to see me in all my glory. Yay!
 
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