question...is this asking to much?

[lovely1m]

See, I understand they need things spelled out for them rather than just general, but one thing that ALWAYS pissed me off with my soon-to-be-ex is, he will go somewhere and get himself something to drink or himself a snack, but never get me something, too. If I ever got myself a drink or snack, I would grab something for him, too. To me, its rude not to and would be really sweet just to randomly do that. I would tell him repeatedly that I would like if he got me something when he gets himself something, but he never would. I mean, he knows what I like to drink and eat, its not that hard.

 

[kristine]

I just thought, my dad is like that too, so it must be a universal boy-thing that they never grow out of. My parents like to phone me up and invite themselves around for waffles (my dad is addicted I think). If my mum phones and I say you can come, but I don't have any eggs, she will realise that I want her to bring the eggs. Last time though, my dad phoned, I told him we were out of eggs, and then when he turned up he was like "where's the waffles?" and he had not brought any eggs. He said I never told him to bring eggs, but I kinda thought he'd figure that part out for himself - he's been around long enough to realise there will not be waffles without eggs I really think it's not worth getting worked up over, and just try to remember to be more specific.

I also get the thing of them doing little random things to make our day better or whatever, but I think you need to be specific about that too. Like mention a couple of times that you really like it when they pick up your favourite chocolate bar just because they saw it in a shop and thought of you. And then if they do it, show them that you think it's awesome, and they will probably learn that it's a good thing and keep doing it

 

[joelsgirl]

I guess so LOL. Just dont think he realizes that sometimes just doing those little things mean alot to me. Shows that he is thinking about me and wants to do something nice for me without me having to ask him to do it. I mean if I ask him to do something specific he will but sometimes its nice to have your husband just do it because he wants to not because you asked him to.

You should tell him this at a time when you are not angry, he's not trying to watch TV, just in a normal voice say, You know, when you do little things for me it makes me feel like you love me. Then give him an example. Help him love you.

 

[joelsgirl]

Sometimes it helps to tell him that you really appreciate it when he does X, Y, Z for you. That plants the seed in his mind, and maybe next time the opportunity arrives for him to do X, Y, or Z, he'll remember and do it. Without you asking.

I've DEFINITELY learned that HOPING he recognizes I need or want something and then expecting him to react to that need or want, is a FAST way to an argument. At least in my house, lol.

That book the 5 love languages, REALLY helped me understand the differences in the ways that people show and receive love. Jordan hated it and we got into a huge argument over the quiz at the back of the book, but regardless, I learned a lot, lol.

HAHA, we read this book, too, and Joel was pissed because he really tried to do the things that spoke love to me and i was like, Wow, cool book. ; )

 

[neenee]

I mentioned this thread to my DH last night. Wanted him to come in my studio so I could read him some of the funny examples but, anywho...was just briefly describing to him the OP's situation.

Before I even finished the story, he says "Men only hear what you TELL us to do. Not the things you imply we should do. We are used to being TOLD what to do."

OMG.....it was so hilarious and so dead right. If I say "Wow, the trash is really getting full" he never does anything about it. However, if I say "Babe, will you take the trash out?" He's on it pronto. Like someone else said...think of it as how you tell your children to do something. Only I ask him typically and not tell him. I don't want him to know I am treating him like one of the children.....

 

[Sharon Kay]

Men don't think. I am completely convinced that anything you want from them you have to spell out in black and white...verrrryy sllooowwllly

agreeing with the above...coming from a woman who has been married for 26 years (as of May) ... SPELL IT OUT and slowly... I still occasionally forget and say "I am really thirsty" ... and thus go without a drink.