Oh God, it's starting!

L

Laura_A

New member
Riley, my oldest daughter is growing way too quickly! She'll be 13 in June and it seems like, in the last few months, her growing and maturing has sped up to warp speed. *sigh*

So, yesterday, she insisted on going with me to take her sister to gymnastics, which was a surprise because she usually enjoys staying home and reading. It turns out that she wanted to talk to me without daddy around. Apparently a boy "asked her out" yesterday. I thought "oh boy, here we go". lol I asked her, what does "going out" mean for a 13 year old? She said she wasn't sure but that when her friend "dated" a boy, it was really just to be able to say they're boyfriend & girlfriend and maybe a little hand holding in school. We've had the dating talk before so I reminded her that there's was no way she'd ever be alone with this boy and that going out unsupervised was not an option at this age. She said she understood. I asked her what her answer was and she said she told him she needed to think about it (so she could talk to me 1st). It made me feel really good (like I'm doing something right) that she wanted to talk to me about it. I asked her what she wanted to do and she said she kinda wanted to say yes. I told her I'd have to talk to her dad because we don't have secrets from each other.

I figured hubby would flip out, but he was so cute...almost proud like "of course a boy wants to have my daughter for a girlfriend". He agrees with what I told Riley and I'm glad he didn't get all over protective and refuse to talk about it. I don't ever want our kids to think they can't talk to us.

Anyway, I was trying to remember when I started this and I think I had my first "boyfriend" at 13 as well. It was innocent, but that was 28 years ago (YIKES). Kids seem way more advanced these days. Is it still innocent at 13? Have any of you experienced this recently with your own kids...even boys? I'm not ready for all this...especially for the 1st time she gets her heart broken. :crying:
 
Oh, that's wonderful that she told him she had to talk to you first. I think you gave the right answer to her. My son is younger so I have no idea, but my first boyfriend was at 14 and totally innocent, too.
 
My DD is 12.5 and in 7th grade. She has "dated" this year - totally innocent. They text each other, sit with each other at games, go to each other's games (they're both very athletic and love to watch each other's games). They dance with each other at school dances. They don't sit together at lunch though - girls sit with the girls and boys with the boys (all their choice - lol - they say they need their girl time :D).

Cheyanne's "boyfriend's" parents and I are very good friends so we all go out to dinner on occasion and we all love to go to the movies so they do go "out" but they sit a row in front of us with his little brother chaperoning them :D They have held hands at the movies but that's it. Cheyanne and I are close and she tells me everything (she even told me about when he asked if she would like to hold hands the day before we went to that movie because she wanted to make sure it was okay. She knows kissing isn't allowed!

I was (13) in 8th grade before I officially went out with a boy - but we were always sweet on each other since 4th grade. It was totally innocent for us, back about 37 years ago (oh wow, that was a long time ago!)
 
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My oldest daughter (she'll be 15 in June) has had a few "boyfriends". They say they're boyfriend/girlfriend, eat lunch together, text etc. She's not allowed to really date yet, no one on one time or getting into a car with someone. (OMG that's stroke inducing) It's kind of Aack! to have your kid there but it's great she's talking to you. I'm really thankful that my daughter is really open with me too. As much as I wasn't thrilled about my girl being at that stage I think these sort of "relationships" can be really good for them, just for learning how to navigate the waters. I've found that for her at least, they've made her a lot pickier and less likely to just jump and go all gaga when any boy likes her.
 
BTW: That boy in 8th grade who I was sweet on since 4th grade... he was my DH ;)

And I agree with Keely - Cheyanne is learning to navigate the waters and is definitely not "boy crazy" like a lot of her friends are. They see a cute boy and go nuts trying to get his attention, etc. etc. Cheyanne is definitely more confident and I really think it's because she has been allowed to dip her toes in with strict supervision and lots of input from me. She and this boy are really good friends and she's learning that being friends is important. We'll see what happens in 8th grade and beyond - they know they are going to different high schools so that will probably change the dynamics!
 
I think only you know your daughter's maturity level. I started having boyfriends at 12 and was already into making out by 13. I was a very advanced kid though with Daddy issues. LOL
 
Well I agree that you are doing things right if she wants to talk to you about all this. My kids are still little, but my advice is just keep the communication going! Sounds like you are doing a great job. :)
 
I don't look forward to this at ALL. My daughter is 10 and I know there are kids in her class 'going out'. It's all totally innocent at this point but I'm glad she has no interest. Honestly, when I was her age (5th grade), there were kids having sex in the bathroom at our elementary school. I had no real interest in boys until 7th grade though and then they were just crushes, nothing serious.
 
I'm a big ol' hypocrite when it comes to this. I had "boyfriends" all through junior high which consisted of holding hands and passing notes back and forth. But I wasn't allowed to actually date until I was 16.

With my boys, I just feel things are very different these days and I discouraged them from having girlfriends in junior high. However, it wasn't much of an issue so I really didn't have to "forbid" it. They still were not allowed to officially date until they were/are 16. They are allowed to go to high school dances when younger and the girl's parents usually drive them to and from the dance.

Just in general, I do not follow the same rules with my boys as I had when I was their age. Society, teenagers, dating, sex, drinking, drugs, and things in general are just much more difficult now. Consequences are REAL and stiffer now. I've gotten one through high school, one more at the end of this year, and 2 to go and it's been the hardest years of my life. We've had very little trouble with any of them and it's still hard. But I am so glad we didn't get all of that stuff started early in junior high.
 
I had a "boyfriend" in 5th grade. No real boyfriends until high school.

Now.. Abby's had a "boyfriend" since Kindergarten. :blink:
 
yea...it can go either way and be innocent or not innocent but for you and your daughter it sounds like it will be just right :) You know you are doing a good job when they talk to you about things. It will be as innocent as they keep it. Unfortunately at 13 there was a girl with a pregnancy scare in my dd's middle school. It absolutely disgusts me. But with a loving mama who cares and supervises I think you will be good :)
 
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