Oh boy shits gonna hit the fan real soon, my poor sister!

I know this could get sticky, so I'll be brief. :)

Look, in this day and age, someone making a decision to be honest with themselves and their family about their sexuality should be THE least of anyone's worries. We've got parents killing their children, children killing their parents, strangers killing strangers..I could go on. With all the nasty crap that goes on in this world, I would welcome a family member with open arms who needed guidance with this kind of situation.

Love..that's it. You either love or you don't. Love.
 
AmyM said:
Just so you know and don't feel all weird about saying it, you're not alone Amanda. I agree with you. I feel that way too and it doesn't make me angry or feel like a person is "icky" or whatever you wanna call it...it just makes me sad for that person. I'm sure you kwim. I just wanted you to know that you're not alone here. (((HUGS))) I bet me and you both will be praying for this family and sweet Sarah :)
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I agree with Amy and Amanda here. My sister too is a lesbian and I am also a very bible believing christian, but I just choose to walk in love with her and pray for her. I don't try to force my beliefs on her or talk her "out of" being a lesbian. Because really when someone's mind is made up, it's made up right? We all make our own decisions, right, wrong or indifferent. I love her, she's my buddy and I will pray for her always yaknow?
 
Oh, Sarah, I'm sure it's so hard seeing what this is doing to your family and still supporting your sister. :(

I won't comment on her orientation, but I *do* want to say that I think it was not very considerate of her to announce such a HUGE thing on the world wide web before breaking the news to your parents. I bet if she had gone to your parents and told them first, your dad wouldn't be having nearly as hard a time dealing with this. If you could convince her to talk to your dad about this and apologize for not telling him personally and have her explain how she feels, it would probably go a long way towards healing that relationship. Of course it's going to be hard for your dad to accept, but it will make it a lot easier if she's honest and considerate with him.
 
It makes me sad that your father is going to make this difficult for her :( Especially that her would rather she was pregnant or something. I believe there is gay and straight and everything in between, and it is not a choice or something that is wrong with a person. Hugs to her in this difficult time. She will be in my thoughts. I hope she has a few goods friends to support her, and that you father will come around. Good for you and your mom for being supportive.

ETA - I want to add that I am respectful of others views, not everyone has been raised to support this, or grown up with gay family or friends. And if it is against your personal beliefs, I understand that it must be difficult to understand or support.
 
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MandaBean said:
I know this could get sticky, so I'll be brief. :)

Look, in this day and age, someone making a decision to be honest with themselves and their family about their sexuality should be THE least of anyone's worries. We've got parents killing their children, children killing their parents, strangers killing strangers..I could go on. With all the nasty crap that goes on in this world, I would welcome a family member with open arms who needed guidance with this kind of situation.

Love..that's it. You either love or you don't. Love.
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I'll just tack a YA THAT onto Miz Bean's Oh so wise words!!
 
Sarah, I think from what I've learned of who you are as a person we would all be concerned if you weren't worried for your sister! You are one of the most kind hearted and caring people I've met in these communities and having you for a sister is probably one of the best things going for your sister right now! I have a cousin who is gay but I only see him at holidays (he has never really 'come out' but everyone knows) so I'm not sure how I would react if it were someone very close to me. I know I would try to support/love them no matter what but what we say we will do and what we actually do when it hits close to home you just never know. I think you are doing everything right and because you are such a strong Christian you know that first and foremost God loves everyone, no matter who they are or what they do as I think Col said. I also want to say I'm on the 'what Manda said' bandwagon. I am sending your sister lots of thoughts and strength to get through her coming out and live a happy life no matter what! Hugs!
 
Thank you so much for your support ladies. I did get to speak to my sister this mornign before school and she was acting completely fine so I didn't bring it up. She didn't seem upset in the least so I spoke to my mom and I guess my dad didn't mention a thing. They weren't sure how to talk to her so they didn't bring it up. I am totally glad that she didn't have this horrible confrontation I was worried about. My dad's bi polar must be outta whack. His highs are really high and his lows are really low and I actually spoke to him quickly when I asked for my mom and he seemed completely normal too. It was WEIRD. The only thing my mom really said was she was cancelling a concert her and dad were supposed to go to tomorrow so they could stay home with my sister and hopefully approach her about it tomorrow. My family is gossipy in the way that they just love to talk about anything and anyone. As far as gay rights and what not they honestly are super open minded. We have a lot of lesbians in my family and my family is not Christian at all really. I am the only one and really my husband was the one that helped encourage that for me. So I hope I didn't make it sound like they have the problem, they just like to run their mouths about what so and so is doing now and that kinda thing. It sucks. They did it to me with my boyfriends too. Im rambling huh, Im sorry. Anyway my dad is the only person I am concerned about. Theres a long history I can't begin to get in with him. I am really confused but I guess glad with his reaction. I have a feeling my mom has somethign to do with it, I just don't know how she pulled it off. Hes a total loose cannon.
Okay girls well thought I would update you all. Really I am just relieved that shes okay at this moment. This weekend after my parents have their talk with her my mom has let me know that she may be coming up here for a couple of days to help clear her head and talk to me if she needs to. Im glad that my sister does in fact still see me as her strongest sense of support. Shes a brave girl though and I am proud of her for the strength she continues to show.
 
I know there is still a lot of intolerance, but there has definitely been a shift in how we view alternative lifestyle choices. There was a time when embracing their sexual orientation meant losing EVERYTHING. Now...not so much. Now, you see lots of young people (especially girls) experimenting...trying to figure out who they are. Being loved is SO important to any of us...a HUGE draw that has people disregarding inhibitions and the impact the choice has on others. It's not just about same sex relationships...so many adulterous affairs occur for the same reason...they FEEL like the other person loves them and gets them and they can't turn away from it despite the costs. So, when there aren't many costs to begin with, it's even easier to follow their heart.

I think the best you can do is to pray for you all to continue to know how best to show love for your sister...regardless of who she is dating. And to pray for your father to heal so that she can feel his love, too.
 
Krystal that was really beautifully said honey! Thank you so much for your insight, you make a lot of sense. Hugs!

ETA also that I wanted to say how much I respect all you ladies, I appreciate all the different types of advice, all different and genuine and valid. I will try to take away a little bit of what everyone has to say. I hope that I have not come off as a drama queen or that I was looking down on my sister's choice in anyway because I am Christian. My intentions are only to be able to be the best support system I can for her sake at this moment and to really embrace her and make her feel completely loved. Im extremely maternal being 10 years older then her so I just don't want any resentment 10 years down the road from her. I want her to know shes unconditionally loved. I appreciate your girls ability to keep this neutral and really focus on helping me out. I know these kind of topics can turn ugly.
 
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You know it might be a good thing that your father found out how he did. If he had found out by her approaching him directly, he would have had that hasty and rash reaction that you heard. However, since he found out indirectly and will be talking with her after the fact, he probably has had time to process the information and rationalize his thoughts so he won't fly off the handle with her. Sometimes people just need more time than others to deal with these kind of issues. Between your mother and you, I'm sure you are setting the example in your family of loving acceptance and that may rub off on your father.
I would look for a support group, maybe through your (or another) church or the community, for families of gay people. They usually have great advice on how to be the best support system in this situation and they're usually free.
 
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