nsbr- destination wedding help

color of my heart

color of my heart

New member
alright. i'm sure that all of you are appropriate people to ask. seeing as people have families and are dealing with budgets and things. and you're all "grown ups" who deal with real life situations.

the boy and i are thinking about doing a destination wedding to the outer banks in north carolina. we're thinking it would be nice to rent a huge house (like, 10+ bedrooms) for a week, and have the wedding on the beach and do a reception at the house. it'd be relaxed, people would get a vacation, and it'd be loads of fun. right? :thumbup: we'd be renting the house for our immediate families and the wedding party.

say you're a member of the wedding party/immediate family of the bride or groom-

would you be okay with paying for your own room for the week? like, something between $250 and $400 for the full week (depending on how many people are in your group, families would pay a bit more than singles or couples, since the kids could be in a separate room, if that makes sense)

some meals would be provided, you’d be on your own for others. you’d have to pay your own travel costs to get there. but once you're there, you'd have a full week of vacation at a cost that's much less than a hotel room for a week (i looked at hotels in the general area, and rooms don't go for less than like, $100 a night)

am i being completely unreasonable and crazy for thinking people would be okay with this and that it's even a good idea?

thanks in advance!
 
When we renewed our Vows in Hawaii. Told sent out invites and told people we'd love them to come but everything about them getting there and there stay would all be on them. Luckily for us my Father in Law had a ton of Time Shares so he was able to get rooms for everyone that wanted to come but I don't think when it's a destination wedding that people should except you to have to pay for everything. JMO
 
I just went to a beach wedding over the weekend where the couple rented a few houses on Longboat Key in Florida. They paid for the two main houses where they hosted the wedding and the parents. Next to the houses they rented were some cottages where the rest of the family rented and stayed at their own expense. On their wedding website they told people how to rent the cottages and provided other places to stay.

I think that most people expect to pay for their own accomdations and food when going to an out of town wedding. I think you taking the time to find them a place to stay and providing some of the food is very generous. Expecting that everyone will stay a week might be a bit much. Can you perhaps do a little research and find out how many of them might want to stay a whole week versus just coming in for a weekend or long weekend? I think you might find that attendance will be low if you are giving short notice or it's a big distance to travel (flights, plus food, plus lodging add up.) I don't think those costs are really high for a family, especially if they can make it a part of a family vacation.

My husband's cousin (his favorite cousin) got married in Mexico at a very lavish resort. It was about $4000 for the two of us to go. That is our family vacation budget for a year so there was no way we could attend and we didn't.
 
My sister & BIL got married in Fiji. They gave everyone a years notice to save money. We all paid for our own flights and accommodation/food for the week. We had a fabulous holiday with them, and witnessed their incredibly beautiful wedding. Our families are pretty laid back, so no one was offended, and we had plenty of time to save for it. Our gift to them was just being there (and paying our own way). Worked out great.
 
thank you ladies! i knew i could get real answers from people on here. :hugs:

julifish said:
I just went to a beach wedding over the weekend where the couple rented a few houses on Longboat Key in Florida. They paid for the two main houses where they hosted the wedding and the parents. Next to the houses they rented were some cottages where the rest of the family rented and stayed at their own expense. On their wedding website they told people how to rent the cottages and provided other places to stay.

I think that most people expect to pay for their own accomdations and food when going to an out of town wedding. I think you taking the time to find them a place to stay and providing some of the food is very generous. Expecting that everyone will stay a week might be a bit much. Can you perhaps do a little research and find out how many of them might want to stay a whole week versus just coming in for a weekend or long weekend? I think you might find that attendance will be low if you are giving short notice or it's a big distance to travel (flights, plus food, plus lodging add up.) I don't think those costs are really high for a family, especially if they can make it a part of a family vacation.

My husband's cousin (his favorite cousin) got married in Mexico at a very lavish resort. It was about $4000 for the two of us to go. That is our family vacation budget for a year so there was no way we could attend and we didn't.
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i thought about hosting the wedding party and immediate family. that may turn out to be what happens. but, i asked my mother about what she thought, and i also asked a bridesmaid. they both said that it wasn't unreasonable to ask people to contribute a little for their rooms. so i figured i'd ask people who were kind of impartial.

and, our original date was during a long weekend. we may be changing it if we go this whole destination route, seeing as the rentals run saturday-saturday or sunday-sunday and we need time to set up and break down from the wedding. hence why i was thinking of just doing the wedding mid-week and having people come for the week. does that make sense? i have to figure out the rental thing before i make a full decision. i just thought a full week's vacation would be nice for people. but i will be sure to ask. i think we're gonna send out a "save the date" of sorts this coming fall, and get an idea of who would be able to come/want to come for the whole week, and who would only come/want to come for part of it.

also, we were invited to a wedding in cancun in january. we can't afford to go. i'd love to, it would be amazing, i'm sure the wedding would be fantastic. however, we have to stay at a certain place, for a minimum of 3 days, and it's over $1500 just to stay at the resort for those 3 days. add in $300+ for us to get passports (i only have the passport card, which is only for land travel, and he doesn't have a passport at all), and another $1500 for flights.. it's insane. that's one of the reasons we tried to stay in the country, lol.



jacinda said:
My sister & BIL got married in Fiji. They gave everyone a years notice to save money. We all paid for our own flights and accommodation/food for the week. We had a fabulous holiday with them, and witnessed their incredibly beautiful wedding. Our families are pretty laid back, so no one was offended, and we had plenty of time to save for it. Our gift to them was just being there (and paying our own way). Worked out great.
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thank you! and yes, we'd be giving people at least a year's notice. everyone will have to travel (his family is all on the west coast, mine is scattered along the east coast, my bridesmaid is out here in buffalo, and my maid of honor is in canada). and i really think people would like the idea of a vacation. even though it's nowhere tropical, it's still on the beach. and it would still be decently warm (we're looking at the beginning of october NEXT year). i just want everyone to have fun. we're laid back people too. so it makes sense for us. a week on the beach with my family and friends sounds fantastic to me, know what i mean?



xboxmom said:
When we renewed our Vows in Hawaii. Told sent out invites and told people we'd love them to come but everything about them getting there and there stay would all be on them. Luckily for us my Father in Law had a ton of Time Shares so he was able to get rooms for everyone that wanted to come but I don't think when it's a destination wedding that people should except you to have to pay for everything. JMO
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see, that's my theory. people should expect to have to pay something. however, all of my friends that i've asked opinions of have been shocked that we're asking people to pay to come to our wedding. i think it's cause the people i have asked are a) younger than we are, b) don't have families, and c) are in college, so they were all really annoyed at having to pay to attend a wedding out of state... even though everyone will have to travel to our wedding anyway, if we had it back home :thumbdown:

also, hawaii is amazing, i bet you guys had an amazing renewal!
 
I wouldn't have any problem with the cost itself; I expect to pay for a hotel (or house) and meals when I go someplace. Your family may obviously be a lot different than mine, but for us the issue would be the expectation of a full week in October. I have kids in school, and we wouldn't be willing to take them out for more than a day or two. Also, some people may have limited vacation time and not be willing or able to spend it all then. So I don't think it's a bad idea, but you may just need to be understanding if it doesn't work for everyone. It's not a reflection on how important you are to them.
 
rach3975 said:
I wouldn't have any problem with the cost itself; I expect to pay for a hotel (or house) and meals when I go someplace. Your family may obviously be a lot different than mine, but for us the issue would be the expectation of a full week in October. I have kids in school, and we wouldn't be willing to take them out for more than a day or two. Also, some people may have limited vacation time and not be willing or able to spend it all then. So I don't think it's a bad idea, but you may just need to be understanding if it doesn't work for everyone. It's not a reflection on how important you are to them.
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i did think about the school thing- the kids who would be invited are all under the age of 5, so school wouldn't be a problem. as for work, i didn't take that into expectation. i will think about that, and be sure not to be upset if people can't stay the whole week. i would never be "offended" if people couldn't stay the whole week due to work. most of my family can choose their vacation time/save their time, so i figured that if i gave enough notice, it wouldn't be a problem. but thank you for the reminder that not everyone has that option!

october is off season, which is why we were originally looking at october. the date may change though, we're still working out the details.
 
I would definitely expect to pay if I were attending someone's wedding out of town. But, as Juli mentioned, there may be people who feel they can't swing the cost or can't take off time during the middle of the week, so you might have fewer people attend. We had a small out of town wedding and we did subsidize the price of the rooms but didn't pay for them entirely.
 
To keep in the back of your mind...October is hurricane season...

I only say this because I didn't think about that when I planned a Sept wedding in FL (I'm from the Midwest) and had my dream beach wedding forced inside when a storm hit.
 
I want to do our renewal on a beach. But I will no way expect any of my family or friends to come. That would not fly at all with my family and friends to be honest. We just don't have the funds to be doing vacations/weddings. Heck, me personally I couldn't do it. Traveling there means plane tickets for all 4 of us, rental car for the week, the place to stay, the food. We just don't have money for all that. I don't know that a year would be enough for us. It is expensive to travel. My family would just send a gift and be good with that. :(
 
Milmomma said:
I want to do our renewal on a beach. But I will no way expect any of my family or friends to come. That would not fly at all with my family and friends to be honest. We just don't have the funds to be doing vacations/weddings. Heck, me personally I couldn't do it. Traveling there means plane tickets for all 4 of us, rental car for the week, the place to stay, the food. We just don't have money for all that. I don't know that a year would be enough for us. It is expensive to travel. My family would just send a gift and be good with that. :(
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That's me too. Our 10 year anniversary is next year, and we're talking about doing a vow renewal...my mom and Rachel will probably be the only ones with us for that.
 
I think you plan your dream wedding, but don't be offended if people cannot attend a wedding like that. I don't think its bad to have them pay some, but I would cover more of the costs then I would if the wedding was at home.
 
Besides hurricane season, it will most likely be cold(ish) in October in OBX especially the closer you get to November. Too cold to swim, and it might be too cold or windy/rainy to spend much time on the beach.
 
we had a destination wedding too :) we gave everyone one year notice and had about 75 people come, a mix of family and friends. we had ours at an all-inclusive hotel in florida (club med) - so all the meals, drinks and activities were included. the guests were responsible for paying for their rooms (we had a special group rate) and their flight. it worked out really well - my BIL and SIL did the same thing two years later at a different club med (one in mexico).

i think that as long as you realize not everyone will be able to go then you will have a great time! i'm not familiar enough with OBX weather to know for sure about that ... but it may be iffy in october ?
 
You know what? At the end of the day, this is YOUR wedding. Do it the way YOU want to do it. If people want to attend, they'll find a way. Don't look back in 10 years time and think "I'm so gutted that I compromised on my dream day. I wish I'd done what WE wanted rather than what THEY wanted."
 
jacinda said:
You know what? At the end of the day, this is YOUR wedding. Do it the way YOU want to do it. If people want to attend, they'll find a way. Don't look back in 10 years time and think "I'm so gutted that I compromised on my dream day. I wish I'd done what WE wanted rather than what THEY wanted."
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I agree. Even if I personally wouldn't be able to make it your wedding(money or work related), I would want you to be happy with your wedding!
 
jacinda said:
You know what? At the end of the day, this is YOUR wedding. Do it the way YOU want to do it. If people want to attend, they'll find a way. Don't look back in 10 years time and think "I'm so gutted that I compromised on my dream day. I wish I'd done what WE wanted rather than what THEY wanted."
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So true! Your day is for YOU and for your groom...you should have it the way that you want it. If people can attend, great...if not, that's okay too...you will be with the most important person, and you can both enjoy your day with those who are able to be there with you. Good luck in your planning!
 
so many responses. i just love you guys for all of this help. i'm not gonna quote all the posts, but i'll respond to them all. thank you for all the help, you're all awesome.

@dawn- if we can get a friday-friday rental, we'd do the wedding on a sunday. cause you're right, a mid-week wedding would be hard to attend. i didn't think of that, really. so thanks for the reminder!

@amy & leeandra: ugh, i forgot about hurricane season. thank you for the heads up. we don't ever have to worry about that where i am/where i'm from. i should have looked it up. maybe october won't work. i wonder what the weather is like in march or april... hurricane season runs june-november, right? i want people to be able to enjoy the beach, but i don't want a summer wedding. prices rise too far..

@mari: we would definitely cover more costs than at home. people would be in overpriced hotels (i'm pretty sure the hotel costs were more for at home than they are for the beach) at home. this way i think would be less money in the long run. i think. i have to look at the overview of costs. i'm still working on it.

@dana: i'm glad your wedding was awesome (: i never thought of a resort, cause of the cost (i think the wedding invite from my brother's roommates scared me away from a resort). i may look into it as an option. and yeah, i'm gonna check the weather. i know that home in october can either be 80 degrees or snowing. i should look it up (: and yeah, i know not everyone will be able to come.

@brittney and stacy: thanks for the input. i understand where you're coming from, too. so thank you! and thank you for the well wishes, i do appreciate it. i want a wedding that i'll enjoy, and that our guests will enjoy, you know? also, stacy- i hope you get your vow renewal! even if it's just a couple people <3

@jacinda: i don't want to look back and say "we could have done this so much better.." so thank you (:
 
Maybe this is an american thing.but were i live most people dont pay that.a wedding is one day.and the only thing you pay for is the gift for the wedding couple.not everybody has the money for it.and as a close familymember you want to be there.
 
Well... my brother-in-law got married in Italy last May... he really didn't expect his family to show up (my husband's family is super duper cheap! haha)... but almost everyone showed up - at least those that he was close too... their aunt didn't come because their uncle just passed away a few weeks before. They rented out the rooms at the castle, but we had to pay... hubby said that was the most he spent on a hotel room in his life - it was $330/night in euro! So if anyone complains at $250 a full week, you can tell them that you had thought of doing this in Italy! :D
 
So I was reading along on this thread and imagine my surprise to see I had already commented. It's from 4 years ago. lol
 
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