NSBR: Being A Mom - Help!

this is the most comforting thread EVER! Seriously!! My babies never sleep well and aren't particularly happy. The baby stage is always tricky for me.

You are totally normal and the feelings you have are normal. It took me a long time to "bond" with my first because I was SO sleep deprived and it was SO SO hard! #1 was definitely the hardest transition for me (and I have 3 now). It will get better!

Like many of the mom's here, I've had to co-sleep a little with all of my babies to get some sleep. And #2 slept in her carseat for the first 4 months of her life. Joy.

You can do it, you're super woman! :)
 
i did not read through all the responses, but this is totally normal. really. i never liked the newborn stage, but i muddled my way through it.

1. your hubby needs to help. i understand he's working at home. understand that, but the weekends and at night - you need help. you need to ask for it. it sucks, but ordering him around some may help. you may need to tell him what to do around the house. "i'd really like it/it would be helpful/ and so on."

2. go talk to someone. if it is getting that bad, you need to talk to someone. i did. it does help.

3. try co-sleeping. i've had to do this with dd#2 just so we could sleep. also try a bassinet, her carseat in the crib, a pack and play. you may never know what works. again, dd#2 slept in a pack & play right next to her crib. i asked myself WTF daily & well, it worked - for 4 mo.

babies are strange. you'll find something that works and you can do this.
 
Big (((hugs)))! As other girls said - your feelings are totally normal. I didn't read all the responses but it definitely it's going to be better. Remember this and as punishment, tell it to her boyfriend when she's 16! :) And don't blame yourself or something, you are the best mommy for her.
 
Mine is almost 8 weeks, and here are things that have helped me:

-Eat, Wake, Sleep. I didn't realize that he was ready to have some play time, and putting him on a blanket to play makes him a lot happier. He fusses if I hold him too much. Now he'll play for about 45 minutes, then be a little fussy for maybe 15 minutes while I rock him to sleep. Sometimes he'll even play himself to sleep.

-Be smart about breastfeeding on demand. I discovered that DS roots whenever his stomach is upset. It could just be gas and he needs a firm burping. I gained a lot of sanity and don't dread breastfeeding much anymore. He was overeating, and had lots of spitup and upset stomachs, and most of that has gone away, along with the associated fussiness. My boobs feel a LOT better too.

-DH changes the diapers at night. It doesn't sound like a lot, but emotionally it is a lot easier to wake him up to change the diaper than for me to do it myself for some reason. It's just a few minutes for him, and it makes a huge difference in how happy I am to be awake in the middle of the night with my son.

-IMO there's a reason it takes two to make a baby, because it takes two to raise one. I definitely couldn't do it on my own. DH works 9 hour days and is out of the home for over 10. We are both considerate about how tired we are, and whomever is the least tired gets him when he's fussy. Also, if we start getting frustrated with the baby, we play tag team. Our frustration only makes things worse, and sometimes just having a calm parent helps the baby calm right down.

-For nights and weekends, realize that the baby really only needs YOU for feeding. If you need a break or a nap, DH can do the rest. Even a break once a week can make a huge difference.

-Eat and drink plenty, and try to have healthy snacks readily available for when the baby is fussy.

-I'm terrified of co-sleeping, but if he's been fussy all day and will only sleep as long as I am holding him, I just lay down with him on me and rest while he's sleeping. After those naps he's hardly ever too fussy and will sleep normally when it's time again.

-Lastly, every baby and every mommy is different. I've gleaned my information from different books and friends, but it's really about finding what works for you and DD. Good luck!
 
kscwgirl said:
you're totally normal sweetie. i don't have any advice to add, but do consider cosleeping. I coslept w/ both of mine for my sanity. JJ slept in his bouncy seat right next to the bed for MONTHS. was the only way I could stay sane. Absolutely talk to your doctor though. tomorrow. ((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))
Click to expand...

I was going to suggest cosleeping, as well.
 
I missed all of this, LA, and I'm really sorry. But I"m just here to tell you to keep trying and don't be afraid to ask for help. Those first 12 weeks are the hardest, IMO and it sounds like you're doing a great job. ((hugs)) ♥♥♥
 
((Hugs!)) Like everyone else said, what you're going through is 100% normal for a newborn, unfortunately! But it really will get better, otherwise none of us would have more than one kid.

I can't even tell you how many nights I slept sitting up in a chair because the babies wouldn't sleep any other way. Lauren was a decent sleeper, but Jason and Ben were TERRIBLE! I spent months in an exhausted fog.

As for breastfeeding, I spend the first 6-ish weeks hating it. It takes so long, I'm always sore, and you barely finish and it's time to start over again. The good news is that if your baby is anything like mine were, the worst is almost behind you. Around 6 weeks they get better at it, your body gets more used to it and stops hurting, and they lengthen out. By 2 months I start to enjoy BFing, and soon after I'm loving it and am so glad I stuck with it. So stick it out a little longer if you can.

If you figure out the secret to getting a DH to help with a newborn in the middle of the night, please let me know! Mine will help with Ben (who still wakes at 3 years old :( ) if I really need him to, but I still handle 3/4 of Ben's wakings and all of Lauren's. I'd try working out a time for him to help that will allow him to have most of a night's sleep but also give you a break and a few uninterrupted hours of sleep. So if he starts working at 8, maybe agree that from 5-8 the baby is all his. You may have to start a lot smaller if the baby won't take a bottle, but he needs to give you some break. You wouldn't believe what a difference just getting a few uninterrupted hours can make for you when you have a baby who only sleeps in short stretches.

Another piece of advice is to stop trying to get much done. If there are clean clothes and sandwich fixings in the house, that's good enough. Taking care of a newborn who doesn't sleep is all consuming, and there's no way to do it all.

I hope things start looking up for you soon!
 
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