My niece was born and died this morning.

Valgal

Valgal

New member
She was diagnosed with Trisomy 18 when my SIL was early in her pregnancy and her chances of survival varied from one dr. to the next. I didn't know if we were going to have 3 minutes with her or 3 years. She was born with a faint heartbeat and died in my SIL's arms. I didn't know I was going to be as devastated about it as I am. I can't even explain how devastated I am. I wasn't expecting to be this trashed about it.

http://www.facebook.com/PrayersForAubrey
 
Oh Valerie....even though I've been where you are as an aunt there is really nothing I can say other than I'm so sorry for your loss. It's going to be really tough. I'm not gonna lie. When my nephew passed away (he was born early at 23 weeks) I didn't know how I would feel. But once I saw him and saw how devastated my brother was it just hit me. All you can do is be there for support. His funeral was so difficult. I still can't muster up the courage to visit his grave site. It's just too sad.

Sending you huge hugs and prayers for strength.

Oh, and when your family is ready it might be really helpful for them to find a support group for parents that have lost children. It's often very helpful to be able to talk to people that truly understand what you are going through.
 
Thank you. I think part of the reason I'm having such a hard time is that my actual sister lost a baby at 20 weeks. He had medical problems too and we didn't know if he was going to survive. I got to hold him for an hour while my sister was being tended to. That was about 9 years ago and it's probably stirring up a lot of emotion about that.

Knowing her name and having so many ultrasound pics of her in my house had made me so attached to her already. It doesn't feel like we just lost a baby, it truly feels like we lost a family member. I won't get to know her and play with her.
 
I am so sorry Valerie. I went through this three times in about three months 20 years ago with my niece dying after having a major seizure and then my sisters house catching on fire and she lost my nephew and niece. It is so devastating I think anytime it is a child who passes away. It just is not how it is supposed to happen and nothing prepares you for that kind of loss. You go through life and at some point you know you will lose people you love but you expect it to be after having many years with them. Again so sorry for your families loss. My prayers for healing and some peace.
 
It probably is bringing up all those feelings and I think that's normal. When my nephew passed away, it brought back so many emotions from my miscarriage. I felt awful that instead of grieving for them, I was partially grieving for myself. I felt so selfish. Hang in there. ((HUGS))
 
She and my bil are still sitting in the bed holding her. It's been about 6 hours and I wonder if the staff is going to go in at some point and encourage them to hand her over. I don't know how that works. My mil has pictures of her but I'm not ready to see them. I might drive up there later this evening to see Danielle.
 
Oh, Valerie... my heart is breaking for you and your family! :crying: You are all in my thoughts and prayers...
 
Valgal said:
She and my bil are still sitting in the bed holding her. It's been about 6 hours and I wonder if the staff is going to go in at some point and encourage them to hand her over.
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I'm so sorry for your sister, you and your family's loss. That happens to my sister when she lost her DD, my niece, at about 5 months along. The baby died and then she had to give birth to her. It was devastating for us. Just kinda numbing. The hospital staff let her and her husband have the baby for as long as they needed. They didn't rush to take her away. We saw her and my sister got to touch her. She was too delicate to carry. She had a chromosome defect so the chances of her surviving were not good. My sister took it hard and had a difficult year. She went through some bad times just to cope. Grief is hard. Just be there for your sister. Support her. Both of you will need that. Encourage her to connect with parents' grief group - it will help her tremendously. I think it would've helped my sister if she did that. She is alot better now (after getting through that dark year) and eventually had two beautiful girls. :) Much hugs to you!
 
So very sad Val, I am so sorry for your families loss. I'll be thinking of you and your family.
 
I am so sorry for you, your sister, and your family. You'll all be in my prayers. It's hard losing a baby or child no matter how young or old they are.
 
Oh Val- I am so sorry to hear this. :( There is absolutely nothing more devastating than the loss of a child. When my twins were born at 26 weeks and then my oldest, Colin, passed away 3 days later it was just devastating.

The hospital staff were so wonderful to us. Colin passed away in my arms but we had about an hour with him before he passed. My family got to come in and hold him and say their goodbyes. My husband and I were the only people in the room when he did pass though. I was able to hold him for several hours after he passed but then the staff came and got him from me to do whatever they needed to do with him on their end. After that I asked to have him back in the room and my mom held him and rocked him for about 3 hours after I had taken a Valium and was knocked out. The next day they brought him to me when I asked, did footprints, handprints, got a lock of hair from him, and we wrapped him up in a special blanket we got from him. He was there with us for several hours until the funeral home came for him. But the man with the funeral home was so respectful of us and didn't rush us saying our final goodbyes.

The one thing that I am so glad I did was get LOTS of pictures of him. We have pictures of everybody holding him and pics with me and my DH with him as well. They may not want to look at them right now but in a few days, months, or even years they will absolutely treasure them. On Colin's angel day I pull out his scrapbook that I did and have a good cry.

Talking about this brings back so many memories and I understand the pain your SIL and BIL are going through. I will keep them, you, and the rest of your family in my prayers.
 
I'm so sorry, that's absolutely heartbreaking. I will be keeping your family in my thoughts.
 
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