Motherhood...

[yari]

Ever had one of those days... you know, days when you try really hard to be the best mom you can be, when speak softly to your children, and try to stay calm through everything, and clean your house to make sure it's nice for your children and husband, etc.? Well, if you are familiar with nieniedialogues.com then you would know how inspiring it can be about motherhood. After reading some stuff on her blog today, it inspired me to be a better mom to my children. She's got it down, I don't. I can't even begin to compare myself to her because I know I will look really bad. Anyway, I tried to be better and calm and everything and why in the world is it that when I try to do this today, my kids seem to be more resistant to me, more challenging, more difficult, talking back to me (even shouting at me - one child in particular), and just really trying my patience? Ladies, I have tried to keep calm and I have done a really good job so far, but I tell ya, if it keeps going on today, I am going to freak out I think. And yes, I am being nice and sweet but firm.

 

[yari]

I think I need a time out. lol

 

[Traci Reed]

uggh that's every day here.

 

[NatalieKW]

I love time out!! Hugs, Yari! Ive been trying really hard not to yell also and on one hand things are better. Our house is calmer. On the other hand, I feel like my three year old listens less cause I cant get her attention. I definitely try to not get frustrated or yell, but that opens another can of worms too. It's all just frustrating.

 

[KristinCB]

sorry.. couldn't hear you over the screaming child

haha kidding (right now he's calm )

 

[ChristyHC]

Ahh, yes. I definitely have days like that and I've even given myself time outs before to help me stay calm. Nothing like locking yourself in your room for five minutes to comb your hair, put away some clothes, or even just lay on the bed.

On days like that I remind myself of two things:
1. Nobody is perfect - even those who write amazing things about being mom. My job is not to be perfect either but just to try and get a little better each day.
2. Kids function in routine. Even when the change is for the better it messes them up. They react one way and mom usually yells. Today when mom doesn't yell their brain says, "Boy that was strange. I got a different reaction from mom than usual. I think I'll try that again and see what reaction I get." I don't mean that they do this consciously all the time, but they develop by testing boundaries and when the boundaries change they need to test them more to understand the new ones.

 

[YepBrook]

Ahh, yes. I definitely have days like that and I've even given myself time outs before to help me stay calm. Nothing like locking yourself in your room for five minutes to comb your hair, put away some clothes, or even just lay on the bed.

On days like that I remind myself of two things:
1. Nobody is perfect - even those who write amazing things about being mom. My job is not to be perfect either but just to try and get a little better each day.
2. Kids function in routine. Even when the change is for the better it messes them up. They react one way and mom usually yells. Today when mom doesn't yell their brain says, "Boy that was strange. I got a different reaction from mom than usual. I think I'll try that again and see what reaction I get." I don't mean that they do this consciously all the time, but they develop by testing boundaries and when the boundaries change they need to test them more to understand the new ones.

Really great advice.

 

[britaneejean]

that's everyday at our house too lol! Yari, have you read her book (Heaven is Here)? it's amazing!!

 

[breakingbrie]

Ugh, I feel you on that!! One of my girls talked back to me today! That rarely happens, and it drives me up the wall when she does that. I had thought we were over it, but we had a long weekend, and I think they were just tired after school today, so I'm trying to not get too upset. Right now, though, they're watching a movie with daddy, so I have some me time

 

[webseitler]

Um... this:

1. Nobody is perfect - even those who write amazing things about being mom.

No one here on earth is perfect. We're all just showing our best side. Sure, there are totally awesome, loving and encouraging people out there... but DO NOT measure your own self-worth against people you don't live with. LOL! You don't see a person's true self until you move in with them. Everyone can do a good job of faking it, especially on-line... so don't use that measuring stick! :hugs:

 

[LJSDesigns]

Since I am at the end of my child rearing days, I find myself looking back to see what I could have done better and there is plenty. I could have been more patient, more playful, more strict, a better cook and housekeeper. The one thing I couldn't have done any better was to love my son. And in the end, that is the only thing that even matters. Now that he is an adult, we are not only mother and son, we are friends. I guess what I tell myself is that I might not have always been at my best or done everything right, but I sure did do enough right. The proof is the wonderful young man who makes me proud to be his mother each and every day, but still can't hit the hamper with his dirty clothes.

 

[yari]

sorry.. couldn't hear you over the screaming child

haha kidding (right now he's calm )

LOL!

 

[yari]

Ahh, yes. I definitely have days like that and I've even given myself time outs before to help me stay calm. Nothing like locking yourself in your room for five minutes to comb your hair, put away some clothes, or even just lay on the bed.

On days like that I remind myself of two things:
1. Nobody is perfect - even those who write amazing things about being mom. My job is not to be perfect either but just to try and get a little better each day.
2. Kids function in routine. Even when the change is for the better it messes them up. They react one way and mom usually yells. Today when mom doesn't yell their brain says, "Boy that was strange. I got a different reaction from mom than usual. I think I'll try that again and see what reaction I get." I don't mean that they do this consciously all the time, but they develop by testing boundaries and when the boundaries change they need to test them more to understand the new ones.

Oh my gosh Christy, that is sooo wonderful! Wow I should print that out and read it everyday! Thanks for the lesson on parenting and children functioning in a routine, makes total sense.

 

[yari]

that's everyday at our house too lol! Yari, have you read her book (Heaven is Here)? it's amazing!!

Um no but I want to! Really bad! But at the same time I wonder if I will feel worse about the kind of mom I am, KWIM? What do you think? Did you read it? If you did, how did it make you feel?

 

[yari]

Ugh, I feel you on that!! One of my girls talked back to me today! That rarely happens, and it drives me up the wall when she does that. I had thought we were over it, but we had a long weekend, and I think they were just tired after school today, so I'm trying to not get too upset. Right now, though, they're watching a movie with daddy, so I have some me time

OH I know, when my kids do it I feel like my hairs just want to stand up! :cursing: LOL I don't know why, maybe it was the way I was brought up that talking back was just a big no no, like not even thinkable for us kids to do, it was all about respect.

 

[yari]

Um... this:



No one here on earth is perfect. We're all just showing our best side. Sure, there are totally awesome, loving and encouraging people out there... but DO NOT measure your own self-worth against people you don't live with. LOL! You don't see a person's true self until you move in with them. Everyone can do a good job of faking it, especially on-line... so don't use that measuring stick! :hugs:

Awww, thanks girlie! xoxo

 

[yari]

Since I am at the end of my child rearing days, I find myself looking back to see what I could have done better and there is plenty. I could have been more patient, more playful, more strict, a better cook and housekeeper. The one thing I couldn't have done any better was to love my son. And in the end, that is the only thing that even matters. Now that he is an adult, we are not only mother and son, we are friends. I guess what I tell myself is that I might not have always been at my best or done everything right, but I sure did do enough right. The proof is the wonderful young man who makes me proud to be his mother each and every day, but still can't hit the hamper with his dirty clothes.

Awww I love that Lorie! See, that's one of the things that I think about sometimes that comforts me, that I do love them so much and I show it in so many ways. Thanks for sharing that. :wub:

 

[Sherri Tierney]

I can relate completely. It has been ROUGH at our house lately. We have 11 days of school left. I've been crazy busy with last minute stuff at work. The end of the year is full of field trips and projects and all sorts of busy-ness and I haven't had time to think even. The house is a disaster and the kids are tired and frustrated (and on the go ALL day with everything going on at school). We're stressed to say the least. I start every morning with the intention of making it the best possible day but that only lasts until about 10 minutes after I pick them up from school. The fussing starts then and it doesn't let up until bedtime. Its frustrating.

 

[britaneejean]

Um no but I want to! Really bad! But at the same time I wonder if I will feel worse about the kind of mom I am, KWIM? What do you think? Did you read it? If you did, how did it make you feel?

yep, i bought it & had it read in 1-2 days! it was soooo good & i don't think it'd make you feel like a bad mom at all. it talks alot about her struggles. it was eye-opening to me because i've felt like you have when i've read her blog. she didn't hold back in the book. i might've been slightly envious in the beginning because she paints a perfect life but we all know that doesn't exist.

 

[kristijoy]

Yep. I hear yah... Kids need wonderful, loving, calm mom's. But they also need boundaries. I always feel like such an orgre when we get to those boundaries part, but if you let it all hang out too much it just gets worse! Sigh. Hang in there. We are right there with you!

 

[Freckles]

I hear you. Both of my kids have such strong characters and they are sooo priggish all of the time. It takes a lot to not lose my patience, especially with the 2.5 year old who doesn't listen to us at all. My dd often talks back too. It takes a lot to always be a good, patient mom! I'm going to check out that blog you mentioned!

 

[webseitler]

Yari, I saw this on Pinterest today...

It's actually a free printable: http://motherletters.com/free-art/ How cool!

 

[Sarah8914]

Oh, I can totally relate. That's always how it happens!!! That totally happens around here.

I have a really hard time with one of my children and thought she needed more attention. So I took her on a "date" with me for some one-on-one time. She had a fit at the store and I came home crying. Totally defeated my whole purpose and I was SO sad that it didn't "help." But maybe I need to be consistent about the attention she gets or something.

Also, I once posted on a mothering blog I follow and she said basically that it's a HUGE step to just WANT to be a better mother. It means you ARE making the effort and you DO care enough. It means you are trying and nobody is perfect so we just keep trying!

 

[Sharon Kay]

Um... this:



No one here on earth is perfect. We're all just showing our best side. Sure, there are totally awesome, loving and encouraging people out there... but DO NOT measure your own self-worth against people you don't live with. LOL! You don't see a person's true self until you move in with them. Everyone can do a good job of faking it, especially on-line... so don't use that measuring stick! :hugs:

I so totally agree with this!!! I heard something on the news yesterday ... a news anchor said something like "I just found out that not everyone tells the truth on facebook" (yes sarcasm there) ... he was pointing out that people tell you what they want you to know ... you never know it all. Please don't measure yourself against any one ... every mom is different, every child is different, every situation is different. Sure we can try to improve ... We all just do the best we can in our own circumstances.

 

[Sharon Kay]

Ahh, yes. I definitely have days like that and I've even given myself time outs before to help me stay calm. Nothing like locking yourself in your room for five minutes to comb your hair, put away some clothes, or even just lay on the bed.

On days like that I remind myself of two things:
1. Nobody is perfect - even those who write amazing things about being mom. My job is not to be perfect either but just to try and get a little better each day.
2. Kids function in routine. Even when the change is for the better it messes them up. They react one way and mom usually yells. Today when mom doesn't yell their brain says, "Boy that was strange. I got a different reaction from mom than usual. I think I'll try that again and see what reaction I get." I don't mean that they do this consciously all the time, but they develop by testing boundaries and when the boundaries change they need to test them more to understand the new ones.

What she said.

 

[nanienamou]

I can totally relate too. We took my middle son on a movie and dinner date Saturday for his birthday, and he was just the bratiest during this time! Seriously, we take hime out for his birthday, it's a tradition and he was sulking and acting out, not happy, not enough presents, food is not good, movie is too long... blah. And he's only 6! Seriously, we were so bummed, it could have been such a nice afternoon.