Lizzy257
SugarBabe
This is me too! I'm surprised that there are so many of us that feel this way, I thought it was just me because everyone around me seems to have close friends
Making Friends as a Grown Up is Hard
- Thread starter joelsgirl
- Start date
This is me too! I'm surprised that there are so many of us that feel this way, I thought it was just me because everyone around me seems to have close friends
Valgal
New member
This is me too! I'm surprised that there are so many of us that feel this way, I thought it was just me because everyone around me seems to have close friends
... exactly what you said.
rach3975
New member
This is me too! I'm surprised that there are so many of us that feel this way, I thought it was just me because everyone around me seems to have close friends
I'm in the same boat and thought it was just me, too. It's so hard making friends as an adult. And I'm generally quiet and reserved until I get to know someone. So as a SAHM, I almost never get to spend enough time around another adult to come out of my shell with them. I used to make more of an effort with the other moms at my kids' schools, but after too many years of those acquaintances coming and going (never lasting once the kids were in different schools) I'm not even bothering to make the effort right now.
clearskies
New member
Ok, I guess I'll be the odd man out...
An introvert by nature, I've learned to become more extroverted thanks to DH being military. I NEED girlfriends. I need people to watch my kids while I get my hair cut and listen to my rants about DH and celebrate all the little 'mom' victories. So I have learned to be bold. To put myself out there (very soon after arriving at each duty station). To invite other people to join me for activities.
Does every friendship work out? No. Would I tell all these girls everything? No. But each base I have found 1 or 2 "home run" friends and a whole bunch of first-third base friends. They each serve a purpose in my life and I'm grateful for that.
Life is an adventure. I want to share the journey.
An introvert by nature, I've learned to become more extroverted thanks to DH being military. I NEED girlfriends. I need people to watch my kids while I get my hair cut and listen to my rants about DH and celebrate all the little 'mom' victories. So I have learned to be bold. To put myself out there (very soon after arriving at each duty station). To invite other people to join me for activities.
Does every friendship work out? No. Would I tell all these girls everything? No. But each base I have found 1 or 2 "home run" friends and a whole bunch of first-third base friends. They each serve a purpose in my life and I'm grateful for that.
Life is an adventure. I want to share the journey.
Sherri Tierney
New member
The 11 years I spent as a SAHM was very much this way for me. I made friends with other moms at the kids' schools, etc. but once I wasn't seeing them every day it just didn't last. There are still some of the moms I keep in contact with through facebook and visit with when we see each other out and about, but I wouldn't call and invite them to dinner or anything.
Now I am in the work force. After two years of part time work, I am going full time this year. My time will be even more limited. My friends now consist mostly of those people I work with. Most of my co-workers are in very different places in their lives. Many have grown children and are facing retirement, etc.
lovely1m
Active member
I am sure most of us feel this way for a reason, those extrovert people who are out with the masses of friends aren't playing around on forums on a Saturday night. 
We are introverts for the most part and thus have a harder time meeting people. I spend a lot of time talking to my co-workers and spend time with them occasionally outside of work. But I am a single mom to an only child, its just the two of us, so sometimes even family time can be lonely. At the same time, I get kinda fearful about meeting people or asking people to hang out.
We are introverts for the most part and thus have a harder time meeting people. I spend a lot of time talking to my co-workers and spend time with them occasionally outside of work. But I am a single mom to an only child, its just the two of us, so sometimes even family time can be lonely. At the same time, I get kinda fearful about meeting people or asking people to hang out.
Sherri Tierney
New member
For some of us introverts, forums, facebook and other online socialization becomes our social life.
I say that and it isn't entirely true for me, but I could probably be fine if it were. I love spending time with people in person and I get pretty jazzed up about hanging out with friends, but I get so worn out mentally by parties and such that while I enjoy them, I find I am in no hurry to go to another. LOL
My cousin posted a link to this article on FB. I can so relate to most of them...
27 Problems Only Introverts Will Understand
I say that and it isn't entirely true for me, but I could probably be fine if it were. I love spending time with people in person and I get pretty jazzed up about hanging out with friends, but I get so worn out mentally by parties and such that while I enjoy them, I find I am in no hurry to go to another. LOL
My cousin posted a link to this article on FB. I can so relate to most of them...
27 Problems Only Introverts Will Understand
nun69
New member
I have an amazing circle of friends (about 6-7 of them) that live close by and wehn have been besties for 10 years....sometimes we go 6-9 months without seeing each other (because of work, kids, life etc) but when we get together, it was just like yesterday ~and they are the friends I tell my secrets too......luckily I work full time and I have made some very good friends there as well....we don't get out alot because of where we all live, but there are about 5 of them that I soley trust in....so I guess I have been lucky~
p.s. the other thing was I dragged my kids from duty station to duty station and we ALL had to do it over every time! So we know how important having friends that you can depend on and that depend on you are like when you live nowhere near home and extended family~
Kellie are these other Americans or are they from the Filipino culture?
p.s. the other thing was I dragged my kids from duty station to duty station and we ALL had to do it over every time! So we know how important having friends that you can depend on and that depend on you are like when you live nowhere near home and extended family~
Kellie are these other Americans or are they from the Filipino culture?
Last edited:
I completely understand where you're coming from! We're a military family and we've been in our current location for three years. Like you, I have 'friends' but I often think they'd never miss me if I left. I have life-long friends who I know would be there for me no matter what, but they live in my home town area. It's tough to make real connections with people when everything feels temporary anyway.
We moved to this area ages ago but its a small rural community and 95% of the population was born here, grew up together, went to school together, hung out together, etc all their lives. Their need to meet & include new people in their social groups is limited. And it's rural, so it's not like there are 'neighbors' to meet.
I have maybe 4 friends from the next county over, which experienced much more growth than mine and is about 45% new people in the past 10 years.
I go to the kids' sports practice & games and know other parents to nod to but 3 years of tae kwon do, baseball & football and our interactions are still limited to "Hey, how's it going" at practice.
It's like I am missing 'step 2' to making friends. The first is "go out and meet people" but then what do you do?
I have maybe 4 friends from the next county over, which experienced much more growth than mine and is about 45% new people in the past 10 years.
I go to the kids' sports practice & games and know other parents to nod to but 3 years of tae kwon do, baseball & football and our interactions are still limited to "Hey, how's it going" at practice.
It's like I am missing 'step 2' to making friends. The first is "go out and meet people" but then what do you do?
I so get you on this too and I often feel the same way. I have many "good" friends that I have made along the way from childhood, high school and since I have been in the Air Force. They are the kind of friends that no matter what happens or how long it been since we saw each other or talked, we can pick right up where we left off like no time has passed at all. I so cherish those friendships.
But now, I try to make friends and invite people over for dinner, out to event, and to go shopping but I/we never get invited. I often ask the "is it me?" question to my husband too. The "friendships", if you want to call them that, have been very shallow on fleeting and often seems one sided.
I have been in San Antonio, TX for 6 years and only recently developed a wonderful friendship with the girl across the street and of course, we are now moving from to Riverside, CA at the end on Sept.
So now it's time to start all over again. Yippee :-/
But now, I try to make friends and invite people over for dinner, out to event, and to go shopping but I/we never get invited. I often ask the "is it me?" question to my husband too. The "friendships", if you want to call them that, have been very shallow on fleeting and often seems one sided.
I have been in San Antonio, TX for 6 years and only recently developed a wonderful friendship with the girl across the street and of course, we are now moving from to Riverside, CA at the end on Sept.
So now it's time to start all over again. Yippee :-/
DawnMarch
Active member
I agree that in order to make friends as adults you really do have to put yourself out there. You have to take affirmative steps to reach out to other people and MAKE them be your friend.
It's definitely harder than in school where you just are naturally thrown together with your peers all day. I made "Connect" my word of the year a couple years ago and really made an effort to take the first step to reach out and invite people to lunch or coffee or whatever. It's hard work (and awkward at first, especially if you are naturally shy like me) but it does work, over time. I know I always get a little lift when someone reaches out to me to invite me to something so I try to think about that when I'm feeling unsure of whether to reach out to someone else. I can see that it would be more frustrating though, if you were moving all the time and had to start over each time!
MandaT
New member
Gosh, I've thought about this a lot lately.
When I was married it didn't matter much, because we never left home, and were together almost 24/7, either physically or by phone etc.
Now that I'm single and spend most weekends without the kids, I'm missing having friends to go 'hang out with'. I have a few really great friends (none are very available to just hang out though) a couple friends that I've had since kindergarten and we talk a lot, it's just different.
It is tough. I've realized more in the last couple of months though, that I don't give myself enough credit, if I just open up a little bit, the people will come. I've had more interaction with people in the past 4 months than I have in the past almost 8 years.
(PS it's kinda late & this sounds like I"m rambling)
When I was married it didn't matter much, because we never left home, and were together almost 24/7, either physically or by phone etc.
Now that I'm single and spend most weekends without the kids, I'm missing having friends to go 'hang out with'. I have a few really great friends (none are very available to just hang out though) a couple friends that I've had since kindergarten and we talk a lot, it's just different.
It is tough. I've realized more in the last couple of months though, that I don't give myself enough credit, if I just open up a little bit, the people will come. I've had more interaction with people in the past 4 months than I have in the past almost 8 years.
(PS it's kinda late & this sounds like I"m rambling)
nun69
New member
you just need to move closer to me :wub:
jk703
Well-known member
I try to be... totally.... but my hubby isn't... so we balance each other out.
Most of my friends are from college, when I sorta jumped the shark... I went mainstream and joined a sorority. While some of it was good, some was bad... I did make friends for a lifetime, and I met my husband (Mr. Social Butterfly). I'm not the best friend a person can have either... the whole hermit thing keeps me from being really social. As for college/sorority friends... I still keep in touch with about 6 that I see on a regular basis. The others, I can say, if I needed something, they would help/be there, but I know me... I won't ask, lol. My closest friend from college moved into the next town over... and when we were looking to move last year... we actually found a house in her development that was perfect for us.... it was like the stars aligned....
After we got married in 2002 we moved into a townhouse development that we really got close to a bunch of couples with small kids... but as everyone got older, families got bigger, everyone started moving.... so while we all got close, it didn't last as well with out the proximity. We do talk and hang out occasionally... it's different.
It is difficult.
Sherri Tierney
New member
I was thinking about this the other day. A few of you have mentioned having the kind of friend you tell your secrets to. I realized I don't have any secrets to tell! LOL I seriously sat and thought about what secrets I might have to share and there are none. I also rarely have complaints about my husband so I wouldn't be talking to a girlfriend about him either. I guess I'm not missing much then.
When I am around my friends I enjoy it and wish I could spend longer with them, but when I get back home to my little nest, I breathe a big sigh of relief that I don't have to be 'on' any longer.
When I am around my friends I enjoy it and wish I could spend longer with them, but when I get back home to my little nest, I breathe a big sigh of relief that I don't have to be 'on' any longer.
:w00t: but the ones that can, stay aroudn for awhile and I really love that!
catgoddess
Well-known member
This is me exactly, too! It takes me a few days to recover from major social events. I need lots of extra me time.
taracotta7
New member
I have said this exact phrase to a friend. It was the God honest truth and I don't think she believed me! LOL