Let's talk about age gaps between kids...

my oldest dd and my middle ds are 2 yrs 10 mos apart and that was a good span for them. it gave maddie (dd) a chance to grow up a little and she ended up being an AMAZING lil helper. i never had fit throwers though so my life was peachy. then my middle ds and my youngest ds are 20 months apart. i also think this was perfect cause those two are like glue and it makes it nice for maddie cause she doesn't have to deal with them. lol they do thier thing and she does hers. i think it just depends on what works for your family. i can't imagine having my kiddos more than 3 years apart cause i would feel like they would just not ever be on the same page. i like that my kids are playmates. :)
 
MissKim said:
I'll give you my opinion with having older kids. My son just turned 15, dd #1 is 13, and my youngest dd is 9. My oldest 2 are about 21 months and although I never wanted kids that close together, and thought 3-4 years was better, they get along so much better and basically grew up best friends. Even now, they "get" each other. My poor little youngest... she never did a lot of the things you would expect a preschool girl to do (play with dolls, etc.) because by the time she got to that age, her sister had already moved on to barbies, etc. and she so badly wants to be like her sister. She's also had to figure out how to play by herself lately because her brother is gone most of the day to driver's ed and her sister is off with her friends. So even though I thought 3-4 years was perfect, I feel bad for my youngest. Originally the plan was to have the first 2 close together, and then wait the 4 years and have 2 more than were about 2 years apart. Unfortunately, I had a very rough pregnancy with my youngest and we just decided not to risk things for another child. So she's the youngest and left on her own a lot. She's OK with it, and definitely the most outgoing of all 3 kids (maybe because she has to find playmates instead of a having a sibling very close to her own age).

On the other hand, I wish I wasn't sitting here thinking that in a year or two, I'm going to be going through this driver's ed stuff all over again. I could use a 4 year break before we do this again.
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I could have written this exact same post about my sisters and I. (We're 22 months between #1 & #2 and then 3 years between 2 and 3.) I will say that once we all got to high school/college age it became a lot easier and I think we're closer now than we were back then. My DH and his brother are 7 years apart and I've always said that it's almost like they grew up as only children because they never really had anything in common. Even now my DH is more like a third parent than anything else. I always thought that was a bit sad. :unsure:
 
When DS was 18 months I walked into Costco, saw a cute baby outfit and just like that was ready for #2. However, we'd already planned for a 3 year gap, so we're sticking with that. (Which is easy since DH is deployed and we can't do anything anyway...) :p
 
Deanna - I am just like you with the feeling like if we wait until we "just know" it's the right time, then our 2.5 yr old son Dean will end up being an only child. And actually, we're OK with that!!! I'm amazed at how much crap we get for that from SOOO many people too. People are CONSTANTLY asking us when we're gonna have #2 and when we tell them that right now we're not even sure there will be a 2nd child, they automatically assume it's because we're unhappy as parents or that we don't like our first kid or something!!! - when in reality it is the EXACT opposite!!! For us, our little family and the life we've created is pretty darn perfect right now just the way it is. We just don't feel this burning desire to go changing anything, so why would we? We LOVE where we are right now - the three of us are so comfortable, it works out financially (which is HARD in EXTREMELY expensive Hawaii!!), and things just "feel right" exactly as they are.

So many people like to tell us that we're being "unfair" to Dean by depriving him of a sibling and that it's "like child abuse" (yep, I've actually heard that one) to "force" a kid to be an only child...but what about that 2nd kid we'd bring into the world when we really don't feel ready? Is that fair to that 2nd child? In my opinion, no. So for now, we're perfectly happy with Dean being an only child and we've decided that for us, it's extremely important to wait until we ABSOLUTELY do KNOW that it's the right time (if that ever happens) to have another child. It just seems wrong to me to have a baby just to provide your first child with a sibling. But that's just my opinion - I know there are others - and that's OK.

I didn't read all of the replies before mine, so hopefully I'm not majorly offending anyone!!!

For us, our cozy little family of 3 is pretty darn perfect and until that feeling of "rightness" changes, we're keeping things the way they are!! :thumbup:
 
We have 19 mths between them. We had planned the gap to be a little shorter but I miscarried my second pregnancy. The early months were sooooo unbelievably hard, but we had a lot of reflux issues with DS (who seemed to be always unhappy and in pain), so that may have been the problem. It's really in the last month that we're seeing them play together (DD now 2.5, DS 11 mths), and DS is a lot happier these days. Now I'm glad we have the shorter gap and wouldn't change it. I think that whatever gap you end up with, that's the gap you'd be happiest with and would recommend to others :D
 
My boys are 24 months apart (now ages 2.5 and 4.5), and they are best friends and interested in all the same things, so I really like the spacing we ended up with. They do fight, but I figure all kids are going to fight! It was very, very hard early on but in the end, I like the fact that they're relatively close in age and I hope they'll be good friends throughout their lives.

Baby #3 is supposedly a girl, and the boys will be almost 5 and almost 3 when she's born. I am anxious to see how it goes!
 
My boys are 15 months apart. They would have been closer had it been at all possible. :) We wanted them close in age so they would have each other to play with but also because I'm not good with multiple stages. I don't want to go back to diapers after getting one out of them. I don't want to drag an infant to kindergarten flag football games. I don't want to keep a 5 year old entertained while a preteen rides roller coasters. I cope better if everyone is more or less at the same place.

It was difficult the second year. The first year really was no worse than it was with just one for me. Once DS2 was walking things got tricky because neither of them had any impulse control & they woud set one another off with temper tantrums, grabbing,shoving & fighting. They are 5 & 6 now & get along great, play together all the time, fight regularly...:) They are close enough in age to be on the same baseball or soccer or wrestling team 90% of the time & that makes it so much easier for me.
 
My boys are 2.5 years apart (just like my sister and me and DH and his brother). We were aiming for 2.5 to 3.5 and got it right away (first one took over a year). They still play together but of course fight too. I didn't even try to potty train #1 until he was 3.25 so yeah I had to deal with diapers for two, but honestly it is easier than the initial potty training stage! (boys)

I wasn't sure if I was ready either, but a lot of that was fear of the unknown. I prayed about it and then left it up to God to make the final decision (since we had so much problems getting preggo the first time). Guess he thought I was ready right away LOL!
 
Jaxon and Marley are 2 years and 2 months apart. If things had gone as planned, they'd be more like 3 years apart, but it was meant to be! :) The toughest part was being 9 months preggo with a 2 year old who still wanted lots of lovin' and needed lots of help. But that was the only "downside"-- he adjusted just fine and now I love their age gap. They can play together which means I can be here rather than entertaining them for my summer vacation (hee hee)! Because of our state kindergarten cutoff, they will be 3 years apart in school rather than two, but that's ok I guess.
I had mixed feelings afetr finding out I was preggo with Marley- I had just applied for grad school and gotten in to a very exclusive program and found out the next day I was preggo and had to turn it down (a preggo teaching special needs full time with a 2 year old + grad school would have done me in). I also worried-- how could I love another child the way I loved Jaxon? Would he feel sad when my attention was divided? But, as it turns out, instead of your love being divided, it multiplies. :) HTH!
 
My girls are 5yrs apart and it works well for us. We'd originally planned on having an only. When we decided to have another my main concern was that they wouldn't have anything in common, wouldn't be close etc. We've been pleasantly surprised. They spend a lot of time together (by choice), they're really close, they like and love each other a lot and express it freely.

There are pros/cons to every spacing and I think the reality of what life is like has as much to do with the personalities the little people have as the age gaps.
 
My girls are 3 1/2 yrs apart. We didn't plan it that way. I had a miscarriage before I had Chelsea and was due right around when my daughter was turning 3.

I think it is a good age difference. The first year was great, then after my daughter started walking things went downhill. Always fighting LOL. Still to this day they are 9 and 5 1/2 and there is at least 5 fights I have to break up. LOL

I agree that there is no "right time" to have a kid. No matter what the age gap is there is going to be pros and cons.
 
Paula said:
My grandma had baby #1 in February 1944 and then my Dad in December 1944. She had her third on Sep. 24 1946 and the last one on Sep. 25, 1947. So she had FOUR babies in three years.
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September 24th is my birthday. :)
 
Jen, I get the same thing when I mention possibly not having a second. I waver though. Sometimes I am pretty sure I want another and other times I am not sure I ever will. I just know right now, I am happy with 1 child.
 
2.5 years between my DD and DS #2.
a little under 3 years between DS #2 and DS #3.

I think the biggest problem is that my DD and DS #3 are too far apart to be friends. And sometimes they just don't get along. But he's a difficult personality so it may not have anything to do with the age difference. LOL!

Another thing I hate about the spacing of my kids was 8 years of diaper changing. I didn't get a break at all because the first two trained AFTER the older sibling was born.
 
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JenTapler said:
So many people like to tell us that we're being "unfair" to Dean by depriving him of a sibling and that it's "like child abuse" (yep, I've actually heard that one) to "force" a kid to be an only child...but what about that 2nd kid we'd bring into the world when we really don't feel ready? Is that fair to that 2nd child? In my opinion, no. So for now, we're perfectly happy with Dean being an only child and we've decided that for us, it's extremely important to wait until we ABSOLUTELY do KNOW that it's the right time (if that ever happens) to have another child. It just seems wrong to me to have a baby just to provide your first child with a sibling. But that's just my opinion - I know there are others - and that's OK.
For us, our cozy little family of 3 is pretty darn perfect and until that feeling of "rightness" changes, we're keeping things the way they are!! :thumbup:
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I'm an only child and I turned out alright. I didn't have a horrible childhood or resent my parents for robbing me of siblings, in fact there's a lot I really liked about it....just so you know :p
 
My girls are 22 months apart & I love the spacing. They are friends. Yeah - the first couple months was hard, but really, I would not trade this for the world. Now - ask me when they are 18 and 16 - that might be another story, but really - they love and adore each other. I could not be happier. They are "into" the same things, so that helps. We went through the "no sleep" at the same time and potty training shortly apart. :)
 
My kids are 5 years apart. Right now I love the age gap. My daughter is really good with him and so that helps alot. Had they both been girls looking back I think it would have been maybe better to have them closer but for my sanity this is what works best for us. Lucas's personality is pretty strong and I don't even want to think about what it would have been like to have another young one at the same time. haha
 
JenTapler said:
Deanna - I am just like you with the feeling like if we wait until we "just know" it's the right time, then our 2.5 yr old son Dean will end up being an only child. And actually, we're OK with that!!! I'm amazed at how much crap we get for that from SOOO many people too. People are CONSTANTLY asking us when we're gonna have #2 and when we tell them that right now we're not even sure there will be a 2nd child, they automatically assume it's because we're unhappy as parents or that we don't like our first kid or something!!! - when in reality it is the EXACT opposite!!! For us, our little family and the life we've created is pretty darn perfect right now just the way it is. We just don't feel this burning desire to go changing anything, so why would we? We LOVE where we are right now - the three of us are so comfortable, it works out financially (which is HARD in EXTREMELY expensive Hawaii!!), and things just "feel right" exactly as they are.

So many people like to tell us that we're being "unfair" to Dean by depriving him of a sibling and that it's "like child abuse" (yep, I've actually heard that one) to "force" a kid to be an only child...but what about that 2nd kid we'd bring into the world when we really don't feel ready? Is that fair to that 2nd child? In my opinion, no. So for now, we're perfectly happy with Dean being an only child and we've decided that for us, it's extremely important to wait until we ABSOLUTELY do KNOW that it's the right time (if that ever happens) to have another child. It just seems wrong to me to have a baby just to provide your first child with a sibling. But that's just my opinion - I know there are others - and that's OK.

I didn't read all of the replies before mine, so hopefully I'm not majorly offending anyone!!!

For us, our cozy little family of 3 is pretty darn perfect and until that feeling of "rightness" changes, we're keeping things the way they are!! :thumbup:
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You really took all of the words right out of my mouth!! I feel some type of strange guilt when ppl say "aren't you going to have another one soon?" Yes, we do want another one but we're not sure when - ya know?

Also, Wesley's middle name is Dean - it's also my Dad's middle name! What a great name! :thumbup:
 
Well, my experience is a bit different because both my kiddos are adopted and did not come home as newborns. Camden was almost 5 when Rory came home at 17 months old, and it has NOT been easy! They do not relate to each other at all and fight like cats and dogs. It's hard to know if it would have been easier if she would have been a newborn - at least there would have been transition time for Camden. At 17 months old, she came home walking, talking, taking his toys, etc. :unsure: In a perfect world, I would not choose for them to be 3.5 years apart!
 
Deanna- just remember, it's YOUR family. If you're not ready, you're not ready! If you decide just to have Wes, that's ok too (DH was an only and is fabulous).

Well meaning people often ask things like that don't they? My MIL asks "Have you thought about having another baby?" and I reply "If you'll pay for it, we'd consider it! Ha ha!" I laugh it off and she drops the subject. :)
 
My girls are 27 months apart and that is perfect for us. My girls are absolute best friends and I love it.
 
mlewis said:
Well, my experience is a bit different because both my kiddos are adopted and did not come home as newborns. Camden was almost 5 when Rory came home at 17 months old, and it has NOT been easy! They do not relate to each other at all and fight like cats and dogs. It's hard to know if it would have been easier if she would have been a newborn - at least there would have been transition time for Camden. At 17 months old, she came home walking, talking, taking his toys, etc. :unsure: In a perfect world, I would not choose for them to be 3.5 years apart!
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Melissa...my older brother and I were both adopted. We are 13 months apart in age, but I didn't come into the family until I was 7 months old, but he really resented me...even at that young age. We were never close. My parents had another son 3 years later....

Now that my older brother has a family (and he was living 60 minutes from us for 6 years), we became close. Neither of us is close to our younger brother, but he has other issues (drug addict!!).

It's like I said earlier...there is NO perfect age gap. Your kids will either be close, or they won't. Just because they are close as kids also doesn't mean they will be close as adults. My older two were literally inseparable for 20 years...but their lives have changed. They still get along great when together, and I do hope that they will be super close again someday.
 
However it happens, it will work out great and will be perfect for your family. :) If your little one is already 2 then even if you got pg right away you'd have some pretty wide spacing IMO (but my kids are relatively close together) - but even if you wait a year or two, it will be fine. I think it all works out ok.


My first 3 were in 3 1/2 years (so 21 months apart for #1 and #2 and then #3 followed 19 months later). There is a 2 1/2 year break between #4.
 
ok...
#1 and #2 8 years apart....they were like only children and was really nice...got to enjoy them each as babies and individuals, but they are not very close at all since they have really nothing in common and pretty much fight all the time and my DD stays in her room except to come out to eat and my poor DS can't keep his room clean because the 2 below children {#3 and #4} are constantly bothering him and into his things....

#2 and #3
5 years apart...same as above....

#3 and #4 18 months apart
these 2 are 2 peas in a pod!!!! kinda hard now because I am trying to potty train Abby and Peyton is still in a diaper....but even though the 2 little ones drive me ragged, I think I would prefer to have them this age difference apart or maybe up to 3 years apart just because they like to play together and for the most part get along fairly well...and these guys actually share a room and their toys so I am not constantly buying things since they will share :)
 
5 years between my two girls. I wasn't ready for #2 until my oldest was 3. then when we started trying it took forever! So, 1 miscarriage and two years later we had our 2nd dd.

The age difference has positives and negatives. They aren't really close right now, but I have a built in babysitter! :D
 
JenTapler said:
So many people like to tell us that we're being "unfair" to Dean by depriving him of a sibling and that it's "like child abuse" (yep, I've actually heard that one) to "force" a kid to be an only child...but what about that 2nd kid we'd bring into the world when we really don't feel ready? Is that fair to that 2nd child? In my opinion, no. So for now, we're perfectly happy with Dean being an only child and we've decided that for us, it's extremely important to wait until we ABSOLUTELY do KNOW that it's the right time (if that ever happens) to have another child.

For us, our cozy little family of 3 is pretty darn perfect and until that feeling of "rightness" changes, we're keeping things the way they are!! :thumbup:
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Jen, I had the same stuff happen. I was really content with just me and my hubby and Jacob. Like I said, there are 11 years difference between my kids. It took me a long time to want that second kid because I just wasn't feeling it. But then : poof : the baby fever came over me and we decided to have Logan. And then all those people that harassed me about having Jacob as an only child, then started saying how could you have another child now? LOL... there is no pleasing the crowd, so don't worry about what they say.
 
Definately not child abuse Jen, we really considered only having 1 child. I was fine with 1, DH was wanting a 2nd one and DS wanted a brother or sister. But I am really glad that we had a 2nd one. You have to do whatever is right for your family :)

JenTapler said:
Deanna - I am just like you with the feeling like if we wait until we "just know" it's the right time, then our 2.5 yr old son Dean will end up being an only child. And actually, we're OK with that!!! I'm amazed at how much crap we get for that from SOOO many people too. People are CONSTANTLY asking us when we're gonna have #2 and when we tell them that right now we're not even sure there will be a 2nd child, they automatically assume it's because we're unhappy as parents or that we don't like our first kid or something!!! - when in reality it is the EXACT opposite!!! For us, our little family and the life we've created is pretty darn perfect right now just the way it is. We just don't feel this burning desire to go changing anything, so why would we? We LOVE where we are right now - the three of us are so comfortable, it works out financially (which is HARD in EXTREMELY expensive Hawaii!!), and things just "feel right" exactly as they are.

So many people like to tell us that we're being "unfair" to Dean by depriving him of a sibling and that it's "like child abuse" (yep, I've actually heard that one) to "force" a kid to be an only child...but what about that 2nd kid we'd bring into the world when we really don't feel ready? Is that fair to that 2nd child? In my opinion, no. So for now, we're perfectly happy with Dean being an only child and we've decided that for us, it's extremely important to wait until we ABSOLUTELY do KNOW that it's the right time (if that ever happens) to have another child. It just seems wrong to me to have a baby just to provide your first child with a sibling. But that's just my opinion - I know there are others - and that's OK.

I didn't read all of the replies before mine, so hopefully I'm not majorly offending anyone!!!

For us, our cozy little family of 3 is pretty darn perfect and until that feeling of "rightness" changes, we're keeping things the way they are!! :thumbup:
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JenTapler said:
... People are CONSTANTLY asking us when we're gonna have #2 and when we tell them that right now we're not even sure there will be a 2nd child, they automatically assume .....we're being "unfair" ... by depriving him of a sibling and that it's "like child abuse" (yep, I've actually heard that one) to "force" a kid to be an only child....
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AAARRGH! Jen! do I feel your pain! (and as an aside, this was definitely Not the Week to Take Vacation.... jeez, what I have missed!) as I'm on limited access my spiel will be cut short, so here it is from one who was blessed with a miracle baby after nearly six years of sometimes painful, always trying, often humiliating, very expensive, invasive fertility treatments: EVERY CHILD is a gift. Period. If you are blessed with a second, Deanna - you'll be ready! and you'll be an awesome Mama! and Jen, hang in there!
 
My boys are 3 years apart almost to the day and if I could change it I would have them 18mos - 2 years apart at the most. Three is too much in my opinion because they fight ALL the time! But then again it could just be my boys! LOL!
 
I have three boys...17, 3 and almost 2

The first two are 14 years 5 months apart
The second and last are 14 months apart.

The two little ones are the best of friends. I love having them so close in age. They do everything together and get along great. I am so glad that we had them so close together. It does has it's moments but it is all worth it!!
 
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