Kids and Social Media

J

Jjriward

New member
Just wondering what polices everyone has regarding their kids and social media. My kids are ages 7 & 9 and while they both have Kindle Fires, they are not on any social media outlets. Nor do I think they are ready for them! However, a couple weeks ago I brought my daughter to a sleep-over. The next morning when I went to pick her up, every parent that walked in mentioned that their daughter texted them in the middle of the night. Hmmm....not mine. Wanna know why? Because my daughter was the only child at the party who didn't have a device to text me with. Then, it was brought to my attention that a lot of my daughter's friends ( age 9!) have Instagram accounts. When I found this out I was rather surprised (especially since I know a lot of the parents and consider them good parents), but maintained my belief that there is absolutely no need for social media at age 9. My curiosity got the best of me and I decided to check out these 9 year old Instagram accounts. I.am.horrified. Talk of dating, mirror selfies with exposed bellies and chests stuck out, #single. NINE YEARS OLD!!!! And some of the accounts are not even set to private. There is no way in hell this will be happening in my house. My kids will not be getting a phone until at least middle school. And no social media until at least 13 (since that's like the law), and when they do, I will be their friend in every.single social media account that they have. Anyway...just wondering how some of you with kids a little older handle it. Am I just an uncool mom???? Don't really care if I am, because my rules won't change, but it'd just be nice to know if I'm that uncool. :p
 
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I didn't let my kids have social media accounts until they were 13, and I am their friend on social media. I have a rule that you have to give me the password to your account, too. I was also aghast when my niece, who was maybe 8 or 9 at the time, started an Instagram account and not only would constantly post selfies, but posted her phone number. Of course, I also don't get my kids cell phones until they turn 13.

Lucky for me, my oldest and youngest don't use social media much. My youngest is very into YouTube bloggers and I try to monitor that some, but she has her own iPad (school provided) so I can't always do that. My two oldest are in college so I don't have much say there. My one that's living in the dorms does twitter and I follow her but mostly it just makes me laugh.
 
I have so many opinions about this!!! :D

1. We don't do sleepovers. Aside from staying at close relatives houses, I can't think of one redeeming quality about them. I had a lot of sleepovers as a kid and some of my worst memories from my childhood were from a sleepover... or the morning after. :( Too many things can happen and in this current world we live in.

(I know this wasn't your question, Jenn... sorry for the rant)

2. We don't do social media. At least, not yet. They don't have cellphones (my son is 8, so this won't always be the case, but I am holding out for as long as possible). In fact, I also limit their computer time and iPad time greatly. 95% of the week they are just plain kids... not attached to screens & batteries.

3. We are careful to choose friends for our kids whose parents have the same convictions. Of course, my kids see & spend time with lots of kids, but our closest friends are similar to us when it comes to what we allow them to do.

I do realize that I'm probably viewed as super controlling, and I'm too protective of my kids. I've been told that by family. And I'm A-OK with it. My kids will find their wings slowly at a rate that they can handle according to their maturity. When they are 18 they will be free... I won't have a bubble boy & bubble girl. But, while they are small and innocent (and don't have discretion) I will be their filter.

Editing this to say... I don't judge if you do choose to do sleepovers, social media, etc. It's just not for me and my family. And I'm editing this a bit so I don't sound like a complete freak. :o
 
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My oldest is 11. She is probably the only one out of her friends that does not have a phone. She doesn't need it. If she isn't with me then she is at school or at daycare or with and adult that has a phone. I just think it's a little too young to have that kind of responsibility and freedom. I'm sure I'll get her one once she is in jr. high school...especially if she decides to participate in any extra-curricular activities.

That being said, I will also be like Kimberly. I will have access to her account names and passwords. I will monitor them.

My daughter always asks when she is going to be able to have a phone. It's been on her Christmas wish list the last couple of years. I always tease her and tell her she can have one when she pays her own bills. LOL! She just rolls her eyes at me.
 
carrie1977 said:
My daughter always asks when she is going to be able to have a phone. It's been on her Christmas wish list the last couple of years. I always tease her and tell her she can have one when she pays her own bills. LOL! She just rolls her eyes at me.
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My two oldest did not get iPhones/Smart phones until they paid for the increased cost to our cell plan. My youngest is up for a new phone in January and I'm not sure what to do. She has a school provided i-Pad, a Kindle Fire, an iPod Touch... she doesn't even really want an iPhone but I'm not sure they even make non-smart phones anymore.
 
Both my kids have Kindle Fires. They don't use them for social media...mostly games and reading. She thinks she needs a phone. I think not. :p
 
MissKim said:
she doesn't even really want an iPhone but I'm not sure they even make non-smart phones anymore.
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As a person with a dumb-phone, oh trust me, they do. lol Look for the cheapest phones available at Wal-Mart, or through your provider.
 
My oldest (10) has been asking when he gets a phone, and I tell him not until he has a job to pay for it. Totally not joking on that, btw. As for social media stuff - none have expressed an interest in it. The boys both are big on YouTube videos, but we have them super restricted accounts set up, plus they have to watch the videos in the living room without headphones so that we know what exactly types of channels that they are watching. None of mine have any sort of internet access thing, they use the living room desktop, the living room tv, and my Kindle (which they are only allowed to use FreeTime on) so it's all very monitored.
 
I would be alarmed by that too Jenn.

My boys (10 and 8) do not have social media accounts. When my 10 year old goes off to middle school next year, we will consider getting him a phone. I'll probably give him my iPhone when I upgrade. We will closely monitor his activity and set expectations up front about what's acceptable. We are not super controlling parents. My mother was overprotective and I hated it. I missed some key childhood experiences because of it, which if I'm totally honest, I resent. I felt like when I got out into the real world I was grossly unprepared because my exposure was so limited ... I think there is a healthy balance. I wouldn't encourage my kids to hang out with people that are bad influences, but I think there is something to be said for making sure they are equipped to cope with them. The fact of the matter is, even if my kids don't have social media accounts or phones, their peers do and by virtue of that they will see what is shared. You can only hold off on the inevitable so long.

Anyway, interesting topic.

p.s. I' m jealous some schools provide iPads to their students!
 
With or without social media accounts it sickens me the way some parents let their children be, especially little girls. They dress and act like they are teenagers (and some boys too), they go through multiple "boyfriends" before they are even out of elementary school.......it just makes me sad to see that these days kids don't seem to want to be kids anymore :(

With that said I am guilty at allowing my children (7, 9 & 12 and the accounts have been around a few years) to have social media accounts. :o but in my defense they started out as 'my' accounts....( I went through the gaming phase when Farmville and others started and that's how I sent myself the 'gifts' I needed to advance in the games quickly). I never put any personal info on their accounts, but do change their profile pics now and then. Once they got older and wanted to Play the games too I allowed it..... really they could care less about what the rest of the site has to offer. They often send me messages that are super cute and lovey.... it's nice to see Moms cool enough to talk to. ;) I am the one who controls their accounts though, I take care of the friend requests to make sure it's only people they know and they are not allowed to change the password so I don't have access. My oldest is now in Middle school and has started talking to his friends a little more on there so I have given him a little more freedom with it.... he's still not really interested in posting to walls, or making status updates, barely remembers to log in half the time to check his messages. He doesn't even mind that I check it every now and then. Another reason I have allowed it at such a young age is we do not have phones, data only on the cells and no land line, so FB is the only means I have for anyone to get a hold of me so if they need me when I'm out they know to message me there.

Really when it comes down to it, it's all in when you feel comfortable, and when you feel they are ready for such a thing and not a moment sooner. :)
 
The Children's Online Privacy Protection Act of 1998 (COPPA) requires that all FB users be 13 or over, so I won't consider letting my kids open an account until that time.
 
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SeattleSheri said:
I would be alarmed by that too Jenn.

My boys (10 and 8) do not have social media accounts. When my 10 year old goes off to middle school next year, we will consider getting him a phone. I'll probably give him my iPhone when I upgrade. We will closely monitor his activity and set expectations up front about what's acceptable. We are not super controlling parents. My mother was overprotective and I hated it. I missed some key childhood experiences because of it, which if I'm totally honest, I resent. I felt like when I got out into the real world I was grossly unprepared because my exposure was so limited ... I think there is a healthy balance. I wouldn't encourage my kids to hang out with people that are bad influences, but I think there is something to be said for making sure they are equipped to cope with them. The fact of the matter is, even if my kids don't have social media accounts or phones, their peers do and by virtue of that they will see what is shared. You can only hold off on the inevitable so long.

Anyway, interesting topic.

p.s. I' m jealous some schools provide iPads to their students!
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I agree with a lot of what you said here. There has to be a happy medium. Luckily, my 9 year old is more interested in playing with My Little Ponies then posting selfies on Instagram and my 7 year old son has absolutely no interest in social media yet. But, I just know that with a lot of her friends doing it, it won't be long until my daughter wants to follow suit. I will stick to my guns, but it would just be a lot easier if all the parents could just encourage their kids to be KIDS at least until Middle School!
 
I should also point out that mine don't have things with internet access because:
a. I don't trust them not to break said things.
b. If we don't have the money for ME to have spiffy things like that just for me, they sure aren't getting them. lol
 
My oldest is 11--no phone and no social media accounts. I'm lucky that he isn't asking for either yet, but I'd be saying no if he was. He does have a Kindle Fire, but he uses it for apps, games, and Netflix. Other than that he uses a computer in the family room so that I can monitor what sites he's visiting. He'll start junior high in 2 years, and I'm guessing that's when we'll start feeling like we want him to have a phone for safety reasons. Most places around here have no pay phones, so when he starts going more places without us or his friends' parents he'll need a phone. Don't know yet if it will be "his" phone or a family phone that we let him take when necessary.

He has a school-provided Google account that can only send and receive from other accounts behind the school system's firewall. He and his friends have managed to create their own forum-type environment by sharing documents where they type back and forth to each other, share pictures, etc. It's relatively safe because it's only his classmates, but they did have an incident last year where an older sibling posted an inappropriate comment when her sister forgot to log out. The school handled it well, and I think all the kids learned from the experience.

My family thinks I'm overprotective because I haven't given him his own email account yet. They just don't seem to understand that once he has one it would be a lot easier for him to do things online without my permission. (No, I don't think he would right now, and yes, I know I could monitor the account. But he isn't asking for it, so why go there yet?) My sister sets up google accounts for her children at birth using their real names. Her oldest is only 3; I'll be interested to see how her feelings about Internet safety change as her kids get older.
 
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Yeah the YouTube account the boys have is set up under one of my email addresses. It's also the one they use when they have to sign up for sites so I get notified, but even so they still ask first.
 
Oh, and I forgot to mention my social media age. 13 is the law, and it's the minimum we'd consider. Before then it's a no-go even if they ask. I don't know yet if we'll feel comfortable letting them have social media accounts at 13. If not at 13, we'll probably allow it early in high school because I want them to learn to use it responsibly while they're still living under our roof and we have control.
 
I'm always amazed when I go to pick up my son (age 7) after midweek school (church) and all the 5-6th graders are standing out there, on their smart phones... taking photos of themselves, etc...

I'm very much in the same thinking as Brook... Jake doesn't do much screen time... he is a kid and even though he is aware of social media, he knows that he won't get his own accounts until he is like 16... If Jake gets a phone - it will be one of those that has four buttons on it.... 1. call mom 2. call dad 3. call grammy 4. call 911. Do they still have those? :D:o

We do homeschool, so we have more say over who he spends his time with outside of this family... :)
 
my children will have the same rules i did when i was a kid with the social media age starting to bubble and explode: you can have a cell phone, computer, internet when you can pay for it yourself.

my son, whom is five, has a galaxy tablet which his dad gave him for christmas last year. he is not allowed on the internet and any games/pictures/etc are only downloaded and available to him after a discussion that my husband and I have about it.

i may consider letting the kids have a cell phone when they are MUCH older and it will be one of those cricket type phones... they can only call me, 911, their grandma, etc.

i would not have bought my son such a sophisticated tablet whatsoever but his dad, whom i am not with any longer, decided to make the decision on his own.

do the kids have other technology? of course! they both have 3ds' which are amazing because 99% of the games they have on their platform are kid/family friendly. they are only allowed to play them on rainy days, however!

i want my children to be a part of this world and to understand a great deal of its inner-workings... social media included. BUT! there are WAY TOO MANY predators out there! i do not want my kids getting into trouble with adult nonsense. they will have so so many years to be an adult and enjoy or abhor the various aspects but i don't want them exposed prematurely.

also... kids are impressionable... all it takes is one person to tell them they are beautiful or handsome, tell them they seem so much more mature and older than they are... before they are in the web of a monster and before they're too afraid to tell a parent or adult what is going on..
 
My 8-year kid has a computer and a kindle fire. We keep it in the closet and regulate his screen time completely. He does not have access to the internet or social media sites. He doesn't have 'freeeign' on the computer. At age 8 (which is 2nd grade) this kids aren't using technology in the school (like internet searches) that happens a bit later. And even then, I wouldn't let him have unrestricted access, that's just crazy.

This is one positive about living out in the woods in a rural area. Many of the local families can't afford even basic technology plus cell phones don't even work out here in the woods. :p There are downsides though...instead of worrying about technology, we worry more about pot growers. :blink:
 
My girls (7 and 5.5) do not have social media accounts. They won't until they are 13. That is federal law and I firmly believe that a mature 13 is questionable at being responsible enough for social media. I know grown adults that can't handle it! As far as I know, they don't know what Instagram or Facebook are, or have an interest in them. They do know what YouTube is (which is my fault and I regret it every day!) but right now all they watch are stupid Minecraft videos when I let them. They are pretty tech savvy but I do my best to keep an eye on it. The biggest problem I can see is that not all of their school friends have the same values that we do so they learn things from them that I rather they not. So all I can do it reinforce the positive values we have.

I'm with Brook, no sleepovers. I am way too paranoid. Between work as a criminal defense attorney and now as an attorney working for a government agency, I see and hear too much. We also don't do birthday parties. Yeah, birthday parties are for family only. I am a mean mom.
 
when you're a mom, it's not your job to be cool, it's just your job to protect them. I'm on your side on all of these (and Brook too, lol)
 
adi&co. said:
when you're a mom, it's not your job to be cool, it's just your job to protect them. I'm on your side on all of these (and Brook too, lol)
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I agree! Like I said, I don't really care if I'm a cool mom. I was just shocked at what other parents with kids the same age are letting their kids do. And I wondered if I was alone in my thinking. I'm glad to see I'm not alone, but even if I was it wouldn't change my decisions, AT ALL. I'm still horrified. And there is no way in hell my 9 year old daughter will be advertising to the whole world that she's #single. Over my dead body. Go play with your Barbie dolls!
 
carriesmom said:
My girls (7 and 5.5) do not have social media accounts. They won't until they are 13. That is federal law and I firmly believe that a mature 13 is questionable at being responsible enough for social media. I know grown adults that can't handle it! As far as I know, they don't know what Instagram or Facebook are, or have an interest in them. They do know what YouTube is (which is my fault and I regret it every day!) but right now all they watch are stupid Minecraft videos when I let them. They are pretty tech savvy but I do my best to keep an eye on it. The biggest problem I can see is that not all of their school friends have the same values that we do so they learn things from them that I rather they not. So all I can do it reinforce the positive values we have.

I'm with Brook, no sleepovers. I am way too paranoid. Between work as a criminal defense attorney and now as an attorney working for a government agency, I see and hear too much. We also don't do birthday parties. Yeah, birthday parties are for family only. I am a mean mom.
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We did a birthday outing with ONE kid. He was with us all day and we did stuff together. Much better.
 
tx-nana-scraps said:
When my granddaughters turned 9, they got an inexpensive phone to keep in their backpacks turned off so if mom/dad didn't pick them up after school they could call the other parent. They were not allowed to use the phone during the day, except one day in middle school (5-6 grades) a bad storm rolled in and the principal made an announcement over the PA that school was being dismissed really early and he told all students with cell phones to get their phones from their lockers and call their parents immediately. In this case it was good to have one in her backpack, so she called me to pick her up.

Times have change for the worst when we hear of school shootings, the Trade Towers crashes, etc and I felt better knowing that my two granddaughters had phones to be used for safety.

They didn't get into social media until high school and their early phones didn't have text capabilities.
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This is the only reason why I agreed to a phone in middle school. To me, middle school is the age where you may not always be under constant supervision (after school activities, etc) and I want to be able to get ahold of my children. For now, I know where they are at all times, they are supervised 100% of the time, and I work in the school district so I will know if school is being closed early. Even if I didn't work for the district, they have a mass communication system and both my husband and I get texts, emails, AND phone calls in that type of situation.
 
It scares me a bit. All of connors little friends have had fb pages , iPhones etc for years already. What? Why? I might be a little over protective in that regard due to our added safety concerns but it seems crazy to me. Connor does have a phone - because we don't have a house phone & he's at an age where he may be home alone for brief periods of time. But he can only call myself, Jacob & my parents with it... He doesn't take it anywhere and It's your basic freebie phone not an iPhone like these little elementary school kids have. As an aside - I play like clash of clans on my phone - and there are literal 8 yr olds playing 'with' me. It's a bizarre world we live in.
 
adi&co. said:
when you're a mom, it's not your job to be cool, it's just your job to protect them. I'm on your side on all of these (and Brook too, lol)
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I couldn't agree more! Your kids may pitch a fit now, but will thank you one day. My parents were VERY strict growing up. We were not allowed to do sleepovers except for with cousins, and even then, it was only like once or twice a year.

My 5 year old just saw her 10 year old cousin get an iphone for her birthday and now she keeps asking me when she can have a phone. My response to her... When you can pay for it on your own.

I don't think that giving kids free reign of an ipad or iphone that young is fitting for a kid. Kids are curious and kids explore. They don't even do it on purpose, it just happens. I went to a church sponsored seminar a few months ago on protecting your family from pornography. Do you want to know the average age of exposure to porn? 9!!! Yeah, NINE! That's insane! And it's not on purpose, it's just that there is so much out there readily available to attack your kids. You've got to teach them what to avoid & protect them for as long as you can!

I think there are way too many parents who aren't having needed conversations with their kids because they think they're too young or that they will figure it out on their own. You need to be the one to teach your children good & safe skills when it comes to social media. Be an advocate for your kids.

I came across this article last year and I loved it. Just wanted to share:
http://givenbreath.com/2013/09/03/fyi-if-youre-a-teenage-girl/
 
My eldest is 13 in a few weeks and he has a fb account but rarely goes on, he uses it to follow minecraft people and I'm on his list and have his password.

He also has an iPhone which was an old one from when oh upgraded. He has a walk to school and back so I feel better that he has one.
 
Ugh, this stuff hasn't really been something I've thought about until recently as my oldest just turned 8 and she's started asking for a phone of her own. Her dad has told her she can have one soon (over my dead body!) but there is ZERO reasons why she needs one right now. She's with one of us at all times unless she's at school. She already has a cheapy, crappy laptop for her to play minecraft and she watches lots of youtube videos of other minecraft players which I don't mind her doing but she's also asked for a Facebook account and thats a straight up no way. I will consider it when she gets to 13 but even then I know I'm going to be hesitant and be digging my heels in to prevent it as long as possible. I was on the internet from about 13 and it was completely different then to what it is now. If I could, I'd ban her from the internet till she hit 18 :D
 
Cheyanne is 14 and got a FB account when she turned 13 and also Instagram and Snapchat. I have all her passwords and I am friends on her accounts and her friends' parents and I made it a rule that the kids must friend the parents of their friends so we have a whole circle of adults who have their eyes on the goings on.

We had a scary and sad incident happen a couple years ago when Cheyanne was 12, where a 14-yo girl in our town friended an older boy she didn't know and then snuck out to meet him. She was kidnapped and killed and found a couple weeks later in the woods about 5 miles from her home :crying: Cheyanne is very aware of how to conduct herself and not to friend anyone she doesn't know extremely well. It was a hard way to learn but learn she did. (And no, I didn't shield her from that whole incident because life is life and you learn from other's mistakes as well as your own). In all honesty she censors herself very well and is always asking me if she can go on a certain website or if it's okay to watch certain things on You Tube, etc. (and I'm not talking inappropriate things either, she's just very modest and very conservative for her age, which is a good thing). Of course they have their school laptops and she has a Kindle Fire and an old iPad here at home. Most all her school work involves doing her work on the school laptop.

As far as phones go, she got one when she started 6th grade. She is heavily involved in competitive sports, school teams and travel teams, and I was more comfortable with her having a phone so she could contact me when needed. It was also for convenience - up here games are played in towns 1, 2, or even 3 hours away and she will call me when the bus gets close to home so I can be at the school without having to wait an long time or be late. She also is gone overnight for sports or just at a friend's and that way I know she has a reliable way to contact me. She didn't start with a smartphone then but this past summer I gave her my android when I upgraded mine. We also don't have a land line so we both have cells.
 
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Totally agree with Adi's comment above.

No social media, or other possible social accounts. Not until they are at least 13. That seems like a good age. We do have email addresses for them (I set them up so they could text me from their ipods), but no one else has that information besides me, their Dad, and their grandparents. Their ipods are monitored, regularly.

As for phones, our schools are broken up oddly than most, and there are 4 in the whole town. Grade school goes to 3rd grade, the next school is 4th through 6th, middle school is 7th through 8th or 9th, and high school after. Right now, my son is in 4th grade, almost 10 years old, and walks home (really close) and texts me using his ipod when he gets in the house. I am usually home 10-15 minutes later. We are considering a phone for him next September, just to give ME a peace of mind. I would monitor his phone, require passwords, and there will be rules up front. We will decide then the type of phone at that point, pry whatever is free and works with our plan that won't require too much extra money, lol!

We allow sleepovers but only a a couple houses, MY close friends (3 families that are like our family) and grandparents/cousins. No others. I don't trust others that much. This is for both kids. I'll re-evaluate as my oldest gets older.

We are very open and talk with our kids about everything. We set boundaries, and advise them. We are parents. We can discuss our family, problems, people, thoughts, opinions, good, bad and everything in between.
 
jk703 said:
We are very open and talk with our kids about everything. We set boundaries, and advise them. We are parents. We can discuss our family, problems, people, thoughts, opinions, good, bad and everything in between.
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Yes. This! I protect my kids, but they are very well-informed. We talk about stuff openly and always have.
 
It's such a tough thing to parent, I think. Because the internet is the way of life now. It's not going to change - if anything it will only get worse. So, yes, I want my children to learn how to conduct themselves safely and responsibly in today's society and they need to learn that while still under my roof. It's not like at 18 you can just throw them out into the world of internet and social media. But, at the same time, as adults we know the dangers and don't want to expose our children too soon. I wish schools would start requiring classes on internet safety! Yes, I know it is not the school's job to inform my kids. But, you know how kids are... a lot of times it takes hearing things from someone other than mom and dad to get it through to them. And with schools providing laptops and/or iPads to all students now...it kind of makes sense!
 
Jjriward said:
It's such a tough thing to parent, I think. Because the internet is the way of life now. It's not going to change - if anything it will only get worse. So, yes, I want my children to learn how to conduct themselves safely and responsibly in today's society and they need to learn that while still under my roof. It's not like at 18 you can just throw them out into the world of internet and social media. But, at the same time, as adults we know the dangers and don't want to expose our children too soon. I wish schools would start requiring classes on internet safety! Yes, I know it is not the school's job to inform my kids. But, you know how kids are... a lot of times it takes hearing things from someone other than mom and dad to get it through to them. And with schools providing laptops and/or iPads to all students now...it kind of makes sense!
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Our schools do - starting in elementary school they teach the kids about the internet in a non-scary way - just reinforcing what "most" parents tell their kids at home. For some kids it's the only teaching they get on the subject due to their home situations, for others they might listen more to someone other than their parents (just because you know, parents are stupid and never right), and it's preparing them for when they'll start using devices in school, which in our district can be as early as 4th grade for some things.
 
mariewilcox said:
Our schools do - starting in elementary school they teach the kids about the internet in a non-scary way - just reinforcing what "most" parents tell their kids at home. For some kids it's the only teaching they get on the subject due to their home situations, for others they might listen more to someone other than their parents (just because you know, parents are stupid and never right), and it's preparing them for when they'll start using devices in school, which in our district can be as early as 4th grade for some things.
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That's awesome! I wish ours did!!!
 
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