Just gotta cool down... (OT)

AnnieBananie

AnnieBananie

New member
Ugh, I'm so PO'd with my ex (Faith's dad). We get along really well, but lately he's been "forgetting" to pay child support in a timely fashion. Our divorce order says he's supposed to pay 2 amounts twice a month, but we've since decided to clump it into one payment in the middle of the month.... which is fine and good but "the middle of the month" varies whenever it suits him. He's engaged, they have 2 incomes and no kids... we have 2 kids and 1 income and yet we've got to wait anywhere between the 10th and the 25th for child support?! We depend on that money! I've brought it up and brought it up.. saying "Listen, we need that on a specific date blahblahblah" and he'll be fine for a while and then forget OR he'll send it on time put post-date it for a week later!! I really don't want to bring it to court, since that costs money we don't have (even IF we were to be reimbursed, it's still not readily available funds).... ARRRRRRGH

How would YOU bring it up? I love that we get along but I don't want to be a doormat anymore. I have issues with being "gray"... I'm either really nice or really mean. I need to be civil but my brain isn't letting me right now!!! :cursing:
 
Ohhh man-what a tangled web.
I will speak from my own experience....and I forewarn you it is not good.

My Connor has a different dad. His dad and I have been divorced for 12 years.
I would say GO for the court order-It is a MUST. They will garnish his wages. That is the only way for my family to function. Before we did that I COULD not put his money into our budget...I still don't to be honest...It is too unpredictable-he often quits jobs and is lazy for months at a time. Although knock on wood minus a month I have been getting it since the last week in may this year. He is an OTR truck driver and finally decided to seek medical treatment for his bi-polar disorder and I totally supported him (mentally) through the four weeks he was off work.
You might be surprised how non-expensive it is to get a court date. It will only take one to have a judge set the order and it will happen, its not like the court is going to say no. Especially if you can say and have proof that he is inconsistent in his payment.
Good luck-I'm not sure why some men think it is OK to not support their children in a timely manner. I'm sure that your ex is not taking into account Faiths needs when he is making such silly decisions on paying his child support. I can almost guarantee that he is not thinking of YOU or the rest of your family. I'm sure his brain is not set up that way.
Good luck hon-It has been a constant uphill battle in this household for over a decade.
 
only advice I could offer is to sit down with him and tell him that you depend on that money to help support your (meaning his and yours) daughter and that she does not cease to need to be fed, clothed and kept safe and warm because he decides to wait to pay his support every month. Just like you have due dates on a bill he should consider the child support a bill also and that is the problem with alot of men that they look at child support as something they are doing for their ex when they are really doing it for their child.
 
I think its best to have it taken directly from his pay, but since you don't, I would just have a chat with him and be firm, but nice that you need to set a day when it is due so you know when it is coming because this is money you need to take care of Faith.
 
I know you guys get along, but perhaps sit with him and tell him why you need it at the same time all the time. If he cannot guarantee it, tell him you'll have to get a court date to get garnishment. If he's getting later and slacker, there'll come a time where he just won't pay at all. ((hugs))
 
newfiemountiewife said:
If he's getting later and slacker, there'll come a time where he just won't pay at all.
Click to expand...
Yeah, that's my biggest worry.

Thanks girls for all the support. My biggest issue is DH being up my arse about it. He's in charge of our finances (long story) and apparently had budgeted it in for around this time. *shrug* I'm definitely going to talk to xdh.. but instead of calling him tonight like DH wanted me to, I'm going to cool off a bit first.
 
I've gotten less than 10 child support payments in the last 5 years. We definitely do not count on it, it's more than a "oh look!" thing.

He's over $30k behind.
 

I guess that I would have to say try to talk with your ex-husband and explain to him that IF he cannot pay on an agreed time, without post dating the check, then you will have no choice but to take him to Court for it....

It is sad how many "Father's" do not help support their children financially....My daughter and her two children live with us and cannot rely on their "Father's"....She is in the process of going for Child Support but she knows she will not see one dime, probably ever....Who do they think are supporting their children, babysitting for them so their Mother can work, feeding them, clothing them, etc.?

Good luck with whatever you decide to do....
 
Also, as for post-dating his checks, that may not be legal. I know you aren't allowed to in California unless you have the agreement of the other party to hold that check.
 
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