is this wrong?

J

jessica31876

New member
If your kids were going to go with a family member somewhere (hunting for three days) and they behaved really badly and you said that your child could no longer go do you think the family member should be upset with you for punishing the child by not allowing them to go?
 
Look at it from their end - they've planned a great weekend with your child and are obviously going to be disappointed if it's not working out, and are probably feeling a bit punished on their own. I find it understandable that they would be upset by it, especially if they've made big arrangements, etc.
 
Oh I should add that this punishment came after giving him several other options to remedy the situation and he is not a little kid...he is 16 years old!! Also the family member in question lives only 3 miles away so he sees my son all the time. This is not really a special trip and isnt the only time they go hunting this year. They have at least one more trip planned.
 
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Darcy Baldwin said:
Look at it from their end - they've planned a great weekend with your child and are obviously going to be disappointed if it's not working out, and are probably feeling a bit punished on their own. I find it understandable that they would be upset by it, especially if they've made big arrangements, etc.
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ITA - i mean it is sort of sad for the family member, i think it is ok for them to feel disappointed. BUT they have to respect that this is your call as a parent.

Personally I try not to use things that i know will let other people down, but that being said sometimes kids have really misbehaved in a very serious way, and you have to come up with a serious punishment....

so basically, i don't think you did anything wrong, but also it wasn't really out of line for your family member to be upset.
 
I would not say he couldnt go if it wasnt really serious what he did. I mean I know they were looking forward to it but they are making me feel bad for telling him he couldnt go and apparently have said some things about me to other family members which isnt surprising because they are my in-laws not my own blood relatives
 
thats too bad :( definately not very mature of them to be pouting and talking bad about you.

Definitely don't question yourself, I think you did the right thing, just keep reminding yourself that YOU are the mom, and really in the end it doesn't matter WHAT they think about it!
 
I am just sooo annoyed right now because it really did not have to get to this point. I dont WANT to punish him like this but I dont want him to think he can do whatever he wants and have no consequences either. I really wish there was something else I could do to deal with the situation so he could still go but also realize there are going to be serious consequences when he does something really bad.
 
First of all, {{{hugs}}}.

You did say you gave him options to remedy without the punishment of missing the trip. From the way you describe it you didn't want to take away the trip, it was his choice.

As a family member who takes nieces and nephews on trips, etc. I can understand that person's disappointment. If that person is talking to other family members I would just chalk it up to they needed to "vent" about their own disappointment because now their plans have changed (even if they go without your child).

If another family member decides to say something to you (not that you owe them ANY explanation), if it were me I would just say "I gave [my son's name] options to remedy the situation but instead he decided to choose the option of not being able to go on the trip."

I can only imagine how fun this weekend is going to be for you with a teenager who didn't get to go on a trip (even if he may have deserved the punishment).:unsure:
 
Wow the joys I have to look forward too. (my son is 13)

I agree that this is your child, you are the Mother and you have to make the right choices for your child up until the time they are considered adults and move out. And even then if they live at home still they need to respect the house rules etc.

I know what you are talking about with family bad mouthing other members it seems to happen a lot, take it with a grain of salt and know that you did the RIGHT thing!

We give my 13 year old choices and he knows that if he makes the wrong ones there are consequences. You make your bed now lie in it kinda thing. Stick to your guns on this one regardless of family members hurt feelings.
 
Is the family member upset for themselves or are they denegrating your parenting, like they think it is wrong you should punish him in this way in general, not because of their own disappointment? I can see them being disappointed that now something they planned isn't going to happen. But they have no business calling your parenting choices into question.

It'd be one thing if this was a 7 year old you are not letting go to Six Flags with the cousins he sees once a year. That might be a bit over the top. But a 16 year old, doing something with a relative he sees regularly & it's an activity they will be able to do again? Who also knew what would happen & chose to misbehave anyway? I try not involve others in my punishment choices but sometimes you have no choice when you are looking for a behavior motivator.
 
Stacey basically I think it was a mixture of both things but I do not get along with my husbands family. As his father once told me "He tolerates me." I try to get along but then stuff like this happens and Im just like screw it why should I try when they wont? So I mostly just stay away from them.
 
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