Introverted Kids

kristijoy

kristijoy

New member
Howdy Mom's!

My son is 6 years old and in Kindergarten this year in a small private school. It's doing great acedemically and growing in social skills at school. In fact the teacher said he does quite well interacting with the other kids in the classroom. But on the playground he usually finds something by himself to do (like swing on the big rope swing) rather than participate in the crazy cops/robbers/pirates/run around and shoot things/ games that the other kids play. My kid is much more spiritual and reflective and is not into those kinds of 'boy' games. The teacher is concerned he doesn't want to play with the other kids.

Personally, I'm just fine with this. I'm glad he's able to be true to himself and not bow to peer pressure to do something he doesn't want to do, just to be 'liked'. I think this will serve him well as he gets older (especially in highschool - when some kid wants to offer him some drugs!). If he wasn't doing well in the classroom environement I would be more concerned.

I've also noticed, that he is not interesting in inviting any of these kids over to our house. When we are home, I think it's a kind-of 'sanctuary' for him to be away from the social pressure. I do think, though, that if he found a child whom he was compatible with and shared the same interests he would love to play with them.

So I'm just curious for those of you with introverted kids: how much do you make 'social interaction' happen? when did your kids really start to develop 'friendships' that were meaningful? He's also only '6'. Most of the other boys are into play/topics/shows/etc. that are IMHO for much older kids. My son still loves his trains! Does he have to grow up so quick?
 
my daughter is 7 and in 2nd grade. she has one friend. I mean, she plays with kids at school and she does love school, but she just doesn't really have time for kids after school. she has one girl friend who comes over maybe once a week. i don't really push it. she's not upset by her 'lack' of friends so i'm not either.
 
Honestly, as long as he seems happy and well adjusted and isn't having any trouble with the classroom relationships, I wouldn't worry a bit.

I have two very extroverted children, but I am quite introverted myself. I spent a lot of time by myself at that age and I wasn't unhappy in the least. Once I found one really good friend that I could relate to then I slowly started to become more social.
 
If he is interacting well in the classroom and participating in activities like board games or putting puzzles together and in group activities, I wouldn't worry too much, though you might want to observe and see if he has any mild sensory issues. Even though recess is usually monitored and supervised, sometimes kids with sensory issues have a hard time with it because it can be crazy and wild. And that doesn't mean that he has to play all the crazy games. It just means that you could suggest some other activities that his teachers and recess monitors might consider starting during play time as an alternative that might be more fun for him and maybe a little bit more interactive, while still respecting his preference for being an introvert. It's really possible that there are other kids who might like to have the option of a less wild and crazy recess time too.
 
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shoot I'm 36 years old and still introverted...I'm somewhat awkward socially and totally OK with that! I wouldn't worry about it as long as he's on track academically and participates in class activities. I agree with not being into making him grow up too quickly
 
I posted about something similar to this a few years ago. My son is on the quieter side and not a rough and tumble boy.

https://www.sweetshoppecommunity.com/forum/showthread.php?t=13854

He's 10 now, has a lot of friends at school but still only a small number that he wants to hang around with on a regular basis. He has 2-3 boys that he has over here to our house a lot or goes over to their houses.

I think your son will sort it out and find some kids who are more compatible with him over time. I'd say that my son really started developing more lasting friendships in 2nd grade. Until then, there was still a lot of shifting around between different kids and groups. I did arrange some playdates here and there but he mostly started asking for playdates with friends as he figured out who he wanted to hang out with.
 
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DawnMarch said:
I posted about something similar to this a few years ago. My son is on the quieter side and not a rough and tumble boy.

https://www.sweetshoppecommunity.com/forum/showthread.php?t=13854

He's 10 now, has a lot of friends at school but still only a small number that he wants to hang around with on a regular basis. He has 2-3 boys that he has over here to our house a lot or goes over to their houses.

I think your son will sort it out and find some kids who are more compatible with him over time. I'd say that my son really started developing more lasting friendships in 2nd grade. Until then, there was still a lot of shifting around between different kids and groups. I did arrange some playdates here and there but he mostly started asking for playdates with friends as he figured out who he wanted to hang out with.
Click to expand...

Oh my goodness Dawn! Your son sounds just like my kid! Thank you so much! I feel so much better!
 
glumirk said:
As an introvert myself I wouldn't worry too much. For me small group situations are far more comfortable than big loud groups. I was a swing set girl, which meant I hung out with the two people beside me.

This article helped me understand myself a little more.
http://loveashley.net/2012/12/02/10-myths-about-introverts/
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Excellent article! I've felt ituitively that my son will most likely have a few friends, but those friends will be really close. I know plenty of introverts that have good friendships with a few people and lovely marriages. I remember when I was first out of college I worked with one of the most geeky, quirky guys. At the time he was single...but he amazed us all when a few years later he found his life love!
 
my 11 y/o is just like Dawn's son almost to the tee.....yesterday he actually went outside and played with one of the neighborhood kids for like an hour....very unusual for him...my DD (7) plays with every kid in the neighborhood and could care less about video games, tv, or anything inside! My 5 y/o son is struggling socially in school and we just found out he has ADHD not long ago so we are trying to help him adjust and figure out what works for him. Come to find out from his teacher that he loves to have "building block" time and loves for somebody to play with him, but it HAS to be another boy, he wants nothing to do with one of the girls playing with him! :D I figure one day the 2 boys will grow out of it and find their own way so I really am not too worried about either of them :)
 
Nothing about what you posted sounds concerning to me. Everyone is different. My boys are fairly extroverted, but they still don't have a lot of play dates, etc ... the fact of the matter is that there is no right or wrong way to be. As long as he is happy, that's what matters.
 
glumirk said:
As an introvert myself I wouldn't worry too much. For me small group situations are far more comfortable than big loud groups. I was a swing set girl, which meant I hung out with the two people beside me.

This article helped me understand myself a little more.
http://loveashley.net/2012/12/02/10-myths-about-introverts/
Click to expand...

Thank you for this helpful article, Megan! I found myself there in most of every line.

I also love energy typing by Carol Tuttle. Found that last year and revealed some things about myself for me, that were quite surprising for me. I got to know myself better and learned to accept my (introverted) traits more. And the other plus is, that I can see others better now, understand where they are coming from and accept them and their traits better, too.

I do have a link to a short (and free) version of it, but it is in fact an affiliate link and I'd rather refrain from posting it here.
Carol also has a brand new book out called "The Child Whisperer". I don't have kids, so I didn't buy it. I thought of buying it for my best friend, who has two kids and loves energy typing as well.

I think that the book might be a great resource to learn about your kid more and how to help them get comfy in this world.
 
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My son is a true extrovert, but I'm naturally an introvert and was painfully shy as a kid. If he seems happy being by himself, let him. Don't pressure him to do something he doesn't want to do especially if he's participating fine in the classroom. He'll come around when he's comfortable and wants to. Now if he was sad about it, that would be another story.
 
My kids are both extroverts. But at 5 &7 we only do play dates with one friend maybe once a month. They are social butterflies at school. But they are too busy with their activities and at home doing work and chores to be bothered. I don't push them to have great friends or do play dates at this age. Then again we move often and they have to make new friends. Its hard to push them to when I know we will leave them too eventually. I figure when they get older they will make 1-2 best friends. I'd rather them chose quality over quantity.
 
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