Insulted only 4x so far

AmyM

AmyM

New member
So I am the official neighborhood momma where the kids come to destroy my house and eat all my food. Fine, whatever, at least I know where my daughter is and that she is safe under my roof. I'll gladly put up with the little perks to have some peace about my kid.

But...


There is one thing driving me nuts. There is a kid who is almost 3 yrs older than her who is over here almost every day. She says things she shouldn't (well, in my house they are not allowed) and really knows too much for her age (such as graphic details blurted out about how someone in her family committed suicide - imagine my horror). She is rude and has no manners and as we say in this part of the country, she ain't from around here. LOL no offense, but you get my point. Today she has only managed to insult me 4 times in the 2.5+ hrs she has been here. Not bad I suppose. She picks up my little money bank hybrid project with this nasty curled up nose look on her face and goes "game money?" and proceeds to slam it down. She goes into my refrigerator and asks me why I don't have the top on my spaghetti, it's supposed to be here. I pour some coke in a glass and say, i need to go to the store I'm almost out and then she asks "well can i have the rest". I was playing with my camera settings the other night and she snarls her nose and face up at me and goes "you need a digital camera" (to which I was thinking you little bi**tc** please this is Nikon and nearly jumped across the room to kick her butt). She has made remarks about my pile of dishes that were in the sink ONE FREAKING DAY, complained that the air on one of the cars which I hauled her butt off to bible school on does not work, called it old school laughing at it (shut up dude, it's paid for).....and that's just the beginning. Do you know how bad I wanna smack this kid across her rude little mouth? Where I come from, if my child even thought to talk like that to another adult she'd eat a bar of soap and get in some big fat trouble. They just moved here so I don't know if this is acceptable to her family or what, but I am about to blow a gasket here.

Me and Kassi have had a few nice long discussions about this child's nasty comments, lack of manners, and extreme rudeness. She understands that I will make her life a living hades if she so much as considers acting like this neighborhood kid.

I have had to tell her "goodnight" and it took me a good 15 minutes to get her out of my house a couple weeks ago when I had company over.

Please feel my pain. Join in my suffering or tell me some good mean stories about what you'd do with this kid.

Ah, I feel better.

LIZZY_ you take the neighborhood kid and I will take the Korean MIL. Trade? Deal? :)
 
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Pretty I would've been smacked upside the head for some of those comments.

It amazes me how little some parents participate in the upbringing of their own children.
 
Holy cow! Hang in there, Amy! At least Lizzy's MIL is an adult. No clue on advice - but I feel your pain. Great job on explaining to your DD about what is and is not ok behavior.
 
I think it is time to walk her home. Go with her to her house to drop her off, ask to sit down & speak with her mother. Tell her your concerns with her daughters behavior in a "mom 2 mom" way. I would want to know if my kids were acting up while they were at a friends house. It is not about saying they are bad parents ... it is saying that their daughter isn't behaving properly. I don't care where you are from, ruse comments and behavior are not ok.
 
By the way, the only reason I put up with this and haven't put a sign on my door yet telling her to stay away- I think something's up at her house. I don't know what but something is not right. The kid has had a rough life so I kinda feel sorry for her. But sometimes you start to run out of sympathy.
 
ugg, what a pain! I would have had no qualms about sending her home.

We, too, have a neighborhood, er, issue. Fortunately, she isn't here every day, but when she is, I spend a lot of time correcting her behavior. She is disrespectful, defiant, rude, and sometimes outright mean. I feel sorry for her family situation, so I do tolerate more than some parents do (she has been banned from a couple of homes). But the bottom line is that in my house you follow my rules or you go home.

Good luck!
 
I would NOT HESITATE to tell her that if she is visiting YOUR house, then she needs to act appropriately. Sometimes I think kids (well, people in general) don't even know things like that until someone tells them. If you take it, you're allowing it to happen and I'd nip that in the bud really quick! Think of it as doing her a favor (a life lesson to be kind to others).
 
AmyM said:
By the way, the only reason I put up with this and haven't put a sign on my door yet telling her to stay away- I think something's up at her house. I don't know what but something is not right. The kid has had a rough life so I kinda feel sorry for her. But sometimes you start to run out of sympathy.
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I can understand that, but it should still be your house, your rules. I would either start correcting her more, or talk to her parents as someone else suggested (Amber I think). Even if there's problems at home, it doesn't give her an excuse to be rude.
 
I'd knock her happy ass out! /end daydream

IDK, we have a little boy like that around here and he's not allowed in my house, so I'm no help. I guess if you think something's wrong at home, you wouldn't want to say something to them, but i'd still try. I would also treat her like one of my own and put her on timeout when she misbehaves.
 
I would simply sit the girls down and go over the rules of the house. The teacher in me has NO problem letting kids know when they are out of line.
 
Um, if her momma ain't paying you to watch her, don't open the door when she comes knocking... That's one spoiled brat if I've ever heard one!!!
 
yeah, I would sit her down and tell her the rules (i.e., people in your house are polite and respectful to each other). Tell her that she either follows those rules or is not allowed to come over by herself.
 
Yep...I've had that happen, and I have no problems saying, "in this house..."

I know when I was kid (troubled home) that I definitely looked forward to being elsewhere. I would say that your "rules" aren't nearly as bad as what she probably has to face when she returns home, so she will probably follow them...she just needs to know them.

and in our house...it's not an adult/kid thing...we repsect EVERYBODY
 
now see, I just don't let kids over. sure I feel like a horrible mom sometimes but I really don't want to deal with other kids in my house. My dd's can play outside all they want, there is a little playground on our street and I'll supply all sorts of fun toys for outside.
 
She is just acting the way she has always been allowed to act, y'know?

As much as she might initially protest your rules, I bet she would really appreciate the rules if something really is going on in her house. If you feel like doing something nice for her, then just calmly but firmly state what the rules are and that she will have to follow them if she wants to come by your house. If it comes down to it, kick her out for the day and clearly explain what rule(s) she is breaking, but that she is more than welcome to come by the next day to play and start over.

It sounds like she just needs some adult guidance and a safe place.
 
I couldn't decide whether to just talk to her mom or her or both of them. We've lived here almost a month and I've never met her mother and only spoken to her for a few seconds on the phone. That's weird to me. Maybe I'm just paranoid but I don't feel comfortable letting my daughter go to someone's house like that and I know zero about them? Some other things make me think that the mom is not the type to be concerned about her kid's behavior but more worried about just having to deal with her. The father is not in the picture so I can't get hubby to go talk to her dad. I will take the good advice given here and sleep on it. I think I'll end up talking to just the girl for now and see how that goes.

I really truly don't mind all the kids being at my house and some of them are the cutest little things! Me and hubby discussed this when Kassi was just a baby and decided we would be the house with the open doors. When she's a teen I'd much rather all of her giggly friends come over here and talk on the phone and be loud or whatever. I feel more involved in my daughter's life that way and really would love to be a parent that other parents can trust with their kids and know they are safe. Eat all the junk food, listen to music too loud, have a blast but don't think for a minute you're gonna have boys sneaking in here at 2 in the morning cause I'm still awake scrappin LOL. Ah this raising kids thing is not so easy is it?
 
I feel for ya. I would have to say she wouldn't be allowed in my house, so not much help here either.
 
AmyM said:
I feel more involved in my daughter's life that way and really would love to be a parent that other parents can trust with their kids and know they are safe. Eat all the junk food, listen to music too loud, have a blast but don't think for a minute you're gonna have boys sneaking in here at 2 in the morning cause I'm still awake scrappin LOL. Ah this raising kids thing is not so easy is it?
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You are one awesome Mom! Nope, it's not easy, but likely the most rewarding thing going!
 
Wow girly you are amazing!! Its obvious you are really thinking of this little kid but its SO not fair for you to be a doormat either. I hope that when you break the rules down she understands and listens!!
 
Amy, I'd lay down the law and tell her the way things have to be. She may not be getting much structure at home, and this may be a way for you to help her by setting boundaries. I would definitely tell her the way things have to be in your home, or she would have to go.

I wouldn't give up on her yet, but I also wouldn't let her act that way around you. If she is indeed having a tough time at home, she should be thankful to be someplace else, and if she knows there's a chance she won't be allowed over anymore if she doesn't smarten up, perhaps she will start following the rules.

Sorry she's being such a PITA. ((hugs)) and much patience vibes to you!

ETA make sure you are consistent and follow through, so if she acts up AFTER you tell her the rules. Toss her heiny out!
 
I do feel your pain sweetie. I would just tell her that she can't conduct herself with some manners while she's at your house and in your presence, then she needs to go home and not let the door hit her butt on the way out.

My DDs actually had a friend (four years ago) tell them that it's okay to have sex with a girl if they want to. It upset them so much they came crying to me asking me what was up with that.

You have to get that stuff under control or it will wear off on Kassi and you don't want that I know.
 
yes!!!

SamaraGugler said:
I would simply sit the girls down and go over the rules of the house. The teacher in me has NO problem letting kids know when they are out of line.
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yeah..being a teacher....i have no problem telling kids to get off of the blood pressure machine at walmart...so if it is in my house..then i surely would have a little chit chat...i am actually babysitting a little boy this summer and he actually started out this summer saying things that my kids aren't allowed to say or should be hearing..sooooooooooooooooooooo i had a talk with him and his momma...he is also very picky..so i just put on the table what i cook and if he doesn't eat..he just doesn't eat... *he is 8* this is what momma does..so this is what i do...for your sanity and for you to enjoy the summer..you have to lay down the law..or you are going to be totally miserable....sorry girl..no way around it..or make that sign that says OH NO SISTA>>YOU AiN'T COMING IN...and hang it with a pretty bow on your front door... sorry that you are having a not fun time with this..it is tricky... :)
 
Sounds like you're probably offering a haven for this girl. And I think that's wonderful of you!

I'm sorry her behavior is um...undesirable. I would absolutely speak with her about the rules of your house and let her know when she doesn't follow them that she has to go home. Just because she's a guest doesn't mean you have to tolerate consistently poor behavior, IMO.

Outside of that, just remember that you're the adult. She probably doesn't have the kinds of boundaries and modeling of appropriate behavior that you have established in your house. That doesn't mean you let her behavior slide, just gives you perspective in those moments she makes you want to smack her upside the head, lol. :) And hopefully she will respond to your talk and behave better for you if you choose to keep welcoming her in your home.

GL!
 
I think you are doing a fabulous job as 'neighbourhood mom'... it's sooo important. I can only hope I can be that when my kids are a little older.
I just might want to add that yes, she is probably speaking to you the way she is spoken to, and she might need to be totally reeducated about what RESPECT is. If she's never seen it, if no one has ever respected her, she's going to have trouble giving it. She might also simply be trying to rile you up and see how far she has to go to make you mad, make you yell. If that's what she's used to, she may only know how to relate to adults that way.
Complimenting her for ANYTHING good she does might be a good thing to add to whatever plan you come up with. Any positive behaviour, any behaviour that is valued in your house. I also agree with the no-permanent ban idea, just a day at a time. She might loose the privilege of your house one day but can be welcomed the next. You could also put boundaries around your family if you felt you needed to. My mom did that when I was little (and she was kinda the neighbourhood mom before she got sick)... like only these four days a week are friends allowed over, or whatever. Even to have one night when it is just 'your family' for you to relax might be good.

Let us know how it goes!!
 
We have a next-door neighbor who is about 4 years older than my oldest child. When we first moved in, he would come over to play ... because he was bored and didn't have anything else to do. He started bossing my children around, riding on outside toys that were obviously too small for him, and broke a couple of toys being careless.

After me reminding him several times that I thought he was too old to play on this or that, he got bored with coming over and stopped coming over. I was relieved because I just didn't think my kids needed to grow up that fast (learn and or idolize his habits). There were some things I appreciated -- like him showing the kids the bugs he'd caught and stuff like that -- educational stuff, but that was few and far between.

I guess the reason that I'm sharing this is that I want to say that I think you might want to consider having an age limit for how much older of kids you will allow your kids to have over. It's great to have an open door, but when it's teaching your kids things they really don't need to learn yet ... whether it is age-appropriate stuff (as in typical for a 7 year old, or typical stuff an 8 year old might say or do ...) or rude behavior like that little girl is teaching ... maybe it's ok to draw the age line?

Hugs,
Melinda
 
Oh, I forgot to mention that it's awesome being the "hang out" house. I always know where my kids are and what they are doing and the parents really seem to appreciate knowing where they can ALWAYS find their kids. Keep being the neighborhood mom - it's a GOOD thing.
 
AmyM said:
By the way, the only reason I put up with this and haven't put a sign on my door yet telling her to stay away- I think something's up at her house. I don't know what but something is not right. The kid has had a rough life so I kinda feel sorry for her. But sometimes you start to run out of sympathy.
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This is exactly what I was going to say - there's probably no one at home to talk to. In all the years that I've worked with kids, they say things to get attention. She wants your attention - she wants attention - any attention - even if it's negative attention from her saying nasty things.

I would just correct her behavior gently each time she says nasty things. And maybe give her a warning after the first time each day. We speak kindly here - or you'll have to go home for a little break until you can come back and speak kindly. She obviously isn't having any modeling of proper behavior done for her at home, so if you are going to have her around, you might just have to do it.

I once had a classroom of 20 2nd graders where at least 15 of them hadn't been taught any manners. It was awful! We spent the entire year practicing manners every chance we got. My favorite was, "You get what you get and you don't pitch a fit . . . or you get nothing!" LOL

I, too, would die if my child behaved the way you've described this little girl behaving. I just think days are packed so full these days for so many families with work, school, activities, etc, that people are just trying to get through the day and the niceties of manners is being left behind in the rush.
 
It sounds like this girl gravitates to you/your family b/c she craves (consciously or not) the kind of family environment you have. But she should abide by your rules. You may have to work on that with her but it seems like you could have a positive impact on her life, which it sounds like she needs.

hang in there! I'm sure your own daughter is learning from you how to be compassionate and giving.
 
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