I'm the worst person in existence

adi&co.

adi&co.

New member
I haven't wanted to admit it, but the guilt is eating me alive, so i just need to get it off my chest.

I can't help but get annoyed and angry that I have to pick up my hubby's slack. THERE I said it! I'm a terrible person. My hubby is injured and I can't help but feel angry about ME having to pick up his slack. I should be thankful that my hubby can walk, sit up on his own, take himself to the bathroom (because really, he was close to paralyzing himself) and all I feel is annoyance. What is wrong with me? It's totally not like me to be super selfish like this.

I feel better getting that off my chest. :closedeyes:
 
You're not super selfish... just human. Hang in there hunnie, we all have moments like that I think. Plus it is hard having to do everything you normally do plus do more because of an extenuating circumstance. That doesn't mean you don't want to help him or be there for him, it just means you are feeling the stress of having to do more than usual.

Venting feels good, too, doesn't it?! :hugs:
 
((Hugs)) If you were feeling overworked before this or like you were doing more than he was, than I think it's normal to secretly feel annoyed about having even more on your plate. As long as it's only internal and you aren't taking it out on your DH, don't beat yourself up about it. If only we could always manage to feel the way we know we should or want to about things! (Not that you shouldn't try to focus on the positive, but it doesn't make you a bad person that you aren't right now.)
 
I understand. Like 150%. It's hard enough when you're taking care of 3 kids, but also having to take care of him and make sure everything else is done is exhausting. It's totally NORMAL to feel the way you are feeling. Jon broke his ankle two years ago on Memorial Day...when we had a 4 and a 1 year old, were in the middle of a major remodeling project & basically living in our basement (and then our camper!), and he couldn't do ANYTHING. No walking, no carrying kids, no cleaning....nothing. I resented him SO MUCH during that time, even though I KNEW that he wanted to help me but it was all just beyond our control.

It's hard, SO hard, so don't beat yourself up about it. I would get SO MAD when everyone would be fawning over Jon (of course they would, he was injured & struggling) when I felt like *I* was the one bearing the whole burden of that injury. It wasn't that I wasn't glad he was okay, or wasn't concerned that he was injured (and to be honest, he was a little depressed during that time, too). It's just easy to get bogged down and exhausted.

You are not a bad person. Promise.

(sorry, I realize this was a lot of telling my story but...sometimes it helps to know someone else has been there, done that.)

Big huge hugs!
 
It's probably just a reaction to the situation as such. You are full of emotions, which is normal if you think what happened (and could have happened!) and your mind is processing these emotions as anger. Plus, you have 3 kids, so it's obvious you have a lot to do even under normal circumstances, and tired people tend to be angry too.
 
Big (((HUGS))) Adi. We went through a rough time with DH's health a few years back while I was preggo with our youngest. And, there were definitely days when I was angry with him because I was carrying a lot of added stress and felt the need to be the "strong" one. It's hard, but totally normal for you to feel that way. Do something to treat yourself . . . even if it's something small . . . and feel free to come vent here whenever you need to. :wub:
 
THank you so much ladies. I'm totally bawling. I was feeling bogged down before the accident and now I feel super stretched. Thanks for letting me vent and double thanks for not making me feel worse. Because seriously, he would endure the pain to help me out if he knew how I was feeling, so I've been keeping it super bottled up. He helps me most by getting better, kwim? I really do need him to not do anything, but it's been hard to take care of everything. You ladies are the best
 
Big hugs. Give yourself some slack too. Look for what you can let go. It's just for a season...hopefully a very short one. Easy meals for the kids, add some extra days in before you dust, etc. whatever would be helpful to you but not make it a bigger burden to you if that makes any sense.

And be sure to stop back here for support. There are so many nice people in this forum that would want to be supportive.
 
I only have two kids and get annoyed. I think it's normal. My husband isn't home most of the day. So I have all the household stuff, plus kids, and everything else. It's hard being a stay at home mom and still getting time for your self. Add in something that isn't normally in the routine it would throw anyone.

In 2012 my husband broke his leg at work. Plus I had a miscarriage the same week. I also had to take care of my then three year old. It was rough!
 
Hopefully he's recuperating quickly. Most of us feel pretty tired with "regularly scheduled programming", so when you add to it, it's natural to feel overwhelmed and/or grumpy. Big hugs!
 
Men are total babies when they are sick/injured while we still do everything. Of course, you are grateful he's not further hurt, but it's normal to feel tired of taking care of everything while he is out of commission.
 
And remember, it's okay if your house looks like a bomb went off! Take care of your babes, take care of your man, take care of yourself! One step at a time. The pile of dishes can wait, the laundry doesn't need to be folded and put away as soon as it comes out of the dryer, and the grass will be fine if it doesn't get cut for the week. Focus on what's most important! Your family and yourself! Good luck girlie! Hang in there!
 
Adrienne -
I think it's perfectly natural to feel upset when the scale tips and you have even more on your side. If you don't have a local friend or family you can call for help that makes it even worse. I go through this when my husband has a lot going on at work and he works late, then comes home works his second job and then gets the work computer out and goes back to the first job. It's impossible to get him to do anything to help out when it's like this. Honestly I pretty feel darn resentful - I work full time, my kids are a middle and a high schooler now, but still getting them to and from school/events/fed, etc . I'm already taking care of what feels like 80% of our lives!!! But I've learned that there will come a time the tables will turn and I'll be super busy and need his help. He's learning to voice his appreciate for me jumping in and doing everything when he has to work like this. I'm learning that marriage is a give and take and sometimes one of us has to give to support the other (even when it feels like ALL the time!)

Don't feel bad that you feel this way. I am so guilty of taking my stress out (especially in these types of situations) on my family. I'm learning to call a friend or my mom and ask for help (I've focused on helping out my neighbor friends and daughters' friend's parents so that I have a little network of people I can go to when I need a hand.) I have to give myself permission to pick up something for dinner instead of cooking, letting some of the housework go until the weekend, making myself stop and put my feet up...everything will be fine. Adjust my schedule where I can and let myself have a minute or two.

So please come here and vent. Try to see the good side and focus on him getting better. Let some of the things go that can be let go. If you can get friends/family to come help take care of him then you can focus on what you need to do with everything else. This will pass...just breathe...you can do it sweets!
 
Try not to be so hard on yourself! You're under a lot of stress! I think it's a normal reaction and it does NOT make you a terrible person. Hang in there!!!


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Nah. I'm a firm believer in acknowledging that sometimes what you feel and what you know don't jive. It's okay to feel stressed and irritated, it's normal, you're not neglecting him or being mean. Hang in there!
 
I can relate with you.

Since my mom had stroke, I have to spend more time doing things for her than I could spend time for myself like before. In the beginning, I felt like she wasn't trying hard enough to be at least 50% independent. I didn't vent it out to her though. That was in January. 5 months later today, I'm used to it & reminded myself of the good things that my mom had done to me, and that God wouldn't put this on my shoulders if I can't do it.

So no, you're not a bad person at all. Like Tanyia said, it's natural to feel like that when you suddenly have more on your plate than you think you could handle. But I believe that you CAN handle it. So hang in there! And believe that you WILL come out of it stronger than before.
 
Honestly, being a caregiver sucks. I've spent a lot of time doing it and it's not easy. Frankly I think taking care of kids is easier than taking care of a parent or spouse. You need to vent and it seems like you have a good place and support system here for it, so keep a smile on your face when dealing with hubby and all the extras and let it out here. Honestly, I carp about how little my mom does to help herself on my way to work. It's just me, the road and the radio so I vent. I'm pretty sure people who see me think I am nuts, but it keeps me sane. LOL Bless you and your family. Hope the hubby is a fast healer! :)
 
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