I'm in SOOO much trouble!

L

Laura_A

New member
I'm in some serious trouble and I totally feel like a dead man walking. I maxed out a credit card and my husband is going to kill me! I don't know why I was so careless and why I keep doing this??! I take care of ALL our finances and usually I do a pretty good job. The bills are always paid but my husband wants little to no balances on our credit cards but I can't seem to keep my paws off of them. I think, "a little here and there won't hurt" until I realize those little charges added up and I'm screwed. We've had this fight before and I always intend to do better...and here we are. OMG! What am I going to do?? He knew there was a bit of a balance on it, but now there is about $2,500 more than he expected. I don't think I can trust myself anymore and I know he's not going to trust me. I don't know what to do. I can't keep it from him...I'm going to have to tell him tonight and I'm so mad at myself. He's going to be so disappointed and angry. The only thing I can think of is to write down all the details of our bills/accounts (I've been meaning to do this anyway in case something ever happened to me) so that he has full access to check up on stuff 24/7. I know it's not something he wants to deal with and he SHOULD be able to trust me to take care of things, but I think the only way I'm going to be more cautious about the CCs is if I know he's watching. He works so hard to take care of us and I feel like I've failed him AGAIN. I'm such an idiot! If you guys don't see me around...start checking hospitals and morgues. :crying:
 
Yikes! Good luck with that.

Honestly, why don't you just cut up the cards? Then the temptation is gone! I mean, you can even tell him that when you tell him it's maxed out. I think CCs are evil! We only have one to keep our credit in good standing and we pay off the whole balance every month, if not more often.
 
Hugs! I know just how you feel. I put my husbands bank account into overdraft....again....to the point where the bank was calling us asking what was up. It is because his account is attached to our Paypal account...and those little purchases do really add up!

Good luck!
 
Aww I'm sorry Laura! This is why we don't have CCs. Yeah it sucks sometimes to not have insta money when we wanna buy something big, but between P and I, those babies would always be full. Good luck!
 
I ran into that problem last week! He called me after he went to the bank to deposit his paycheck. We were overdrawn! He wanted to know about this new sweet shop I was visiting and why was I spending so much money there to cause us to be overdrawn! But we worked it out in the end. I even offered to give him my debit card but he said no I might need it for Adrienne! I hope things work out for you. I know I can't spend any more here in the Shoppe until we get back on our feet.
 
*hugs* good luck! Reading Dave Ramsey and then using the YNAB (youneedabudget.com) software has really helped us. We have to enter in our receipts and look at where our money is going, so credit cards are just a convenient way to pay for what we have in our budget. We pay it off every other week too, so we have to stay caught up.
 
I hope it goes okay when you tell him!

glumirk said:
We have to enter in our receipts and look at where our money is going, so credit cards are just a convenient way to pay for what we have in our budget.
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We're the same way-we write down every cc purchase, cash withdrawl, etc. in a notebook asap after we make it. (DH tracks it all in a budget spreadsheet, but we use the notebook as a way to be on top of it all the time, rather than waiting a couple weeks until he updates the spreadsheet.) It helps us resist the impulse to buy anything that wasn't already in the budget and to save those splurges for times when we've otherwise kept our spending low. Maybe it could help you to have some way to keep track of those purchases so you're not surprised when the statement comes.

Another way I budget little online purchases (scrap stuff and Kindle books) is to buy myself a gift card that's supposed to last a given amount of time. If the the money on it runs out before the end of that time, I have to stick to wishlisting until then.
 
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Eek. I am a major budgeter and working really hard on bringing my credit back to excellent scores after my divorce wrecked havoc on it. Its just much less stressful for me to keep my spending in check. Don't get me wrong, I still go to Target and blow some money, but for me, what works is to allow some splurges, but to only allow a little. I only shop at SSD for sweet rewards, once a month. I only go to Target at payday, etc. That way you know you are allowed some fun spending, but it doesn't get out of control. I also check my balances often and only put enough on my cc to pay off each month so that I can make sure my credit continues to get better. Good luck!
 
why not leave them at home when you go out? Or freeze them in water? By the time it melts you won't have the need to splurge anymore. I don't really believe in NOT having a CC for that just in case but def budget and keep track of every penny you put on there. Seeing what you spend can be an eye opener and make you more aware

Good Luck telling him
 
Thanks everyone. I'm literally still sick to my stomach anticipating his reaction. It's not like he's going to beat or leave me, I just know how upset he'll be and I HATE disappointing him. I have been working on getting everything down on paper so he can see what bills are paid when and I've come up with a really tight budget to get the CC paid off as quickly as possible. I'll be handing the cards over tonight as well so hopefully that will soften the blow a little.

Thanks for letting me cry here...it's not something I'm proud of, but I had to get it out. It's eating me up inside. I'll let y'all know how it goes. I wish it were Wednesday...that way he'd have some time to cool off before the weekend when he's home with me all day. :o
 
Aww, good luck Laura. These things happen and the fact that you're both aware and taking steps to make sure it doesn't happen again is a good thing. :)

I'm another big Dave Ramsey/YNAB fan. Dave Ramsey is very anti-credit so we only have one credit card and we really only use it for renting cars or paying for stuff the military will reimburse us for (like during moves). Occasionally we put big purchases on there to get points but only when we have the cash already saved to pay for it. Even then I don't like doing it because it's too easy to forget you've done that and end up surprised later.

I will say that YNAB has a method for handling credit cards, both with old or new debt, so if you're looking for a way to budget and keep track of those expenses you plan to pay off, you might want to check it out. If you've got a smartphone, you might also see if your credit card has an app that will allow you to check your balance on the go. If you make it a habit to check your balance first before giving into those impulse buy moments, it might help you cut down on those.
 
I'm so sorry, Laura. I feel sick for you. : (

I'm an all or nothing kind of girl, so I tend to just avoid going places where I'll be tempted isntead of trying to have self control.
 
joelsgirl said:
I'm so sorry, Laura. I feel sick for you. : (

I'm an all or nothing kind of girl, so I tend to just avoid going places where I'll be tempted isntead of trying to have self control.
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This is me! I have stopped shopping as a hobby. I rarely just go to the mall to browse anymore. And when I do buy something I plan it for a week before I buy. It's amazing how giving myself the rule to wait and think on a purchase has eliminated almost 90% of my spontaneous splurges. So, if I see something I want but didn't plan to buy it that day, I don't buy it. I tell myself I can go back and buy it the next time. And, usually I never do.

We took the crown financial class our church offered and we are both Dave R. fans, although we don't follow his methods tightly. But I would be a spender big time if it wasn't for my husband holding the reins and keeping track of our money. I feel your pain, Laura! I hope the talk goes smoothly tonight. :hugs:
 
I hope all goes well with your discussion. I know it's tough to want things. When I first got divorced I had to be really careful. I still only charge things I can pay off each month. It helps me to enter all of my checks and charges into Quicken each Sunday morning so that I know how much money is in my account and owed on my credit cards. That has the benefit of telling me where I spend my money.
 
Awww... good luck in telling him!
I'm so afraid of credit cards because I think if I had one I'd be in trouble. Everytime I get a credit card offer I immediately decline. I am happy to have no credit card what so ever (well, besides debit but of course with that you can't spend what you don't have :p )
 
Sarah8914 said:
Yikes! Good luck with that.

Honestly, why don't you just cut up the cards? Then the temptation is gone! I mean, you can even tell him that when you tell him it's maxed out. I think CCs are evil! We only have one to keep our credit in good standing and we pay off the whole balance every month, if not more often.
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I agree. Cut up the credit cards! We no longer have ANY and will never have one again. Too much temptation and those little things DO add up so fast! Also, when you think about the interest you end up paying on those silly little things it just isn't worth it.
 
I just read that you were discussing this tonight. I hope it went okay. It really is SO easy to spend more without even thinking about it. We have done it too many times. That is why we got serious and got rid of them completely. We can't trust ourselves with credit cards any longer. DH and I are both bad about it... not major debt but a little here and a little there but when you have 10 cards those little bits add up so fast!
 
Hope the talk went ok. Another Dave Ramsey fan here. Not following it perfectly but definitely "snowballing" to a better life with an eye on the prize.

No judgment, but is there anything you could possibly return that maybe in hindsight you would feel better taking back and getting the money off the card? Again, no judgments. just trying to offer an idea.
 
I'm so sorry :( Believe me, I've been in your shoes, and after two credit card fiascos (both mine), I've decided I can't be trusted, at least not for a while.

My biggest temptation is online purchases. We only have 1 card (the hubs') and I only use it IF I have the cash to pay for what I bought right away. I log into our account and pay the amount from my own account straight into the CC. This system has worked for me for more than a year. Also, I'm kinda like Kellie in that I can totally not buy anything for months and then do a major splurge in a heartbeat *hangs head*

The hubs is a better saver than myself, BUT if he notices that he's been using his card for like, three purchases straight, he'll deliberately take it out of his wallet and put it away, until he can pay the balance.
 
I didn't work up the nerve friday night...we were having such a good evening. So, I told him 1st thing saturday morning. I was so relieved by his reaction. He was frustrated, but I definitely didn't give him enough credit (no pun intended). He was calm and just said we'd take care of it. I think the fact that I gave him the cards (we only have 2) and the rundown of all our accounts helped. I had already worked out a budget plan to get everything (including a couple loans) paid off in 10 months, so that was good too...of course, I won't be shopping for scrap stuff much during that time, but I'll manage. lol Thanks for the advice, everyone! It helped a lot to "talk" about it.
 
I am glad that it all worked out!!!

This is one reason why we got rid of all our credit cards 7 years ago after we paid them off. I know we would charge, charge, charge if we had them. It would start off a little here and a little there.
 
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