I just cannot win

[jessica31876]

It seems like for the past few months my daughter has been royally pi**ed at me. She leaves the house almost every morning saying "whatever" which I hate with a passion. To me saying whatever is like saying screw you. So this morning the argument was whether she should be allowed to wear a mini skirt and cowboy boots. I think the look is totally inappropriate for school and really anywhere for that matter. She is only 17! She has sandals which would be so much better and while I still would not really like the skirt I think it would look alot better then with boots. SO I gave her a choice either wear sandals or change into something else. So she changed into pants and wore her boots and left in a huff saying whatever. I cannot wait for this phase of her life to be over. I know that it will end but man I really hope it ends soon.

 

[BrattyMeg]

(((hugs)))

I TOTALLY remember being 17 :0/

I don't look forward to it with my girls esp...my 12yr (almost 13) is pure attitude a lot of times NOW..I dread 17

 

[jessica31876]

see I didnt go through the typical stuff a 17yo did because I was married and had her and she was a little over a year old. It was totally different for me at that age so Im finding it kinda hard to relate to what she is doing.

 

[Sharon Kay]

When my 20yo ds went through that...I made a t-shirt that said "attitude is everything"... then every time he gave me the "whatever"...that afternoon after school I made him go with me on errands. I purposely saved the errands until after school. I wore that t-shirt (which meant I washed it constantly) when we went...and he hated it...he just knew that everyone was looking at my shirt and then at him. Told him "well whatever". He controlled that response within a few weeks.

Attitude is HARD with teens...last year I had 3 teenage boys in the house...now my oldest is 20 and still acts 19. ...but I deal with it by handing out chores...it doesn't get rid of the attitude but at least my house gets cleaned up and the garage cleaned out!

 

[maryinaz]

Yep, it's an "entitled" attitude. Entitled to wear and do whatever they want. I have 2 teen boys in the house. When they get like that, we too, have them clean. But we also take their "screen time" away - no video games, TV, or computer, because they are no longer entitled to them. Their attitudes adjust really quickly.

 

[jessica31876]

She went through this to some degree as a younger teen then kinda snapped out of it and was pretty well behaved for the most part for like three years and then the last few months its kinda back to the same stuff...smart-mouthing, not follwoing rules etc. I honestly think it is because she thinks since she is 17 and so close to turning 18 (like 7 months away) she should be able to do whatever SHE wants and not have any rules from me. (her dad is here but pretty much leaves disciplining up to me)

 

[nun69]

sounds like my teenager TOTALLY...she just turned 16 on the 16th!! and when I tried to talk to her {more like yell at her} over the computer about her grades she had the nerve to say "just what I need a lecture from 11,000 miles away}"...knowing that I am deployed and her dad isn't going to do anything because he has enough other stress to deal with with the other 3 kids he has to take care of until I come home in July...what she doesn't realize, she is in for a RUDE awakening when I get home {{{HUGS}}}

 

[Kat Stokes]

In all honesty, I was just like your daughter at 17. No one could tell me anything. I'm totally sorry that I acted that way to my parents now. Especially since I know it's going to come right back around with my children... :blink:

Some suggestions: Does she have a car? Dating? etc? If yes, start taking away privileges. If she needs to go to work, fine. But I would recommend driving her to and from if you can. Take away the phone, take away the computer. She needs to learn that she is not an adult yet and since she still lives under your roof she needs to respect you and the rules.

I know that this is hard but tough love is the best! HUGE HUGS!!!

 

[jessica31876]

Oh wow that must really suck!! My daughter does really well in school so I dont have to worry about that its just the talking back and thinking she knows soooo much more then she really does. She thinks she can move out and make it on her own once she turns 18. Like it is that easy....just move out and you are set. Ive tried to explain that rent is expensive and then you have power and phone and gas and insurance and food etc etc etc and I know how she spends her money. Has no sense of budgeting whatsoever. She got two tickets the other day one for improper backing and the other for driving a car without having a 21 year old next to her. The person with her was only 20 and just barely 20!! She is still mad at me for punishing her for that even though I specifically told her when she got her restricted license/learners permit that she could only drive with me or her dad or her grandparents with her and not with her friends

sounds like my teenager TOTALLY...she just turned 16 on the 16th!! and when I tried to talk to her {more like yell at her} over the computer about her grades she had the nerve to say "just what I need a lecture from 11,000 miles away}"...knowing that I am deployed and her dad isn't going to do anything because he has enough other stress to deal with with the other 3 kids he has to take care of until I come home in July...what she doesn't realize, she is in for a RUDE awakening when I get home {{{HUGS}}}

 

[jessica31876]

yep she lost driving privliges for those two tickets. She lost texting and phone privliges already. She is only allowed to use the computer at home for school purposes. She is pretty much grounded from everything right now. Mostly for lying. Another thing I cannot tolerate because usually the lies cover up something that she would NOT get into that much trouble for if she just told us the truth to begin with.

Some suggestions: Does she have a car? Dating? etc? If yes, start taking away privileges. If she needs to go to work, fine. But I would recommend driving her to and from if you can. Take away the phone, take away the computer. She needs to learn that she is not an adult yet and since she still lives under your roof she needs to respect you and the rules.

I know that this is hard but tough love is the best! HUGE HUGS!!!

 

[Jenn Barrette]

Maybe its just me, but if her grades are good, she isn't doing drugs or drinking, maybe you should just chill a little bit about the attitude stuff and the wardrobe issues (I do think the driving stuff should be taken seriously, but at the same time, she is 17 let her learn the consequences of her actions). I remember what it was like at that age, you think you know everything...and that your parents know nothing. I don't look forward to when my girls are that age... (*hugs*)

 

[Ellie80]

I'm feeling for you Jessica, I've no advice to offer as my kiddies are just 3 & 1. We have major tantrums but that's about it. Just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you

 

[jessica31876]

I tell everyone that having a teenager is kinda like having a three year old in an adults body They are just as impulsive and rarely think about consequences and they have tantrums too just in a different way. I have a 15 year old and an almost 12 year old so I will have THREE teenagers in just a little over a year!!

I'm feeling for you Jessica, I've no advice to offer as my kiddies are just 3 & 1. We have major tantrums but that's about it. Just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you

 

[lovely1m]

Good for you for not allowing her to dress in inappropriate clothes! I hate when I see young girls wearing things like that. I do not look forward to teenage years. I remember what a brat I was.

 

[newfiemountiewife]

Maybe its just me, but if her grades are good, she isn't doing drugs or drinking, maybe you should just chill a little bit about the attitude stuff and the wardrobe issues (I do think the driving stuff should be taken seriously, but at the same time, she is 17 let her learn the consequences of her actions). I remember what it was like at that age, you think you know everything...and that your parents know nothing. I don't look forward to when my girls are that age... (*hugs*)

I kinda agree with this. I mean, she's 17....if the worst she is doing is dressing in short skirts, I think you should be very proud of her. If she was 13, I'd say yes, make her take off the skirt, but at 17, she's going to be out in the world as an adult very soon, and she needs to be able to make her own decisions, kwim? I was allowed a lot of freedom as a teen, and was able to find my own way independently, and I appreciated that. I was out on my own at age 19 and able to make good decisions about finances, time management, what have you...all because I was allowed those freedoms.

I feel that way now, but of course, my girls are only 6 and 4. So ask me again in about 10 years LOL. I'll probably have them locked in their room by then. I'm kinda hoping that long skirts are in style then. LOL!

I wish you luck, I don't envy any of you dealing with teenagers!

 

[jessica31876]

honestly I was giving her alot more freedom in the last year or so. I only asked that she tell me what she planned to do and with who and to call in periodically and check in or if she changed her plans to let me know. She had a curfew and was pretty good with keeping up with it. Yes she does do well in school but has been making alot of bad choices in the last two months or so. I am tryign to stop those bad choices from continuing by reeling back some of that freedom until she starts showing she can make better choices.