I feel like a terrible person..

lauren grier

lauren grier

you're like stars
Middle school through highschool, i was part of a trio of best friends. myself, J who i'm still great friends with, and W. J was there through thick and thin and is a true life friend.. Our lives are very separate now as she lives out of state, but she comes home every few months and we spend time together, I was just recently in her wedding and it's not a bond that's going to be broken. W on the other hand.. just ugh. J & I used to always pick up her messes so to speak, she made a lot of bad choices and we were always on clean up duty, never judged, always supported, always loved her to death........ Then one day. Poof. When my life got a little shaky she not only spewed some falsehoods and hate, she just up and walked away and i've never been able to forgive her. J lived far out of state at the time but W was HERE. and she just didn't care.... It's her birthday today, and I was on fb and just glared at her page. I don't want to wish her a happy birthday. She left me all alone in one of the darkest times of my life and I don't WANT her to think I forgive her. I tried to be the bigger person and reach out to her a couple of years ago- and she was a total jerk. But ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I just feel terrible for harboring hate and anger over something that happened over 10 freaking years ago! How do I just let that go? Every time I hear her mentioned, or see her stupid fb I just get angry all over again. Logically I could just delete her, but it gives me some weird satisfaction to look at her pictures and glare, like she can feel that :p J isn't friends with her anymore either.. so it's not like half the trio is still alive and it's a jealousy issue.. I just want to kick her once, so I feel better.
 
I'm the exact same way with one of my high school friends. There were 4 of us and when I got pregnant with Zach one of them just dropped me and started being a heinous witch who continued on said path with an even greater relish when I ended up pregnant with Ryan right before graduation. About 2 years ago I finally accepted her friend request, but I still can't stand her. Why did I accept her request then? I have no freaking clue. She acts like her life is so much more awesome than all of the rest of us because she is still single and kid-free. When she insinuated that one day on a reply to a friend I typed in she was only still single and kid free because she had a horse face. The other friend deleted it before witch friend could see it.
 
MommaTrish said:
I'm the exact same way with one of my high school friends. There were 4 of us and when I got pregnant with Zach one of them just dropped me and started being a heinous witch who continued on said path with an even greater relish when I ended up pregnant with Ryan right before graduation. About 2 years ago I finally accepted her friend request, but I still can't stand her. Why did I accept her request then? I have no freaking clue. She acts like her life is so much more awesome than all of the rest of us because she is still single and kid-free. When she insinuated that one day on a reply to a friend I typed in she was only still single and kid free because she had a horse face. The other friend deleted it before witch friend could see it.
Click to expand...

Oh my gosh, Trish. LMBO!!!! I :wub: you. You really typed that? Hahaaaaa...
 
Facebook is causing me grief right now with some family members. I have just basically hidden them, because I know that if I block or unfriend it will just make things worse. :( I am sorry you are feeling awful about this old friend, La. I say just ignore her birthday.
 
Relationships evolve over time and I think it's perfectly natural to mourn lost relationships, but still feel curious about what that person is up to. For me, I've noticed this a lot in my 30's, where relationships gradually drift apart as I no longer have things in common with some of my friends ... that and my threshhold for what I'm willing to accept isn't as high. Life is too short to be surrounded by people that don't add value and I decided to stop feeling guilty about that. Anyway, I'm rambling ....
 
Last edited:
Ten years isn't long enough for those kind of friend issues. It really isn't. Take it from me, an old woman, things do get better and softer as time goes on, or maybe those kind of things just become less and less important. In another 10 years, you won't feel the same way.

For now, for your sanity, if you can't delete her, then at least hide or block her so she isn't in your face so much. Tell her happy birthday and then hide her.
 
SeattleSheri said:
Relationships evolve over time and I think it's perfectly natural to mourn lost relationships, but still feel curious about what that person is up to. For me, I've noticed this a lot in my 30's, where relationships gradually drift apart as I no longer have things in common with some of my friends ... that and my threshhold for what I'm willing to accept isn't as high. Life is too short to be surrounded by people that don't add value and I decided to stop feeling guilty about that. Anyway, I'm rambling ....
Click to expand...

ITA with Sheri. As I get older I realize that I just don't have room in my life for people that aren't adding any value to it. In the last year I've just stopped all contact with a few people because they were toxic. I dreaded the thought of seeing them and having to spend time with them. They are no longer my friends on FB either. I just had to let them go.

I hope you can come to some sort of peace with that relationship...

And Trish...seriously :wub:
 
Lauren, I am sorry you are going through this. It is hard loosing someone that you are close too...especially when they are still there. Does that make sense? Knowing they are there and that they changed or you changed is hard. It is especially hard when that person is hateful and mean. Having been close and having that trust and bond violated is very tough and lasts a long time. But I can understand the Facebook glare:) I still visit one of my old friend's page and glare. Well, sometimes I glare, sometimes I snoop and miss what we used to have...oh and ponder the cosmos and how/why people change. As far as the birthday I would just let it slide. Especially if she has been nasty to you. She may take it like a sign of weakness, forgiveness or even like you are reaching out to her.

So hugs to you and I vote for an occasional Facebook glare, new friends, good old friends and healing old wounds:) Hugs!!
 
I feel the same way abt my ex, La. I don't want to be with him and don't wish long-term ill on him, but oh, wouldn't it be amazing to just punch him in the face one time?! :p

I think there are just some hurts that never go away. They lessen over time, but they never disappear. The best thing I can do is remind myself that I did the best thing for me by getting out of there, and that Life is not always fair, so I have to be okay with the 'not fair' if I did my personal best and got what I wanted/needed in the end, kwim?

[I know you know abt that with your ex, and my ex was way less terrible than yours.]

I assuage my need to 'be a good person' by praying for my ex whenever I hear a certain few songs that were important to us while we were together. They are not current songs and I don't play them on purpose, but if one of those songs comes on the radio while I'm driving/riding, I will send up a brief prayer for him and his new family and asking for them to be blessed with good fortune and health.
 
Be you. Feel what you feel and be what you want. Don't say happy Birthday, block, ignore, hide and everything else you can do on FB. Don't let this make you feel bad about yourself. It just makes you realize that you aren't ready to be friendly - you were hurt, and still are. Maybe in the future you do want to see what is going on in her life - when you are ready and on your terms. Use a photo for your aggression, for the time being! I'm sure you could do wonders with Photoshop! :P
 
Oh La.......I so get this. Yep, I agree with the others. Life is too short to allow this negative in your life. I wouldn't de-friend just simply because I have the sick need to know what is going on at times and still want that door open in case she grows a heart and wants to apologize. I would totally remove her post from my newsfeed though. I wouldn't want it thrown in my face if I was having a good day. Only see her stuff if you actually go to her page to see it.

I give you lots of akward hugs now. ((HUUUUUGS))) *pats on back "there, there"
 
I am sorry that you you are going through this angst on what to do and what you WANT to do.....keep strong - life is too short to let bad people make you feel badly. I know because I have to remind myself this every time I struggle to find answers to about why people act a certain way.
 
So sorry! Don't let this make you feel like a bad person. You have needs too. It can't all be about your friend.

I have a friend from high school on facebook that is quickly reaching toxic level. I shouldn't be surprised given the past, but I had really hoped she changed. :(
 
I'm a true believer in sometimes you need your friends, sometimes they need you. I think we are all meant to have some friendships that serve a need for one side or the other. I don't think that all of them are put into our lives to stay forever. We all grow and change, either happily together or apart.

Trish, HILARIOUS on the FB comment.

LeeAndra, the only songs I tend to think about my ex are like "I Hope It Rains" or "I Pray For You".
 
I think I am absolutely weird because I do not accept any friend requests from people I went to school with. High School was tough for me and I really didn't maintain any relationships once I left. When people who I hadn't heard from in years started friend requesting me, I was not interested. In fact I took where I went to high school off my FB page so that no one else could try to friend me. I am not bitter, just not interested in people who were not interested in me 30 years ago. I have moved on.

I had a request from a cousin who was always a jerk to me that I declined. It caused a bit of a family stink, but as I told anyone who had the nerve to comment, I am 46. I get to choose who I want in my life and just because someone is family does not mean we are friends. He acts the injured party every chance he gets, but since I don't care, it doesn't bother me.

I think the key is truly not caring about these people and knowing that they don't add anything of value to my life.

And, I am not friend on FB with anyone I work with. I so totally do not need them having a look into my private life and I don't need to see theirs. Nor do I go out and party with my co workers. Like Trish, a little bit of vodka will loosen my tongue and before too long, people will know what I really think. Not a good idea. LOL
 
well I think that if you don't want to, don't wish her a happy birthday and I agree with the others that said just hide her posts. That being said I had a falling out with a very good friend from high school (no idea what it was even about and it had to have been right after we graduated) but we are friends on FB and I know that if I were to go home, I could totally give her and her sister a really big hug and all would be forgiven if not already forgotten :)
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Community platform by XenForo® © 2010-2026 XenForo Ltd.
Back
Top