how to deal with this? (family issues)

[jessica31876]

I do not speak to a good part of my family and the ones I do talk to are kinda strained. I still talk to my sister because it is the only way I get to see my neice. Well Im to the point where I avoid her calls to because all she ever talks about is her ex-husband. He has been her ex for four years!! The latest thing is he went and picked up their daughter last Friday for her birthday and picked her up at school early. She is so angry. She is going on and on about how wrong it is and how he had no right and I asked her even if he should not have done it did their daughter have a good time? She said no. She was upset by being picked up early. She has told me in the past that she wants to make it so her ex never gets to see their child. He wants the same thing only he does not want her to see their child. He has called DCF on her boyfriend who is now gone because he could not deal with the drama. I do not know what to do though. I want to be supportive and I love my neice. This I can tell is hurting her though. She loves them both and they keep pulling like she is a trophy and if they can get her to be on their side then they win. If I tell her this she starts crying and tells me I dont love her/care about her and that I do not want what is best for my neice. I do though...I just know this is not best. I know this is going to go on and on and eventually the courts are gonna get tired of dealing with it and she will lose her and so will he. Anyone deal with anything like this? Any ideas what to say to her to get her to stop calling and going on and on about him? Even when she started dating she wouldnt stop. Her and her boyfriend got into a big argument and he said shes still obsessed with him and that she wont ever be able to move on until she can leave him behind.

 

[jessica31876]

I should add that I have been getting these calls for the last four years at least once or twice a week. My niece has started regressing as she is now peeing her pants all the time. She tells me when we have talked about her daddy and her mommy that she is tired of hearing them yell at each other. Her mom in front of me let her listen to a message her dad left that was ranting about her mother because the end of the message was for my niece. I told her then I thought it was really wrong and didnt agree with letting a six year old listen to her dad cursing her mom out. Im sure that happens all the time though. I get really upset by these calls and I do not know how to let my sister know I think they BOTH need to grow up and realize that their child should come first and they have to work together for the next 11 years.

 

[Paula]

I'd tell your sister that her and ex's constant bickering is NOT good for your niece. She has a right to a happy little girl and love both her parents without them acting like children. They need to learn to get along and cooperate if for nothing else - their innocent daughter.

 

[jessica31876]

I have said that almost word for word. I for one am tired of hearing it so I know my niece who hears it day in and day out is tired of it too. Im an adult and it makes me wanna cry with some of the things they say to each other so I can only imagine how hard it is for someone who is only 7!!!

What usually ends up happening is I make an excuse to get off the phone because I just do not want to hear it anymore. If I do say something she starts going on and on and we end up in an argument because she says I am taking his side. I tell her no I am taking your daughter's side

I'd tell your sister that her and ex's constant bickering is NOT good for your niece. She has a right to a happy little girl and love both her parents without them acting like children. They need to learn to get along and cooperate if for nothing else - their innocent daughter.

 

[newfiemountiewife]

How frustrating. When my parents divorced, everything was done amicably, and it was much easier on us. It must be so difficult for your niece to deal with the yelling. How sad.

 

[joelsgirl]

Woah, that is a LOT of drama. Your poor niece; I have no idea what you should do. I can't imagine having to deal with all of that. I also can't imagine what it must be like for your sister to carry around all that baggage. For you, though, I totally recommend Boundaries; it is an awesome book about establishing personal boundaries and enforcing them with people who suck the life out of you.

 

[jessica31876]

I will defenitely check that out. I really need to figure out a way to tell her that I cant hear it anymore. If she wants my advice then I will give it to her but I know she will not like it. She has not in the past anyhow but she doesn't she just wants someone to say what a POS her ex-husband is and how awful things are for her. In truth the only one in the situation I feel badly for is my neice. She is sooo sweet and loving and sometimes I just feel like they fight like this not because they love her so much but because they just hate each other so they use her to hurt one another

Woah, that is a LOT of drama. Your poor niece; I have no idea what you should do. I can't imagine having to deal with all of that. I also can't imagine what it must be like for your sister to carry around all that baggage. For you, though, I totally recommend Boundaries; it is an awesome book about establishing personal boundaries and enforcing them with people who suck the life out of you.