How is everyone dealing right now?

Jenn Barrette

Jenn Barrette

Sweet Shoppe Designer
I know we try and keep things lighter here, but I have to ask how everyone is holding up after the school shooting?

As a parent of a 6 year old, I am really taking this hard :( I am taking some time off of all news and social media right now, because each time I see a photo or story I start crying.

* I don't want this become a debate on gun control, mental illness, or politics. Just a place to seek comfort please.
 
I, too, have a 6 year old. To be honest with you, I've intentionally avoided the media since this happened. I caught a blip on the morning news when I was getting ready for work today and started crying. It's really unfathomable.
 
tbh, i'm ignoring it. i can't deal with it.
perhaps i'm a coward for doing so, but i just don't wanna hear about it.
 
I thought that I was doing okay with it - until we went to the mall today and it occurred to me that nowhere is safe anymore and I started feeling a little panicky. I'm going to have to figure out how to deal with that feeling because I am not putting my life on hold. It's just plain scary. And so incredibly heartbreaking. I can't stop thinking about these families and the fact that Christmas is next week. :(
 
I have caught a few stories here and there on CNN online, but no TV on at my house since it happened....I not only have a 6 y/o 1st grader, but a 5 y/o kindergartner (and a 6th grader that are ALL in the same elementary school) and we safely have guns in our house (please don't judge, they are maintained in a safe that only my DH & I know the code and they are all unloaded)....so this hit way too close to home for both myself and DH.....I was so sad that I had to scrap my feelings on Fri night just to get through it.....
 
It's so heartbreaking to think of all the families right now :( Friday I had one of the twins home with me sick while the other was in school. I caught some of the news but had to turn it off. I was just in tears and didn't want to upset Cait. The girls are 7 and I haven't told them a thing about it and won't let them see any of the coverage. That day the school sent home a notice on upped security and tips on how to talk with our kids about it but I just can't yet. My girls are some of the youngest 7 y olds I know and they are so innocent and niave, thats it's so hard for me to break that bubble for them, ya know? 'bad guys' don't exist for them yet. I've recently been talking to them about how sometimes people do bad things and what to do when bad things happen but I don't even know how I could even help them process something like this. I'm curious to hear some of your stories as well- how this is affecting your kids if they've heard or been told.
 
I was sad on friday and now I'm ignoring most of the media about it. I talked to my son this morning because I know he'll hear about it at school. The only time I checked was to see who the victims were and to give them a moment of silence and then hope for lots of strength for their family & friends. I'm going on with normal routine because that way, I can show my kids that despite what happened, life goes on, you must be strong and that mom, dad and the people who care for you will do whatever it takes to keep you safe.
 
Honestly I've become obsessed with this story. As heart-wrenching as it, it's like a bad car wreck that you can't turn away from. And no matter how hard I try I can't turn away from it. I sit there and watch and get sick to my stomach and cry and get angry and yet I still can't stop watching. I want answers, and details.
And then I sit there and debate ever letting my child out of my home. I sit and snuggle her and cuddle and try not to think of the evil in this world.
 
All the mass shootings have affected me, but this one is hitting me especially hard because I grew up 10 miles from where it happened. My parents still live there, and I was just home over Thanksgiving. It makes it more real than all the others for me. I've been afraid to look at the victim list because there could be kids of people I went to school with on it.
 
I'm really struggling, too. A good friend of mine lost her son in a tragic accident on Friday, so between that and the shooting, I'm a mess. Right now, I'm intentionally avoiding the news because it's just too much to handle. I can easily let myself get freaked out, and that isn't healthy. So, for me, it's better to turn it off and remember those precious children in my heart rather than subjecting myself to the non-stop coverage.
 
I'm having a hard time with it too. My son is six so maybe that is why it is hitting me so hard. I have also avoided most of the news stories. I am already so upset by it that I know seeing the families talk about it would only make it worse. I have prayed a lot, cried a lot and been very angry about it. Last night we had a Christmas program at church and one of the songs was "I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day" by Casting Crowns. It was sung complete with a choir of children (one of whom was mine) and I just wanted to sob because the words were so true and I couldn't help but think of those families who won't have their children with them on Christmas Day or any other day.

My husband and son were at the deer lease this weekend so we haven't told him anything about it, nor do I plan to.
 
Usually these things don't bother me... but given that it was 6-7 year olds... it hits too close to home for me. I'm very thankful that I do homeschool... but kiddo does go to classes at the YMCA and local museums - similar things could happen there or anywhere we go... I do try to avoid the news... but once in a while I get on an article from facebook and I'm drawn into the little lives lost and I loose it....
 
I'm in a major funk and avoiding media as well... I have to keep reminding myself that there is more good in the world than there is evil, otherwise I think I would never leave the house or let my kiddos go... I had changed me dramatically though... my OLW for this year was "intentional" and I made me realize I haven't been at all this year... so now I am working diligently to do that... love my neighbors, actually meet them and be available for anything... I wish I could be in CT for those families, and I can't... but I can be there for my own neighbors
 
Hugs to everyone, I see I am not the alone in how hard this has stuck me. I think the holiday season has us more open to emotions good and bad as well. I have had trouble sleeping, and feel a little on edge when my kids are not home :(
 
I watched the news briefly on Friday when I started hearing about it on Facebook. My kids are 8 & 9 and we decided to wait a day or so before saying anything to them. To give the police time to find out actual info and tell the media rather than the 24/7 driven news cycle that needs to report something-anything-who-cares-if-it-turns-out-to-be-wrong stuff we were getting on Friday. It just made me so sick to hear about it & then to watch the media feed on it. I couldn't decide if I was angry or sad, crying about what happened & shouting at the news anchors until it was close to the time the kids came home & i turned off the tv

We don't watch the news regularly & it was unlikely it'd get much coverage on ESPN (unlike the whole Jerry Sanduski thing) so we thought we'd have some time to work it out for ourselves. We were both too shocked to know what to say or how to say it & honestly I didn't want to have that conversation until I was sure I wouldn't cry in the middle of it.

Well, that didn't quite work. Turns out both boys heard all about it from friends while playing Minecraft Friday evening but didn't say anything to us until they heard us talking about what we ought to say to them. They seem to be dealing with it ok. I'm kind of anxious about what will happen when they get home today, what their teachers/friends said, what they now think. They've had a limited exposure until this morning, despite Minecraft.

Seriously, I'd rather have again that incredibly awkward conversation about what Jerry Sanduski did to young boys than try to explain about Sandy Hook.
 
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It's messed with me. I am grief stricken for those families. I am ill thinking about those children's last moments. I'm proud that the teachers and staff tried to shield the children. And most of all I hope and pray this never happens again. I watched the news a lot on Friday and a while on Saturday. Just trying to understand why this happened. My birthday was Saturday and I was not in the mood to really celebrate. It was hard to care that it was my birthday when I thought of those children that would never have another birthday. I've had tension headaches since Friday.

I'm also in Oregon... so the mall shooting earlier last week was also heavy on my mind.

And to top it all off, I have both a 20 year old son and a 9 year old son. These incidents have made me think about the struggles of people in their 20s. Wondering what makes them snap. I feel blessed to have a happy, smart, balanced 20 year old son. But one thing this all makes me aware of is to take all warning signs seriously. In Oregon, the shooter gave many warning signs that were ignored.

My 9 year old son already knew about the mall shooting in Oregon. It's a mall we've been to countless times and he isn't eager to go back. I'm an online shopper for the most part, so I have no immediate plans to head there anytime soon anyway.

Then with the school shooting... I wasn't sure if I'd tell him. However, he came home on Friday from school already knowing a little about it. The teachers all had told the kids that some kids were hurt at a school and that they would get an extra long recess in memory of the children. I ended up telling him a little about it and we talked about the right way to handle things if you are upset and that guns don't solve the problem. He also saw the President's speech last night. Logan seems to be okay. I doubt he'll think about it until we go to the mall. I don't watch the news about it with him around. I try to not desensitize my child with violent video games, movies too old for him, or the news in it's unfiltered horror.

My mind keeps going back to those children. Those parents struggling with grief. And the families of the adult victims. The sadness is crushing.
 
As another mom with a kinder and first grader, its got me shaken up. I don't have tv so I only see it online. I watched it too much Friday. Enough to freak me out. I've been avoiding it since and just squeezing my babies closer. I seriously thought of going home early. I sent them off to school very hesitantly this morning.
 
I am having a hard time. Since Friday I haven't been able to stop watching the news. I am feeling uneasy when I leave the house. I am so heartbroken for the families, the community, everyone in the school and frankly our whole country. Things just shouldn't be like this. I wish I knew what to do to help. I hope all of your children are ok and feeling safe. Kids deserve to feel safe and loved.
 
I have a first grader and it made me sad and horrified. As far as lingering fear...my kids are much more likely to die in a car accident on the way to school so...I'm not really afraid, just saddened for the families of the babies.
 
I have a 6 year old and an 8 year old. It was hard to drop them off at school today, especially since it is my oldest's birthday. I can't think about it too much or it will totally overwhelm me. Every place I go, I think about how easy it would be for something similar to happen -- the post office, the playground at school, Target, etc. No place and no one is immune.
 
I came here to post about the same thing since I'm really struggling with it. Every time I catch a glimpse of the story, I weep. I can't stop thinking about the kids and their families and wishing that somehow we could just wind back the clock and make it not happen.

I know that this wasn't at my kids' school but I still kind of feel like this WAS at my kids' school. That basically IS my kids' school -- you know what I mean?
 
Txcorey said:
I'm having a hard time with it too. My son is six so maybe that is why it is hitting me so hard. I have also avoided most of the news stories. I am already so upset by it that I know seeing the families talk about it would only make it worse. I have prayed a lot, cried a lot and been very angry about it. Last night we had a Christmas program at church and one of the songs was "I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day" by Casting Crowns. It was sung complete with a choir of children (one of whom was mine) and I just wanted to sob because the words were so true and I couldn't help but think of those families who won't have their children with them on Christmas Day or any other day.

My husband and son were at the deer lease this weekend so we haven't told him anything about it, nor do I plan to.
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That song is the first thing that popped into my head. The funny thing was that I kept thinking of that 3rd verse all night the night before. It's so hard to see such evil acts. And now, I see so much violence in the world and it makes me so incredibly sad. My kids aren't in school yet, so I luckily haven't been able to watch the 24/7 coverage. The thought of those precious little babies having to witness such horror breaks my heart, and as much as my kids drive me crazy on a daily basis, I've been enjoying it as if it's the last time I will be driven crazy by them.

Some people feel guilty moving on with life while so many families are suffering right now, but I almost feel like I need to move on with life, so that those who wish to instill terror in the lives of all of us will never succeed. My kids (3 and 1.5) don't know about it, so I've just been pushing through. I cry every time I see a flag at half mast, and I cry every time I click on a news story. I feel like it's my way of working through this. As the song says "The wrong shall fail the right prevail with peace on earth, good will to men." If I keep doing good, then he didn't quite succeed, right? If I keep praying for those families, he didn't succeed. If I keep Christmas magical for my kids, then he didn't succeed. If I love and serve others, he didn't succeed. I can't do anything personally for those families, but I can do things personally for my community, and then he hasn't succeeded.
 
I'm heartbroken and keep thinking about those poor families. I watched way too much news on Friday and parts of Saturday. I was getting so depressed and finally told my husband we weren't watching anymore.
 
Really sad. I can only handle so much media and honestly there were some other occurrences over the weekend, law enforcement officers killed, shooting at a hospital etc. that just put me over the edge. I shed a lot of tears but I've had to kind of step away. I have a lot of empathy but I have to step back and not let myself get too sucked in to the nastiness of the world. There's a lot of good too, it doesn't get the 24/7 coverage. I also don't want to be so sad/mad/depressed that I can't be present for the things in front of me.

As far as lingering fear...my kids are much more likely to die in a car accident on the way to school so...I'm not really afraid, just saddened for the families of the babies.
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That's me too.
 
I have been in tears off and on all wknd. My son is 15 now - but - wow - it hit hard. I quit watching the media yesterday - I just can't handle it - or imagine what the the families that this has impacted - are going through. This will have such a huge , huge, horrible impact on so many people's lives - for the rest of their lives... families of the victims / the teaching staff / police officers/ emergency response/........... :( :(

Holly
 
I'm another mom of a 6-year old. This whole thing is so heartbreaking. I'm kind of at a loss for words. We have kept it quiet around the house. We really don't want our kids knowing about it, mostly because of my 8-year old. He has the kind of mind where he will obsess about it for days and ask millions and millions of questions trying to understand. There's just no way to explain it and have it make sense. Because it will never make sense.

I'm the kind of person who likes to find out everything about a story. I want to read everything and watch the press conferences, etc. Maybe my son gets that curiosity from me. I don't know. But, I've had to tone it down on this one and stay away from the coverage more than I normally would. I don't want my kids to hear about it, and it just makes me sad.
 
Im just heartbroken over this and when I heard the news on Friday and picked my babies up from school I immediately started crying. My kids asked what happened so I told them. My kids have not been shielded from death- they know that they both have a brother who died and is in heaven. I wish we didnt have to talk to the kids about bad people in the world but I think we are going our kids a disservice if they are shielded so much that they don't know bad things COULD happen.

We have had the news on here and Im watching Katie right now who is talking with those families who lost their kids. When a parent is grieving over a lost child one of the things that helps the most is to know that people are listening to their story and that they care. I have been so open about losing Colin and it would hurt me deeply if someone told me they didnt want to hear about it. So I feel like Im helping those families out by hearing their stories and letting them talk about their kids. Yes it pains me deeply to see them cry but my pain is NOTHING compared to theirs.

I'm more angry over the insensitivity of people out there who ARE debating gun control and brining politics around right now. For GOD's sake- those children were MURDERED and haven't even been buried yet. There will be a time and a place for the debate BUT NOT NOW. Let that community grieve, let the parents of the children who were murdered grieve and let them bury their child before a national debate ensues.
 
I have to say this is one time that I'm very glad we don't have TV. (We just watch movies occasionally and don't have dish or cable). I haven't been on Facebook as much because it just makes me so sad to hear the different things. I have read about it in the newspaper and I actually found out about it about 10 minutes after the police had been notified due to a good friend of mine being a sports reporter in that area. He had his scanner on and heard about it and texted me all morning with updates :( I just keep thinking about Cheyanne and all her friends when they were 6/7 and it makes me tear up each time. Also, about an hour before hearing about the shootings, my grandfather passed away Friday morning, so yeah, not a great day all around.

Cheyanne is 12 so she is fully aware of what happened. In fact, one of her teachers (social studies) let them have an open class today to discuss anything about it they wanted to discuss. I've always been open and honest with her but it has always been that way due to how her father died. As she got older she has always asked questions and I decided from the beginning that I would be honest with her and let her talk things through. I always let her direct the discussion and not tell her things she didn't ask about when she was younger whenever she heard something on the radio or at school,etc.

Okay, done rambling now...
 
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The news is all over the newspapers and television here as well. It's so sad. It takes me back to three years ago when something equally horrible happened over here. Some lunatic forced his way into a daycare and stabbed a lot of babies and a couple of nurses with a knife. It happened only 30 minutes from where I live. I was pregnant then and cried for weeks. It was one of the reasons I decided to become a SAHM. I cried again today when I saw the photos of all those 6 year olds. How in the world can people be so cruel? Children are the most innocent creatures in the world. :(
 
I generally shut down and avoid the media when these kind of things happen. I always tell people I don't the emotional capacity to handle such things. I have been reading a bit about this and it makes me so sad and I will just start crying. I have two young girls, almost 4 and almost 5 1/2. I don't necessarily worry about this happening to my kids, but in my line of work, I see some pretty horrendous things happen to kids.

I have been having a lot of anxiety today. I'm not if it from this but I had a few panic attacks this morning.
 
Jenn Barrette said:
I know we try and keep things lighter here, but I have to ask how everyone is holding up after the school shooting?

As a parent of a 6 year old, I am really taking this hard :( I am taking some time off of all news and social media right now, because each time I see a photo or story I start crying.

* I don't want this become a debate on gun control, mental illness, or politics. Just a place to seek comfort please.
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Thank goodness for a place to seek comfort. I work in a K/1 building and this hit very close to home. I am in a kindergarten classroom all day long, and all I can do is imagine this happening in our building. Today as I was opening fruit snacks for kids who can't yet do it themselves, I thought "this is one of our special needs kids (one of MY kids, I'm an LRE aide) at twenty, blowing away children who can't even open their own fruit snacks.

I work with students who have the very same types of disorders the shooter did. I'm not afraid to go to work...I would do anything for my tiny humans, including take a bullet for them if needed--the whole thing just makes me sick to my stomach and so sad I can't stop crying. So I too will stay away from the news, the papers and even Facebook till the there's something else that they'll go on and on about.

Thanks for posting this thread and giving me a chance to speak in an environment free of judgement.
 
I'm a teacher. I teach 3 to 6 year olds with autism. Our building is -- thankfully -- a locked facility, but that doesn't always mean much. My thinking was less about the loss of lives (because I just can't think about that... just can't) and more about what I'd do.

Bottom line? Twice a day, for three hours at a time, my students are my kids. Just as much as my three biological children, for those three hours, they are in my care and my responsibility is to those children above anything else. Normally this means that any decision I make is for the benefit of the child, but that also means that should there be danger, I will willingly put myself between a child and danger. I won't even think twice. We live in a tornado prone area. If one should happen while we are at school, and my children are unable to keep themselves safe, I will physically lay on top of that child and protect him or her. It goes the same for any situation that is dangerous, and more so because my students will not be able to understand the danger and help keep themselves safe. The parents of my students, whether they like me or not, have to trust me to do this. And as a parent myself, each time I send my children off to school, I have to trust that their teachers would do the same. It's not why I teach, but it's a responsibility I take serious. This tragedy may make me more aware of it, but it's always there.

I'm proud of each of those teachers in that school. God bless them and their families.
 
Breaks my heart. Keira is 7 & Coop is 4. I didn't even know about it until late Friday when DH got home from work. Haven't been watching the news, makes me cry.
 
I have to say, I'm kind of thankful I was SO busy with errands out of the house on Friday. I only caught tidbits of the story on the radio, and I did cry in the car but told myself to get a grip because the kids were with me. My first thought was : People are sick bastards and WHY OH WHY?? I was also instantly relieved to have my kids home with me, despite being grumbly and ungrateful about homeschooling just that morning. :p

Then I spent most of the weekend in bed sleeping the flu away. I've tried to stay away from any news or media about it, because I know my weakness... I don't want to fuel the fear I already have about things that COULD happen... things that likely won't happen. I have a vivid imagination and enough nightmares as is. Ugh. I just have to try to walk away from it. I've prayed for the families, and I am holding mine more tightly!!!
 
My kids are in Middle and High school. Today we received letters from both principals telling us how we should approach our kids about all of it: little to no media, talk with them and be honest if they ask questions, and let them know crisis counseling is available at the school. Otherwise, don't make a big deal about it. They also said the county is reviewing their safety and lock-down procedures. You never thought you'd be at risk being a teacher.

My DD's school had to deal with a violent death of one of their students last year and it really rocked the school community off it's foundation. But they really stepped up to deal with it all.

My kids go to school with a tough population (the kids from the closest thing to the projects that our county has) and the schools really are on top of things in areas such as gangs, substance abuse, domestic violence, etc. Last week DS's school was in lockdown because a kid took a realistic-looking BB gun to school. Stoopid.

Long and short of it - I pray for their safety every day, knowing that they are in God's hands, and that the school, teachers and administrators are doing the best that can possibly be done. I can't worry about it or I'd be a wreck.

But my heart is just broken over what happened. I just can't imagine the grief they are going through right now. They are all in my constant prayers.
 
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