How Did You Plan Out Your Family?

My two are almost 5 years apart and it's been perfect for us. We had several years with just DD which was great. Then when DS came along she was old enough to understand what having another baby in the family meant and she's been a great help. They get along great and are crazy about each other. We planned on ours being 4 or 5 years apart all along. My sisters are 10 and 8 years older than me and we're closer than most of my friends are with their siblings. This way hopefully DD won't still be in college when it's DS's time to go. :o
 
We wanted 3 kids and about 3 years apart. Jaxon was planned and after 3 months of trying, we got pregnant. Then when he was a toddler, I was teaching full time, getting ready to sell our house and move, applied for grad school--- needless to say, lots of stress. I was having issues with my pill too, so I stopped it intending to start a new pill. Well, apparently after missing like two pills, I get pregnant- fertile myrtle!

I got my acceptance letter to the grad school and a pretty exclusive grant program- I was SO excited- and the next day, after feeling "weird" I took a test and got a big fat positive. Talk about bittersweet- we knew we wanted another child, but a little later, and certainly not after I just got into the big program at UT.

Long story shorter- I passed on the grad program (which had a silver lining- my friend who didn't get in, later got my spot). Jaxon and Marley are 2 years, 2 months and 2 weeks apart! Not quite the three years I had planned (and we're also not having three as planned- we both just feel "done" and that the family is "complete").

They are close enough to play together and have similar interests, but not too close. :)
 
My Girls are 27 months apart and I love it! They were both unplanned, but it worked out great for us. They're far enough apart that we didn't have two in diapers for long- but close enough that they love each other and are the best of friends. DD #2 is almost 6 and we're considering baby #3 now- which has brought us to many conversations about the huge age difference. It's a much larger gap between children than I wanted- but life kind of got in the way. So we're planning on trying for baby #3 this summer and with any luck we'll be ready to try for baby #4 around the time baby #3 turns 1ish.
 
Mine are 5 years apart. I have a boy and a girl, and I wish they are closer in age. It was hard for me to adjust to attending physical needs of my daughter (baby) when my son (Preschool) needed a different kind of attention. FOr me, it was like pulling me in both directions. Sibling relationship wise, maybe it was because of our upbringing but DD was spoiled because she got away with everything and DS would always give in (He has always always been such a good boy). Both were unplanned - I was 19 when I had DS, got married at 24 and didnt even plan to have a baby again until after DS is 7 - but was pregnant after two months.

I think we are done, DD is turning 4 in May. But with us, if it comes, it comes!
 
I only have 1 child, but he was planned. When we got married, we said we wanted to wait 3-4 years, ds was due 2 days before our first anniversary. It worked out where shortly before our 3rd anniversary, I felt ready and it took about 5 cycles to get pregnant. My pregnancy was pretty easy, I did have some major dizziness issues and spent most of my second trimester puking, but it was easy. At 35 weeks, I had a placenta aburption and went into labor. Luckily, it sealed itself back up and they were able to stop my labor. I was able to hang onto the pregnancy for another 1.5 weeks with bedrest. I didn't want another one until I felt ready, he's currently 3.5 and I never did feel ready again. Now dh and I are seperated and working on a divorce. So he might be my one and only.
 
Tried for my first, the other three were just results of unprotected sex. It was ok with number 2...they are 2 years 10 months apart and that was nice. The 3 came 19 months later, and I was NOT ready or happy about that. The fourth came 4 years later, and even though he always seemed like the baby, and wouldn't be really tight with his brothers, now that he's 18, him and his 26 year old brother are best friends. They talk every day on the phone (my oldest is in Texas...we are in Calif.)
 
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My oldest was only five months old when I found out I was expecting again, so that makes them 13 months apart. Then our youngest was born two years after the middle one. We didn't plan any of them. We were married 4.5 years before our son was born and once he was born, they just came like gangbusters! LOL

Here's the dates:
DS - April 1993
DD #1 - May 1994
DD #2 - May 1996
 
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When I was younger, I thought I'd never want to have kids. Even when I started getting serious with dh, I still told him I didn't want kids, but I'd consider it down the road. I got pregnant on the patch, so the girls definately weren't planned! Once I had the twins, I couldn't imagine NOT having them...But I do not want more! lol, they are definitely it for me(dh just gave me the go ahead to get my tubes tied-YAY!!!) I'm glad I had twins, because I think either way I wouldn't have wanted any more, and I like having 2 girls. The beginning was hell, something I'd never like to repeat- they ate every 4 hours and it took them about an hour each to eat less than an ounce - I was so overtired I had to keep daily charts of who ate how much at what time, who did what in their diapers and when, and what they were wearing so I didn't mix them up since I was so tired all the time(that's what really started the color coding of their clothing that I still stick with 4 1/2 years later!). I literally went over a week without showering at a time, cause I took care of them and slept. Once they started putting on weight and sleeping through the night they were angels! Now, I'm glad they're the same age, but it does have some drawbacks, I think. They do get along well enough, but still have their moments. I think for school I'm going to separate them because I think they'll do much better apart...lol, but I'm still torn.

Hmmm...LOL, I don't think I really answered any of your questions, except for I'm glad they're close in age. My bro and sis and I are all around 2 yrs apart, and me and my bro have always been best friends, but my little sis wasn't even a friend until we grew up, now we're all close.
 
Anytime I read these I hear the "we are never having another one" and all I can say is never say never. LOL I had Jacob, was perfectly happy with just him and said never again. Then I got divorced. When I finally found my Mr. Right, I told him that I wasn't interested in having more kids. We had a lot of discussion about it during our pre-martial counseling. He was fine with my decision. Then I started having baby fever about 2 years after that. LOL And now we have Logan. :wub: So my boys are 11 years apart. And it is perfect for us. Now that I'll be 40 this year, and my husband is nearing 50, I think it's best for us to be done. However I still like to tease that I'm waiting for Logan to turn 10 until I decide for sure. :p
 
Great topic. This has been fun reading everybody's stories. We were married for about four years when we finally decided, we are never going to be ready and that we needed to go for it. I got pregnant right we with Elliot. It was a super easy pregnancy. I was so lucky. And he was a pretty easy baby. I always knew I wanted at least 3 years difference if I was going to have anymore kids, because the two year old stage I thought can be tough.

I would have felt complete and happy having just one, but dh definitely wanted one or two more though, and I thought the sibling relationship is such an important part of life, that I didn't want to keep that from Elliot. Also my sister may never have kids, and my husbands family is in England, so he will not grow up with cousins close either. So when one of my best friends got pregnant a little over a year ago, I decided I was ready. I had no friends with babies Elliot's age, so I thought it would be great to have a baby at the same time as a friend, so that our kids could be close and we could go through it all together. Luckily I got pregnant right away, and had Alex last November on our 8th wedding anniversary. And the boys are 3 years and three months apart. So far I am happy about the age range.

The hard part of the pregnancy was being so tired all the time, and the last trimester. I was just so big and uncomfortable, and very stressed out and anxious about having a big baby and tough labor. What got me through the most, was keeping busy all summer with my three year old. We had a lot of fun and it kept my mind off of the tougher parts of pregnancy. There were periods of time, especially towards the end where Elliot watched a lot of tv. So we got by just fine.

The hardest part for me, I feel is my age. I am 39, and I think baby #2 was harder mainly being I am just getting too old, in my opinion to be having babies. I don't have half the energy I had 5 years ago. So my biggest piece of advice is to not wait too long. If I could do it all over again, I would have started 2 or 3 years earlier. Also, adding the second seems harder than it did having the first. I feel like I am constantly struggling to give Elliot the attention he needs while dealing with the baby. Also I had crazy anxiety the first couple months, that I just could never keep up and feed the baby as often as he needed, while trying to take care of everthing else that needed taking care of, like Elliot, husband, laundry, dinner and myself. So in that respect, I probably am glad I didn't have baby #2 any sooner, because at least Elliot is more self sufficient and also more understanding of the situation.
And I am done, partly because of age, and also because I conceived twins in both pregnancies, but lost one in each pregnancy, both in the first trimesters. I just don't think I could take a chance on twins and being able to handle 2 babies and 4 kids. As soon as I am finished nursing I will get my tubes tied.

So that is my novel. In the grand scheme of things, most of it probably doesn't matter. There are pros and cons to having them close to goether and further apart, and it all just works out, either way.
 
There are 2.5 years between Jason and Ben and 2 yrs 9 months between Ben and Lauren. The age differences are perfect for us--close enough that they can play together and that we didn't get out of baby mode in between, but far enough apart for my sanity. Both of the boys were bad sleepers. Jason was 2 before he slept through the night consistently. Ben still doesn't. (We're starting to suspect a medical cause, but that's another story.)

My pregnancies are easy, but the 3rd one was hard because I was so tired. There was no way to rest during the day because Ben and Jason napped at different times, and Ben was up multiple times every night.

Dan is an only child and didn't want that for his kids, and I was one of 3. So we always said we wanted 2 or 3 kids, with me leaning toward 3 and DH toward 2. In the end gender helped us make the decision. Because we had 2 boys DH was willing to try for a 3rd. If we'd had 1 of each, I might have been more willing to stop at 2.

Going from 1 to 2 was the hardest transition for me. I felt like I was shortchanging both of the boys for the first year or so. It was hard. It's when they were finally old enough to have a real relationship with each other that I finally was able to feel what I'd intellectually known all along, that they got more from having each other than they lost by having to share me. Once I mentally got over that, things were easier and adding #3 was no problem.

I'm glad that I didn't get out of baby mode in between my kids. I was still used to diapers, staying home a lot for naps, and not having much time to myself. If I'd gotten to 3.5 or 4 years without having another baby, I don't think I'd have wanted to go back again. We're done now for lots of reasons. Three is perfect, but I have no desire for another. I love having a baby, but I'm also looking forward to the days when I don't have Lauren napping mid-morning, Ben napping at 12, and Lauren napping again mid-afternoon. I'm loving that Lauren is finally old enough that I can leave her with DH for a few hours without worrying about nursing her. I know I'll miss babyhood a year from now when Lauren is out of it, but I can't see myself ever wanting to go back.
 
scrapperjade said:
DH's mother on the other hand was pressuring us that we should have our kids no more that 2 years apart. Her reasoning is that the 2 kids will be close in age and also close as friends.

Unfortunately, I know first hand that her reasoning is completely untrue. One of my sisters is 2 years older than me, and we haven't got along since I came home from the hospital (she bit my fingers so hard she left indents, lol). As we grew up it got worse, and now that we are in our mid to late 20's, we no longer speak to one another. Another of my sisters is 10 years older than me, and we are best friends. So age makes no difference, its personality.
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ITA - My twin sisters and I are 7 years apart and they are my best friends. I think it has way more to do with personality and how you grew up than with age - my 15yo plays with my 6 yo all the time and the hero worship that the little one has its so cute - he is his big brothers biggest fan, and they share a room. I will walk in on them playing leggos or Xbox together all the time.
 
All three of our kids were planned, and we were VERY lucky to get prego on the first try 3/4 times.

We got married in July and immediately began trying. I got prego right away, but lost that one at 8 weeks. I got prego again as soon as I was allowed, and had Benjamin. To say it was a traumatic birth was an understatement. We wanted to have our kids close together, but to be honest, I just was not physically able to start trying for really almost 2 years. I got prego with Amelia on the first try and they are around 28 months apart. Benjamin was potty trained when I had Amelia, but then broke his leg and had a cast to his hip. So I had to redo that.

Amelia was an amazing sleeper. She slept through the night at 4 weeks and used to take 5 hour naps. We hardly knew she was around, she was so quiet. So when she was around 9 months old, we decided to have one more. I got prego after 3 months of trying and had Rae. They are 22 months apart, but by the way their birthdays are and the school cut off, they are only 1 year apart in school.

So right now, they are 9, 7 and 5. It is perfect for us. My girls get along famously, and they share all the same interests and toys. Benjamin remembers both girls coming home from the hospital, but Amelia has no recollection whatsoever of Rae coming home. She can't remember a time where she didn't have a sister, and they are very close.

I was going to have one more after we had Rae, but we kept procrastinating on it. I regret this decision. Now Rae is 5 years old, all my baby stuff is sold, and I won't go back now to the baby stuff. Around 2 years is the best spacing for OUR family.

ETA that with Rae, I was extremely sick and it was a difficult pregnancy that way, having a 3 year old, and a 1 year old at the same time.
 
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ok so since we've got 4 of them I've had a chance to see what the different age gaps are like.

4 years (reece and tennyson)- this age gap was EASY... like piece of cake easy - reece understands that we have a baby and is actually practically helpful (not like make a mess helpful, like really able to do helpful things. the only thing is that now as they are getting older, t is sorta lonely when the boys are at school, and also in a lot of ways it was like starting completely over in the baby department. They still play together and reece really does seem to feel like a "Big Brother" rather than just a sibling.

16 months (owen and reece)- this age gap was like a marathon... all day, everyday... we had a "diaper changing line up" and it really was like having two baby's. although it did get much easier as they got older. In a lot of ways I think it is nicest for the kids (i had a sis 13 m younger than me and I adore it). Also... if you don't like the baby/toddler stage, getting all over in one swoop makes sense. The only negative is that age roles can be blurred a bit (ie, my sister and i didn't have the "oldest/youngest" thing going on, and really there was very littlle that was my OWN... although that can be a parent thing too). If you love the baby stage though, you might feel like you never got to really enjoy either one being a baby since you are so BUSY. In a lot of ways this is my favorite gap.

2.5 years (gareth and owen)- A lot of people choose this age gap. The kids are close enough to play together but not so close that you go crazy! The boys still play together, and they have clear older/younger roles. The biggest negative I think is that kids are quite high maintenence at 2.5 - still learning to listen and what not, but not a baby anymore - so that is a bit hard to balance the needs of a older toddler and a baby. Also, potty training - having them this age gap can really put a wrinkle in the whole potty training thing (seriously who wants to be dealing with big kid poo when they are preggo and or recovering).
 
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We started trying for #1 when I was 27. Like many of you, we went through infertility testing and were diagnosed with the dreaded "unexplained infertility." After close to 3 years, we gave up and decided to quit our jobs, sell our house and move overseas. Wouldn't you know it, that's when I got pregnant! DS #1 was born while we were living in Quito, Ecuador. We were only there for a year, and moved back to the States when he was 5 months old.

Never imagining it would be easy to get pregnant, I was shocked to find out we were expecting #2. The boys are almost exactly two years apart. I love them both dearly, and in some ways, it is good to have them so close in age because they like all of the same things and like doing the same things. But they also fight like cats and dogs and grate on each other's nerves.

DD was also a surprise - I couldn't imagine that I would get pregnant so easily two times - and she's now 5 months. The boys are basically 5 years and 3 years older than her, and that age difference has been good. They absolutely adore her.

What's hard is having 3 kids 5 and under, and trying to work full-time. That's what is insane. It would be crazy, but manageable, if I didn't have to deal with the whole job thing on top of trying to raise my kids. They're at such a precious age and these times go by so fast -- and when I'm dealing with unwanted drama at work, it really makes me mad that I'm giving up time with my babies to do so. Ugh.
 
The goal: 3 kids, each 3 years apart. Came up with the plan in high school. Fortunately DH is pretty good about going along with my "plans."

So far, so good, #2 is due 3 weeks shy of DS' 3rd birthday.
 
Just wanted to add that I think it REALLY depends on the personalities of the kids. I'm the oldest of 3. My sister and I are 27 months apart and foughts like cats and dogs growing up. (We get along great now, but we're still not, like, BFF's). My sister and brother are 16 months apart to the day, and also fought a lot, but my brother and I got along great.

Mostly, my brother and I picked on my sister because she was such a little brat :p So, there's always that possibility, lol.
 
Just want to start by saying that the one I'm pregnant with now, #3, is only one that has been really planned for and tried for, and this is also the first one conceived completely sober.:blink:

I didn't want to have kids until about 3 months before I got married. My husband knew this when we started dating, and he knew it when he asked me to marry him. We had been engaged for over a year before I changed my tune, and he had resigned himself to thinking he was never having the large family he wanted. When I decided I was ok having kids, I also decided that I wanted a large family, and that I wanted to start trying later that year.

We did the right thing, as far as planning, talked with my OB. Told her about when we wanted to start trying/conceive, and she told me that because of the pill I was on and my history of extremely mild endo, that it could take 6 months or more before we got pregnant. So, I went off the pill 6 months before we wanted to even think about conceiving, which was about a month before we got married. I had my period the week we got married. That cycle had been anovulatory, and bam, we got pregnant our first night in New Orleans for our honeymoon while I was drunker than drunk off tequila. So, first cycle I ovulated after coming off the pill.

That pregnancy was easy, as all of them have been, but my daughter was not an easy baby. You can ask Kim, xboxmom. We have had a helluva a few years with her, and her first was by far the worst. We had just started tube-feeding, almost full-time, as well as deciding that we were not in a place financially,emotionally, etc to even think about #2, but again, that Mother's Day, I had too much tequila (seriously one of 4 times I've been drunk, EVER). I had just started my cycle back, and again, the first one had been anovulatory. That Mother's Day was, again, another first ovulatory cycle. Couple weeks later, we found out I was pregnant, and it was awful emotionally. I was devestated because Aidan needed me so much. I had a really hard time bonding to the pregnancy. Aidan and Ian are exactly 23 months, to the day, apart, and Ian, of course, stole my heart immediately. :)

After that, Ross decided he was done, and I, again, was devestated, as we had always talked about more than that. So, I bided my time, and eventually, Ross came around. I got my cycle back, and we were able to not get pregnant.:p We were going to wait until the end of Sept/Oct to start trying, but we decided we were ready about a month and a half early. We got pregnant the first try, again, and Ian and Toby will be about 27 months apart.

In June, right after Toby's born, we'll celebrate 5 years of marriage, and I've been either pregnant, breastfeeding, or both, like I am now, the ENTIRE time. It's been an interesting 5 years, for sure, but I don't think I would change it. I've just learned that not everything goes as planned, and sometimes, husbands really suck at being responsible for birth control when their wives are wasted.;):p
 
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