Have you ever lived alone?

Valgal

Valgal

New member
This is VERY VERY different folks. Eden is at John's wed-sun this week, so I'm spending my first days alone and it is very weird/lonely/boring/confusing. On top of that, not having internet or cable or anything... I keep just wandering around and thinking of errands to run, lol! I'm scrapbooking some but even that is different w/o FB'ing at the same time or looking up my inspiration Pinterest boards.
 
I lived alone when I first got out of law school but I worked full time so I tended to be at work a lot. I don't mind alone time but it definitely feels different if you live alone vs just having some time to yourself when the kids are at school or something like that. You will get used to it and there are a LOT of upsides in running your house/life the way you want it without having to accommodate others all the time!

My husband travels a lot at work so sometimes I think about how different it's going to be when the kids go to school and I'm here alone a lot more. I imagine I'll have to make more of an effort to see people rather than just having people always around.
 
DawnMarch said:
I lived alone when I first got out of law school but I worked full time so I tended to be at work a lot. I don't mind alone time but it definitely feels different if you live alone vs just having some time to yourself when the kids are at school or something like that. You will get used to it and there are a LOT of upsides in running your house/life the way you want it without having to accommodate others all the time!

My husband travels a lot at work so sometimes I think about how different it's going to be when the kids go to school and I'm here alone a lot more. I imagine I'll have to make more of an effort to see people rather than just having people always around.
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Yes, definitely different than having a day to myself. Esp. going to bed and no one to say goodnight to. I didn't think these little things would matter.

Time for growth I guess.
 
I remember when a friend got divorced in her 30s and it was the first time that she had lived alone and the first time she had not had a boyfriend or husband since she was a teenager! She was terrified at first but came to enjoy the freedom of living how she wanted to without answering to (or cleaning up after) others. I know it isn't that simple and there is loneliness involved with living alone, too, but it is a great opportunity to explore who you are without all of the other drama/expectations of living with other people. So, yes, definitely a time for growth and exploration of who you are as an individual.
 
I have a lot of friends/family who have lived (or currently live) alone. I think it takes a while to acclimate to for sure. I lived by myself for about year in my 20's. I had a boyfriend at the time (now my husband). I definitely prefer living with people because I'm so extroverted. Hopefully it starts to feel more normal for you soon.
 
Yep, I've probably live alone as much as lived married. I lived alone before we got married and then even when we were married he was deployed a lot so the first few years I was alone a lot before we had Christopher. And of course the past 13 years it's been just me and Cheyanne and while not totally alone, it is much different not having someone to share the good, the bad, and the ugly with (even when deployed we still shared the big decisions and losses and victories together). It's very different not having that someone to share things with... but it does get better. Now I'm not sure that I could ever live with someone again after having things my way for 13 years :D
 
If you count living alone while hubby is deployed, in the field, etc....yes. But I've always had kids to distract and occupy my time.

I had wondered how you were doing with your new place and if Eden was with you. I've been praying for you, praying that it gets easier and you find your groove with this new chapter of your life <3
 
Valerie, I can only imagine how difficult this is for you at this moment. I lived alone for probably 15 years before I got married. I got sick of roommates during college and all their lies. I really enjoyed coming home and not having to worry about anyone but me. LOL When I was first married, my husband traveled about one week each month, and the longer we were married, the more weirded out I would be on that first night, but it was kinda nice the other nights. We've always lived in a house versus an apartment when I was single so it was different being alone in a house.

It must be strange to not be "connected." In the meantime, if you are a reader, take this time to read, if you need something else to do besides scrapbooking. You can go to a bookstore and just browse books and magazines as long as you want. I also used to spend a lot of time at Hallmark, looking at cards and all the goodies in the gifts area. If you attend church, check your church's calendar to see if there are any ways you can volunteer. If you send out Christmas cards, check your list, because it may need to be changed. If there are any shops that you go by that you've never gone into, stop by.

Once you get through this first weekend alone, I think you will find that you will really enjoy your alone time. One of my friends was the same way when she was first divorced (I think her son was 7 or 8 at the time;s he;s now 16), but soon she began to cherish those times. I remember one time she told me, "Why couldn't this have been a visitation weekend? I have so much I need to get done this weekend." She just laughed. Of course she missed her son when he was with his father, but she realized she could get a lot done when she was alone.
 
In my previous post, I asked whether you are a reader. I just now noticed that your signature says "Book nerd." LOL
 
I think it will be an adjustment but you will eventually get into a groove and find some things you enjoy to fill your time. Take some time to focus on yourself and to maybe explore some new things you would find enjoyment in. Sending you hugs.
 
I'm sorry it's hard! I think other people are right, though, and it will get easier. You'll develop more interests and friendships to fill those hours since your time isn't always committed to your family. I think it's something we're all going to go through, if we haven't already, even though it may be being an empty nester instead of a divorce that brings it about.

I lived alone for a year between graduating college and getting married. That year it usually worked out that Dan and I spent about half the week at each other's apartments and half the week alone. At the time that was fine and it didn't bother me to live alone (I kinda liked it after years of having roommates in college!), but I think that it would feel a lot stranger to live alone now since I'm used to living with Dan and the kids.
 
I can relate, Val. I remember after my ex-husband moved out, the first weekend Logan spent with him, when I was totally alone for the first time since I was 18 years old, it was awful. I remember feeling a lot of those same feelings you mentioned. My advice is to have a night out with your girlfriends. Go to dinner, go see a movie, have a glass (or three) of wine. I promise it does get easier, and eventually you're going to love the freedom of living alone and not having to answer to anyone else. Don't feel like doing the dishes tonight? No problem! Want to walk around wearing the same sweats from yesterday? Go right ahead! ;) Hugs, hon. You're gonna be just fine.
 
I've never thought about it until now. I have never lived alone. I moved in with my boyfriend/now husband when I was 18 we married at 19. We've been married 14 years. I would at a complete loss without having anyone around because, this is how it always has been.

I hope it gets easier for you!
 
When I was in the dorms in Japan for 2 years, I shared a bathroom, and there were always people in the building, so I'm not sure if that counts as completely alone.
 
I lived alone from August 2006 to November 2008 (after my divorce and before I moved in with my fiance-now-husband), and I miss it terribly. If it was possible to have my own shed/mother-in-law suite in the backyard while the rest of the family lived in the house, I would do it in a second. :thumbup:

I loved being able to be a person vs. someone's wife/stepmother. I loved having my own time and space and things and schedule. I loved that the only needs I had to worry abt were my own.

I loved being able to sleep in until 11 am and then eat chips 'n' dip for lunch and dinner... or deciding to go visit my parents 2 hours away and being on the road 20 minutes later... or deciding at 11:30 pm to deep clean the entire kitchen while listening to 1990s Backstreet Boys. I loved being able to come home after work to a quiet apartment where I didn't have to cook for anyone else or talk to anyone else or do anything but decompress and relax and then go to bed. I loved being able to leave crap out everywhere if I was working on a project and not have to clean it up until I was finished. I loved being able to not leave the apartment all weekend... or spend all weekend out 'n' about... or invite people over spur of the moment.

You will get used to it, I promise, and you will miss it when you find someone else down the road.
 
I was living alone for 4 years while I was studying Bachelor & Master in the UK, that was before I met Lan. I loved that I can cook whatever I wanted to, come back home to my own peaceful space, do whatever I felt like doing, sleeping at the time I like & waking up at my own time.

Single life can be so freeing as well as daunting in a way. Sometimes, I do miss the time when I can do that - which I can't, with a 4 years old being so nosy all the time. :p
 
Wow. You guys are so encouraging. I know I should come to expect it by now, but it still always hits me in the heart. I keep telling people over and over that I'm 'bored' and I decided last night to strike that word from my vocabulary. I even texted it to a friend who then called me and said THANK GOD. lol! So i drove down to the Redbox and got a movie that John would never watch with me, put my leggings on and grabbed some wine and peanut m&ms. It was a nice evening with the window open and hearing everyone outside and in their apartments. Felt almost homey.
 
I have never lived alone. I think I would go stir-crazy! I'm one of seven children so we never really had much alone time or privacy. If Matt and the kids are gone I'm good for a few hours then after that I'm missing them like crazy and try to figure out what I can do to get myself out of the house. I also sleep lighter when I'm alone...so I hear everything.
 
Valgal said:
Wow. You guys are so encouraging. I know I should come to expect it by now, but it still always hits me in the heart. I keep telling people over and over that I'm 'bored' and I decided last night to strike that word from my vocabulary. I even texted it to a friend who then called me and said THANK GOD. lol! So i drove down to the Redbox and got a movie that John would never watch with me, put my leggings on and grabbed some wine and peanut m&ms. It was a nice evening with the window open and hearing everyone outside and in their apartments. Felt almost homey.
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Good for you! When Cheyanne is gone for a night I do the same thing - I rent the movies I know she won't want to see and I settle in with a beer and my favorite snack and enjoy :)
 
I lived alone for years when I was younger. I loved it. It would be different now with kids, but at the time I loved all that free time and the ability to do everything I want.
 
My husband and I separated at the end of last year, after being together for 24 years. Living together for 20 of those. It is difficult but I actually don't seem to ever be alone. My middle son has decided he is living with me full time so I now have him all the time (he's 14, we agreed the boys could choose). Now I kinda wish I was all on my own some nights. I now have a new partner, but that's hard as well, not seeing him as much as I would like. But you will get there, make some time for friends and hobbies.


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Thanks, Kylie :) There have been a couple days where I truly felt lonely, but I think it was actually good for me to just sit there and know I wasn't going to die.
 
I moved to another state (and another landmass - mainland Australia - since I lived on an island previously) for my first degree and lived alone for all of it. For my second degree I moved back to my home island, but moved to another city 2.5 hours away from my hometown. I lived alone to begin with, although that didn't last for long - I moved in with some friends a couple of months later, then moved in with my now-husband at the end of that year (and I haven't lived alone since).

Living alone previously, I had absolutely no problems enjoying my own company. But it's different since getting married. Earlier in the year my husband was doing 12 hour night shifts, six days a week, so I'd spend all but Saturday nights on my own once the kids were in bed.

And I absolutely loathed it to begin with. My first night also included movies and wine! ;) Not having someone to say goodnight to is one of the toughest parts. But by the time night shifts had ended three months later and my husband went back to his usual shifts, it took me awhile to get used to sharing my evening time again. :)

It may not seem like it right now, but you'll adjust to the alone time quicker than you think. I haven't been able to post the past few months, but I've been lurking and reading - you're a tough chickie Val! (which I knew even before you went through all of this)
 
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