give me your angst...

I'll give you my angst... I am DONE parenting one of my children. Like, totally done. I have worked SO DANG HARD for the last 5 years with this kid, always trying to do/say the right thing, make the right parenting decisions, be supportive, firm, loving... all the while battling the upset in my home and my internal struggle of trying not to compare him to my bio-kids and he FIGHTS AND CHALLENGES ME ON EVERY STUPID THING you can think of.

He is so HARD. Done, done, done I tell you. I seriously wonder why in the world God gave us this job to do when I'm clearly doing such a bad job of it.
 
Ha! I love these! "2012 sucked."
Oh we all have those moments....days, weeks, years...

Valerie, I'm not sure of you situation but we have an adopted son. He was adopted at age 11 from foster care. He also has high functioning autism. And I TOTALLY get what you're saying. He is the most difficult kid I have ever met. We all breathe a sigh of relief when he is not home for a time because he adds stress to the whole family. I don't know how things will turn out. I can tell you that he is FAR from where he should be at age 16.5. I don't know whether he's capable of working, or living on his own. But I know he is doing better than he would be if he were still with his birth Mom in homeless shelters or still in foster care. And I have to trust that God has a plan for him (because I don't think I could stand him living with us forever - it's awful to say that, but true!). I do know that we were without a doubt supposed to adopt him, and that has helped us tremendously when we would have otherwise questioned what have done to our (otherwise and previously happy) family.
I say all that so that you know I TOTALLY GET WHERE YOU ARE COMING FROM!!!

And you are making a difference, whether you can see it or not. A friend who also adopted older children said that they have changed the trajectory of their kids' lives. That course is not where they would want the kids to be, but is a better path than they would have had otherwise. I have to keep reminding myself of that. Hugs and prayers for your family!!!
 
And I've never scrapped a totally honest page about the struggles with said son. I guess because I know it would hurt him deeply to read it. It might be therapeutic to make the page and never let it see the light of day, but I could never print something that would hurt him. So I put a positive spin on things or don't scrap certain things. I could do a photo collage of holes in my walls and things he's broken.....bwahahaha. But I won't do that. Sigh.
 
icindi said:
Ha! I love these! "2012 sucked."
Oh we all have those moments....days, weeks, years...

Valerie, I'm not sure of you situation but we have an adopted son. He was adopted at age 11 from foster care. He also has high functioning autism. And I TOTALLY get what you're saying. He is the most difficult kid I have ever met. We all breathe a sigh of relief when he is not home for a time because he adds stress to the whole family. I don't know how things will turn out. I can tell you that he is FAR from where he should be at age 16.5. I don't know whether he's capable of working, or living on his own. But I know he is doing better than he would be if he were still with his birth Mom in homeless shelters or still in foster care. And I have to trust that God has a plan for him (because I don't think I could stand him living with us forever - it's awful to say that, but true!). I do know that we were without a doubt supposed to adopt him, and that has helped us tremendously when we would have otherwise questioned what have done to our (otherwise and previously happy) family.
I say all that so that you know I TOTALLY GET WHERE YOU ARE COMING FROM!!!

And you are making a difference, whether you can see it or not. A friend who also adopted older children said that they have changed the trajectory of their kids' lives. That course is not where they would want the kids to be, but is a better path than they would have had otherwise. I have to keep reminding myself of that. Hugs and prayers for your family!!!
Click to expand...

Both your replies are helpful, even if an outsider reading them wouldn't think so, lol! It's easy to think I'm the only one in this predicament. I also first fostered, then adopted, him when he was 12. So, about the same as as your boy. It's a crazy time for a normal kid, much less one who lost both his parents (mom overdosed, dad had a heart attack.) I love, love, love him and if I ever found out someone was messing with him I'd probably crush their eyeballs in. At the same time...

I. Am. Exhausted.

Sometimes I think, "Well, i'm doing the best I can." and then I think, "You know, so-and-so would be doing this MUCH better." :unsure:

I do think he's going to move out shortly after graduating, mostly because he already thinks he doesn't need to abide by house rules and after he's 18 I don't know how he's going to possibly stand for them. And then there's my sweet, angelic little Johnny (same age). It's like NIGHT and DAY.
 
I made this page when dealing with the feelings of watching my Grandpa slowly being taken away from us by the Alzheimer's...


Visiting his grave on the first anniversary of his death


 
I feel like this is a moment we need La. {sniff sniff}

Man, I have been drowning in angst today, but it is not appropriate for public consumption. Here is my most recent cry page; I just want to go back to my hometown, live in a little house, watch my kids play baseball, have playdates at Chic-fil-a and DROP MY KIDS OFF AT MY MOM'S HOUSE FOR THE WEEKEND.
But I don't actually want to give up the life I live now, so it's just this constant tug-of-war on my heart.

I made this one a few years ago about my struggle with depression.
 
This is the only one that I have scrapped (that I can think of)... I could probably fill a book if I ever got around to scrapping all my angst!!

 
these are all seriously amazing!! I love emo pages!! they are so therapeutic.
I enjoy scrapping my boys angst... because it makes me laugh. they can be so very dramatic. it kills me.















 
I haven't done a good angsty page in a while (probably need to!), but here's a LO featuring my wonderful teenager. :p

 
Okay, I had a peek at my gallery, and apparently I did A LOT of angsty pages right before my marriage ended. Go figure... :rolleyes:







 
that first one of your daughter totally cracks me up, Kendall!! classic teen.
I just noticed you're in SC... where abouts?? I'm just outside of Columbia.
 
lingovise said:
that first one of your daughter totally cracks me up, Kendall!! classic teen.
I just noticed you're in SC... where abouts?? I'm just outside of Columbia.
Click to expand...

Stop it right now! I had no idea you were in SC! I'm in Aiken. Can we PLEASE be best friends? :p
 
how about that?!! I'm in Chapin. we should TOTALLY plan to meet up! that would be loads of fun!
 
When I get emotional, I tend to scrap song lyrics, poems, and quotes. They express my feelings much better than I ever could with my own words. I did several of these during the last year:









And, this is an older one, but I really love this quote:
 
These are all amazing ladies!! I NEED to do this. I never really have before bc I think I feel like if I put my struggles down on paper then I'm making them more real - or something, But it looks like it might actually be helpful...
 
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