Do your kids mind you? (small children)

junebug

junebug

New member
i have just about had it with my younger two. they never listen to me. i somehow long ago lost control over them and they walk all over me. today i had some errands to run. i head to Centennial to pay the phone bill. no problems there as i was in and out. then i head to walmart to pick up a playstation game DH and i want. i was in there for not 2 minutes and Emma and Aidan start their little game of not sitting in the cart (i got one of those stupid hard to push ones with the blue seats in the front?) Emma runs one way, Aidan runs another way.:cursing: i spend all my time in stores chasing them around. they try to climb out of the cart if i put them in it, and i'm so afraid they'll fall out i let them out again only to start the chasing all over. its like they think its funny. they are laughing the entire time. meanwhile i'm getting so pissed its not even funny, trying to contain my temper in a public place. nothing i do works. i do spank their butt or even their hand, but not really that hard for fear of the cops being called on me. what am i supposed to do? i finally gave up today and took them home. told DH that either he comes with me to do grocery shopping or i go alone. i can't do it anymore.
they don't listen very well at home either. always getting into something. pulling the chairs up to the counter and getting into stuff in the cabinets. i don't know how many times i have cleaned eggs, sugar, flour etc. off of the floor. i don't know how to gain control back. thats all people tell me to "you need to make them listen" okaaaay. how?? i have tried everything! maybe i need to call that british nanny lol. seriously. maybe i should! i'm just so stressed. i can't take it anymore.

am i the only bad mom who can't control her kids?
 
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I have very little control over J. Very little. He laughs when I spank him. He isn't "bad" but he is a total BOY.
 
We are sooooo in this stage right now. L.J. doesn't listen to me one bit. If I say Go, he says Stop. Completely opposite what I want him to do. It's REALLY irritating and I'm just glad he's in school p/t and at MIL's one day a week. At least I get a break.

Please tell me 4 yr olds are better than 3!!!!!
 
Tracyfish said:
We are sooooo in this stage right now. L.J. doesn't listen to me one bit. If I say Go, he says Stop. Completely opposite what I want him to do. It's REALLY irritating and I'm just glad he's in school p/t and at MIL's one day a week. At least I get a break.
Click to expand...

This is so where I am w/ J right now. I also get "i really sorry mommy" a lot. :blink: Yeah kid I know you're sorry. :D
 
I am going thru this too! Kaden is getting a little better. But I never feel like I can control him...blah...
 
There's a book called 1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for Children 2-12. My son's doctor recommended it. We tried it and it worked. The only thing about it is you HAVE TO BE CONSISTENT.

I unfortunately became lazy and stopped so...
I will say my son is now 6 and listens fairly well, alas he is a boy and has many boy tendencies:(.
 
OMG. I am so there! My boys will not listen. I spend most of the day nagging them and snapping at them. It's awful!! :(

I do have the 1-2-3 Magic book, but I haven't read it yet. How bad is that?!
 
My kids have their moments and are actually getting REALLY bad lately. DH and I are strict and consistent, but kids push the envelope as much as possible, and our kids have taken it and run. Natalie is at the size now that if she asks to be out of the cart (she's 4.5 but small for her age) I will let her out but if she stops listening, she gets put back in. They touch EVERYTHING in the stores. At home they fight and bicker and often get sent to their rooms by their dad. The kids aren't scared of me, but they are scared of their dad (not scared as in terrified but they KNOW not to disobey him, but with me it's different), so I've resorted to the thing my mom used to pull - "stop, or I'll tell your father".

I think it's a natural thing for kids to stop listening to their moms because we are the ones that discipline them ALL the time. Dads are different.
 
I'm just entering into this with bugga now. She's 2 1/2. For the most part she is mindful, but more and more lately she doesn't respond to my discipline at all. It's so frustrating! You're not alone.
 
I think God knew I wouldn't be able to handle anything else, so he sent me two extremely well-behaved children. Ages 2-3 were absolutely my fave years ever for both of them. We've never had to take them out of the room at church, or make a scene at a store or anything.

We don't spank...we have a system of responsibilities and privileges, and I try to apply "natural" consequences as often as possible. I was also pretty good at explaining why "no" is the answer sometimes. It's much better than "because I said so" and it allows the opportunity to create a "worst case scenario" that let's them see the potential end consequences of bad choices.

BUT...my kids are nearly 5 years apart. I think that makes a difference, too.
 
Oh you are so not alone! Callum is a monkey at the supermarket, he whines to get out the trolly then does a bunk and laughs as I try to chase him grrrr lol I hate taking him to town for shopping its a nighmare lol so I very rarely go alone!
If hes being told of he throws himself to the floor and its like trying to pick up jelly, to get him on his feet lol If im after him cos hes done something wrong he runs away laughing, thinking its a game lol

But hes not always like it, he is good sometimes lol
 
My girls apparently think they are queens of the county. Sometimes they listen though, but not usually.
 
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Everyone you will ever know who has children has either a) been there, done that or b) will experience it soon at which point you can smile and nod! :)

The good news is that asserting themselves is one step toward independence, but of course that isn't very helpful right now.

I teach special needs preschoolers so dealing with behaviors are constant issues for me. I highly recommend Dr.T Berry Brazelton's Touchpoints, 1,2,3 Magic by Phelps and I Brake for Meltdowns: How to Handle the Most Exasperating Behavior of Your 2- to 5-year-old by Michelle Nicholasen.

Really the key is setting clear and consistent limits- even if it means carrying out screaming children and leaving a full cart of groceries to take your kids out of the store (can you tell I've been there? Boy have I!) :)
 
mine never went through this stage...i think with all of my 3 children combined, maybe 2 fits have been thrown. i can honestly count on one hand the amount of times they have just down right disobeyed me (combined). at one point i had a 6, 3 and 1 year old and it was honestly a breeze. i'm not even being delusional. i can also promise you that your not the only mom out there who is going through/went through this.
 
My DD is only 16 months old but we are alrady experiencing it. We try not to reward the bad behavior and praise her good behavior. And if she acts up in public, we leave. I know she is young so we are trying to start good habits now.
 
I have a 16 year old and a 3 year old. My oldest didn't listen to me & everything was a struggle at this age. My youngest listens really well (at least until Grandma's around, but thats another story).

One thing I think that is really important is to follow through on stuff and be consistent. For example, if it was me...

If you told them to come back to the cart, either they need to come back to the cart, even if its you dragging them back to the cart. Before you go into the store explain if they don't listen you will leave & take a privilege away when you get home if they are older (TV, early bedtime etc.). The first few times will be difficult but they will learn :)

IMO, if you let them continue not listening to you, then you are giving them permission/approval to continue not listening.
 
My problem is def. consistency! I'm horrible at it! I have that 1-2-3 book but only got through 1/4th of the book and then stopped. I need to read the whole thing.
 
yah, consistency is my problem too, but i have tried the "if you are bad in here we will leave'" talk but it still is no help. but maybe it takes a few times, lol. i just hate that i dread going anywhere anymore because i know my kids will always act up. if i just have one of them ,they are fine. and Chloe is okay. she's 5. i had Emma with me the other morning and she was really good. Aidan, well, he is 2 so i sort of expect him to be this way somewhat, but Emma at 3 knows better. she's just doing it for attention and hoping i'll carry her. but she is extremely heavy, close to 40 pounds i think and i just can't carry her long distances. my back and arms are worn out!
 
First, you're not alone. EVERY.SINGLE.PARENT out there has struggled with discipline. Every single one.

I want to share with you a quote from my favorite parenting/discipline book that sums up me and my husband's philosophy on discipline...

"Identify the rules well in advance. Let there be no doubt about what is and is not acceptable behavior. When the child cold-bloodedly chooses to challenge these known boundaries in a haughty manner, give him good reason to regret it. At all times, demonstrate love and affection and kindness and understanding. Discipline and love are not antitethical; one is a function of the other. A parent must understand that discipline is not something you do TO a child but rather something you do FOR a child."

Its tough. I struggle with it just like anyone else. But as long as you have a clear goal of what you want and expect from your children, you can't go wrong.

If you want to talk more, feel free to catch me on YIM (same username) or PM me, ok?

((hugs))
 
Oh yeah, been there. In general I'd say we do pretty well on being clear and consistent, but IMO some of it comes down to the child's personality and developmental stage.

DS1 is now 5 and he tests the limits some at home, but he responds well to natural consequences and is usually very well behaved when we're out. But he's rule-oriented and always has been. He likes the structure and predictablity of rules and follows rules because they're the rules. He listened much better at 2.5 than DS2 does. DS2 likes to test the limits. He knows what the consequences will be and gets upset when we enforce them, but it isn't enough to stop him from pushing and testing. I know we'll get there one day, but it's sooooo frustrating now.
 
I know for my sister, consistency was an issue, but it wasn't 'cause she didn't want to be consistent...she was just so crazy busy...irons in a million fires kind of thing. It's kind of hard to walk out of a store when you need something to fulfill a commitment. She doesn't leave enough time to allow for those circumstances, ya know? I, on the other hand, chose to say no more frequently than she did to said commitments, and so it was much easier for me to stop and enforce a consequence because I had the time to do it.
 
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