Do you ever think people take advantage...

my3hens

my3hens

New member
Cause your a nice person? I mean I must have doormat written on my forehead or something lol :thumbdown: I am weirdly non confrontational and it seems like its easier for some to kinda take that and run with it. Its kinda frustrating. Sorry having some family issues and it seems like Im always the easy target cause I dont fight back so to speak. Its not that I dont have a temper or dont have my moments but for the most part I just HATE it when I know theres someone upset with me. And I dont know if I had more of a tailbone people would treat me a bit better but then I would feel guilty for being a bitch.

Okay so I guess I will spill LOL

I was talking to my mom tonight and she was going on and on about the family reunion I was just at. She was talking about how a lot of my cousins (I have a huge family) from our side of the family didnt make it and how much my grandparents were glad that I came so I could show off their babies (my children). Then someone made a comment about how i spent alot of my time in the cabin with the kids and I wasnt around enough and blah blah. Im like we drove an hour to get there with three kids and didnt take them outside to much because the mosquitos were freakin awful. And then apparenlty it turned into this huge stupid drama fest. And everyone is just buzzing about how stand offish I seemed (which I was NOT) I did go down the picnic area for 4 hours LOL I just hated seeing my babies eaten up. Couldnt do it they were miserable, plus it was raining and cold and nasty and my daughter has arthritis. My family is just wicked gossipy and I dont know how it managed to find me but it always freakin does I swear. There were about 200 people there how did it even end back at me LOL. THEN they asked me to send the pictures I took. Okay so I did that. And then they complained that they were only of my kids and one cousin. Since when was I supposed to be the designated photographer for the event LOL ugh sorry venting like crazy. I have been really moody lately anyhow but I was pretty shocked to hear that so many were upset with me over somethng like that. I was just looking out for my children. The family reunion was at a campsite so its hard to do much outside the cabin with stormy weather. i tryed to make the best of the weather at one point I let the kids get in the mud puddles and took pictures and what not but then they were soaked and cold. It was just bad. Oh well, I wont even touch on my inlaw issues at the moment. Bless your hearts if you made it this far. Just a rough week I think.
 
Oh Sarah, how awful! To heck with all of them I say. Sounds like they have you on a high pedestal, and when you don't live up to their image they take great delight in dragging you down to their level. I can totally see why you are so angry. And I would be too. Tell them to get stuffed. Sounds like they're just being plain nasty to me. :thumbdown:

Allow yourself some angry time, then put the matter aside do your best to just not think about it anymore. I doubt anything you do or say will please some people.
 
Oh sweetie I completely know what you mean!! And yes, I do think that people do take advantage of nice people. I'm the exact same way and I can't tell you how many times that's happened to me with my mom and sister. They know my weakness is being nice and that I hate confrontation and having people mad at me - they completely take advantage of that. It used to be really bad, but I finally had to stand up for myself. It was really NOT fun for a while but things are so much better now because of it. I'm so sorry that everyone seemed to turn the drama on you. I would have totally done the same thing if it was raining and the mosquitos were really bad. Awww big hugs to you, Sarah!! I do know exactly how you feel!! You are a wonderfully sweet person and I'd hate to see them get to you like this!! Even bigger hugs to you!!!!
 
Thank you girlys, Im so glad to be validated. Im a sensitive soul LOL my poor husband but sometimes enough is enough. I think I just kinda hit my limit with this. I just wish I knew the best way to speak up!
 
(Hugs) I so know how you. I finally stood my ground. Sarah just tell them how you feel about believe me you will fill alot better!! I sure know I did!!
 
Big Hugs to you!

I'm kind of the same way and I know my family loves to take advantage of that. I hate any kind of drama and I go out of my way to avoid and try and make everyone happy but you just can't please everyone. It always stresses me out majorly.

I so wish I was more like Lena sometimes! Since she's been here with me she's not let our family run over me. She's my hero :wub:!
 
My family does the same stuff to me Sarah -- and especially my in-laws! They think I married Dusty just so they could walk all over me!

I'm sorry you're having a rough week :(
 
Sorry they did that to you. <<<HUGS>>> I know all too well how that feels. :( I think that nice people DO get walked on. My hubby tells me he has to "toughen me up" LOL!
 
oh wow sweetie! That sure is some drama. If it's any consolation sweetie, my family does the exact same thing. Some times, I feel like I can't win for losing. Keep your chin up - I think your babies deserved to be inside away from the mosquito bites.
 
Oh girls im so sorry you all have to deal with the same thing, it really sucks! Its funny because I was always the go to girl in the family whether it be babysitting or money or whatever. And let me say for the record I have NO money LOL! So I dont know why they would pick me. Im just always the one that cant say no. Wes is completely opposite LOL He has no problem at all and he gets mad at me LOL But I mean I have been this way since I was my daughters age so six or so. You would think I have both Italian and Irish LOL I would have more a spine!
 
LOL @ being Italian and Irish and no spine!!

I don't think there's anything you can do right now per say, to stand up for yourself. But if someone asks for pictures again and then complains that you didn't shoot what they wanted, tell to get their own camera. You can be held accountable for taking pictures of 200+ people AND taking care of yur babies at the same time!

Just say no honey. It's hard, but you can do it! :)
 
I am so sorry sweetie!!!!! I don't really have any advice, as I quit going to the renions here because I was always treated horribly. :( {{hugs}}
 
It's hard to say no because you don't want people to me unhappy with you. But look at it this way...they are already unhappy with you & you did what they asked you to do. You can't please everyone. Someone is always going to be unhappy with you for things you can't control - like staying in the cabin while it's raining or the mosquitos are out. That's just sense but some people aren't happy unless they are complaining.

Saying no gets easier once you have done it a couple times & you accept that no matter what you do, someone will be unhappy & make the choices that make you happy.
 
I'm sorry your family is treating you like that. You did what I would have done. You can't make everyone happy.
 
Ugh. I'm so sorry you're dealing with that. I'm the peacemaker in our family so I feel like I take the brunt of a lot of that junk sometimes too. Hang in there. *hugs*
 
Awwwww, sorry they're being like that!! Makes me wanna stand up for you!!! I tend to be a doormat myself, but I don't have a problem standing up for others...lol, figure that one out! I've definately been there, and it's not fun, but like others have said, you can't please them all! I'm just sorry they're being like this to you after the fact. Although I'm sure if they'd asked you ahead of time to be the one to get lots of family pics for them you would have!!
 
Thanks again girls :) Thats gonna have to be my new years resolution next year LOL Give me a year to mull on it before it actually comes up.
 
((hugs)) love! It's the nature of the beast, I suppose isn't it? It's amazing how easily we can take our family for granted, or take advantage of them, or find ourselves holding expectations for them that we wouldn't otherwise with others.

I'm sorry there's a bit of a whirlwind of negativity around this Sarah. Take heart in knowing that you did nothing wrong and that paying attention to your priorities...your children...is 100% how it should be.

Also, you are probably "too nice". You are one of the kindest people I've ever had the priviledge to know. It's who you are. I know in times like these it's hard to not to feel like it's not worth it. That being too nice brings heartache. And it will sometimes, but you know what? It is worth it. I know it sounds cheesy, but you bless people with your kindness. And that's an amazing thing. It's good to set boundaries and stand up for yourself, that's important. But don't get down on yourself ever for being who you are.

So keep your chin up. :)
 
scarletsierra said:
((hugs)) love! It's the nature of the beast, I suppose isn't it? It's amazing how easily we can take our family for granted, or take advantage of them, or find ourselves holding expectations for them that we wouldn't otherwise with others.

I'm sorry there's a bit of a whirlwind of negativity around this Sarah. Take heart in knowing that you did nothing wrong and that paying attention to your priorities...your children...is 100% how it should be.

Also, you are probably "too nice". You are one of the kindest people I've ever had the priviledge to know. It's who you are. I know in times like these it's hard to not to feel like it's not worth it. That being too nice brings heartache. And it will sometimes, but you know what? It is worth it. I know it sounds cheesy, but you bless people with your kindness. And that's an amazing thing. It's good to set boundaries and stand up for yourself, that's important. But don't get down on yourself ever for being who you are.

So keep your chin up. :)
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OMG Sara you got me welling up over here! Seriously thank you, I am VERY blessed to have made such an amazing friend in you this past year or so, your an amazing person and your words really will weight heavily on my heart!! I really appreciate you babe! Thank you!
 
Sorry about the family gossiping about you. I know how it can be, I have a huge fam as well (not immediate, but some 75 1st cousins) and there's always drama going on. I only keep in touch with a handful that I get along with and once in a while see the rest of them. Take it easy!
 
Oh Sarah - that just stinks. I have learned not to worry as much but it still nags and gets to me. But now that you are a mom your own little family has to come before your extended family...and that is often hard. Hard for you to come to grips with and accept without the guilt, hard for them to acknowledge and change to adapt to. I have found that many people also forget what it is like to have small children until reminded of when theirs were little too so they have different expectations. Hugs to you.
 
Sarah :( This makes me sad. I spent my life taking care of my family, literally. People see that you will try to help and they do take advantage. I did not choose my parents or the course they chose in life. I did not choose my brother or his path in life. I DID choose to have my children and the ARE my path in life. So after I had 3 and was in labor with 4+5, I couldn't even get someone to put my child on the bus. At that point my husband and I decided that WE were our family. No more helping others who won't help us. Is it selfish? Maybe. The twins are almost 5 now and I hardly speak to my family. I have bad dreams from the guilt. But then I get a call from my mom, or dad, or brother. Do you know it is always " Heather, can you....? Not how are you. Not I miss you.
I hope you find a way to deal better than I did. But you are not alone. So many of us are nurturing, loving people. Unfortunately it makes us doormats for the people around us(my BFF calls them lifesuckers). I have made it my personal mission in life to raise my children to appreciate others.
 
Sarah a big cyber hug for you hon. I don't blame you one bit for trying to keep the kids in a little bit, especially since your daughter has arthritis. People forget sometimes what's going on behind the scenes with others. About being the go to girl, I am right there with you. I am the neighborhood door mat. There's a kid knocking on the door right now as I type. Somebody eats a meal a day at my house and I babysit for free for the last two months and never a simple thank you from any of the parents. If I can just keep my perspective that God sees what I do and that's all that really matters, it keeps me grounded. But sometimes it's tough to remember that and it gets depressing to think that nobody gives a rip.
You have to do for your kids and your family first, especially in your situation and people should respect that. (((HUGS))))
 
First no they wont take advantage of me. I dont allow it to happen anymore. At one point yes I was alot like that and wouldnt say anything when it happened. Im really sorry you have to deal with that though. People like that infuriate me. A reunion should be a pleasent experience because you are seeing people whom you dont get to see and arent sure when you will see again in most instances. If all they could find to do with their time is be nasty and gossipy then that is on them not you. Just let it roll off your back because it isnt worth being upset over and you totally did the right thing with your kids. That is what matters. They (and you) shouldnt have to be the center of the party if anyone is uncomfortable in anyway. Also if they forgot to bring a camera then thats their fault. It used to be like that at my kids birthday parties because my cheapskate sister would have hers on the same day as mine since they are all within 2 weeks time and she would not buy food or drinks and then invite her guests to my party so they could eat/drink there. Also she would snag my cameras and take pictures of her kids and then ask me to get her copies of them.
 
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Oh Sarah, I am so sorry you have to deal with that! ((Big Hugs)) to you! I know it is easier said than done, but sometimes we have to tell ourselves that we have done the best we can do and what is right for us and our families. No matter what everyone else says/thinks. You can never please everyone, believe me there will always be someone who wants to talk/complain. And with those people you just have to remind yourself, that it isn't you, but they are miserable in their life and you are just the easy one to take it out on/blame. When they said misery loves company, they meant it. Some people just love to drag other people down, it makes them feel better. But I know that you are wayyy better than that and no matter what anyone else says/does, you will remain the kind, caring, generous person that you are.
 
Oh Sarah, so sorry your family is being difficult. Don't ever feel bad for standing up for your kiddos especially with family that don't understand. I know how it feels and I'm the same way as you as far as being non-confrontational. You don't have satisfy anybody else but you and your family. You've done more than enough on your part at that family reunion. Hugs to you, sweetie.
 
Awwww! That sucks! And that is SO ridiculous that they got all ticked off about your pics.... if I was at a reunion, most my pics would be of my family too! BUY YOUR OWN DANG CAMERA! lol!

And yes, I know how you feel. I have the hardest time saying no.... and I HATE confrontation so much sometimes I'd rather I just suffered myself than hurt someone else's feelings. :unsure:
 
Sarah! Big Hugs to you!

Girl, you are going to have to learn to say no! It is possible to be kind & loving & nurturing and not be a doormat. You did absolutely nothing wrong. It actually sounds like very poor planning for whoever was organizing the reunion not to take weather into consideration. Had you been in an indoor facility you could have let your kids run & play and taken more photos. The best thing you could do is say "Sorry you're disappointed. I did the best I could with the circumstances." and then just let it go. People are always cranky. My grandparents did the same thing to me at our family reunion last year. They just assumed that because I am the scrapbooker in the family that I would take photos. Well, I got lost heading up to the reunion and was late and my grandma kept making snide comments about how the first half of the reunion didn't have any photos at all. I just finally looked at her and said, "Well, if you all had planned the reunion at a normal place not on the backside of some remote mountain I would have been here. OR you could have provided directions & a map with the invitations." That shut her up pretty quickly! :) You can do it. Stand up for yourself and don't hold onto the guilt. You don't deserve the guilt because you didn't do anything wrong. kwim?
 
Holy cr@p. I can't believe you even went. You've gotta get tougher skin, it's what mommies do. Screw them, you know exactly what your babies need and if they feel the need to talk about it, awesome... but don't let it affect you.

Families are like buttholes, everybody's got 'em and while, yes, we need them - most could do without seeing them for awhile and nobody likes to talk about them.

(Can you tell how much I love my family?)
Your family is you, the dh, and the kids, the rest just share some genetic strands, don't let them get to you.

((hugs))
 
Thank you again chicas, really I can not say enough how much better I feel! I love the buttholes analogy too LOL, I am gonna keep that one ready lmao! On a more serious note wholeheartedly I am so blessed to be part of such a caring community. Not only have you always been here for me whenever I have really need prayers or just to rant but the way you all are here for each other is really amazing! Thank you soooo much!! I heart you girls!
 
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