Divorce/Seperation

nun69

nun69

New member
talk to me......I have been married for 22 years and I am finally to the point that Ithink I am ready to be done with it.....my husband has never helped me withanything (kids, housework, etc etc).....he goes towork, comes home, hangs outathis computer andgoes tobed...the end......has always been that way...those ofyouthatknow meknow that Iamnoptlazy andI havealways worked (did 20 years inthenavy and3 at the localveterans affair clinic).....and you may also know myyoun gest , Peyton (almost 8) is on the autism spectrum (high function ing)....last July he had been through 3 daycares in ayear and I really had nobody to watch him over the summer so I quit working.....I have days where I have to go get him from school, I have to be here to get him on the bus at 9 and off the bus at 245, which is hard to get or keep a job for alot of reasons.....my other kids are 22, 14 and 9..........we are probably going to loose our house to foreclosure since we haven't made a house payment since July.....but I also receive my monthly stpened for my retirement and I went back to school full time and receive roughly $1000 a month for that....well between my retirement and my school money I make almost as much as my husband, yet I NEED to get a job and take care of all the kids and everything else that comes along with a famiy with NO HELP from him........my mom,brother and sister are willing to help me get back to VA after the kids get out of school.....more than likely Ben (14) will go with Matt to live in Oregon with his parents and Abby & Peyton will go wtih me to VA.....I know all thehelp I need is there and I really do need it (for more reasons than one)....so tell me how hard it was for you or your kids and in the long run did it all work out for the better?

ps.
My oldest is no longer at home, she lives on her own (and I have been seeing a psychologist and he said that I have been overloaded and overwhelmed for a long long time)
 
hugs, Angie! I haven't been married as long as you, but we went through some things a couple years ago and I made him leave. (He's back now and we are better.) He wasn't gone very long, but my then 9 year old slept with me every night, as did my stepdaughter when I had her. They were confused, angry, and sad.
My only suggestion is that if you do follow through, make sure you have a counselor in VA ready to talk to the kids. If Dusty had been gone any longer than he was, we would have definitely been in some counseling. Honestly, the kids probably still should have had some sessions, and I know I should have.
Much love to you!
 
Nikki Epperson said:
hugs, Angie! I haven't been married as long as you, but we went through some things a couple years ago and I made him leave. (He's back now and we are better.) He wasn't gone very long, but my then 9 year old slept with me every night, as did my stepdaughter when I had her. They were confused, angry, and sad.
My only suggestion is that if you do follow through, make sure you have a counselor in VA ready to talk to the kids. If Dusty had been gone any longer than he was, we would have definitely been in some counseling. Honestly, the kids probably still should have had some sessions, and I know I should have.
Much love to you!
Click to expand...

I remember this very well Nikki..............luckily we have sort of talked to Abby and Ben about the possiblity of having to move already, but nothing really about going our seperate ways........................I do know that my family and his will be there for all of the kids and that is my main concern. My mom has never lived close to any of her kids/grandkids and I know this would be an awesome thing for her because she so wants to be involved with the kids lives......my oldest remembers and knows my mom fairly well, but my younger 3 did not and that makes me very very sad because my family is very very close.....
 
I am divorced, but my son was only 3 when it happened. He doesn't really remember another way. If you have any questions though, feel free to message me on Facebook. Good luck.
 
I wish I had some advice for you. :( Sending you hugs. Also did you do a VA disability claim when you got out of the service? My hubby did and our payment from that is very helpful for income too. You can now have both your retirement and VA disability. You can still apply if you haven't yet.
 
Big HUGS to you, Angie... I have no advice here, I can't imagine what you go through... Hugs!
 
I have no advice either really. I'm a child of divorced parents. My Dad has hardly ever been in my life and the father that raised me took his own life about 15 years ago. I will say though that it sounds like you are definitely thinking of your children and that is very important. I was very young when my parents divorced and I was 17 when my Mom and stepfather divorced. I remember them fighting all the time over my younger brother and sister. It was very stressful for them because they felt like they were in the middle of it all. Your kids will need a lot of love and a lot of support and it sounds like you will be giving them all those things. ((HUGS)) Divorce is never easy. :(
 
I have nothing to say to you except for do what is best for you and your kids! You can do that! And you all deserve the best! (((hugs))) ♥
 
SO sorry to hear about all of these challenges you are facing. I am not divorced myself, but my parents divorced and both remarried (and then one divorced again). It was tough growing up being pulled in different directions and there were many, many time I didn't even know where my mother was or we (my brother and I) wouldn't hear from her for months. ANd like most kids, I blamed myself. Honestly, I sometimes think my parents never should have married (they were 19) and maybe should not have had kids; but that's a whole other story. If the kids don't have any involvment from their father now, maybe moving them to a more supporting and loving home with be best. Luckily I had an aunt and grandmother who were my saviors! Other family could really help and it's wonderful for all of you that they have offered. My husband and I both come from divorced, remarried, divorced... families and we have definitely learned from our parents mistakes. Praying that you can come to a good decision and have the strength to get through it. The hardest thing is taking the first step. I don't really know you, obviously, but I wish you the best.
 
<3 LOVES!!!!

You know you can message me about anything.

Regardless of how it goes or if it's your choice to make changes it will be hard. You can and deserve to be happy. If it's best for you, it will ultimately end up being best for the kids.
 
Hugs. My advice to you is do what you think is best for you. totally different from you, (no kids, relationship for 4 years) i just broke up with my ex in Jan and i find that I feel so much better without him and his negativeness.
 
Just want to send you ((HUGS)), Angie. I know you've felt stretched thin for a long time, and you've been working hard to do what is best for your family. Good luck with everything. :wub:
 
sending you lots of love and hugs Angie!!!! I wish I had some advice or something more helpful to give you. :( Just know I'm thinking of you and sending you so much support!!!!
 
I have no advice but just want to give you big ((hugs))
sending you prayers and good thoughts...
 
you gals are the best.........and I was facetiming with my sister today (got my 1st iphone) and happened to ask Abby (she was facetiming w ith me) would sh e like to go live in VA with Aunt Yvonne cause she had somuch space and has the cutest teacup Yorki and she said "no I want to go live with grandma and grandpa and get to see Taylor andOlivia everyday".......ummmmmm who told you that you would get to see them (her cousi ns) everyday? Dad.........yeah well my 2 sister in laws (one is an ex sister in law) do NOT get along so there is no way it would ever happen that my daughter would get to see her cousins everyday! I am so shocked that my husband is telling her this stuff, putting ideas in her head. Then she said "well dad said he might have to live in his car and work at the hospital until he can get ajob in Oregon"...WHO IN THE HELL tells their 9 y/o daughter that!!!! I am so infuriated right now that if I could pack up and leave tomorrow, I would!~ So she told him tonight (after he got home) that she wanted to go live with me in VA and he was like "WHAT".....I had to explain to the poor girl that she has 5 other cousins (on my side of the family) that she has never even met. And tried to tell her don't you think it would be nice to get to see some of mom's family? I think they would really love to see you. Then she said (very sadly) but when would I get to see dad? and I just didn't have the heart to really go in to all the details with her........my husband thinks that me quitting my job was an easy thing to do and when he brough it up again tonight I said "yeah because how many days did you have to take off to pick him up from school or daycare and how many daycares have you found for him since he started kindergarten?"....... his response "keep telling yourself that!!!! UGGGHHHHHHHHH so over it........just know deep down in my heart it is the right thing to do......
 
Sending big ((hugs)). Raising a child on the spectrum is tough even with support. I don't have any advice, but I'm glad you and your kids have family you can count on to help if you move.
 
Oh gosh, I hope he knows now not to talk to your children about any of it until decisions and plans are made. That only confuses them.
 
Mari Iam not sure but we both have counselor appts tomorrow and that is when I plan on letting the counslelor know....I can't do this anymore
 
Sad to hear.
but you can make it on your own.
im single since 8 year now.
boys were 5 and 8. Now 13 and 16
they live 4 days with me, 3 days with their dad.
i have a full time job.and it feels good doing everything on my own.
people sometimes stay together for the kids, but its not better for them.
make sure they see both mom and dad.
take care
 
Angie, I am SO sorry you're dealing with this. I have been there, done that, and I don't wish it on anyone. I think the move would be the hardest part, but as others have said, you do what's best for YOU and your kids.

I will say this. Getting divorced and being on my own has really shown me that I'm stronger than I ever realized. For me, now that it's been a few years, and I have some perspective, I think my ex deciding he wanted to be with someone else was the best thing that could've happened to me. I won't say there weren't bumps along the way, but my DD handled it better than I could've ever imagined. I feel like all three of us are happier and at peace now that the ex and I went our separate ways. As hard as divorce is and as much as it sucks, sometimes it really IS the best option. Only you know what's best for you though, so just follow your heart, and everything will work out in the end. Feel free to message me if you need to talk. Sending you hugs and much, much love! :hugs:
 
Hugs! Divorces are so hard. I know nothing is definite yet but is he ok with the moving thing? I don't know for sure whether this is always the case but I do recall that when my sister divorced from her husband, she wanted to move to another state and the divorce court would not permit it over her husband's objection. Which is ironic since he's been crappy dad anyway.

Sending hugs and positive vibes your way!
 
Yeh, like dawn said, he can protest it - but the court can also deem it in the best interest of the children so it could go either way. I am sorry you are going through all this Angie. You are a strong woman though, and you have proved that every day. You will get through this all, just one day at a time. He really needs to not be filling the children's head with well... Anything negative. This isn't a game. I would find an attorney and have a consultation/ask them for advice.
 
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