ARG!

ColleenSwerb

ColleenSwerb

Brodo gettin her Swerb on
This is just not my week :( Thank you ladies SO MUCH for listening to me complain so much. You all know I don't normally do this, so I appreciate you putting up with me so much this week.

As you may recall from this thread last week, my BIL was going on a job interview. And I REALLY needed him to get the job. It went really well. Or so we thought. He found out today he didn't get the job (they hired someone else).

::sigh::

I couldn't deal with yet ANOTHER argument with Jordan over the situation tonight. So I'm sure I'll have to deal with that next week now. Although BIL did send in an application this afternoon to another company, and already heard back from them. So, once again, fingers crossed that something comes from that one.

I'm spending the night cutting up hybrid goodies, and watching tv with a LARGE glass of wine. I'm trying to focus on having fun this weekend and celebrating my girlfriends upcoming marriage at her bridal shower.
 
((hugs)) Col, hopefully the wine will help you gloss over your rough patches. It's got to get better, right? :thumbup:
 
Uuuuuuugggggggggghhhhhhhhh!! Grey's and Private Practice are not new tonight! :crying:

I know it will be over eventually, and I will look back and think it wasn't that bad. But it IS bad. He's been here almost 2 years. I want my freaking house and my privacy and my life back. ARG!! :cursing:
 
I saw the title of this thread, and thought 'oh, no'. I'm sorry to hear he didn't get the job - hopefully something works out with this other company he heard back from!!
Have 2 glasses of wine!!
 
((hugs)) I'm sorry Col. I know how that goes (well probably more from your BIL's perspective) We're staying in Jeff's sister's basement for awhile and it's hard on everyone. I think as much as you want your house/life back he probably does too lol. It's not easy living with family. I know we've had a few arguments here and most days I scour the paper for apartments but then realize we can't afford it so what's the point. I also know how hard it is getting a job. I've been applying like crazy and not even a call back lol so I hope this one works out for him. ((hugs))
 
Brandy, I can totally understand your situation. But he doesn't need to live with us. He has a good job currently, he just wants a new one. It's not about him not being able to afford his own place (if that was the case, I would be far more understanding). He just doesn't want to leave.

Anyway, I decided on friday to quit bitching and have a good weekend. Which I have so far. I had an awesome time at the bridal shower we hosted, spent some quality time with my girlfriends, and refused to talk about it ad nauseum. Now I'm home again, and it's just me and the BIL in the house while my husband is away until tomorrow, and I'm determined to not be a biotch to him, and just deal with it. I will still be having a serious conversation with my husband about the issue, but I'm done wallowing in self pity and complaining and being in a funk. I'm pulling myself out of it because I have to. If I let myself be miserable until he leaves, it's going to be a long hard few weeks/months, and I just can't do that.
 
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I also had a BIL live with me once. I lasted 6 weeks before I demanded my dh kick him out. So more power to you for lasting so long! He had no reason to be living with us either. He just didn't want to go home for the summer during college and his parents couldn't find a cheap enough apartment to pay for for him (mind you, they had just scaped out of paying thier part of our wedding that they had agreed to pay for). So MIL asks if BIL can stay with us for a few weeks while they kept looking. I agreed because said she would pay us for it. The first week, we got half what she had said she would give us. The second week nothing. The third week, half of what we got week 1. The 4th week nothing. The 5th week, half of what we got week 3 and the 6th week, nothing. He was not to bring friends over to our place and while I was napping before work, he brought his girlfriend in. He didn't clean up anything and ate our food. I had enough by then!

So I think you have been more than understand with him!
 
Glad to hear your weekend is looking up. Family issues are difficult, no matter what the situation. Hopefully your positive outlook will be contagious to the rest of your week & it will be fabulous.
 
I also want to add that BIL does pay us rent (as he has a very good paying job), and he cleans his bathroom when needed, and he helps with teh cooking and cleaning. Overall, things could be FAR FAR WORSE, and I'm fully aware of this.

But I'm done. I'm a newlywed, and damnit, I want some privacy.
 
ColleenSwerb said:
Uuuuuuugggggggggghhhhhhhhh!! Grey's and Private Practice are not new tonight! :crying:

I know it will be over eventually, and I will look back and think it wasn't that bad. But it IS bad. He's been here almost 2 years. I want my freaking house and my privacy and my life back. ARG!! :cursing:
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I don't blame you one bit! That would be so hard on a marriage ... here's hoping he gets it.
 
Sorry if I came off weird Col I kinda get off more in my own little crappy situation and ramble on about it lol. Anyhow I hope you do have a good rest of the weekend you deserve it. ((hugs))
 
hope he's out soon! i can barely tolerate a weekend of my brother staying here, so there's no way i could do 2 yrs. i don't know how you're still sane. wait, are you? :D
 
Brandy said:
Sorry if I came off weird Col I kinda get off more in my own little crappy situation and ramble on about it lol. Anyhow I hope you do have a good rest of the weekend you deserve it. ((hugs))
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Oh no, not at all Brandy! I can definitely understand your frustrations, and appreciate you trying to give me a different perspective. You didn't know that our situation is different, it's all good! I hope you guys can get to a point where you can change your own situation and be a little happier about stuff too.

Ha! That's debatable Linz ;)
 
Have you ever talked directly to your BIL about the situation? Maybe if you can nudge him to leave on his own, your DH wouldn't have to be the bad guy and kick him out? I mean doesn't he have to know to know by now that two years is overstaying his welcome?
 
I have not discussed it with him directly, no. Partly because I do not think Jordan would be ok with that, and partly because I don't think I could sit down to have a discussion without getting REALLY emotional about the whole thing. I just don't think it would go well. I think I would also resent having to do that. It's his brother, I feel that it's his responsibility to take care of it.

They come from a very financially minded family (and a childhood friend confirmed that it's also a geographical thing, that the same thing would happen in his family, or any family from that area most likely). It makes more financial sense for the BIL to pay us rent and help us with our mortgage and also save up $$ himself, than to "throw away money" renting from a landlord/stranger. It doesn't matter that it's been 2 years, it doesn't matter that we're newlyweds, it doesn't matter than any normal 30 year old should WANT to live on his own and not in his younger brothers basement. Pretty much nothing else matters, except that "it's stupid" for him to rent from a stranger. That seems to trump everything else.

I'm going to talk to Jordan again and ask him to just be honest with me. If he has no plans on forcing his brother out, then fine. I just need to know that. I can't keep going on this emotional rollercoaster anymore, where every few weeks I have a breakdown, and Jordan says he'll take care of it, and then nothing happens, repeat ad nauseum.
 
Yeah, I didn't know if you guys had that kind of relationship or not, I was just curious when you said it would just be the two of you there. I totally agree that your DH should be dealing with but I also know there's been times when I've had to step up and be the bad guy with my DH's family because I knew he'd give in otherwise. Which I really hate doing but I think it was ultimately worth my sanity, haha.

If it's not an issue of him feeling bad kicking him out though, then that makes it a lot trickier. Either way your feelings on the subject should trump the fact that your BIL might have to pay rent to a stranger. That's just ridiculous. Hopefully you guys can get something worked out soon. :)
 
It's a combination of both really. He is really really really not ok with the thought of kicking his brother out, plus all the financial nonsense combined that make Jordan so reluctant I think. And BIL has a really good job and makes really good money, and I'm 99% sure his car is paid off, so he has no large monthly bills to take into account. So really, moving out is NOT a big deal. He was looking for places to rent before the wedding, but then a few things happened at work that made him want to find a new job, so Jordan said he could stay while he job hunted in order to avoid signing a long lease, and then getting stuck if a new job comes around - which as this point is moot since he's been here almost 6 months, so even a longer lease wouldn't have been an issue now, and bothers me that BIL's "slowness" is the main issue. I mean, he could very easily be job hunting from his own apartment, a fact I brought up a few weeks ago when Jordan and I last had this argument (and he said "okay" that he would take care of it).

I would deal with having to step it up and be the bad guy, but I don't think I could do it without discussing it with Jordan first. I think that would really not go over well with Jordan.

I hope so too. I'm tired of the situation and the rollercoaster, lol. I just keep telling myself that it could be worse (he's a WEIRD dude, but he could be a FAR worse roommate overall) and that it will be over eventually.
 
ColleenSwerb said:
I would deal with having to step it up and be the bad guy, but I don't think I could do it without discussing it with Jordan first. I think that would really not go over well with Jordan.
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Oh yeah totally, we always make decisions as a team too. I just sometimes tell him he's welcome to blame me if it makes it easier when dealing with his side of the family, haha.

Although I did have to be the one to tell my MIL they were not welcome to come to surprise him at his welcome home ceremony. We made that decision before he even left but I would have decided that either way. Spending time with the in-laws is not how I want to spend his first few days back home. :D
 
Omg, totally! LOL!

Yea, I'm going to have a calm conversation with Jordan tonight. He's staying home from work tomorrow because we're having new garage doors installed, and I'll be gone all day until 10 because I have class. So I want him to just think some stuff over before he gives me an answer, and if he reaches a decision and talks to BIL while I'm not home, all the better. Either way, I hope to have some answers soon.
 
ColleenSwerb said:
Oh no, not at all Brandy! I can definitely understand your frustrations, and appreciate you trying to give me a different perspective. You didn't know that our situation is different, it's all good! I hope you guys can get to a point where you can change your own situation and be a little happier about stuff too.
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Thanks Col, yeah I reread it and was like *doh!* and hoped I didn't upset you about that I was just starting to go off into my own ramble of it and I hope we can too cause it's even harder when you know that you're really not wanted (Husband and Owen yes ... Me not so much but oh well I knew what I was getting myself into with my MIL living next door and his sister not not liking me lol)

I hope that the conversation with Jordan goes good and he talks to him while your not there lol.
 
Ugh, that sucks Brandy. Marriage can be hard enough without your in-laws not liking you :(

I'm happy to report that things went VERY well last night. I had a calm conversation with Jordan (quite honestly the first and only conversation on the subject that hasn't occurred while I was crying and having a mental breakdown over the issue), and we're on the same page. He has been trying to gently nudge his brother, and leave hints as to the fact that he needs "to get his life in control" (Jordan's words, not mine) and move out, but his brother just isn't getting it. He was giving him the benefit of the doubt and waiting to see what was going to happen with that job offer (in the hopes that he got it and Jordan wouldn't have to have another conversation), but he knows that since it fell through he now needs to have another conversation with him.

Jordan did say that he wished I would talk to BIL, but I explained that I really don't think I can handle it. That he's the brother, and he should handle, just like I would if it were my sibling. I mean, even between Jordan and I this was the first calm conversation we've had on the subject. If I can't even be calm with Jordan, how am I ever going to talk to BIL about it. Especially since I just can't fathom where BIL is coming from that he just doesn't get it.

So I'm hoping that Jordan will talk to him today but either way, I feel much happier with the situation overall, knowing that Jordan really is going to take care of it. I don't know how much longer BIL will be with us, but the end really is in sight now, and I can deal with the rest of it now.
 
Yes it does make it hard but I think that part of it is We ... or in their eyes I got pregnant our Senior year of high school and didn't do what they would've liked me to do but what ever lol.

I am really glad to hear that you and Jordan had a good talk and are on the same page. I hope that your BIL finally gets the point of the hints lol.
 
You're such a jerk Brandy, sticking by your morals and beliefs like that ;) I've had to deal with family acting like that, and I just cannot wrap my head around it. Obviously you and Wes aren't going anywhere (like getting a divorce I mean, not the living situation), get the heck over yourselves already! They have a wonderful grandson/nephew, how can they still hold that against you? Mind boggling I tell ya. I no longer speak to said family member. She couldn't even bring herself to come to our WEDDING this fall, and that was the last straw for pretty much the whole family. She's alienated herself from the only family she has left. I just can't understand it.

Yes, I'm feeling much better about everything. It was nice to finally hear that Jordan was pretty frustrated with the situation as well. And, I feel like my feelings and opinion were heard, and not just brushed aside, which is part of why I kept getting upset about it all I think.
 
Col, I'm glad to hear that you talked to Jordan about it. You are more patient than I would have been, I really like my own space, hell, I'd probably have my own bedroom if I could LOL. I just could not deal with someone living with me, especially during the newlywed times.

I hope Jordan talks to him and gets it sorted out. I mean, you can't even have sex in your kitchen if you wanted...that sucks hahahahaha :D
 
No advice but I didn't want to read and run. I think to have that situation going on for this length of time is a bit much. I hope you get a resolution soon.
 
Jamie, that's one of the first things people think when they find out he lives with us. "So....you can't have sex wherever/whenever you want!?!?" LOL!! In the beginning it was VERY awkward because Jordan didn't really want him to know we were even having sex. So we "had" to sneak down the hall, close the door, lock the door, and then turn up the tv really loud just in case he came upstairs. Can we say mood killer?!?! LOLOL!!!

But yea. I'm a "need my space" kinda girl, and that's been the hardest part. For a REALLY long time at first, he would just walk into our bedroom. No knocking or anything, just stroll right in. He still comes in the room to play with Tiger, and I have to tell him to take her out of the room. I mean come ON! Lol!

Anyway, yes. It will be over eventually. Hopefully sooner rather than later, but just knowing that it will really actually be over has helped me a LOT.
 
Oh my gosh Colleen, I would seriously be going crazy by now......to have a family member live with you especially when you are newlyweds is a pretty bummer situation. I could understand if he actually needed the help financially, but since that is not the case..!??!? Plus you have to take advantage of the sex whenever/wherever before you have kids!! :D:p
Anyways, good luck, hope you can get it all sorted out.
 
Lol! I've been going crazy for a long time now over this situation Cindy, lol. There was a LOT of miscommunication that went on in the beginning. I thought BIL was only going to be here like, 3 or 4 months!

I said to Jordan a few weeks ago, "No one will EVER live with us for longer than 6 months, EVER AGAIN!" His response? "You're gonna kick our babies out of the house at 6 months!?!?!?!?!" LOLOL! It got a laugh out of me, but yea. BIG TIME lesson learned. AND I will make sure to raise my kids to understand that YOU DO NOT DO THIS EVER! Lololol!!

See, I can already laugh about the whole thing :)
 
ColleenSwerb said:
But yea. I'm a "need my space" kinda girl, and that's been the hardest part. For a REALLY long time at first, he would just walk into our bedroom. No knocking or anything, just stroll right in. He still comes in the room to play with Tiger, and I have to tell him to take her out of the room. I mean come ON! Lol!
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Wow, now I KNOW you have a whole lot more patience than I do. :D He seriously thought that was appropriate roommate behavior? Is he just completely clueless or what? :blink:

So glad you and Jordan finally got a chance to have a calm talk about the situation. Here's hoping things get sorted out asap!
 
He is THE most socially awkward and socially clueless person I've ever met in my life. In the beginning I was just so shocked that he would walk into my room like that, that I didn't know how to react. Now, I tell him to get out, but it was so weird! I should not have to tell a 30 year old man to get out of my room, lol.

When my sister was visiting a few weeks ago, she had taken a shower in our bathroom. So she and I were talking in my bedroom, and then Jordan came in and was hanging out. When Joey got up, he came up to use the bathroom. When he was done, he just stood there in the doorway of our room. He wasn't part of the conversation, he just stood there. It's like he has to know everything that's going on, regardless of whether or not he's a part of it. When we have friends over, he hovers at the top of the stairs (which are behind the couches, so if you're sitting in the couches, you can't see him but you can SENSE that he's standing there). Multiple people have been like "what's with the hovering???". "His" bathroom is right outside our bedroom. If Jordan and I are snuggling on the bed and Tiger is up there, he'll come out of the bathroom, look in, and talk to Tiger. As if we aren't right there.

THE most socially awkward person EVAH!

All my friends call me a saint, lol. I'm just doing what I had to do. I didn't really have a choice in the matter in the first place, so I made do as best I could.
 
I had no idea about the details, Col. I assumed your BIL was financially down and out. I think maybe you are going for sainthood. LOL.

Does your DH's family live around you? Maybe it is their "turn" for him to help them with their mortgage. I can't imagine anyone in the family thinking that it is good for a sibling to be living 24/7 with newlyweds. It is time for someone else to step up and take him in or tell him to move on.

And between the popping into the bedroom and the "hovering". OMG! That would freak me out. Two days of that would have driven me nuts. I can't imagine two years.

I'm glad you were able to talk with Jordan and that you were able to try to not let it ruin your weekend. Now I'm sending positive thoughts for you that this thing gets worked out soon because new job or no new job he needs a new home.

And absolutely no offense to anyone else who may have moved in with family due to financial reasons. I can totally sympathize with those circumstances. Col's BIL doesn't "need" to live with them and they are newlyweds. Totally different situation in my book.
 
Nope, we're the only family in this area. Jordan's parents are the closest in Western MD about 3.5 hours away. He lived with his parents up until he moved in with us, and for a long time he planned on moving BACK IN WITH HIS PARENTS when his work contract was up. He was transferred down here for work. Family-wise, I don't think the immediate family finds it weird at ALL that he's still living with us. His parents have been saying for a long time that he should find his own place, but not in so many words, and clearly BIL isn't picking up on ANYONE's hints, lol.

He probably has enough $$ saved up by now, that he could put down 20% on a HOME and get his own mortgage, lol. He could easily quit his current job, move to Boston, and just job hunt from up there until he finds something.

Either way, he's on his way out in the next few weeks, lol.
 
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