Am I Over-Reacting?

rachaelsscraps

rachaelsscraps

New member
Ok, so I just want to check and see if I'm overeacting here.... (though I really don't think I am!)

The other day, my son's (paternal) grandmother came over for a visit. Well, my son is only 3 years old, and pretends to be anything from a doggie to a dinosaur. When his Nana was over, he was a doggie :)
He decided it'd be "cute" to fake-lick her face, as his doggie does to greet him and everyone else, only I don't want to encourage it, because sooner or later, he'll do it to a stranger, and well, it's inappropriate to do that to anyone... so I told him to stop (repeatedly- he has selective hearing as all 3-years olds do :p )
Only, his Nana decided it'd be funny if she pretended to do the same to him, and he kept it up, all the while I was telling him not to (and I know she heard me!). So I told his Nana to stop it! I wasn't mean or rude, but I was really, very firm, afterall, I am his mother and she was choosing to ignore me. :cursing: I felt bad, as I know she wasn't thinking of the fact that he has the tendency to repeat bad behaviors when encouraged (as all children do, of course!)
I basically said to my son, "Gunner, stop, that's not ok!" (she still kept it up), so I said to her, "Sally, you need to stop it now! I told him to stop so you need to stop encouraging him. I don't want to encourage bad behaviors, because before we know it, he'll be walking up to complete strangers, doing that! Anyway, it's inappropriate for him to be doing that to anyone."

She pretty much put him down and ignored me after that, and my son's dad was mad that I said that to her (though he wouldn't admit it- he's a mama's boy! LOL!)

Was I wrong? OK, I know I wasn't, but I guess I like hearing that I was right! :p I'd love to hear the opinions of mothers & grandmothers who (as all do) have experienced something like that before (and I'm sure there are way worse instances than mine!)

Thanks for listening to my rambling! ;)
 
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You were right. That's ridiculous and she shouldn't have been encouraging him.

ETA: From her point of view, she may think (a) that she was trying to "teach" him not to do it by doing it back to him (like some people suggest that you teach a kid not to bite by biting them back to show that it hurts. Yes, that's a bad idea too), or (b) that you could have asked her more quietly and privately not to encourage him. If you want to clear the air, maybe you could talk to her about it and see what she was thinking.
 
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I think the whole thing could have been avoided by simply going over to your 3 year old and removing him from the situation, telling him then not to do it and then let him continue to play with Grandma. I do think it was rude of her to continue even though you said stop but I also can understand how it might make her feel to be chastised by you , even if it was deserved. I think the you need to stop that now part was a little harsh. But I was not there to hear it. But no I do not think you where wrong to want her to stop. It just might have been able to go smoother with a different approach.
 
You were right.

I have 2 little girls - 3.5 and 2 - and they play pretend all the time - doggies and kitties are top of our list. I draw the line at licking, too. And what goes for one, goes for the other - no matter how old you are!

I have been noted to tell my parents to stop, too, when they are encouraging bad behavior. I am sure if her son would have said something to her about it, it would have made the difference - KWIM? But he chose to remain silent.
 
No not overreacting. You and your dh are his parents and other family members should support and reinforce your efforts to teach your son.

As a side note, I've found that the best way to get others on board whatever I'm trying to do with my kids is to talk to relatives when my children are not around about the broad principle I want reinforced. My dad visits weekly and my son bosses him around constantly (no pleases, thank-yous, etc., unacceptable around here). My dad takes it and does whatever my son tells him to do. One day when my son was upstairs playing I told my dad we are really working with Jamin on being respectful and using his manners to help him be more successful in school and developing social relationship. I told my dad it would really help us out if he wouldn't respond my son's request unless Jamin asks in a respectful manner. Who can say 'no' to that, right? It's working so far.

I hope this thing with your MIL passes quickly and you are able to get everyone on the same page.
 
You were right to be upset I think but I think maybe because she is older and from a different generation maybe she thought you were slightly disrespectful in the way you approached it? Im sure itll blow over in no time and maybe in the future to avoid any conflict do something like send your son out of the room to get something small for you (like a new toy to "show" his grandma) and then tell her nicely we are trying to teach him that is inapproriate to do and I would greatly appreciate your help in getting this message across to him.
 
You weren't wrong, though I suspect your delivery could have been better. I would have done the exact same in that situation, down to the delivery, and have with my own mother. She's pretty convinced that when she's around, my rules don't exist, so I'm harsh with her because of it.
 
Gah, I feel your pain sweetie. This is a constant struggle between my Mom and I. Very annoying. You are totally right on this one, IMO.
 
Thanks ladies- I know I could've said it to her in a different way- but I was ticked! :(

I guess I just had a bad taste in my mouth from what she did two weeks ago! If you care to hear- my son and I went out to lunch with her and had a great time, until the end when he started to get impatient. He wanted to get up and play with a train set-up they still had in the window from Christmas. Well, I told him it wasn't a toy, but a decoration- not to be played with. He said ok and sat back down, but then she called him over to her side of the table to give him a bite of her desert (which was fine until she told him he could play in the aisle :blink: )
I calmly said that wasn't ok and I wanted him to remain seated, though the restaurant wasn't busy- there was a waiter that was trying to clear tables and walk thru with hot coffee. Plus, why let him think it's ok to do that at all? He'll think it's a free ticket to play in the aisles at every restaurant or store!
Anyways, after I told her I didn't want him to do that, she insisted (to him) that he could stand next to her and help her eat her desert. :confused:
I guess I just can't win! I've tried to talk to her about boundries and everything, but she doesn't listen. It's really bugged me more lately than before, because we're expecting our 2nd and I really want her to stop doing that now before it's worse with 2 kids!
 
Well, I'm not a mother or a grandmother, but you better believe if I told my niece or nephew not to lick someone, they best listen to me. LOL
 
Dude you are totally not over reacting! I think its wrong for her to undermine your authority esp right in front of your child. Good for you for standing your ground. I really need to grow a set myself cause my mother in law is totally the same way. I wish I could do what you did!
 
Rachael, I do not think that you were wrong at all....To me, your M.I.L. was encouraging his bad behavior and therefore, undermining you....I'm a Grandmother and I would NEVER encourage my Grandson or Granddaughter to lick anyone....Actually, my Grandson went through this faze and we let him know it was not okay to do....By the way, we don't even have a dog....LOL
 
I don't think you are overeacting in either situation. My MIL is notorious for that and finally I called her and told her that if she undermines me again, we won't be back. She did it one time after the threat and I wouldn't let my kids go to her house for six months (which was when she happened to apologize). She got the message and has laid off since.
 
You were definitely in the right. However, I would have handled it a little differently. I would have either

1) walked over and removed him from the situation and had a time out & private discussion with him.
2) said to her "I would appreciate you stopping that because I've already asked him to stop"

I changed the wording because saying "You need to stop that" to her puts her on the defense. If you say something starting with "I" it goes across much better :)
 
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