Am I being paranoid?

M

misserin

New member
I'm having a slight disagreement with my 10 year old's dad. We are not together. He's kind of like a big kid and tends to look at things more from the "what sounds like fun" side.

Anyhow, my daughter really likes getting on the computer. Like, really really likes it. When she's on it, there's no reaching her. She completely zones into it. So I think that's not necessarily a good thing and try to limit it. Recently she got into a bit of trouble. She helped sign up a couple of her friends to the site Animal Jam, using her dad's email that he uses for the parent access side. Kids are supposed to get their parent's permission and have them sign them up. He started getting notifications about these other kids' activity. My daughter knew she shouldn't have done that, so we deleted the extra accounts and she was grounded from the site for a week.

Til she went to her dad's for the weekend of course.

Not too long ago he had asked me what I thought of her having her own email address. I said no. There's no reason a 10 year old needs an email. If she wants to sign up to play games on sites and stuff, she can use one of ours. I have an account on my computer that I set up just for the kids. So they can browse only appropriate sites and things, and I get reports on their activity. But I don't know what she does when she goes to her dad's. Low and behold he texted me last night the login info for her email that he signed her up for, so that she could use youtube to upload her animal jam videos. I was like, are you kidding me dude? She can't use one of our google accounts because why? She wasn't even supposed to be on animal jam. And way to award bad behavior. "Hey you let other kids use my email to sign up for stuff, you knew it was wrong, how about I just give you your own email?" She's been dying to get her own email.

I swear there's a point to this.

I guess I just feel that whatever my 10 year old is going to do online should be closely monitored by me. Even if I have the login info for her google account, I just don't think it's necessary. It's one more thing I have to check on. She can sign up for anything and everything with an email account of her own. Why even have the possibility of her becoming targeted on the internet at all? Even youtube states you need to be 13 or older to have an account. So I deleted her google account today. I told her if she wants to upload animal jam videos, she can use my youtube and I set it up so it filters inappropriate content.

But am I being paranoid? Unreasonable?
 
I think you're totally in the right. As parents we need to be doing everything we can to monitor our children's activities online because it's a dangerous & inappropriate world out there. So sorry he's not being a team player. I have no idea what you can do except talk to him about it when you're not angry or being judgmental (I mean, at least you could PRETEND not to be, right??) and explain how you see things and work out an agreement with him. Good luck!
 
I dont think you're being paranoid at all. Can you reason with him in regards to her safety and think about what she could be doing with a private email account in a couple of years? There is just WAY too much stuff out there on the internet for kids to mess around with....
 
Honestly, if my son gave two hoots about the internet, I could see my ex and I having this same argument. I am willing to bet in his opinion with you having access to the account, that is good enough and acceptable for her to have her own email. And you are thinking, there are just too many ways that email address could be harmful. I could also see him not being too harsh on punishment because he only has her so much and who wants to be the bad guy when you don't see them that often? I agree though, no reason for her to have an email account. I would follow the age restrictions the sites TOU at a minimum.
 
I don't have kids, but I think you're totally in the right here, too. I see the things my nieces do online and it bothers me that their parents do very little to monitor them. What might be fun and seem harmless can really turn into something bad pretty quickly.

You did the right thing, girlie.
xoxo
 
I'm with you on both the safety aspect of kids online and the issue of rewarding her bad choices by giving her even more freedom to make them in the future.

That said, I don't think it's entirely unreasonable for a child that age to have their own email account that is monitored by parents. My oldest will be 10 in a few weeks. He hasn't asked for his own email account yet, but I would be willing to consider it and look into what safeguards we could put on it if he wanted one to stay in touch with family or his friends. (I don't want him checking my account or reading my emails, so when he's ready he'll be getting his own.) Social media no way, but email maybe.
 
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i can't for the life of me see why any kid would need their own email account. maybe that's just me. but i say - you're right.
 
Thanks guys for reaffirming that for me. Sometimes I feel like I'm the bad guy because I have all these rules and he's the fun guy. I get where he's coming from in that with only two weekends a month with her, he doesn't want it to be a drag. I just wish he could think a little more responsibly sometimes.
 
I also do not think you are being unreasonable, but I can side with him on simply not wanting all the crap email from the kids stuff in my email, so I would do an email account for her that only the parents have the password to. That way you could log in when she needs to sign up for stuff etc, and maybe once a week clear out all the emails... but at the same time you could teach her about all the junk mail and scams as you saw them...the appropriate ones anyway lol, to show her how confusing it can be and teach her along the way :) Thats what I did with mine at 10 and know I am glad I did because at 11 when she hit middle school she actually needed her own email for class stuff and Edmodo accounts etc... so it helped to teach her early.
 
I don't thing your're paranoid at all. These sites have age restrictions for a reason, and I think thay should be followed. If all she wants to do is play games she can use your account, or YOU can set an extra account for her to use, but it's still yours.

As a teacher though (ages 13-16) I kind of expect my pupils to have their own e-mail accounts. We often start working on things in school on the computers and they need to then finish at home so I tell them to save it on their e-mail. We also sometimes use wikispaces where they need an e-mail account to get access. But they are slightly older than your daughter.

My son is only five so it's not something I've had to think about as a parent yet.
 
If it were something she needed for school, then I'd happily make an email for her. And I appreciate that he gave me the login info so I could check on it. I just was thinking of it as one more thing I have to keep tabs on, ya know? I don't mind the stuff coming to my inbox. I have mine open pretty much all the time and it's connected with my phone so it's easy for me to see what's going on. And I also think if it's something she needs an email to sign up and play, then she'll have to ask first, thus giving me a chance to approve or disapprove what she wants to do.

Come to find out, I guess part of the reason he gave her her own is because his youtube username is inappropriate. And isn't that just wonderful. LOL. You make a good point about teaching her about spam and stuff Tanyia. I'm going to keep that in mind! I think I can show her a few things from my own spam folder, so then she's better prepared when she does get her own inbox one day (I'll omit the ones about meeting MILFs in my area. LMAO!).
 
tanyiadeskins said:
I also do not think you are being unreasonable, but I can side with him on simply not wanting all the crap email from the kids stuff in my email, so I would do an email account for her that only the parents have the password to. That way you could log in when she needs to sign up for stuff etc, and maybe once a week clear out all the emails... but at the same time you could teach her about all the junk mail and scams as you saw them...the appropriate ones anyway lol, to show her how confusing it can be and teach her along the way :) Thats what I did with mine at 10 and know I am glad I did because at 11 when she hit middle school she actually needed her own email for class stuff and Edmodo accounts etc... so it helped to teach her early.
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This is what I did also. Cheyanne got an email in 5th grade (age 10 for her) because they needed it for school the next year. I taught and guided her and she used it to send emails back and forth to my parents (they live far away) and she also used it to email her brother while he was in the Marines. She is now very responsible with her email and all social media in general. She is actually quite paranoid about her accounts and is very cautious :D
 
I don't think you are being paranoid. I think kids need to be supervised online & whatever means makes a parent comfortable should be used

My kids (9 & 10) each have a Minecraft account & because they needed separate emails to sign up they each have their own email account, but it's from my own web domain so I have admin control, even if they change the passwords I can still override them & get in. They are google based so those emails come with YouTube & other google products but because it's my domain I can turn access off & on and set guides. If I didn't have that domain & it's set up they'd be using one of my accounts to do things.

They & a couple friends are plotting starting a Minecraft based You Tube series, but we parents agree they have to wait a year until the oldest is 13 to do it & then only she is allowed to be the person so they have worked out this elaborate plan whereby each of them join the broadcast as they turn 13. My youngest did say "Well we could just lie and say we're 13, lots of people do, it's not like they check." and I said "Lying is not ok, not even on the internet. Unless it's agreeing that you have read the terms & conditions." :)
 
I think it's perfectly okay to be cautious with a 10 year old on the internet. They really can't understand all that is out there and I hope they never have to find out.
 
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