This summer has been a hugantic turning point in my life and I am soo excited about it all! lol So bare with me if this gets a bit long. lol (If you want to skip my book about my past you can go down to the * lol but it does explain why I am where I am today.)
When I was about 8, my mom started taking my sister and I to vacation bible schools of different churches around town. (My dad had long been out of the picture.) My mom decided to join one of those churches. It was a VERY conservative church (Seventh-day Adventist) with many many dos and donts. I tried my hardest to be the best I could and do all that needed to be done to be a "good person." Through my teen years I had my doubts about certain things and interests in other things that were taught to be "satanic" but I learned to bury them for the sake of following the "right path." I married my husband that I met in the church.
His father had been studying alot and came to the conclusions that one of the church doctrines were flawed. It was one of the big doubts that I had had for a long time. He along with my family were thrown out of the church over this one doctrine. I actually felt a huge feeling of relief, no longer being a member of that church!
So a few years went by and gradually other aspects of that church that had been ingrained into me slowly faded. I had a constant feeling of guilt baring down on me for not doing all those things I was brought up having to do. Throught all this, I knew there was a God that was taking care of me.
*This summer a friend sent me a link to a set of videos on youtube talking about the origins of christianity and it just clicked for me. Christianity was just not the right path for me (and soon found that my husband thankfully was feeling the same). I cannot tell you the
relief and freedom I have felt this summer. All the guilt and shame has melted away and for the first time in my whole life I feel
complete peace with where I am.
To tell you the truth, this also sent me spinning a bit! Almost like all that I had ever been taught had been ripped out from under me like a rug. If I wasn't going to follow the bible as God's only word, then how will I know whats truth. My mom (who had a similar realization a while back) helped steady my spinning and told me to just listen to my heart. That God speaks to us and leads us if we are willing to listen.
The best thing about this is learning that you don't have to be christian to be a good, spiritual, God (he/she/other) believing person. Not saying anything against all you beautiful Christians! I don't think there is a one perfect path for everyone. The path each of you are on right now is the perfect one for you whether you stay on it the rest of your life or if it changes tomorrow.
It has truly been wonderful to kind of start over this summer, truly listen to my feelings and my heart, read about different beliefs and really define what I believe for myself and not what someone else tells me I should believe. And really this is all so new, I don't have any concrete beliefs yet other than love and respect for everyone, I am still learning. I am leaning toward Pagan beliefs a bit. This process is completely exciting to me! So my biggest encouragement to everyone is to truly listen to your heart, and think outside the box!
Sorry this is so darn long! lol