a little poll

[Shawna Clingerman]

re: lying....

I was just thinking about this and discussing with a friend... why do people lie about little things??? (specifically why do guys lie about stupid little things?)

Do you think that sometimes it is just... I don't know... for convinience?? Or do you think it is always a symptom of a bigger problem ie... a little lie always indicates someone is lying about a bigger thing....???

I personally am a TERRIBLE liar, like awful, when i try to lie i mess it up almost ever time, so if I'm going to lie it BETTER be for a good reason, which would indicate that I'm lying for a bigger reason... (not that i AM, i'm not lying right now, if i were, you'd catch me )

But like, say my sister for example... she would lie to my parents about ALL sorts of things, like just to spare herself having to do any explaining... for example, like she would say she drove home one route when she had actually driven a completely different way...just to spare herself the trouble of answering any questions... it didn't always mean she'd done something wrong or something... she just didn't feel the need to tell the truth you know???

anyways... wait for poll... it just makes me curious what everyones take on the subject is...

 

[lauren grier]

I loaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaath lying- granted, I don't know anyone who enjoys being lied to ^_^ .. you know, I lived in a marriage where every.little.thing. was lied about, and it was beyond frustrating-- the thing is he also lied about huge things.. so now I'm extra sensitive to those little tiny stupid lies too. I don't understand why anyone would lie to me about something silly..

 

[AllieP]

I happen to agree with La. I think if you're lying about little things, there's bigger issues going on.

 

[MamaBee]

I think it depends... are the little lies to spare a person's feelings? Like... your best friend got her hair done and it looks horrible... would you stretch the truth and say that it doesn't look that bad? Or if they are lying to save themselves face, then I'd say there could be more going on under the surface.

 

[pewtertm]

Well, I think everyone lies about something at one point or another (yes, Grandma, I love the Christmas gift...who couldn't use a 12 pack of toilet paper?)
**example is REAL, people!

But when people lie about insignificant little things, (and I know some ppl who do)...I think it's a big character issue. Whether they need a counselor or just a kick in the pants, I don't know. So anything they say I tend to take with a grain of salt, kwim? Those who lie about big things, IMO, are hiding things...it's hard to get that trust back once I've discovered a big lie.

 

[Nettio]

I don't necessarily think that little lies mean someone is hiding something bigger, but I do think that almost anyone will lie about something big if put into a situation that warrants it. So if someone was lying to me about a lot of little things, I'd place a good bet on the fact that they probably lie about big things too.

I do think sometimes lying just becomes a habit for people and that's why they lie about really stupid things. Almost like it's their first instinct? I don't know, if you're really trying to hide big things, lying about little things seems really stupid because the more often you're caught, the more suspicious people will be. My BIL lied to the point that even when he was telling the truth my MIL assumed he was lying. I don't think that really worked out to his favor.

 

[nun69]

I agree with Rebecca I don't think it always means ther is something bigger...and I have certainly strectched the truth when it comes to friends and hair

 

[joelsgirl]

I think if a person cant be trusted to tell the truth about things that dont matter, how could you trust them about things that DO matter? I think it shows a lot about their character.

When Joel and I got married, I would tell him little lies to cover my tail; then I realized that the right thing to do is either to 1)accept the consequences of my actions, which I didnt want to do, hence the lie OR 2) STOP DOING THE ACTION THAT I HAVE TO LIE ABOUT.

Most people dont want to grow up and do either of those things. At least that is my opinion. And apparently it is a strong one, lol.

 

[carriesmom]

i think lying just involves alot variables. I have an aunt who is a habitual liar. It seems she can't help but lie and when you confront about the lie she lies about that. She denies having ever saying anything wrong. I think with her it is a honest compulsion she can't control. My DH's ex lies to get what she wants. She is beyond shallow, self-centered, and self-absorbed. And she convinced my DSD to lie once about something that nearly destroyed my DH's life (this was before I met him) so that DSD and her could get what they wanted. I don't abide by lying, it causes problems beyond all belief and it is extermely damaging to the point of unfixable. But I know I get lied to almost every day to some degree (criminal defense attorney is what I do). I do my best to not lie and I have never lied to my DH but everyone has motivations, it is the self centered ones that destroy lices.

 

[Shawna Clingerman]

oh man i meant to put in there that like spare peoples feelings lies didn't count (no honey that doesn't make you look fat at all!)

very interesting.... you know i think i fall more to the if you are lying about little things its a good indicator that you are not trustworthy period... but i can be swayed both ways...

thanks for catering to me and discussing this! it is interesting to hear peoples opinions!

 

[kristine]

I think it depends what you lie about - a little white lie is OK. Like I bought some new boots the other day, and I kinda told SO that they were on sale, even though they weren't. I didn't need them, but they were so cute In fact I think I shave a bit off the price most of the time when I've been shopping (and to be honest, I'm pretty sure he knows).. But that's pretty much the only thing I lie about, and I don't think I would if we didn't have the money to go shopping. And I have said the traffic was really bad when I've been late for work a few times, even though really it was just me hitting the snooze button a couple of times more than I should..

And as for sparing people's feelings - If one of my best friends wear something that makes them look fat, I'll thell them. And I hope they would do the same for me. SO certainly does But if it's people I don't know that well I would probably say they look great.

 

[jessica31876]

I think it totally depends on why you are lying. If you lie to cover up something you have done then it is wrong and you would be more likely to lie regardless of the situation. If you lie to spare someone's feelings then I think it is ok. Like my sister calls and everytime I tAlk to her she goes off on a tangent about her ex-husband. It has been like four years since they split up!!! And she still rants about every little thing he does. So I will lie to her and say I am getting ready to walk out the door or I have something on the stove so I do not have to listen to her anymore. I guess just telling her the truth that I think she should get over it and move on and stop complaining would be better but then I would hear about how awful I am to her so I just lie to make it easier. Situations like that I think it is sometimes ok to lie...

 

[emmasmommy]

I think little white lies aren't a big deal. I'm known for being brutally honest but there are certain people that I just have to spare their feelings. Lying is one of my biggest pet peeves so I try not to do it. Plus, I could never remember who I told what! LOL

 

[Stacey42]

I think small feeling sparing lies are part of every day social interaction. It depends on how they are applied and the situation. Are they purely selfish? Face saving? Conflict avoiding?

Say I really don't like your boyfriend. While I may not go so far as to lie and say he is wonderful, I will lie and say he's an ok guy. If I saw him cheating on you I would not lie about that. I will lie and say that 'this is delicious' even if it is onion casserole and I hate onions. I will not lie about how your butt makes those pants look. If you really love a book I just could not get into I may or may not lie about how much I liked it. It depends on the book & whether I think it might start some debate that I don't feel like having right then. I will not lie about how much money I spent on my new purse even if I know DH is going to be irritated and we'll have the budget discussion again.

 

[DawnMarch]

I am a terrible liar -- I get all flushed and sweaty and I feel all icky inside, so needless to say, I don't lie a whole lot. I agree that the little while lies are ok sometimes, but if I find out someone lied to me, I would have a hard time trusting that person again.