Advice needed 5yo DD

[gandcsmama]

Hi, so sorry about the long post, but I NEED HELP. I have a 5yo DD who started Kindergarten last week. She loves school and is doing fine with the transition to all day school (8:00am to 2:30pm) while at school. She is cheerful when we pick her up from school and talkative about her day, so I am pretty sure school is going well. The problem is EVERY day after school she is turning into a devil-child (for lack of a better term). She is rude, disrespectful, pushes and shoves and growls at her younger sister. She will not go to her punishment spot without me dragging her and her kicking and screaming. (The neighbor even commented yesterday when I took the garbage out since she was screaming so loud). I try to keep calm and firm and DO NOT go back on my word when I take away privileges when she gets in these fits (we have a punishment chart). I know she is tired and we are going to bed earlier than we had been (7:30 bedtime now, she wakes up at 6:30). I know I need to head her off before the complete meltdown, but I have no idea how. She has never been like this before and I am at my wits end. Any techniques, advice, anything is greatly appreciated.

[Darcy Baldwin]

Could it be that she may need a rest time when she gets home from school? Maybe a half hour wind down to just relax, listen to some quiet music and refresh herself after a long day at school?

[lauren grier]

do you give her a break /quiet time after school? Ce is only in school 1/2 day and even then I notice he is like crazy moody when he gets home. I let him chill out for around 45 minutes (not bothering him at all.. seriously ^_^ ) and then he's back to good and we go through his bag/homework/getting ready for the evening etc.

[lauren grier]

lol jinx buy me a coke..
(haha I apparently needed to feel 5 myself)

[Sharon Kay]

Sounds like she is really over tired! I still can't believe that they are making kids attend all day Kindergarten at such a young age! My kids (I have 3) only had 1/2 days and had to come home and take a short nap because it just drained them. I think you should try for NO PLANS after school and she goes straight to her room to lay down and rest (maybe books to look at?)...hopefully it will be enough to rejuvenate her and turn her back into the loving child you had before! Good luck!

Good for you on standing firm! She needs to know the limits stand no matter what.

[mrs_jb]

I agree with the other gals... it's really just severe over-tiredness. I am experiencing similar things with my 5 yo and it's really tough to take, so I totally feel your pain.

We try for some quiet time after school, a snack and just some sitting around, but it is so hard because my son seems to come home WIRED.

From my experiences with my older son (who was also in all-day K) it does get better as they adjust to the longer day. I also found that we pulled up betime even further to 6:45-7:00 and he would still sleep until normal time in the morning. I think they just need as much extra rest as you can give them.

[HeatherKS]

I agree with giving her some rest time after she gets home from school. My daughter, who is now a 2nd grader, still needs some time to chill out when she gets home from school. They've been bombarded all day with noise, friends, learning, etc. and I think they just need a break sometimes. I let her plop on our bed, have her snack and watch a little tv to relax before I start with my questions about her day. She's much more receptive to my questions about school after relaxing for a while.

That transition is hard for them, that's for sure.

[ColleenSwerb]

Originally Posted by HeatherKS

She's much more receptive to my questions about school after relaxing for a while.

Can I just say that I think this is important for ALL age kids? In high school my mom used to bombard me with questions the second I got in the car when she picked me up at the bus stop. (Up at 6am, out of the house by 630/645, school til 215, various athletic practices til 515-520, 530 bus home.) I HATED it. I needed time to just recoup and relax and unwind. It drove her insane when I would just say that nothing happened or school and practice were fine. By the time we sat down to eat dinner though (600-630), I was much more willing to chatter away about my day and such.

Of course, some teenagers never want to talk about anything with their parents ever. But if you're dealing with a surly teen right after school, try giving a little space and chatting later. I still come home from work and need to just chill, lol. And I'm almost 27!

[newfiemountiewife]

I agree with the others, just get her some rest time. I always bring the kids home and let them sit and have a snack. They are much chattier after that.

The other thing is, remember, she's probably been on her best behaviour at school, but with you, she feels comfortable enough to let loose how she's really feeling.

[sczos911]

jillian has been like this and she's hungry. like ravenous. so maybe rest and a snack will help.

[mummytothree]

Another one that agrees with everyone else.....snack and about 30 minutes of down time. I find this even helps my 6th grader!!!

I also know that for my girls....when they are in school all day around their "peers"....little brothers & sister become even more annoying then usual.....even if JUST that morning they were best friends. So that little alone time really helps my girls adjust back to "home life" verses "school life"!!!!

[Designer Ali]

My toddler is almost 3... she goes to school 3 half days a week and gave up naps about 4 months ago. BUT we do have chill out time where she will lay on the couch for about 45 minutes and watch her shows on TV, has some juice and a snack. She doesn't sleep, but it definitely helps with the attitude after a day at school.

[gandcsmama]

Thanks for the advice. I think I am going to try a snack (which we have been doing) and downtime in our bedroom (where the second TV is). I do think she needs some down time, but I may have underestimated the need for ALONE time (without the little sister, especially). Thanks for all the comments.

[CA Dreamer]

Hi
My little guy did the same thing this fall. This really surprised me because being the younger sib, he has been at the school all the time since before he was 1 years old! I spoke with his teacher and she said he was fine at school and definitely holding it together there... just at home, my goodness, I was wondering, "who is this child?!!"

Along with the rest, snack and alone time, what I have figured out is that he was also reacting to being in a new routine. We have been in school for 3 weeks now and he is just now feeling comforatble with the routine in his classroom.

In the beginning, school was fun and exciting, but not 'safe'. Now he knows what to expect, knows his teachers and peers, and all that was new is background noise to him. Now, he can enjoy it and he can go with the flow. His capacity for dealing with things is much greater now and he is back to his old, easy going self.

Each kid has their own thresh hold for this. My older son used to take 2-3 MONTHS to get used to new situations and my younger son takes about a 2-4 weeks. Good luck.

[sprauncey1]

I am so there.

DS goes from 8:15 to 3:30 and then he has homework. IN KINDERGARTEN!!! It isn't hard (just writing out a couple of letters or words or his name in a notebook) but literally yesterday he spent 40 minutes FiGHTING me over doing it. And I know he is just tired, but I too am trying to get him to bed earlier (7:45) and a break, but some days it just doesn't work (we have soccer 1 night a week and he LOVES that) and we have complete meltdowns. I never was one for wanting to homeschool, but after seeing how hard they push these kids, I'm not counting it out completely now! But I'm giving it longer time for all of us to adjust, since he is like me and doesn't like change (poor kid's in the military though so change is our way of life right now!)

I will try harder to give him down time right after school, even if it means he doesn't get his homework done right away. I also want to talk with the teacher and see if we can do the homework on the weekend, when he isn't so "overstimulated" from the long day.