Lace from Summer Cottage - Melissa Bennett
Cream Paper from Sunny Daze - Mari Koegelenberg
Everything else from the kit - Wildflower by Kristin Cronin-Barrow
https://www.sweetshoppedesigns.com/sweetshoppe/product.php?productid=23041&cat=0&page=4
Journaling reads:
September 5th 2007, it's a day that will
never be forgotten. It's the day I made the
decision that changed the lives of so very
many, and left me with a memory that I wish
I could wash away from my mind, burn to ashes and
forget forever. But I can't- so It haunts me. Not every
single day, but more of my life than I care to truly admit.
It all started the last week of August 2007- The feeling
set in, and I just KNEW life was coming to an end for my
mother. She was busy doing her last goodbyes, preparing
everyone in subtle ways- and telling my
brothers and sisters all that she wanted
to in the short time she had left.
No one seemed to take notice to what
was really happening though, and I didn't
have the heart to sit down and just ask her.
So I silently tried to prepare myself mentally
I talked to Joe, I tried to shake the feeling
tried to ignore my instincts. When she stopped to take the kids and me out for breakfast, I made an excuse not to go. I didn't
want to hear it, I thought if I didn't let her say goodbye to ME, then it couldn't happen. I kept my distance, I found other
things to occupy my time and mind. I just couldn't bring myself to go with my gut and let her let go. Sure she had been sick
for years, but she always fought it, always bounced back- Why not this time- Why not now. That was what I told myself. I Lied.
September 3rd came. Early that morning my sisters knocked on my door, said mom's sugar was acting up and that they needed me.
Dad was sick, and couldn't take her to the hospital- But she needed to go, so me and Joe got her in the van and made the trip.
She wasn't talking, but it didn't seem like any other time we had taken her for her sugar- Except that feeling. It was strong.
I took her inside, they loaded her in the trauma room and prepped her for a central line. Blood pressure was 50/30 and sugar
was over 1800. The doctor looked at me and asked me to leave the room so they could get a line in- so I waited outside the
closed door. And I waited. Code Blue and my heart stopped. She was leaving- I could feel it all around me. I called my dad,
told him he NEEDED to be there NOW. When the doctor came out, I said I already know- but don't stop. My dad is on his way
and if he comes, and you are not trying, it will kill him too. I don't care if it's hopeless- DON'T STOP! PLEASE!
The longest 15 minutes in my life, I didn't even walk in the room- I stood outside waiting for my dad. When he got there
all I could say was that I was pretty sure this was it, and to prepare for the worst. I stood by his side and walked in the
room. 20 minutes had passed since she coded, no pulse, no breath, no life. And he whispered in her ear "Please don't leave"
He grabbed her hand, and there was a heart beat. She only needed to have a reason - something to hold onto.
She was put on life support that evening, the time down was too much and
she couldn't do it on her own. That night, I had a vision, a visit, my mom.
We argued- for our last conversation we argued, because she said to let go.
The next morning the brain scan showed only a tiny flicker. We were told she
would be a vegetable more than likely if she recovered, and I- ME- I told my
dad to sign the papers and let her go. She had done the same with her mom a
few years prior and told me- If ever I had to- NOT to stay in the room with
her. She made me promise. I broke it. After everyone said
their goodbyes, I stayed behind and held her hand. I
should have listened, my last memory, last sight
Haunts me
This Day- I can't take back. This day never leaves.
What's done is done and it can't be changed. It's only human to
think what if. I just wish that I could stop thinking about these.
Fonts used are Flemish Script and Trixie Plain
Using the directions :
Forward -Inward - Twisting - Armstand -
