I struggle to describe my feelings when it comes to infertility. How do you express the heart ache that comes every single month like clockwork, reminding you of what you cant have? I recently came across a quote by Laura Bush that truly spoke to me, describing all the feelings I struggle with: The English language lacks the words to mourn an absence. For the loss of a parent, grandparent, spouse, child or friend, we have all manner of words and phrases, some helpful some not. Still we are conditioned to say something, even if it is only Im sorry for your loss. But for an absence, for someone who was never there at all, we are wordless to capture that particular emptiness. For those who deeply want children and are denied them, those missing babies hover like silent ephemeral shadows over their lives. Who can describe the feel of a tiny hand that is never held?"
As the days itch closer to fertility treatments and doctors appointments, Im beginning to become frightened, worried, scared that my heart will be broken once again. What if it doesnt work? What then? Will we be able to handle failure? I truly dont know and try not to dwell on these questions.
